


Castle of Glass

by Kahnah



Series: Royalty Verse [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Blood, Dark Thoughts, F/M, Self-Harm, Sequel, Torture, Violence, king!au, royalty!au, shitty parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 22:10:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 96,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3150065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahnah/pseuds/Kahnah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The name only falling after nightmares and when the knight was tired and worn out. A confused question as if he still expected an answer. Nothing more than a curse binding them together.</p><p>Sequel to Glory and Gore</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Four Birds

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, here we go again!  
> It's time for round 3 and I am happy to have you all here for this ride! I can't thank you enough for the amazing experience this story has been so far and the lovely comments I got - this is for you all! Without you I wouldn't have half the fun and motivation I have right now!  
> Let's see where this new road takes us!

Castle of Glass

 

Chapter 1

Four Birds

 

_What is left for encore_   
_Is the same old dead boys song_   
_Sung in silence_

 

The kingdom had become quiet but steady in the past five months. Steady because there were no new demons roaming around, no news from the Nether and no more endermen killing in the night.

Of course there were still some endermen left but never more than two were seen per month, even growing rarer now that the Repeants were in full bloom all around the city, painting it in unusual orange.

And as for demons? They still had those of course. Their own king was one, his right hand another. There was one more, a blind warrior but he seemed to be peaceful in comparison to the others and also well liked by the guards of the castle, so most people didn’t mind him.

It were the Red Kings they worried about and the strange rumors coming from the dungeons. Only whispered words because no one wanted to be caught speaking ill of them. Tales about terrible things happening behind closed doors in which three or four entered but only the same two came back out over and over again, sending some unfortunate men to clean up after them.

That was what made the kingdom quiet, not trusting the peace they were living in. The throne was taken by the same man for the third time but while his other reigns had been fast and cruel barely anything had changed by now. King Haywood had made a pact with Rhyst, the country laying between theirs and Werringtal. It was a logical decision, considering that Rhysts was nervous about the big kingdoms closing in on them. Making Rhyst an ally made the people calm and allowed them to travel safely through the country.

What really had surprised the people was that King Haywood had passed on the opportunity to join Meilyr into war, something that he had been so eager to do before. Seeing that Meilyr was one of their oldest allies he had at least assured to help with gold and diamonds if not with warriors.

“Not so shortly after the last war.”, Haywood had assured his people and most had agreed. It spoke in his favor and to tell the truth; they had seen enough fights and misery in the past years. Enough kings had come and go and just when they had finally one who had reigned longer than a few months a terrible sickness had taken him away.

Some had hoped that the old King Ramsey would come back afterwards but it hadn't happened. He welcomed everyone in Werringtal though if they decided to come.

Ryan knew about this, he knew about nearly everything going on in his kingdom and he had watched in worry how hundreds of people left the country to join Geoff and it had cost him many nights until Lindsay had put his mind to rest.

“You just focus on those who go.”, she had said. Sitting in the sunlight of the throne room while sharpening her weapon. It made her hair look like it was on fire: “How about you think about those who come to search for shelter? Those who are finally free of Ingrar and his suppressing. Those who chose you over Geoff.” Looking up, she caught his eyes and it still hurt. Because her eyes were spring and bright and not dead: “Weren’t you the same?”

He assumed she was right. She usually was. Probably from spending too much time with Jack. He was glad for her presence.

So he kept an eye on those people, watching them close in fear and longing for familiar faces but couldn't find them. In all honesty, he wouldn't have known what to do anyway.

It took his mind from more important things, so after a while he stopped himself. Focusing back on Rays fake smiles and Michaels silence.

After Gavins death Ray had been a shadow, never leaving his side and Ryan welcomed it. He knew leaving the knight alone after what had happened would result in more pain and misery for all of them so he didn't mind getting woken up at night because his new counselor couldn't sleep, plagued by horrifying nightmares. Standing in front of his bed and rubbing the scarred lines on his wrist without saying a word. Words had become rare from Ray in the first weeks so it was all the more terrifying when he got back to his usual self as he was enjoying himself with telling old stories. Slipping up and calling his new king Gavin, asking him if he remembered something from their childhood and usually Ryan wasn't sure what to answer to that, catching Lindsays worried eyes. Ray didn't notice most of the time but it was worse when he did. Watching the light vanish in the eyes, leaving them lost and in pain as he apologized briefly before sinking in thoughts as he fell silent again. It had passed for the most part by now, the name only falling after nightmares and when the knight was tired and worn out. A confused question as if he still expected an answer. Nothing more than a curse binding them together.

Now he was nearly back to his old self, just hollow. Fake smiles and fake words as he tried so hard to get back on his feet and sometimes he stumbled. Sometimes he stumbled and fell and couldn't get up again from the pain and Ryan sat down with him, waiting until he was ready to try again, getting better and better each and every time.

Michael had been a surprise but by now he should have learned that Michaels actions were hard to foresee. The warrior had asked for a break and Ryan couldn't really say no to that, could he? And so Michael had vanished for weeks, letting Lindsay take over his work completely. It had worried Ryan more than he could express because he had expected to catch Ray but he had overseen the obvious strain on the warrior. If it hadn't been for Lindsay he would have surely lost it but she assured him over and over again that Michael was alright. And she sounded so sure of it that he couldn't help but believe it.

It was only when she was heading off to Werringtal once again, that the warrior appeared. With a quick apology, he sent Lindsay off, promising to join her next time. But right now he was needed here.

And afterwards as the sun was setting and Ray had gone to rest, he had stood in front of Ryan, the cane in one hand as he offered his other: “Can I show you something?”

“Of course.” And he had let himself be lead through the hallways, noticing the sure steps of the blind one, barely using his cane through the familiar corridors. Ryan would have lied if he said he didn't know where they were going but he didn't lose a word, much like Michael did. So when they reached the roof and the cane hit the edge, they both settled down. As the sun set slowly, the faint warmth of a nearing spring vanished and Ryan wondered if the other was going to show him the stars again. He wasn't sure if he could take it.

But Michael just sat there in silence, just like he had done the few times he had seen him after Gavins death, so the king was actually surprised when he spoke: “I think I learned something that you have forgotten.”

“What is it?”

“That it is alright to be sad and to mourn. It is no weakness because... Isn't it rude to the person who died not to cry for their sake? Not even because of what happened or because there is so much left to say but simply because this person is gone?” He turned his head towards Ryan: “I miss Gavin.”

And Ryan felt sudden tears because it was true. Because he had focused on ruling the kingdom, focused on all those strange rumors and he had been so very worried about Ray and Michael that he really had forgotten. He hadn't sat down once and thought about the fact that Gavin was gone and that he wouldn't be back this time.

His mirror had broken apart and just because he didn't pay attention to the shards didn't mean they weren't sharp enough to cut him apart.

Gavin hadn't asked him to look after them because it wasn't necessary and even though he hadn't said everything he had wanted before he died, Ryan knew what other words had been on his mirrors tongue: “You have to share the weight. You have gotten better with that but that's still something you have to learn. Trust in Michael and Ray. They are strong and they can help you. So please trust them.”

“Me too.”, he finally admitted as Michaels hand laid warm on his arm. “I miss him, too.”

 

When Lindsay came back a few weeks later the envelope she had gotten from Geoff was thicker than normally. They had finally made a detailed compilation of Werringtals treasures and materials they had found. Of the livestock and the efficiency of the mines. It were vital information to indicate how healthy the kingdom really was and she was well aware of the amount of work that stood behind each and every page she was carrying.

She knew it would give Ryan and Ray a lot of restless hours until they had worked through all this but it was the right start.

The letter she held in her other hand was way thinner but it felt heavier and that wasn't because of the small chest that went with it.

“Give that to Ryan.”, Jack had told her as he helped her into the carriage, making sure Geoff didn't see him giving her both items. “And to nobody else. Let him decide what to do with it.”

It worried her a little but it was instantly blown away when she stepped into the throne room and found Michael on his usual place. She even dared to smile when she heard him bickering with Ray, probably about something insignificant.

Only Ryan seemed to notice her approach and he quickly laid a finger against his lips, asking her for silence. Of course she agreed, watching with wonder the two quarreling with half-hidden grins and that told her that it wasn't fake. Because she could tell Michaels fake smiles from his real ones apart.

A difference like night and day.

Ray snorted and as he looked around his eyes lit up: “Lindsay!”

Turning around, Michael listened hopefully and she moved on, watching the dimples appear as he recognized her steps: “You are back!”

“A bit later than I had planned but I waited for a storm to pass before I headed off.”, she replied, amused when the warrior squirmed around shyly. Brushing his hand as she passed him, she quickly bowed in front of the throne: “I bring reports from Lord Geoffrey, my liege.”

There was a shadow on Ryans face and she knew it wasn't because of her: “Thank you.”

“I also bring a private message from Lord Jack.”

“From Jack?”, he asked surprised but not unpleasant. She handed him that letter first and interested he broke the seal while Michael closed in on her. Carefully he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear: “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. How are you doing?”

“Way better.”, he assured her and it was a weight that fell from her heart she hadn't even noticed she was carrying.

“Lindsay?”

Looking up, she frowned at Ryans solemn expression as he reached out: “That's the chest?”

“Oh right.”, she muttered before handing it to him. “He gave it to me with the letter but I don't know what it is.”

“Burial gifts.”, he simply said and it felt like the temperature in the room had dropped. Ray shifted nervously while Lindsay had to swallow: “Are you for real?”

Ryan nodded slowly: “He asks me if I can give it to Gavin but if I decide that it is not fitting I should just sent it back to him.”

“What's in it?”, Michael asked, his face a bit paler than usual.

The finger of the king traced the chest before he let out the breath he had been holding and opened it. For a moment his eyes saddened before he frowned confused. Still he managed to look up as Rays breath hitched next to him. The finger of the knight reached out before stopping indecisive. Pausing a second as he gathered the needed courage to pull forth the worn-out fabric.

“His scarf.”, Lindsay said in reflex to explain it to Michael but it sounded like a question. “But...”

“He wore it. He always did.”, Ryan continued slowly. “We buried it with him.”

The warrior stepped up, stretching his hand out to feel for himself and Ray was quick to catch it. It was already a routine between both of them and so Michael let himself be led until the found the soft material, trained fingers quickly trailing it down until he felt what he had been searching for, a shaking breath leaving his lips. Holding up the ending of the scarf the pale green was gone, black from fire and ash.

“It's his first one.”, Ray explained, knowing that his friend has fallen silent once again. “He came too close to a campfire with it and it ignited.”  
“I held him down while you jumped on the flame.”, Michael muttered to their all surprise. “That was years ago... I can't believe Jack kept it.”

The knight let him have the scarf as he asked: “What else?”

“Pictures, I guess.”, Ryan whispered, going through the neatly folded papers next. “Pictures and letters. Those are old.” He opened one and felt his heart grew heavy. Birds. It may took him a moment to recognize them but those were birds and surely those lines in the feathers was fire. Shakingly drawn letter spelling “For Jack, from Gavin” and he carefully folded it before putting it back into the chest. He had no intention to go through every one of them: “He kept them all, didn't he?”

Of course. Because Gavin had also been his son.

Looking up, he found both Ray and Michael still holding on to both ends of the scarf. The warrior had the burned one loosely between his fingers, seeming distant and deep in thoughts while the intact end was tightly wrapped around the knights hand, his expression dark and determined.

“I'm sure Jack wouldn't mind if you two would keep it.”, Lindsay offered calmly but both were quick to shake their heads right as Ryan pulled forth a small casket. A note was stuck on it and he quickly read it, a smile finding his face again: “This is from Jack for us.” Opening the tiny lock, he chuckled lightly: “Talismans. I'm sure that's a good idea.”

Lindsay came closer and her eyes lightened up as she saw the small figures resting on velvet and she pulled one out by its chain: “They are so pretty! Are you sure they are for us?”

“That's what the note said. Looks like Jack made them himself.”

“Of course.” Taking a second one, she handed it to Michael so that he could feel it. His fingers were quick to take in the form, turning it until he was sure of it: “A bird, isn't it?”

“Yeah. He made different ones.” Giving him the other one, he felt the outstretched wings and began to smile: “I like this one. What material is it? It's so smooth.”

“I think it's quartz.”, she explained but threw a quick glance to Ryan for confirmation. Reassured when he nodded, she added: “White quartz in your case. It's a dove.”

“What was the other?”

She observed it for a moment: “Looks like an hawk to me. You want to-”

“No. This one is easier to feel and it looks ready to attack so I'd like to keep it if you don't mind.”

“Sure.”

“Why birds?”, Ray asked quietly as the king offered him the remaining two talismans. A raven and an owl.

“In some cultures birds are a symbol for protection, I believe.”, Ryan explained, seeing the fight in the others eyes.

“They are said to protect your soul and keep it in the right place.”, Lindsay added as she put the necklace on.

“But a raven is a sign for bad luck, isn't it? Why would Jack give us something like that?”

“That's not necessarily true. Ravens are smart.” The king pulled the black bird out and let it dangle on its string: “Smart and full of wit. Sometimes they even mimic human language. I can take it if you don't want it.”

But the knight shook his head as he reached out to take the dark bird: “The owl fits you better. As long as it doesn't bring any bad luck it's fine with me.”

 

The tap, tap of the cane softened as they reached the simple meadow and Lindsay had to remember to slow down a bit. Michael wasn't yet familiar with this place and his hand squeezed hers tighter.

They were in an inner courtyard of the castle, one that hadn't been used before, empty besides a bench on the grass and uninteresting against the beautiful garden they had passed.

Now it contained a single grave.

It was unusual to bury kings, it was a tradition to burn them to set their spirits free. And probably to avoid spilling any sickness. It was just that Ray had asked if Gavin _would_ burn. Fire hadn't hurt him before, it had been a part of him and in all honesty – nobody wanted to test if that still applied after his death.

Now it was just a stone plate in the green but the roses laying on top of it gave it enough color. She smiled as she saw them, fresh and red.

“You want to sit down?”, she asked quietly.

“The grass is wet.”

“That wasn't my question, Michael.”

Sighing, the cane searched for a moment before it hit the stone and the warrior crouched down. Trained hands roamed over the stone, tracing the small flames that had been engraved before finding the name. Feeling each letter as if he wanted to make sure they had spelled it correctly.

After a small nod he sat down crossed-legged and in silence before he shrugged: “What now?”  
“You wanted to come here.”

“Because it's a thing that people do, right? They talk to the dead ones.”

“Should I go?”

Quickly he shook his head before leaning it against her thigh: “It's just weird.”

She hummed in agreement as she played with his curls, not needing to ask if it was a good or a bad weird.

“Sometimes I feel bad because it doesn't hurt that much anymore.”, he said quietly. “It still does hurt. Really badly but nothing in comparison to before. Does that mean I am already forgetting?”

“It means that you are strong enough to move on. You can't stay in the same moment as him.”

“People always tell me I am strong.”

“That's because you have a lions heart.”

He huffed in disbelieve but it only let her continue: “Michael, I have met so many people who could not let go and you know what happened to them.”  
“I worried you. Sorry.”, nuzzling closer, he sighed heavily. “It's just... I always looked after him. Ever since meeting him; it just happened. I guess now I have to look after Ray.”

“He's very lonely.”, she muttered but it sounded like there was so much more to it. It was what she saw in his body language but must of all what lingered in his eyes.

“I noticed.”, he agreed guilty. “I shouldn't have left him alone.”

“You needed time for yourself and that's fine. Now you are ready to help him. Both of them.”

“I thought about going to the portal.”, he admitted slowly and her gentle fingers stopped moving. “To make absolutely sure he was gone and not waiting for someone to pick him up there. But then I realized that when I got there and he wouldn't be there I would've waited. Because it takes some time, right? Weeks or months or years.” He smiled sadly because he knew that Gavin wasn't coming back. He also smiled because he hadn't done it. Standing up, he was quick to hold her hand and felt the distress after his words.

“I'm not like them, Linds.”, he promised her. “I stayed.”

“Alright.”, she muttered but it still sounded tense.

“I know I scared you. I am so sorry.”

“Just help me keeping the others from making some stupid mistake and we are even.”

“I'll do my best.”

“You should ask Ryan to give both you and Ray some free time. Do something together!”

He frowned a bit at that. Not because he didn't want to but because of the tone she said it in. “You really are worried over him.”, he spoke carefully.

She took a breath to say something and by the way her fingers twitched in his hand it was heavy. But in the end she just whispered: “Yes.”

“Alright. I'll ask Ryan.”, he agreed, nuzzling against her cheek.

“I think we just missed Ray. He brought roses.”

“Of course he did.”, the warrior retorted amused.

“How come I never get flowers from you?”

“You just got a new necklace.”

“That was from Jack.”

“Maybe but you don't need two of those, right? You only wear one anyway.”

“That isn't necessarily my point.”

Chuckling, he gave her a small peck on the cheek before sighing. Bending down, he let his finger wander over the stone before he found the soft petals. It left him with a smile as he whispered: “I'm sorry. It just doesn't feel like he is here, you know? I wish it would.”

“Maybe one day.”

Nodding, he quickly squeezed her hand: “Wasn't as worse as I imagined it to be. I was scared to come here.”

“That's normal, I believe.”, she assured him.

“Thanks for coming with me.”

“Of course.”

 

Ray hadn't believed he had it in himself to fool Ryan. At least not for long and not when the new King kept such an eye on him. Of course he had noticed his lack of sleep and his silence but he had put it off because it seemed natural. Gavin was dead after all and they all mourned in their own way.

And Ryan was patient and gentle about it, often neglecting his work to talk with him. Not always about Gavin but sometimes they did. It ceased Rays earning telling the King new stories he didn't know about. Sometimes it just fueled the flame, leaving him hollow and wanting but so much more determined.

So he usually found himself wandering through the dark and silent halls, not minding the guards who shifted out of his way in fear. It wasn't like he wanted to betray Ryan, that was the last thing on his mind! He was going to give his best to the new King, he would be so good and would learn everything he needed to become his shield.

But Ray knew the other wasn't going to agree to his method, even though he had sparked the idea in the beginning.

His training had been a success. Torturing and killing those subjects had shown him this fragile and fine line between him and his demon.

Sichora.

He knew the name now, the word rolling familiar from his tongue.

Knowing where the demon began and he himself ended was helpful in its own twisted way. He could now see what urges came from whom and it helped clear his mind, showing him what was the madness of the other being and what was his own.

It just became funny how similar they were.

Ray wasn't sure if it was like this since the beginning or if they had grown with each other. Did it really matter?

Probably earlier. Now it was all the same.

_Get him back._

Being able to feel Sichora made it possible for some sort of conversation. It were flashes of pictures, feelings that spilled into each other.

_He brought us out, we owe him._

It took him some time until Sichora trusted him enough, revealing its own potential. Like muscles that had barely been trained. It wasn't like he hadn't noticed that earlier, the immense power his demon possessed. Showing in the healing it had, able to close his wounds in mere seconds if it was necessary in a fight or he himself at the brink of death.

It took some risky and painful experiments until he could control the pace he wished for, it took even longer until he had some form of power over his exhaustion afterwards. Smaller bleedings like cuts and bruises could be fixed without passing out. It left him with a bit of nausea, broken bones left him sleepy but he managed to stay awake for a few hours until his body passed out on him.

The bigger injuries still knocked him out. At the worst one he had ever inflicted on himself he hadn't even noticed what had happened before Sichora took over. When he woke up it was on the same cold floor as before, full of those pretty petals he had come to love. He had locked himself in here after he had left the King in the evening and as he stepped back up the stairs from the dungeon it was way past noon. Thankfully he had been smart enough to ask for a free day, otherwise Ryan would have certainly found him and he wasn't ready to answer any questions yet.

Sichora asked him to not do that again and he silently agreed. There was a point that was too dangerous to expriment with. Wounds threatening his life were still something he couldn't control.

But he learned something different, something that put Ryan to ease, making the king believe that the worst was over. His exhaustion, the need to sleep, the need to eat and drink... he could heal it. Sichora could make it go away.

Not for too long. He was able to extend his limits little by little and now he had settled to sleep every third night, it left him a lot of free time in which Ryan didn't check on him.

Just like tonight as he finally reached the stairs to the dungeons, slowly walking into the cold darkness beneath. The guards greeted him with a torch but without words, quickly stepping out of his way as he walked through the rows. The last one was his own and his fingers traveled over the bars separating him from his subjects. They also shrinked away in fear but most people did that by now. His friends didn't. Ryan and Michael didn't do it but sometimes he saw a spark of worry in Lindsays eyes that made him feel uneasy.

“Red Knight.”, he hummed in tact with the same old lullaby as he stopped in front of one of the cells. “Knight of Roses. Dog of the Mad King.”

They had gone the full cycle. Only that it wouldn't be Gavin who got him out of the Nether this time. So much to learn and so little patience.

He stared down at his newest experiment, watching the woman cower at the back, pleading at the sound of his voice. It became harsh screams of mercy as he opened the door and walked towards her. “Shut up.”, he muttered lovingly as he crouched in front of her, observing the bloody rag that he had bound around her head. “Did it scratch at them again? They are suppose to heal, you know?”

Hands in heavy shackles tried to hide her face but he pushed them down gently before ripping the blindfold off: “Open.”

“Please leave me alone! Please let me go! Please don't hurt me anymore!” Words that had no meaning anymore for him, too used up by different mouths.

“First rule.”, he told himself quietly. “As long as the subject does not spill its secrets its words mean nothing. Only listening to Ryans words in here.”

The woman whimpered and tried to get away when his hand got a hold on her chin, squeezing tightly: “Open them!”

And she finally did, revealing her empty eye sockets and sure enough they had been hurt again. Displeased, he grunted. He needed them completely healed otherwise the condition wouldn't be close enough to Michaels for reliable results and this stupid woman just kept on scratching at the wounds!

“Stop that!”, he whispered threateningly, his hands sliding down to settle around her throat. “Next time I will kill you! There are enough other people I could use!”

He didn't really want to do that. Her eyes had been the closest to Michaels he had found. He missed those eyes. Warm and loyal and familiar.

But he already put up way too much with this subject here. Listening to the whimpering apologizes, he let her go before leaving the cell. It was the last chance, this time for real. Tomorrow night he would sleep so he couldn't just stay with this project all the time. He had to make it count.

So he moved to the next cell, watching the prisoners shrink away in fear as he stepped inside.

“Sichora?”, he asked into the darkness and sure enough the soft glow appeared somewhere behind him. Fine strings found his wrists and his fingers and his every joint, making his body so light. So pretty. Pretty lights and pretty thorns searching for hold in his skin. It didn't even sting, it was healed the second it happened, even before blood had the chance to ooze out.

Ray went to draw his rapier but stopped himself first. He had nearly forgotten to remind himself! If he didn't remind himself enough he feared he would forget and that wasn't allowed to happen!

So he took the time to watch the mark in the dim light. Faint scars across his wrist. Pretty vines he sometimes retraced with the tip of his fingers.

They had given him Gavin back.

In the end they had taken him again.

What a shame.

Finally freeing his weapon, he cut the rope restraining this subject and watched it move away from him. It brought joy into his heart, those smooth movements when Sichoras strings pulled him. So much potential they had to explore!

“One after another.”, he muttered to himself. First he had to get better at this technique.

Watching as the subject jumped at the dagger he had placed there, he actually smiled. On the other hand he always did when he knew fresh red was near as the subject charged at him. It had been Sichoras idea to let them run free for once, making it a bit harder. He was still looking for a way to simulate a real battle without anyone noticing but that was still a bit off.

One after another.

His arm grew heavy as the strings around it snapped, floating next to it like spiderweb before turning sharp. Ray had to concentrate to lift his arm, to move his sword and it was terrifying slow compared to before.

That was alright though.

If he really were in danger Sichora would tear everyone apart. To be honest, there was really nothing for him to worry about.

He could heal.

 

 

_All that great heart lying still_   
_In silent suffering_   
_Smiling like a clown until the show has come to an end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is "Song of myself" by Nightwish!  
> See you next week for chapter 2 - Stained Glass!


	2. Stained Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her eyes flickered briefly to the crown on his head. Still the same as before, silver and green and with twirling flames. As long as he was wearing this one he might look like a king but his heart had still another liege.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> The feedback to the first chapter was already amazing and I am so glad you guys like it! You are the best!  
> This chapter is rather short but will bring us right into the plot and things will kick off after that.

Chapter 2

Stained Glass

 

_I'm searching for answers not questioned before  
The curse of awareness; there's no peace of mind_

_As your true colors show_

_A dangerous sign_

 

 

“I hope you don't mind it.”

“Asking Michael and Ray to spent some time with each other?”, Ryan replied amused. “I am actually glad that you brought it up. Since Gavins death Ray has been... so focused on me; it can't be good for him to just be around me.”

Lindsay nodded thoughtfully as she settled on the knights usual chair: “I'm sure Michael can handle it now.”

“Yeah, he caught himself.” For a moment the king stayed silent before he sighed and changed the topic: “How was Werringtal?”  
“Steady as before. They accepted Geoff and Jack by now and even if there are still some protests they are minor. It's working out somehow.”, she shrugged. “But I don't think that's what you wanted to know, right?”

He slowly shook his head and leaning back she looked up, trying to find the right words: “I told them what Michael told me. That Gavin fell asleep at the end and that you guys were with him.” Thinking for a moment she added quietly: “That he was aware of that as well.”

“What did they say..?”

That was even harder to answer and she took a full minute before she shrugged: “Geoff was... well Geoff. Acting like it didn't matter but it did. I saw it in his eyes. Jack left. He apologized and left the room but it was clear that he was... troubled by it. It took him a while but I think in the end he was glad.” Sighing, she whispered: “He probably regretted not being there.”

“He could have stayed, I wouldn’t have minded him.”, Ryan spat, too agitated to sit still anymore. She watched him stand up and head towards the windows. It took some time until the tension in his shoulders left and she was deep in thoughts meanwhile, pondering about the two topics that kept her up at night.

In the end she decided on the one she couldn't figure out on her own: “Can I talk to you about something else?”

“Of course.”

“Yesterday I was moving some things aroun-”

“Meaning you moved more of your belongings into Michaels room?”, he teased and she blushed underneath his knowing gaze. “If you two want to I can arrange something bigger and more comfor-”

“T-t-that's not what I was talking about!”, she interrupted him quickly, her eyes fixed on her knees.

“The offer still stands.”

“This isn't exactly something... that me and Michael have talked about yet...”

“I see. I won't mentioned it then.”, he grew serious again. “Please continue.”

Nodding she took a reassuring breath before starting over: “As I was saying; I was going through some of my... stuff and one way or another I found my pearl again.”

“The one from the End Portal?”

“Exactly. I hid it after getting it from Werringtal and in all honesty I didn't really think about it anymore.”

“Understandable.” He himself had to take a moment to recall where his was even though he had moved it recently.

“It had... changed...”, she started, searching for the right word for it. “Like it was polluted!”

“Polluted?”

“There is something black inside of it.”, she added. “It was clear before, I am sure of it!”

He stayed quiet as he looked outside, still pondering over her words: “It might mean nothing.”

“Could be.”, she admitted slowly. Getting up, she stood next to him so that she didn't have to raise her voice anymore: “Listen Ryan; I don't know where Michaels pearl is and this is also something I don't want him to know about. As you said yourself; he caught himself and I don't want to worry him right now. But... if you could just take a look at your own maybe? Or I could bring mine? It would put my mind to rest.”

“Alright.”, he agreed with a small nod. “I'll look at mine tonight.”

“Sorry for bothering you with that. I know you have your hands full.”

“I am the King, Lindsay. You did the right thing.”

Her eyes flickered briefly to the crown on his head. Still the same as before, silver and green and with twirling flames. As long as he was wearing this one he might look like a king but his heart had still another liege. She decided not to mentioned it, sure that he knew it himself.

Rather she followed his gaze outside and smiled knowingly. The blue eyes were fixed on the roof, waiting until Michael or Ray would show themselves there so he could watch over them.

She wasn't sure if they would really go there but it was certainly a possibility.

“Thank you, Ryan.”

 

Michael gave one small knock before he stepped into the knights room, listening to the quick shuffling that followed. “Fuck you, Michael. Normal people wait before they are asked to come inside, you know?”

“Yeah? Always thought that was a rumor.”

“I'm getting dressed!”

If he could, the warrior would roll his eyes but now he just placed a useless hand over his empty sockets: “Well excuse me, I wasn't meaning to peep.”

“Damn, Lindsay should teach you some manners!”

“Oh, she's trying.”, he shrugged before he started to grin. “Are you flipping me off?”

“You bet I do!” Some more shifting and he listened as Ray disappeared into the small bathroom. Snickering to himself, Michael granted him some more time to get ready. Apparently he was early but Lindsay had already left for the throne room and it was boring to just wait, not to mention how hard it was to tell time while being blind.

Moving slowly, his cane got caught on something to his left and he tried to recall what was standing there. It had been some time since he had visited Rays room so he wasn't quiet sure but it should be a dresser. Thinking harder, he bit on his lower lip. Made out of wood, he had heard that. Which color? It had been dark but not black. Not ebony. Walnut?

Finally reaching out, he felt the surface. Wood, alright. A bit worn out along the handles but besides that smooth. That didn't reveal him the color but he was pretty sure now.

Moving to the top, his fingers brushed against something that crunched underneath his touch and he frowned at it. He searched for it again and it crumbled in his hand as he tried to get a hold of it. Pulling back, he held his fingertips to his nose and recognized a faint smell of mold.

A petal?

Reaching out again, he found a small vase and of course there was a rose in it. Minding the thorns, he felt the blossom withered and dead. More petals fell down and Michael frowned again.

Careless. Ray wasn't careless with his roses – never. And hadn't he just brought Gavin roses like two or three days ago? Why didn't he pluck some for himse-

“What are you doing?”

The warrior nearly pricked himself on the thorns as he jumped at the voice so close to him. It had been long since someone had managed to sneak up on him and usually that had been Gavin. Not Ray. He knew Rays steps, they had their own tact.

Retrieving his hand, he turned towards the knight as he tried to calm his heart: “Your rose is dead.”

There was a silence for a few moments before he replied: “I guess you're right.”

“After we went training, would you like to go to the garden and get some fresh ones?”

“Would you mind?”

And when Michael could hear the smile in the others voice, he was quick to return it: “Not at all!”

“Then let's go now!”

“One more thing; what color does your dresser have?”

“My dresser?”, he asked as if Michael had lost his mind but in the end he just shook his head. “Something dark brown.”

The warrior grinned to himself: “Perfect; than we really can go now!”

“You are one weird guy.”

“Rumors have it that it is a pretty good weird though.”

 

The sun was already setting when Lindsay said goodbye and headed out of the throne room. Now that Ryan was hopefully checking on his own pearl she could at least put that topic to rest for tonight. It still left her with the same one she had spent the last weeks with.

Way more uneasy because she couldn't turn to anyone on this one.

It was the look in Rays eyes that scared her because it was oh so familiar. She had seen it a lot at the portal; lost and hopeless and devastated. It was something she had found in Ryans eyes as well and she knew that Michael had carried it around with him. They had suffered and they had mourned and to a certain degree it was a normal reaction.

Gavins loss rested heavily on all of them, she would be stupid to deny it. It was always a different loss; a feeling of guilt and fear and uncertainty.

Ryan was faced with an old but still new burden he didn't think he was capable of carrying. It wasn't only the crown that wasn't his own or the kingdom. It was looking after Ray and Michael and always putting them first, considering each decision for their best.

She respected him for that and she tried to help him as best as she could but some things she wasn't capable off.

For Michael it was a deep guilt and it had eaten at him for sleepless night after sleepless night. Tossing and turning in bed and waking disorientated, screaming for Gavin to watch out. Watch out, boy there was an enderman and if only it hadn't hurt him none of all these terrible things would have happened! If he hadn't been blind he could have protected! He could have warned, he could have prevented everything!

Hadn't he been looking out for them all those years?

But Ray... Ray had followed them through the stages. Grieving and guilt and then a sense of loss that had surrounded him like a lingering shadow. As if he had lost his purpose and in some way that was true. He did what Ryan told him without questioning it, never leaving his side and if she ever found him alone he seemed far gone, deep in thoughts.

That was still something she had known, something she could understand.

It was the sharpness that had surprised her. An edge in his eyes and she had taken way too long to recognize it.

Despair with mindless hope. A toxic, scary combination.

Found in the dead gazes of people sitting around the portal, not really believing that their loved ones would return but what if..?

What if?

She wasn't sure where the hope came from but she knew she had to take it again. That was delicate work. Dangerous work considering his condition and his powers.

Scary work because he was safe. He was dearly protected by a king and a warrior and she didn't want to offend any of them.

Noticing that she was just standing in one place, looking out a window, she quickly shook her head and went on. This wasn't going to leave her mind anytime soon because she knew she could fix it somehow. She just had to work on a plan for it and it wasn't going to be easier.

Ray had distanced himself from her. Not in front of the others but subliminal. Bit for bit.

And as if to prove to her that she was right, he was coming towards her. Maybe to check on Ryan because it was the exact opposite of the way to his room and she opened her mouth to greet him. To ask how his free day had been but his steps just grew faster. He wasn't rude, not really. He nodded to her with the sweetest smile before hurrying along, leaving her standing there.

Turning around, she watched him go, still deep in thoughts. They were interrupted quickly as he didn't go the way she had expected him to go. Not towards the throne room or even the kings room. But downstairs.

Was he going to visit Gavins grave?

A possibility but her instinct told her that wasn't the case.

She decided to follow him. She wasn't proud of that but something was off about the situation. Something was off about him and she saw him looking around, checking if someone was pursuing him.

He didn't look back up the stairs though and so she wasn't spotted. Following in a safe distance she frowned because this wasn't the way to the grave or the garden or even the roof. They were both heading towards the dungeons.

It left a sour taste in her mouth and for a second she didn’t want to go another step. Because a part of her already knew what she would see in those cells and the bigger part of her didn't believe it.

There were guards appearing to _wait_ for him, a torch in hands and nothing more than a small nod. Like some kind of ritual and then they saw her. Not that she tried to hide anymore but they didn't sell her out. They stared at her and it was like a cry for help as Ray passed them without a word.

“Ray.”, she called out, her steps growing faster. “What are you doing?”

The knight had stopped and in the setting sun only his coat was enlightened. It was burning bright and red as he didn't turn around, not even acknowledging her with a glance.

“What is going on?”, she asked again but was quickly stopped as the guards both stood in her way.

“You may not enter here, Lady Tuggey.”

“What are you talking about? I am allowed in every corner of this castle both from Lord Ramsey as well as the King! You shall let me pass!”, she retorted agitated.

“Please understand-”

“Did the King forbid me from entering?”

The two man threw each other a quick look and she saw fear in their eyes. Fear and blank panic but one of them dared to gaze over his back and she understood.

“Him?”, Lindsay muttered surprised. “He is not the King!”

“He's one of the Red Kings, ma'am.”

She frowned at the term but finally Ray turned towards her, his eyes dead cold and the guardians shrinked beneath the gaze: “Lindsay. This is none of your business.”

Cold fingers running down her back: “Why?”

“Because I said so.”

“Ray-”

“Go to Michael.”, he simply said as he slowly walked on. “He is waiting for you with a small present.”

“Stop! Ra-”

“Don't tell him I ruined the surprise.” And with a quick wave over his shoulder he disappeared into the shadows.

For a few seconds she stood there dumbfounded before her temper got the best of her. Taking a step after him the guards were in her face again: “Plea-”

“Let me through!”

“We beg of yo-”

“You have no right to stop me! Now let me p-”

“He will kill us!”, one of the guards whispered like a secret, the fear right beneath the surface and Lindsay stopped in her tracks. There were rumors, alright. Bad rumors but they had been there before and they would cling to the knight for a long time but this was still Ray!

“Don't be ridiculous!”

“No, ma'am! Please believe us!”

“He said so himself. If anyone was found following him around in there he would first slice them open and then come for us! Lady Tuggey! I beg you; don't risk your precious life and ours!”

“Bu-”

“They say you have a gracious heart!” One of them actually got on one knee to bow down in front of her: “I know we never actually talked but it has to be true because otherwise Jones wouldn't love you. And if he trusts in you, my Lady, I will do so too! Please! Please don't go after him! You don't want to see!”

“What is he doing there?”

“We don't know.”

“It is better not to know.”

“We just hear it sometimes.”

“Oh please, ma'am. Please I have a family!”

“Don't follow the Red King!”

“He only leaves blood in its way, don't get tainted by it!”

Lindsay stared at them and couldn't help but shiver. Chewing on her bottom lip, she finally nodded: “Fine.”

“Oh thank you! Thank you so much!”

“This is not over.”, she assured them and they nodded furiously. Hesitating for another second, she huffed frustrated before turning on her heels.

 

When Ryan stepped into his room this evening he had nearly forgotten what Lindsay had asked of him, his mind too occupied with the question if Michael and Ray were alright or not. It always made him nervous not seeing them for a whole day and he knew it was stupid. Both of them could look after themselves.

Sighing, he knew he was going to live with the fact that he was only going to see them tomorrow and not earlier. It was good for them, he knew that. It wasn't necessarily good for himself and he knew that as well. That's why Lindsay hadn't left his side today.

She was a good girl.

Which brought him back to their conversation and making sure that the door was locked, he stepped to the fireplace. Luckily the fire hadn't been started yet and so he could easily crouch down a little to reach into the chimney. It took him a while to find the smooth surface beneath all the grime and dirt but it hadn't rested there for too long. Pulling out the pearl, he quickly went for his washbasin and rubbed it clean. The water was growing black fast but as he let the pearl resurface it was still stained. It took him a moment until he understood but still he dried the glass off just to make sure. But Lindsay had been right; there was something inside. Not an eye looking for him but something dark. Like a black mist that even moved when he let the pearl roll in his hands.

That certainly hadn't been there before.

Confused, he stood up and finally lit the fire to get some better light and get rid of the cold. Sitting on the rag in front of it, he tried to look through the pearl into the flames but the fog was too thick for it.

So what did that mean?

He wasn't quite sure. His and Lindsays pearl were like this, that was really the only thing he did know. It could be dirt that somehow happened to get inside the pearl even though the surface was smooth and didn't seem like anything could go through it. And it didn't look like dirt. More like a liquid or even gas and he really didn't want to break the pearl open to find it out.

Maybe he should ask Ray how his pearl looked like?

On the other hand he didn’t want the knight to worry, exactly like Lindsay didn't want to unease Michael. Those two were already carrying a lot.

But those weren't the only four pearls he did know, right? Asking Jack and Geoff how the others at the portal were was out of question. It would take too long and he didn't want to talk with them more than necessary. Which left only one more.

“So...”, he muttered as he looked up. “Where did you hide yours, Gav?”

He hadn't really expected an answer but it still felt heavy as he waited. Sighing, he stood up again and looked around. It wasn't like he had changed anything in this room, it still looked like his. The same books in the shelves, accompanied by his own. The same arrangements of all kinds of things which probably had some personal value to the old king and Ryan hadn't thrown them away yet. He had simply put his little belongings among them and as he stepped closer he found gingerbread next to worn out juggling balls. Taking one into his hand just because he had to feel if Gavin hadn't hidden his pearl inside of them. That would have been pretty smart, if he was honest.

Throwing the ball into the air and catching it again, Ryan let his eyes wander in hope they would find something out of place. He surely had spent more than enough time in here over the past months so if it was somewhere totally obvious he should have seen it already.

Maybe it wasn't even here. Maybe he had placed it in his other room, up in the tower where he had grown up in.

“I should be able to figure this out, right Gavin?”, he muttered thoughtfully. Putting the ball back, he rolled his eyes but now that the idea had struck him he couldn't ignore it. Getting on his knees and placing his own pearl on the covers, he looked underneath the bed, feeling for anything out of place in the mattress but there was nothing.

“Alright, I give you that. You are not this obvious.” 'You _were_ not this obvious.', his brain corrected gladly and Ryan grimaced before ignoring it.

Gavin knew what was going to happen to him so he had probably hid it somewhere where people were able to find it. “You would hide it somewhere where _I_ could find it.”, he muttered and before he could ask himself why exactly he was talking out loud when nobody was there to listen, he sat up straight.

“Did you really...” Standing up fast, he went to the bathroom and stared into the mirror. This was stupid and he felt stupid doing it. It didn't stop him from prying the thing from the wall but yes, he felt even more stupid when beneath it was just a damn wall.

If there was the tiniest possibility that Gavin could see him, he'd probably double over while laughing. It was a nice thing to imagine and with a small smile he made sure to hang the mirror back up.

“Fine, you got me again.” And suddenly he knew where to look for it, he knew exactly where to find the pearl and he actually took a second to stare at himself in the mirror because could it really be? He opened his mouth, maybe to ask Gavin or to tell him about it but in the end he closed it.

Hurrying back inside the room he didn't even falter for a second until there was a knock on his door. Stopping in his tracks, he cursed silently but felt guilty when he heard Rays shy voice: “Ryan? May I come in?”

“Of course.”, he agreed fast before throwing a quick glance out of the window. It was already dark and normally nobody disturbed him at that late hour. Besides Ray.

The doorknob turned but nothing happened and he heard the knight sigh: “It's locked... It can wait until tomorrow, reall-”

Reaching out quickly, Ryan opened the door and waited until the other stepped inside.

“Are you sure?”, Ray asked quickly, obviously hiding something behind his back. “You never lock your door and I don't want to-”

“It's fine, alright?”, he assured him fast. “I told you that you could come over whenever you need to, didn't I? So how was your free day?”

The uncertain look in the brown eyes vanished as they sparkled with joy: “It was great! First me and Michael went to train some and we haven't done that in forever! He's still really good, he even brought Mogar! And then- Ah, right!” Finally revealing what was behind his back he pulled forth a small flower: “It has to be one of the first to bloom this year! Isn't it pretty?”

It was obviously a rose but Ryan was surprised by the color: “White? How so?”

The knight blushed slightly as he averted his eyes quickly: “White roses... they stand for loyalty and... for admiration...”

For a moment none of them spoke a word and the outstretched arm fell back unsure as the silence lasted on right before the king reached out and pulled him close: “Thank you.”

The knight returned the embrace without any hesitation, holding so tight that the thorns of the rose had to sting the others back. If it hurt Ryan didn't show it and grinning brightly, Ray cooed: “Today was a good day, Rye!”

“Tell me about it.”

“I felt like I was here! Like I was real!”

“That's amazing.” Stepping back, he cupped the others face, taking in the smile on his mouth and the smile in his eyes and god had he missed that: “I told you it would get better.”

The other nodded but rubbed his arm nervously, the flower cast towards the floor as a shadow was already covering the light: “There is just... It's probably nothing to worry about anyway...”

“What happened, Ray?”

“It's Lindsay...”, he whispered, shifting around uneasy. “I think she might have found out about our experiments...”

“We stopped that months ago!” But it seemed to worry him as well, his arms falling to his side: “We stopped right after you gained control! How did sh-”

“I don't know! She said some strange things to me and I am scared, Rye!”

“I'm sure it's just an misunde-”

“What if she tells Geoff?”, the knight asked timidly. “That's what she will do, right? And then Geoff will come here and take your crown! He will take over and he will kill us! He will kill us, too!”

“Ray! Calm down!”

“I'm so sorry!”, he sputtered fast. “It's my fault! It's all my fault but please don't let her do that! Don't let her separate us!” His hands like claws against the chest of the other, thorns now cutting into his own palm as his lips spilled liquid ice: “Please don't leave me alone!”

 

As Lindsay entered her room, she was already awaited.

“Hey!”, Michael chirped excited.

“Hey.”, she replied way less active as she walked straight for her dresser, noticing the pearl on top of it. Careless, she had forgotten to put it away again. Not that important right now.

Pushing her clothes to the side, she revealed a small box she had gotten from Geoff on their very first trip to Werringtal.

“For safety.”, he had told her and she had known that she wouldn't need it. She had her scythe and she could look after herself. Now she opened the box and pulled out the gun.

It lay heavy and cold and foreign in her hand but as she fastened the fitting holster around her waist the weight felt secure. It had stopped Ray before and even though she wasn't going to shoot him in the head – god no! – maybe it would be enough to scare him. If he was so unfortunate to be in the dungeon tonight when she broke in.

“Linds?” The happiness was gone and now Michaels voice was full of worry as she closed the dresser again.

“It's alri-”, she started as she looked up. He stood at the table, obviously confused as he held a small bouquet of flowers in his hands: “Did something happen?”

“You bought me flowers?”

The smile returned unsure: “You said you never got flowers from me! Also I picked them in the garden today!” Chuckling amused, he added: “Well alright; I started to pick them and then Ray said I was doing a terrible job and did it himself. But it was my idea, I swear!”

Her brows furrowed at the mention of the knights name but Michael held it out for her and she couldn't resist but take them: “Did you two have fun today?”

“It was nice.” And his smile was so sweet and hopeful that a glad sigh escaped her. Leaning forward, her free hand found his, their ring fingers tapping against each other three times like a warning before she kissed him.

Letting her eyes drop shut, she treasured this small moment when there was no stained glass or no hidden secrets or no dead kings. Only the warmth of a familiar body next to hers, the softness of her favorite lips and the happy humming in the back of Michaels throat.

Pulling back blindly, she let their noses brush against each other, knowing he would kiss her again in the next second: “Thank you very much. Those flowers are beautiful.”

Her answer were the two pecks she had expected and that always made her smile.

“You know I will totally take credit for this present?”

“I am fully aware.” And as she opened her eyes to leave him alone in his blindness, she saw his mouth curl into a wide grin. Squeezing his hand again, she stepped away to search for a vase.

“So tell me about what you two did.”, she asked but never got an answer to that. The vase she had just reached for fell from her grasp and the pretty flowers followed because her body was heavy and didn't listen. She heard Michael gasp out her name and she knew he felt the same but she couldn't turn towards him because in the next moment the world twisted and then the world turned and then the world was gone.

 

 

_It's in your eyes what's on your mind._   
_There is no mercy just anger I find._   
_I just have to know while I still have time._   
_Do I have to run or hide away from you?_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And no, Ray did not poison the flowers which was the first thing my Beta asked me. The song this time is "A Dangerous Mind" by Within Temptation.  
> See you guys next week!


	3. Down The Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the time since he was blind he had learned that absolute silence wasn't something that was possible. Still it seemed like he was in a place where there was nothing besides him and the ground and the everlasting darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the plot, yay!  
> So this is the beginning of the Wonderland-trilogy - and I had so much fun to write this!

Chapter 3

Down The Rabbit Hole

 

  
_When the angels softly cry_   
_On the flames below the sky_   
_Would a thousand souls still pray for you and I?_

 

When Michael woke up he felt disorientated and confused. He was on the floor and he couldn't remember how he got there. Slowly he shuffled to sit up, feeling his muscles tense as he tried to concentrate.

He had been in Lindsays room with her. Then this noise as something hit the floor and after that..?

Nothing.

Blackness, emptiness.

Clearing his throat, he asked into the silence: “Lindsay?”

She should be with him, right? She had been right next to him before he had lost his consciousness. Still there was no answer, not even a single noise besides his own breathing. In the time since he was blind he had learned that absolute silence wasn't something that was possible. Still it seemed like he was in a place where there was nothing besides him and the ground and the everlasting darkness.

So if he couldn't use his ears, he had to settle on his touch. His hands moved slowly, first checking on his body for any damage but couldn't find one besides a small headache probably from when he had hit the ground, so that was good. But he was covered in dirt and as he brought his fingers up to smell at it, he sneezed twice.

Dust.

Like he had laid here for a very, very long time. He wondered if it glowed.

Swallowing heavily, he asked again: “Linds? Are you here?”

His heart picked up speed when he got no answer again. She couldn't be hurt right? Nobody should be able to knock him out to get to her or knock both of them out to get to the King! Had they been kidnapped? To what purpose? And if so; where was he?

His fingers moved to the ground, finding it cold and made out of stone. Covered in dust and cracks.

This place seemed to be old and abandoned but most of all unknown. That could be a problem.

Searching around, he felt for his cane but of course it wasn't there. Crawling over the filthy floor, he carefully let his fingers wander as to not touch something dangerous. His face was grim as he did so, mouth in a tight line because not only needed he his cane to get around but also his weapon was hidden inside of it. Without it he was terribly helpless.

And as he searched he realized just how big this room apparently was. It seemed to take forever until he grazed anything, flinching back before taking a calming breath. Just more stone, had to be a wall. No blade or sticky blood or soft red hair. Investigating it further it turned out to be a step, stairs leading upwards. A railing made out of wood was framing it and carefully he pulled himself up on that. It groaned under his weight and he expected it to give in but in the end he stood, dusting his hands mindlessly off his clothes as he debated what to do.

This didn't seem to be a prison, it was too huge for that. More a hall which lead to different questions.

Why was he here? He certainly didn't fall asleep here and if someone managed to kidnap him why was he just left here without chains or any restriction besides his missing cane? Did they think he was helpless? Even if they did, this seemed to be a foolish and careless thing to do.

At least he could be sure he hadn't been what they were looking for. Maybe Lindsay? Maybe the King?

Also if this room was this big and empty, why didn't he hear an echo? That right now made him shudder. The lack of noise, making it nearly unable for him to paint a picture in his head as wrong as it may be. It seemed like he was the only one here, the only living thing that made any sound at all.

It scared him.

It scared him because in all his life he had never heard such a terrible sound than complete silence.

For a moment he considered to scream at the top of his lungs for Lindsay but he was sure he wouldn't get an answer. Turning his head, he listened to the hall behind him, wondering if he should search for his cane some more but decided against it. He didn't have the needed patience to crawl around some more.

So with one hand on the bruised railing and one stretched in front of him to search for any obstacles, he took on the stairs. He counted eight steps before his foot found nothing and the wood groaned as he clasped tightly to stay up. With a frantic beating heart he crouched down, finding the next step broken and partly missing as if something heavy had bored deep inside the stairs before being removed.

The step afterwards was still damaged but he could place his foot on it, passing the gap before going on, even more carefully. It were fifteen steps in total and he had counted absentmindedly, making sure to remember it if he had to pass here later again. By now he did that without much of a thought.

At the top of the stairs wasn't a door locking him in like he had thought but a wall a few steps ahead. Following it, he realized soon that he was in a hallway and it rang a distant memory of the entrance to the castle in his mind. Following this way he should head towards the garden and the library.

Michael hit something that was too low for his outstretched arm to find and it fell with a terribly loud noise. He jumped back with a yelp, pressing against the cold wall as he waited for someone to notice him. But after the first shock only his heart was in his ear, beating loudly and only rivaled by his breathing.

Swearing beneath his breath, he crouched down, finding what appeared to have been a desk. Shards from a flower pot littered the floor which would explain the shattering noise. Moving back, he found the legs of the table and ripped one out. It was way too easy, the wood old and dead and his new makeshift cane didn't have the right length but it was better than nothing. It didn’t quite reach the floor but should warn him about other desks while his other hand traveled lightly over the wall to not lose a solid point for orientation. It hit against something and feeling around it appeared to be a picture frame. Whatever was in it was probably unrecognizable by the amount of dust littering on it.

Where the hell was he?

A soft _tap, tap_ greeted him and he recognized it immediately. Turning around, he waited until it got close but yes; that was his cane. Someone was using it.

Nervously licking his lips, he pondered if he should call out or not. He decided against it, even debating if he should hide when the clank turned into a different noise, like the cane was just dragged across the floor. It matched with the steps he heard now, obviously running towards him and now hiding wasn't an option because whoever was nearing him had to see him by now.

Standing tall, he listened attentively as the stranger had to be where the stairs were and Michael held his wooden leg like a weapon. Not that it would help if that someone had realized there was a blade hidden in the cane but right now it was his only defense.

There was a small jump, probably over the knocked down table and then the steps stopped, leaving the warrior in silence. Whoever was there had to be right in front of him but he couldn't make out any breathing. He couldn’t make out any presence.

Besides that obvious fact that he just _heard_ the person.

If he couldn't trust his ears anymore he was screwed.

“Who's there?”, Michael whispered, surprised how quiet he had spoken. Swallowing, he tried again: “What do you want from me?”

No answer, no breathing, no noise at all.

Now that stroke fear into his heart and slowly he searched with his wooden leg but finding no resistance whatsoever. That couldn't be! He had heard this person, he had heard his cane and he wasn't insane! There had to be someone!

With a bold move he reached out to make absolutely sure and another hand greeted him. Yelling, he hit with the leg but finding nothing even though there was somebody. The wood broke as it hit the ground and there was a second touch on his hand, making the warrior flinch back before sitting down hard: “Get away from me!”

Still no sound besides his own rigid breath as he tried to find an explanation that wasn't there.

The hands found him again, settling on his own and he wanted to punch but the grip was surprisingly tight. The unknown person pried his fingers open and he curled his free hand into a fist to crash against the others head when he felt the familiar touch. His cane was placed in his palm and the lingering touches disappeared.

Breathing heavily, he sat there for a moment, trying to cope with whatever had just happened. Waiting for a noise of any kind. But still there was only himself.

“Thank you.”, he muttered as he quickly checked on the cane, making sure it was intact and the blade still hidden. So at least whoever was there didn't have any ill intent. “Who are you?”

It was worth a try even though he hadn't expected an answer at this point anymore. Maybe the person was mute? Well what a great pair they would be – no way to communicate with each other! But that was a stupid thought; he would still hear _something_.

Holding his breath, Michael reached out boldly, trying to at least affirm that he wasn't insane by touch. He was greeted with the very same hand and this time he barely cringed. The hand was pulling and he realized the stranger tried to help him to his feet. Slowly standing up, he felt a worn out sleeve on his skin but no shuffling from it, not a huff or anything.

“You are a fucking ghost, aren't you?”, the warrior laughed nervously because right now that was his only explanation. The hand squeezed his for a moment before pulling again, trying to lead him into the opposite direction he had been going.

Now that seemed to be a stupid idea.

“Sorry.”, he said again. “Not really trusting ghosts.”

For a moment the movement halted and he didn't dare to breath, fearing he had agitated whatever it was and it was ready to attack him. The grip around his cane tightened just in case but he was still caught of guard when a finger was placed against his closed lids. Shrinking back, he felt a second touch against his other lid, gentle and careful before it vanished. The feeling still lingered though and he couldn't help but rub it away.

“I know that I am blind.”, he muttered through clenched teeth. “Kinda hard to miss. Doesn't mean that I will just follow you because you probably can see. I don't even know who you are, hell! I don't even know what exactly you are!”

There was a tap against his cane and if he could he'd roll his eyes: “Yeah, I am still thankful for that. Doesn't change a thing. Sorry but I am probably better off on my own.”

Surprisingly, the hand let him go and for a moment he expected another touch but it did not come. So he slowly turned back around and went on his way, a bit confused that he apparently really met a polite ghost.

Lucky him.

But it made Michael wonder even more where exactly he was. Even though it was easier now to move forward with the help of his cane it was still an oppressive feeling. He started to believe that it was this place and the rotten, old smell that grew stronger with each step. Maybe he should've went the other way after all but that would mean meeting his ghost again and no, thank you.

He could deal with this smell as long as he didn't find its source and rather another living being or a door leading outside. Hopefully Lindsay. He was really starting to get worried.

What if... that ghost had been her? But that was impossible. First of all; ghosts didn't exist. Second and most important; Lindsay wasn't dead!

Also that hadn't been her touch or her skin or her hand, he was sure of that. Each pattern and smoothness was already burned into his mind.

Still there was this churning feeling in his stomach. That they had gotten in some mess again. That this might be a realm like The Nether or The End. That this time it had chosen him, his luck finally running out.

Michael grimaced at the word luck but he didn't know another word to describe the truth. He hadn't necessary been lucky but got considerably less harmed than the others. Even if it had cost him his eyes, at least he was alive and sane.

Alive and sane.

Two wishes which let his heart ache with want before he could stop himself. He could still achieve one of it. He could still safe Ray, he knew it.

But for that he had to get out of here. So Michael marched on with new determination, knowing that when the others managed to get out of the Nether, he could as well find a fucking door.

Doors did he find. More than enough while his hand never left the wall but he stayed on his way. Considering that this was a hallway, the doors probably lead to rooms and he had no time or any intentions to search through every one of them. For now he would follow this corridor to either a door or a window. After that he would cross whatever bridge was to come.

By now his voice had been the loudest and as a sudden foreign sound found his ear, he flinched visibly. Immediately his heart was in his throat as he stopped to listen. Now it was gone and licking his dry lips, he asked: “Are you following me?”

Reaching out, he waited for a touch as an answer but got none. The noise was back though. It sounded like something heavy getting dragged across the floor. Something made from metal and it sounded huge. It sounded gigantic, like big and sharp claws from some beast.

From a demon like Edgar.

His breath hitched and he was mad at himself. It was this place as empty as it was. It echoed loudly. It made his brain see everything through a magnifying glass and it was one of the things he hated the most. He needed to calm down.

It surely was something, alright. But there had to be a better expla-

The hands were back in a flash and he yelped surprised. They tugged at his sleeves and again they had just appeared without any noise and he hated that. He hated it more than the noise coming closer, now way faster than before. Whatever it was had heard him and now there were steps with it and he suddenly knew what it was.

Someone was dragging a sword on the ground while walking. Not walking. Running.

Running towards him and he felt his mouth go dry.

The tugging increased and for a moment Michael wanted to shake the hands off but there was something to it that he couldn't put his fingers on. A strange kind of déjà vu and it made his body move. It allowed him to follow his polite ghost into a nearby room where he stumbled against a table.

This time he reached out and caught it from crashing on the floor but lost his guidance.

“Where did you go?”, he whispered frantic as the steps grew louder. Whoever was coming had to see their door and was either going to find him or pass him in the next moment. Hands tugged at his leg and he followed, crawling under the table like a little child.

Pulling his knees against his chest he waited, covering his mouth to not make any more noises. There was a hand on his upper arm, clawing at his skin and it had something strangely calming to it.

The steps were right next to them now, right outside this room and it was terrifying. He didn't even know if he was hidden! He didn't even know if the door had been closed behind him or if whoever was out there could just turn around and see him!  
Also he was hiding here with a fucking ghost!

But the steps didn't falter, they just went on and as his heart slowed down a bit he recognized them. Siting up straight, Michael listened to make sure but yes, those were Rays steps.

Without a doubt! They were light as if he never put his whole foot on the ground, always ready to charge. And the other noise could as well be his rapier.

“Ray...”, he muttered and the hand on his arm tightened, trying to hold him back but he ripped himself free. Standing up, he threw the table over but he didn't care about the noise because it made the steady steps stop.

“Ray!”, he yelled as he stumbled back into the hallway. For a second it was silent again and he feared his mind was playing yet another trick on him.

“Michael?”

“Oh thank god.”, he muttered relieved. He wasn't alone in here. He wasn't the only alive person here! And now he could hear the other shift as he came back to him: “What happened?”

“I don't have a clue!”, Michael assured him as he reached out and sighed happily. That was a solid body. A solid warm body in front of him. “I just woke up here. What about you?”

“Same.” He seemed to want to say more but in the end he settled on: “What is this place?”

“It's huge.”

“It's the castle.”

Frowning, the warrior now was the one who fell silent.

“Not entirely.”, Ray continued as if that would explain anything. “It's old. Way older and twisted in some way. Some rooms don't add up like they are suppose to do.”

“The castle? Are you sure?”

“You think I am lying?”

He was quick to shake his head: “It's just really hard to believe.”

The other gave a noise of agreement before shifting: “I was heading towards the roof, hoping I'd find some of you.”

“Don't you think we would have more luck with the throne room?”

“I was already there and found it locked.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Are you coming?”

“Sure...” He started to tale behind the knight, his mind occupied with what was just said. If they really were in the castle... it made sense in some strange way. So he had woken up in the entry hall, no wonder it had been so big. So the exit had been the other way around and maybe they should head back and go through there. Not that he actually believe that this would have worked. If Ray was right this wasn't their castle. It was someone messing with them.

The hands were back and were shyly tugging at his sleeve. Standing still, Michael took a reassuring breath: “Ray?”

The other stopped walking and turned towards him: “What?”

“There is someone.” He tried to pull back his arm but was held back. It had to be visible, he could feel the fabric of his shirt tighten.

The knight stepped closer: “What are you talking about?”

“You can't see it?”

“See what?”

Letting the air escape from his lips, the warrior shook his head: “Never mind. Let's go on.” It would be a lie to say he hadn't see that coming. Freeing himself from the tight grasp he went on, feeling his friend linger for a moment before following him.

“Are you already going insane?”

“I hope not.”

“I can see the roof.”

The warrior frowned because that couldn't be quiet possible: “Are you sure? It should be further away.”

“Should be, yeah. But it isn't.”

“Is someone the-”

“We're here.”

This time Michael stopped completely because he heard it. He heard the steps on the familiar stones and it didn't echo anymore. They were outside but that couldn't be! Completely disorientated, he crouched down to feel if it really was the roof.

“I figured Gavin would at least be here.”, Ray muttered and the other froze.

“I had a dream that you killed me right here.”, the knight went on. “I believe it was reality. The real one, not whatever this here is. Maybe the Nether.”

“What are-”  
“I guess that means someone killed you as well, seeing that you are also here. Pecked out your eyes, huh?” The rapier gave a small noise as it was moved: “Serves you right after you cut me open.”

Michael stood up, holding his cane up in defense as the fear took hold of his heart: “You are not Ray.”

“Who else would I be? Tell me; did Gavin kill you?”

“Nobody killed me.”

“It takes some time to realize.”, the other admitted. “But I don't think it was Gavin. This doesn't seem to be his style.”

Drawing his own sword from his cane, Michael slowly walked backwards but he wasn't ready for the sorrow coming from the knight: “I never would have imagined... that you'd kill me! You killed me, Michael! How could you!”

“I never wante-”

“I just tried my best! It wasn't easy being King and just because I didn't do what _you_ wanted, what _you_ thought was best for _my_ kingdom you cut me open!”

“Ra-”

“You cut me open and watched me bleed out!” The words were screamed at him and Michael couldn't help but cower under them as he searched for an answer. He shouldn't even listen, this wasn't Ray but it was The Truth and it burned.

“You forgave me.”, he mutter against better knowledge as he slowly retreated.

“I would never forgive you! Why would I do that! What makes you deserve that!”

This wasn't his Ray. It weren't true words but it weren't lies.

There was no hallway behind him, it was the edge of the roof he felt beneath his heel and he froze again. This was all wrong!

“At least tell me something...”, it said but he didn't want to listen anymore. With shaking breath he searched for solid ground but there was none. Everywhere he tried to place his foot was a deep abyss and whimpering he felt the panic starting to settle in.

“You watched after Gavin after I was gone, right?”

He is dead.

“If he is not here he is still alive, right?”

He is dead.

“You made sure he is alright, right?”

He is dead.

“You always looked out for him after all, _right_?”

“He is dead.” It had been a scream in his head but now it was merely a weak whisper. Someone was messing with him, he knew that. Maybe this was the Nether, maybe he had died. Right now it didn't matter because words were weapons and The Truth cut the sweetest and most.

The silence was deafening as he shook like a leaf but he preferred it over the scream that greeted him a second later. Full of anger and sorrow and Michael flinched right before he was hit by the others body. They fell and he knew they would fall down the roof. Jack had always warned them not to get too close to the edge and they had never listened and now it was his time to pay for that.

But then he hit the stones and lost the air in his lungs but he was alive and his head still intact. There was a pressure at his side, coming from the rapier and he howled because it was the same place he had hit Ray all those months ago. He also howled because there was cold blood flooding down his arms and he knew his sword was buried in the others body.

“You killed me!”, Ray shrieked into his ear as he tried to push the other away, to push him away from his own blade. His fingers found the brooch but it didn't prick his fingers like thorns. It was round and a rose was engraved on it and it was his old one. “You killed me yet again!”

And then Ray was gone.

Turning to his side, Michael took a huge breath to fill his lungs but ended up choking on it. Coughing and heaving and shaking he laid there as terror washed through his system and god if he could only see. If he could only see!

Slowly he sat up, only to wipe his hands on his shirt because they were sticky and cold and he was sure they were also red.

“You didn't even use Mogar this time.”

He stopped in his movements and turned his head in horror.

“Am I not even good enough to be killed by your own sword?”, Ray asked and he could hear the rapier being drawn.

Stumbling back to his feet, Michael ran. He didn't think about the edge or falling down, he simply ran into the general direction where the hallway had been before, too scared of an attack to even consider using his cane again.

Ray called after him, loud and angry but he didn't answer. Hitting a wall, he followed it with his palm on it, just away, away, away! The hands were back after a few steps, familiar as they tugged at his sleeve and he reached out to them. He reached out and his hand was tightly clasped between the other two and he followed them. Stumbling and trembling and pale he was lead into yet another room but he didn't mind.

He found a corner, all the way in the back and he sat down there. Pulling his legs to his chest, he quickly covered his mouth because little screams were falling from his lips. He smothered them as good as he could, tasting the cold blood, smelling the mold scent of it and he wanted to throw up.

He couldn't take it!

What was going on?

He had been with Lindsay just some time ago! He had given her flowers and she had kissed him and for a moment everything had been good!

A weight was gently placed on his shoulder and he held his breath until he realized it wasn't Ray. It wasn't Ray and letting his hands sink, he felt like crying. Because he knew why those hands had felt so familiar and why this ghost had tried to help him but he didn't understand.

Burying his face in the unruly hair, he whimpered lost: “Gavin...”

The other body flinched a bit but as he wanted to retreat, Michael didn't let him, pulling him closer until he could wrap his arms around him. For a moment nothing happened but then the hands appeared again, laying on his back as he held the other close.

“What is going on?”, he asked and he could hear the strain in his own voice. “What is happening? Where are we?” And then, probably even more important: “Am I dead?”

Gavin didn't answer but he could feel him shake his head, and gladly the warrior took a deep breath. As he let it out again it was trembling like his whole body was and he had so many questions. They had to wait because right now he needed every strength to calm down.

Gavin seemed to sense this because he pulled him even closer and Michael let him. Resting most of his weight on the other, he tried to breath drawn-out and steady and slowly it was beginning to work. As his heartbeat became regular his mind cleared up some more and he began to grasp his situation.

This hadn't been Ray. If he had been able to see it should have been obvious considering that he had felt his old brooch and not the new one. Still it had sounded like him, hell it had _moved_ like him!

And now he was hiding with a dead person, all the way in a corner like scared children and right now he felt like he was exactly that. He wished he could see. This thought had come to him more today than in the last months and right now he wanted to make sure this really was Gavin. He didn’t want to be fooled yet again.

If he could at least smell! He could distinguish Gavins scent, he still noticed it lingering in some places. In the throne room and even sometimes on Ryan right after he came out of his private chamber. But all he could do was feel and he really had to make sure right now.

Sniffing slightly, he reached for the gentle hand that was rubbing his arm in a gesture of comfort. Pulling it away, he turned it around before letting his fingers trace over the skin.

They were there. Like water underneath a very thin layer and as he traced the cracks he couldn't find a gap between them.

“You can't talk?”, Michael asked before licking his lips. “Or rather, you can't talk with me, right? Because... because I am not dead?”

The free hand of the other squeezed his hand and Michael smiled a bit: “Alright. New rule. One time squeezing for yes and two times for no. Do you understand?”

One squeeze.

“Good. Can you tell me where we are?”

There was some hesitation before the hand slapped him and the warrior flinched before understanding: “Fine, fine! Sorry! I see my mistake! Are we in the castle?”

One time. But it was short and felt unsure.

“It's not exactly our castle, isn't it?”, Michael asked again, trying to remember what the fake Ray had told him. “It's a twisted version or something like it.”

One squeeze.

And now a little breathless: “Are the others here?”

Yet another squeeze and Michael started to smile. So he wasn't alone here after all. Gavin cuddled closer to him, putting his head back on the others shoulder as if he was frightened by his next question: “Are they all alright?”

And he hated the hesitation. He hated the fear that came with it but he hated the two squeezes that followed more.

“Oh god...”, he muttered quietly. Lindsay...

But that was stupid! They could all look after each other! They were all strong!

Nodding to himself, he shifted slightly: “Gavin, can you bring me to them?”

This time there was no answer as the other quickly stood up, pulling at his hands. Michael followed the lead gladly, keeping their fingers interlocked while holding his cane with his other hand. Frowning, he noticed that the blood had vanished. He couldn't feel it stick like mold between his fingers and he was really glad for that.

Desperately he wanted to know what was really going on. He wanted to find a damn sense behind this all but with them only communicating with yes and no this wasn't going to work. So finding one of the others was his priority. Maybe they could write to each other or something.

Anything, really.

 

 

_Hold on, Holy Ghost_   
_Go on, hold me close_   
_Better run, here we come_   
_It’s the day of the dead_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I understand that this is really confusing and actually the explanation was suppose to be in this part but I hadn't planned for Michael to totally take over this chapter. Well; it will be there next week - but you can theorize a bit, maybe?  
> Song for all three parts will be "Day of the Dead" by Hollywood Undead!  
> See you next week to chapter 4 - "Queen of Hearts"


	4. Queen of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am suppose to tell you a story, Lindsay.”  
> “What kind of story?”  
> “My big brother told it to me. It's a bit creepy but I didn't get scared!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here an early update because I will spent the day painting my room; Part 2 of the Wonderland-Trilogy "Queen of Hearts"!
> 
> Also I just heard about Monty and I hope he gets better as soon as possible! Let's all pray for him, for he is an insanely talented person who brought so much joy in so many lifes!

Chapter 4

Queen Of Hearts

 

_I'm not really bad, I'm just made up of bad things_   
_“I'm really not a mad man?”, the voices keep asking_   
_Born with a soul that doesn't wanna be saved_   
_Every time I look around I see what a fiend made_

 

 

When Lindsay woke up, her eyes slowly focused on the petals laying around her. It didn't remind her of Michael at first, her brain recognized the bright red color and thought immediately of Ray. He was hurt.

She pushed herself into a sitting position, her back aching as some stray flowers fell from her. Now that made her think of Michael and with it the memories came back. Looking up, way faster than what was good for her she searched for the warrior. But she wasn't in her room anymore, she was in a hallway that seemed oddly familiar.

Groaning, she rubbed her throbbing temples as she strained her mind. If she was right with her guess the library should be up there. That didn't explain the strange painting hanging on the walls she didn't recognize. They were old, like everything around her and confused she cleared her throat: “Michael?”

Not waiting for an answer, she stood up. Carefully searching for any injuries on her body she found none and that were good news at least. Her scythe was with her as well and even the gun she had put on shortly before... before what happened?

She tried to remember but it seemed blurred. Had there been someone besides her and Michael in the room?

No, that couldn't be. She would have seen an intruder. Michael would have noticed them.

“Michael?”, she called again for good measure as she pulled out her weapon. This wasn't a place she knew but it was close enough to feel familiar. But what mattered was the fact that she wasn't here on her own free will.

Also if whoever brought her here dared to touch her man they would pay.

There was a giggle and she twirled around. It hadn't been close enough to be a problem right now but it hadn't been a voice she recognized. It sounded like a kid.

Taking it as the only hint she had right now, she moved into this direction and could hear muffled talking. It was a child, alright but who was it talking to? That was what concerned her as she neared the library from where the voices were coming from.

She tried to eavesdrop but even though she was pressing her ear against the door the words were too muffled to understand. Debating for another second, she simply turned the handle and stepped in. Some figure in the corner of her eyes vanished and she looked around in fear of an attack.

The child was sitting on a desk, watching her but she barely batted an eye on the small boy. He wasn't really what concerned her.

“He went away already.”, the boy said. “I think he went to help the dove.”

“The dove?”, she replied before the word made sense in her mind. Reaching for her necklace, she felt the figure of the bird against her fingers: “He went after Mi-”

Her words died down as she finally turned her attention to the child. The boy was checking on her necklace and a smile spread on his face: “You are the hawk, that's great! Big brother told me to help you and the owl but stay away from the raven!”

His short legs kicked the air absentmindedly: “I did good, I'm glad!”

“What's your name?”

“Gavin.” He nodded as a greeting: “What is yours?”

“Lindsay.”, she answered hesitatingly.

“I am suppose to tell you a story, Lindsay.”

“What kind of story?”

“My big brother told it to me. It's a bit creepy but I didn't get scared!” He pointed to the desk that was littered with drawn pictures and she wasn't sure if they had been there before. On the other hand her eyes couldn't stay on them and flickered right back up to his face. Messed up hair and big green eyes. Blue lips. Such blue lips on a pale canvas.

“Is that so?”

He nodded quickly and looking around the room once more, she settled down next to him: “Your big brother is looking after Michael?”

“Michael?”  
“The dove.”

“Oh, yes he is! He said the dove would have a hard time getting around!”

“Does your big brother look like you?”

“Of course he does!”, the child giggled at that. “He's not really my big brother but he said it would be easier to explain that way. Also it's really funny – I never had a big brother!”

“I see.” She thought she got it. At least some of it. So the other Gavin was looking over Michael and that was good. It made her relax in the slightest bit but it brought up too many more questions: “Please tell me the story, Gavin.”

“This is just a ghostie-story so don't get scared, alright?” He collected the pictures and hid them from her as he searched through them. Bringing one out, he held it up for her to see. It was a castle with circles on different parts on it: “It's an old tale that this place collects the dead ones. Or rather a part of them... big brother calls them shadows.” He frowned at that: “I like the word memory better though. Their time has stopped, you know? It stopped in the moment they have died. They even remember their deaths!” A shadow darkened his pale face but it passed quickly: “There are a lot of them in here, all who are in some way connected to this place. But visitors like you can only see the ones they know.” Now he laid his head to the side in a questionable matter: “But you can see me... ah, it's only a story after all.”

She nodded slowly, not wanting to break the fragile illusion he had build for himself: “What do the circles mean?”

“Those are bubbles!” He pointed to them on the picture, tracing the different colored lines: “It's a twisted place! It's shifting and turning like a living being, creating new places over and over again. So even if you are in the library with me, one of your friends might be here but in a different bubble! You wouldn't notice them at all!”

Different dimensions in this dimension? Looking around, Lindsay hoped she could catch a glimpse of the others but got interrupted by the child: “Nobody is here besides the other ghosts. I can see through the bubbles. Everyone who stays here long enough can do that.”

“There are ghosts here?”, she asked slowly, a small shiver running down her spine.

“Sure! You probably don't know them so you can't see them. But your friends aren't among them. Sometimes a bubble bursts or joins another so you should be able to find them eventually.”

“Gavin, do you know how we got here?”

“Of course!” Shuffling around, he pulled out yet another picture and she immediately recognized the pearls on them. “Long, long ago these pearls were used for transportation.”, he explained gladly. “But the ones you guys have are really rare!”

“They locked open a portal.”, she tried to help.

Nodding, he continued: “But they feed on bad things... that's why they were in that place. They get... um... not cleaned...”

“Cleansed?”

“Yes, thank you very much! So if they don't get cleansed they get dirty.” Putting the picture on the desk, he reached for a black pen that surely hadn't been there before. Starting in the middle of the blue pearl, he began to scribble through it. It were messy lines but it got the message across just right. “And when they get all black this happens. They go back to being able to transport people but never to a nice place.” His small fingers traced his new black lines and with a heavy sigh he muttered: “Somebody had to be really sad for them to get so dark...”

It hadn't been her own pearl that had gotten this black, she was sure of it. But it appeared the pearls were either connected with each other or close enough to pull them all in.

“How many people came with me?”

“Four birds.”, he explained as he revealed the next picture. Birds. He was good at drawing them and she thought about complimenting him when she noticed there were five of them.

Pointing towards the smaller one, further in the back with bright red wings, she asked: “Is that your big brother?”

“Yeah! He's here a bit longer than you guys!” For a brief moment the eyes of the kid grew distant as if he was looking right through her. She even couldn't help herself but to turn around, checking if there was one of those ghosts behind her.

“He's with the dove right now.”, Gavin assured her.

“Is Michael alright?”

“I think he is scared of big brother.”, it sounded sad as he said it. “But he is also happy because he got his... um, I don't know the word for it.” Blinking, he seemed to be back with her, his small hands curling around something invisible. It took her a second to realize what he meant: “He got his cane back?”

“Is that the thing when you search for things on the floor?”

“Yeah. Blind people use it.”

“Then yes, he-” The child stopped as the lighting shifted and the fireplace was suddenly containing warm flames. Flinching, Lindsay sat upright as she looked around.

There was snow falling outside the window.

“Now we're in a different bubble.”, he explained before continuing as if it was nothing to be concerned about. “A friend of yours is in this one.”

“Can you see them?”

“Sure.” Pulling out the very first picture, the one of the castle, he pointed to the top of it: “The owl is above us. I'll head towards there next. Michael is underneath us, actually heading towards us. The raven is all the way down below. He is the one in this bubble.”

“Ray...”, she muttered darkly. It had been his pearl, hadn't it? It seemed to be the most logical thought. The older Gavin was right, it was safer when the knight didn't get the tiniest of glimpse of any of the Gavins in here.

“Sweetheart, listen to me.” She stopped by the confused look on the others face: “Sweetheart? Is that a nickname?”

“Do you mind it?”

“No!”, he was quick to say. “I am happy! Geoff gave me another nickname and I like to get them!”

“Buddy...”, she muttered quietly and he nodded. But that didn't make any sense. This Gavin shouldn't know Geoff yet. On the other hand that wasn't the real Gavin, right? How had he called it? Shadows and memories. A picture drawn in the moment of death and if this was true Geoff should also be in here. Right after Ryan had killed him: “Is Geoff looking after you?”

“He asked me to come inside. To get warm by the fire and he gave me a blanket and a hot chocolate. I never had one before, it was really sweet.”, the boy was talking like he was far away with his mind. His eyes dark as the pictures fell from his grasp while he reached up, touching his own throat: “And a scarf.”

The green scarf was there instantly, one ending burned up and reaching the pictures littered on the floor: “But I don't think I can stay that much longer... you see, I have to wait for someone to come back. I shouldn't have left...”

“Gav-”

“But I like it here... I like playing with Geoffy and with Ryan... Geoff doesn't want me to play with Rye but he's really nice! I don’t want to-”

“Sweetheart, it-” She had placed a hand on his shoulder and he seem to break like glass. Flinching away, she watched with wide eyes how there was a crack going through the small body as he blinked with a pained expression: “Please don't do this...”

“Oh god, I am so sorry!”

“We can't be touched until we chose to. But then we lose the ability to talk so please... give me a warning next time?”

“Of course! Did it hurt badly?” Her hands reached out as if to hold him before she pulled back quickly. “I am so sorry...”

“It's fine. It mostly startled me.” His own fingers traced the crack in his skin and both of them watched it mend slowly: “I have to go to the owl now anyway.”

Nodding guilty, she added: “And I will go and get Ray.”

“He's in trouble...”, the boy muttered before shivering. “I don't like him...”

“Oh, Sweety...”

“He's scary... but I guess you need him or at least his pearl.” Bending down, he fished for the picture of the pearls: “Each one of you needs to have one to get out of here again, so keep your eyes open.”

“Alright. Thank you very much!”

“Look after yourself, Lindsay!” He smiled brightly before disappearing altogether and she stared at the spot where he had been. Licking her lips nervously, she stood up. The pictures crumbled beneath her boots and she collected them from the floor into a neat pile. She saw happy faces on them, most of which she knew. Chessboards and fire and books. She saw two girls looking alike, following behind a taller boy while holding hands.

Putting the pictures onto the desk, she took hold of her weapon before she stepped out of the library. If she was honest, looking for Ray wasn't necessarily the thing she wanted to do the most. Not after their last encounter. If she could she would run after Michael right now but if he was in another one of those bubbles she wouldn't be able to reach him anyways.

Also Gavin had said that the raven was in trouble and she wasn't one to back off.

 

When Ray woke up it was dark. Not completely but after the brightness of Ryans room his eyes took some time to get used to it. It was also colder than before. Cold and damp and he slowly sat up. Blinking until he could make out his environment, he frowned deeply.

He was in the dungeons and as he had woken up quite often down here, it had always been in a separate room and certainly not inside a cell. Getting to his feet, he figured he wasn't hurt because Sichora wasn't reacting at all.

Reaching for the bars, he found them cold as ice as he shook at the door. Of course it was closed, why shouldn't it be? Pressing his face against them to look into the hallway behind, he found it deep black and empty.

This wasn't right. He had been with Ryan and he had decided not to head to the dungeons until he found a solution for Lindsay. How to make her go silent.

Something was shifting behind him and he turned around, trying to make out what it was in the dim light. All he could see was a black figure but it didn't fit the size of either Michael or Ryan and so he whispered: “Sichora.”

His demon appeared behind him, the glow giving up at least a bit of light and this time the strings didn't bother to connect to his joints, they just impaled the body that was coming closer, pinning it to the wall. Blood gushed to the floor or he at least thought it was but it was gray. Like someone had washed out the color.

What a shame.

Turning back towards the bars, the strings were quick to cut through the metal and broke the lock. Letting himself out, he locked the twitching figure inside before moving ahead.

Instead of disappearing, his demon connected with him and confused he asked: “Am I in danger?” Listening, he nodded before drawing his rapier: “Alright.”

Not that he was really scared. By now there was barely anything that could come close enough to hurt him and even if it did, he could just heal himself.

His head spun around and for a second he was disorientated. Sichora rarely moved him without warning and by the time he made out the man standing behind him, his rapier was already slicing through his throat.

The same gray liquid started to spill over his feet and he staggered away, disgusted by the pale color. The man reached out to him before collapsing on the floor.

“Where did he come from?”, the knight muttered. “He hadn't been there before and I couldn't hear him. What is going on?”

This time he didn't receive an answer but his body turned around and the hallway was full of people. Full of people that he felt fingers brushing against his face before he stumbled backwards, crashing into a woman whose hands curled tightly around his throat. He couldn't even react, his eyes fixed on the man standing in front of him and finally his brain recognized him.

The man from the training. When Ryan had showed him the basics of torture and they had killed him together. It was a memory he treasured deeply and maybe because of that it was the only face he recalled. The others were just silhouettes without any features besides the wound his own hands had inflicted.

Then Sichora took over and everything turned into a blur of silent screams and gushing gray as the strings danced around him like vines around his wrist. His body was heavy, his head barely held up by his noose to watch as the rapier fell from his limb hand.

It was over in what felt like a flash and Ray could feel his demon retreating to not exhaust him more and blinking sluggishly, he came back to his senses.

Sitting on the floor between unmoving bodies, he went to rub his face awake when he noticed the gray mess on his hands. Grunting disgusted, he reached to clean it on his vest when he saw the hair clip laying next to him.

Confused, he reached to pick it up but the moment his fingers touched it, the rose on it turned bright red. It was a strong but lovingly contrast against the gray and black around him and it even spilled into the blood on the floor, painting it in its rightful color.

He nearly smiled, wouldn't he be confused by how the hair clip got here. If he remembered correctly it was resting safely on one of his shelves. But there it was right next to Michaels corpse.

Hesitating, Ray stopped his movement before he leaned forward to let his hand brush over the curls to feel if they were real. They were and he tugged at them in hope for a reaction. He did it again, just harder this time, even lifting up the heavy head before it fell back down.

“Michael?”, he muttered apologizing as he carefully patted the curls. “Michael, wake up.”

Another spark of red caught his attention and he turned towards it, finding a white rose, not painted by the blood it was resting in. He didn't want to look at the body next to it so he jumped to his feet to get away, his breath heavy in his lungs: “No.”

The red was spreading and now even coloring his hands and he felt the scream in his throat: “No! That is a lie!”

Something brushed against his neck, leaving it wet and sticky and there was a scarf hanging from the ceiling. It was green, he knew that even without seeing the color but the endings were red.

Red, red, red.

Red Knight.

Red King.

He screamed as he sat down hard, screaming after Sichora to heal. To heal everything. To make it alright again.

_Make it good._

“Ra-”

_I am so sorry._

“Ray!”

_Make it all good again._

He would pay, pay, pay.

“Ray, stop!”

_I will be a good boy._

Lindsay hurled him from the ground and he lunged his rapier at her. Red strands filled his vision before her hand twisted his wrist until he couldn't help but wince as his weapon fell to the ground. Slumping against her, he breathed heavily. His wide open eyes roaming over the ground but there was no rose or a hair clip. The bodies on the floor were people he barely recognized.

“Are you hurt?” And as she got no answer, she turned his head so that they could look at each other: “Are you hurt, Ray?”

His gaze went right through her, searching for a crimson scarf as he was shaken violently: “Get a hold of yourself!” And he did.

Blinking slowly, he asked: “Lindsay?”

She relaxed: “Yeah, it's me. Are you alright?”

He saw strands of red on her shoulder and he reached out to the remaining of the hair he had just cut. Not much but way too close to her face.

She noticed his touch and shrugged: “You are fast. I nearly didn't stop it.”

“You're also fast.”, he admitted considering that she had caught his hand before she had been hurt. Her hand moved to check on the damage and as her skin brushed his, he finally snapped out of it. Stepping back, he shook his head to clear his thoughts: “Where are we?”

“That's a bit complicated.”, she replied but he had nearly stopped listening again. His eyes were glued to the floor where the dead bodies still laid and she just stood there. She just stood there, one foot placed on a shoulder but her boots weren't ruined by any blood.

Noticing his gaze, she also followed it and frowned: “What?”

“You don't..?”, he started before stopping. While turning slightly, her heel buried itself deeper into the cold flesh but it didn't make a noise.

“Ray?”, her voice seemed distant by his fascination with the picture in front of him. “What are you seeing?”

“What I am seeing?”, he whispered confused but if that meant this in front of him wasn't real... she shouldn't think that he was losing his mind.

“Nothing.”

She didn't believe him, of course not. He saw it clear as day in her eyes but she didn't push. Instead she turned around, stepping on a dead hand: “Let's get you out of here.”

Only that he couldn't. He couldn't just walk over those dead bodies that had been his loved ones just minutes before. He was even sure that they could change back to that if he just concentrated hard enough and he really didn't want that. It scared him.

“Ray?”

Not daring to avert his eyes in fear that the bodies twisted back into something familiar, he simply shook his head. For a moment both of them just stood there before he could hear her steps coming closer again as she offered her hand: “Come on.”

“I can't...”, he admitted slowly, trying to focus back on her but oh god, what if one of the bodies began to move?

“Close your eyes.”, she told him and he frowned a bit at that. That sounded like an awful idea. Just as he was about to shake his head again, she continued: “I'm going to guide you back upstairs.”

Surprised, his eyes darted to her still outstretched hand and a strange noise escaped him. It started deep inside his throat and it sounded like a whimper. He wanted to leave this place.

“Trust me.” And now she was talking to him like he was a scared kid and he hated that it worked: “I am your best shot at this. I got some experience with this!”

He let his lids fall shut and found himself in complete darkness, waiting for a bruising grasp around his ankles. But what he felt were arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders as Lindsay guided him. His pace was slow and hesitant as he expected to step on something unpleasant but it didn't happen. His feet found the stone ground and nothing else as she lead him on, barely saying a word.

And now that he had lost his sight, he had to admit that he didn't smell the blood or the death. It wasn't there and again he asked himself what had happened and where they were.

Lindsay seemed to know about it so he would just have to ask her when they had fled from the dungeons. The way dragged out for longer than it should have and he wasn't sure if it was because he was blind or because this wasn't his dungeon. Or at least not really?

Before he could deepen this thought, she cleared her throat: “We are at the stairs now. Why don't you try to open your eyes again?”

He did it. Slowly and reluctantly so that whatever wanted to scare him had the opportunity to hide. And it worked because the hallway in front of him was back to normal. He passed on the opportunity to check behind himself.

“Thanks.”, he muttered a bit embarrassed as he stepped away from her and she simply nodded.

They went up the stairs in silence and he took a reassuring breath as the light fell from above, blinding him again briefly. It was caused by a harsh snow day outside the tall windows and he frowned as he recognized the entry hall to the castle. Now he couldn't help himself but turn around to check if they really had just climbed the stairs that shouldn't be there.

“It's twisted.”, Lindsay told him before nodding towards the middle of the hall. “Let's sit down and I'll explain. I think we will have to wait until we get into a new bubble anyway.”

They sat where the light was the brightest and she noticed the knight chose a place so that he could watch the dungeons as if he expected something to follow them. By now she wasn't quite sure what he had seen down there but from what she knew it had been someone she didn't know. So she started to explain to maybe ease his mind and it appeared to be working.

She found disbelieve in his eyes that turned to understanding and then they went dark. He didn't ask how she knew about all of that and she was glad. Explaining that she had met Gavin, in whatever form he might have been was a touchy topic that she didn't want to reach.

“So we each have to find the pearls to get out?”, he asked after she had ended. “This castle is huge!”

“I am aware.” Also she had already located one pearl but had left it back when the screams had started. Terrified screams, fueled with horror and she had been afraid that Ray had been tortured for a moment. She would have to go back later after she was sure he was alright. “Let's focus on finding the other two first. It should be easier if we are more and it would put my mind to rest to know that they are alright.”

“Sure.” He seemed to think about getting up, she saw his leg twitching before he settled back down. That was alright with her, if he was still a bit shaken it might make her next step easier: “It was your pearl, right? The one who pulled us inside of this mess.”

For a moment he didn't react before brown eyes met hers, a coldness in them she didn't know: “There is no way you can prove that.”

“Do I need to?”, she asked back as she tried to suppress her shiver. “Ray, what is going on?”  
“Nothing.”

“That's such an obvious lie! Let me help you!”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“You damn well know!”, agitated because he barely did seem to listen, turning away from her as she pointed towards the stairs they had just come from. “What did you see down there? What scared you so much?”

“Lind-”

“What are you doing in the dungeons at night?”

He flinched a bit at that: “I can't tell you.”

“Why?”

“You will tell Geoff.”, he simply said. “And I can't let you do that.”

She scowled visibly at that as she asked lowly: “Is it that bad?”

No answer.

“Then why are you doing something so wrong that I will have to report it? You know th-”

“Lindsay.”, he interrupted her quietly. “I am aware of what I am doing.” He gazed back at her, a solemn look on his face: “And I want you to be certain that all I do serves a single purpose right now. I will protect Michael and Ryan, so stop worrying about it.”

Of course she noticed the lack of her own name on the short list and couldn't help but shiver. It was an obvious threat towards her and she wondered if he would really hurt her if she got in his way.

Still, she couldn't imagine it.

“That's not how this works.”, she muttered while standing up, hoping to get him to cool down a bit while getting the pearl. “I'll be right back.”

He didn't bother to answer, just watched as she went back down the stairs to the dungeon as he listened to his scared heartbeat.

She was dangerous. So, so dangerous and she had the might to let everything he had build up crash on his head. She could shatter everything he had learned. He wished she would just go away. He wished he could make her go away.

Maybe he could.

Michael loved her.

It was obvious to everyone watching. Hurting her would hurt Michael and Ray didn't want that. Not getting rid of her could result in losing Michael if he found out what he was doing and that was even worse.

The knight could feel the thoughts taint his heart black the deeper he got as Sichora winded excitedly inside him.

Hurting or losing.

“Ray?”

Turning around, his eyes grew warm again as he stumbled to his feet: “Ryan!”

Running up the stairs, Ray even managed a small laugh: “Thank god! I am so glad to see-” He stopped dead when he watched the king walk towards him. Stepping over a broken table he walked the few steps down towards him and now it was obvious that he was missing the crown. His hand reached out as if he wanted to check on Ray and his Ryan would have done it without any hesitation but this one here stopped unsure before letting his arm drop back to his side. Because his throat was a mess of bruises and bloody fingerprints and a part of this Ryan still feared him.

“What are you doing here?”, he still asked, so much concern in his voice that it clenched the knights chest. “You are not dead, are you? You can't be! Plea-”

“I am fine.”, he finally managed to bring out. “I am alive. I didn't die.”

“I'm glad!” His hand moved again before falling back: “What happened after..?”

For a moment Ray wasn't sure what he was talking about before he got it. For this Ryan time had stopped with the moment Gavin had squeezed the last breath out of him: “We went to the portal-”

“I told you no-”

“You know Gavin. No way to stop him; he wanted to get you out.”

The counselor smiled warmly at that but the worry was still thick on his tongue: “Geoff must have known...”  
“He waited for us but...” Ray chuckled because damn that had been long, long ago: “It worked out. We got the crown back. Gavin became King again!”

“I'm glad.” But it didn't sound like that because of course he had noticed something in his voice. His eyes flickered down into the entry hall as if he was searching for him before asking carefully: “Ray, where is Gavin now?”

“He died.” It rolled so easily off his tongue: “I am sorry.”

There was sadness in those blue eyes and it reminded him of the past all over again. He had seen this expression too many times and he wanted to take it away. He just wasn't able to yet.

Then the gaze went past him and Ray turned around at the nearing steps.

“It's one of those shadows, Ray.”, Lindsay muttered as if he didn't know that. She was standing right in front of the stairs with two pearls in her hand, the other reached towards him: “Let us go and search for the others.”

He didn't move.

“Don't.”, Ryan said. “She tricked us. She is working for Geoff.”

“I know.”, he answered quietly and saw with pleasure as a shadow crossed the womans face. The idea struck him so suddenly and cold that he shivered at it.

“Ryan?” He turned back towards the counselor: “It's her fault that Gavin died. She lured us into a trap and he... he couldn't heal.”

It would be a lie if he pretended he didn't know that Ryan could be cruel. He had seen it for himself, he had experienced it himself but after all he had never seen him like this. Not when Ryan had appeared and killed Geoff in cold blood or as he reigned as the Mad King. Not when he himself had betrayed him, trying to take the others life.

There was a look on Ryans face that let his eyes shine warm with subtle love even though his gaze was merciless. It was probably the last thing the unfortunate man in Werringtal had seen. The very same feeling that had forced Ryan to kill for the first time.

Someone threatening his family.

Still his hand was gentle as it brushed through Rays hair even though small cracks were appearing on his body at the touch. He passed the knight and drew his sword while walking down the stairs.

Ray followed him with his eyes before daring to look at Lindsay who simply stared shocked at him. The question why he was doing this so obvious on the face and he knew the answer so well.

If he had to chose between losing and hurting, he rather hurt.

Unsheathing his rapier, he followed Ryan down the steps.

Because in all honesty; he was sick of losing.

 

 

_It’s okay to get startled and be afraid of the dark_   
_I’ll just wait here to swallow your soul and tear you apart_   
_And I’ve already started, there ain’t no saving your heart_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dundundunDUN  
> See you guys next week with "March Hare & Mad Hatter"!


	5. March Hare & Mad Hatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Welcome in hell; you are dead. Enjoy your stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final of the Wonderland-trilogy!

Chapter 5

March Hare & Mad Hatter

 

 

_This is exactly what has to be done,_

_it happened so gradually  
It’s like I magically happened to be the phantom that cannot be _

 

“Ray...”, was the first word his tongue could muster as he slowly regained consciousness. It came out slurred but it seemed to be understandable because he heard steps nearing him. Cracking his eyes open he didn't see the knight just the white rose. It had been fresh before but now it looked like someone had stepped on it and that was really a shame.

“Ray?”, Ryan asked again, more clearly now. Because he had seen him fall to the floor before the darkness had taken him as well. Brown eyes rolling until only the white remained as he stumbled to reach out to him.

Stirring slightly, Ryan tried to get up but found his hands restricted. Before his blurred thoughts managed to make sense of it, he was grabbed and turned on his back.

“It really is you...”, a familiar voice muttered.

Starring straight up into Geoffs face, he went to ask what was going on before a boot collided forcefully with his chest, keeping him safely pinned to the ground.

“You look a bit older than back then.”, Geoff admitted. “And stressed out. Being King isn't all fun and games like you believed, is it?”

“What?”, Ryan managed to say with the air he got back into his lungs.

“On the other hand I don't know how the time works in the Nether. Maybe I've been already in here for a few years.”

“The Nether..?”

“Welcome in hell; you are dead. Enjoy your stay.” Giving him one last prod, he stepped away from him: “Sit up, I need to talk to you.”

Ryan did quickly, his eyes looking around in fear that he was really in the Nether again but what he found was the throne room. Green carpet with golden highlights. “This isn't the Nether, Geoff...”

“Oh, I didn't know you were an expert on this as well. Forgive me!” Coming back again, he was holding the flame crown in his hands: “Also when exactly did we agree to use our first names? Must have been after you murdered me because I certainly can't recall.”

This time Ryan didn't bother to answer, letting his head rest on his knees he tried to find a sense in this situation. All the while he was checking on his restraints and found his hands tied together. Probably with a rope.

Ray wasn't here even though he had been exactly next to him before and he was in the throne room, a place he certainly hadn't collapsed in. An old throne room even. And by the way that Geoff was talking with him...

Lifting his head, he observed the older man attentive and frowned a bit. Not the same look in his eyes.

“You awake enough to talk?”, he asked and Ryan cleared his throat before answering: “If you show me your arms first.”

“My arms?”

He nodded and waited while Geoff rolled his eyes at him. But he pulled up his sleeves and showed him pale, untainted flesh and again Ryan nodded to himself. Now he understood. Not the situation or how he got here but he knew the role he had to play now: “What do you want to talk about, Ramsey?”

The other let the crown dangle from his fingers so that he could see it clearly: “Where did you get that crown?”

Biting on his lip, Ryan was debating what he should tell him and decided on a little white lie: “Jack made it.”

“I am aware. You think I don't know his work?”, the first king huffed annoyed. “But this isn't your crown!”

“How would you be able to tell? You were cold by the time I got it.”

“Because I know what kind of crown he had in mind for you and this is not it!”, Geoff spat and seemed close enough to slap him straight in the face. “This is his design for Gavins crown!”

“I-”

“Why do you have Gavins crown?”, he was screaming now.

“Lis-”

“What did you do to my son, Vagabond?!” And now he was really punched in the face. Losing the little balance he had, Ryan fell to the floor again, struggling to get back up.

“Geoff, it's not like you th-” The kick in his stomach let him lose all his breath as he doubled over, gasping painfully as the other man crouched down in front of him. He took a fistful of the blond hair, not minding the cracks that spread through his hand as he whispered: “And you must have hurt Jack... Jack had promised to keep an eye on them. He wouldn't have left you alone with them if he wasn't sure they were safe enough. If he didn't know you wouldn't hurt them, he would have stayed until I came back. Also Gavin had to be King at some point otherwise this crown wouldn't exist!”

Pulling Ryans head back until he winced, Geoff screamed: “Then why were you still alive to take it back from him?! Why did he keep you!”

“Mirror...”, the king managed to bring out before his face was crashed into the floor. Warm blood filled his mouth and disgusted he spat out: “He chose me as his mirror.”

“Bullshit!”

The boot collided with the back of his head, pushing him down as he grunted: “Listen, it's not like that!”

“You killed my family!”

“Me?” And now he also felt rage in his heart: “It wasn't me! It was you, you filthy son of a bitch!”

“How dare you!”

Ryan listened to a sword being drawn and concentrated on calling Edgar, ready to take this man out again. And damn, he wouldn't feel sorry for it!

“Geoff!” It was a small voice that interrupted them and the first king stopped immediately.

“Buddy...”

And Ryan turned his head quick enough to catch a glimpse of the child running through the room only to get picked up by Geoff.

“Where were you? It's been forever since I've seen you!”

“I was meeting the hawk!” But the boy wasn't really paying attention, his head trying to turn towards Ryan but a hand held him back: “Geoffy, this man is bleeding! We have t-”

“Don't look.” Scooting him up higher, the first king turned away while cradling the child tightly. It didn’t stop him from peeking curiously over the shoulder and their eyes finally met.

Winter and spring.

“Gavin...”, Ryan whispered in disbelieve. Flinching, the boy hid again and sitting up the king realized he probably wasn't the most reassuring thing see with the blood on his lips.

Geoff noticed and threw him a warning look, one of his hands on the back of Gavins head to avoid him from catching anymore glances: “I'll deal with you in a minute, Vagabond.”

Ryan didn't even listen as he finally managed to get to his feet: “Gavin!”

“Vagab-”  
“It really is you!” The child was gently put back on the ground but as he took a step towards it a sword was in his way immediately. Finally managing to avert his eyes, he found Geoffs own looking back at him with enough furry and rage to make him shiver.

“Touch him and you are dead, Vagabond. You did more than enough harm to him already!”

That wasn't true. Geoff shouldn't be the one to say that because it was a lie. Because Geoff had harmed him more than anyone else and Ryan had just tried to protect him. He would do it again. He could charge and take that little boy before something terrible was about to happen to him. Take him and bring him back to the others so that they could start all over again.

But when his gaze fell on the child, he was hiding behind Geoff, little fingers clawed in his coat as his eyes were big and scared. Scared because of him.

“Alright.”, Ryan muttered before slowly stepping back. “I don't want to hurt him. I'd never.”

Geoff huffed in disbelieve but lowered his sword a bit: “Buddy, please leave us alone for a bit.”

But the boy was shaking his head, his hands tugging at the green coat: “I wanna go, Geoff!”

“You can go, I'll follow soon.”

“No! I wanna go away from here! Please, Geoff!”

“Budd-” Dark fog engulfed the throne room and beneath the surprised screams of the child, Ryan teared at his restrain. The rope bit sharply into his skin before Edgars strength managed to tear it apart like paper. Turning on his heel, he ripped open the door to flee through the hallway but found himself in yet another hall.

Confused he stood still before his eyes made out a door and behind this one was an actual corridor. Not the one he was looking for but by now he decided that logic could wait until he got a little further away.

Dashing through familiar and unfamiliar rooms and short, useless corridors until all orientation was lost and his breathing went heavy, he slowed down. Throwing nervous glances behind him, Ryan wiped his lip absentmindedly to get rid of the blood.

So at first he had thought he had somehow gone back in time but that didn't add up anymore, right? The Gavin he had seen had been too young for that, not if Geoff actually remembered his own dead.

Also there was this castle that didn't make sense. Thrown together and without any logic.

Where they back in yet another dimension?

What if this really was the Nether? Had he died? It had appeared differently the second time, why not the third time?

“ _Maybe that happens when a world dies. Maybe it becomes a realm like this or the Nether.”_

Had their world died and twisted into this?

There was a soft noise to his left that ripped him from his thoughts and he stopped in his tracks. There was a huge mirror covering the wall with cracks that looked like spiderwebs in it. Frowning, Ryan quickly looked away, not wanting to play anymore games. Only that he couldn't because there had been a flash of green in it.

Sighing, he stared at his feet and tried to get them to move on. Nothing good would come from this and he knew it. But he also knew that his yearning would be stronger.

What if this world was dying and twisting and bringing dead people back and destroying the concept of time?

Then maybe mirrors didn't reflect his own image anymore.

With closed eyes he looked up again, taking a reassuring breath before lifting his lids. He himself stared back at him, a faint hope slowly withering as he called himself dumb. Of course it couldn't be like that. He should go on!

Go on in case the others were here as well and then he needed to find them!

But his own curiosity didn't allow him to carry on because he knew what he had seen. And as he looked closer he realized his own coat was changing colors. From red to green and back again, each fragment separated by a crack.

Licking his lips nervously, he tasted faint blood as he carefully moved his head. His hair changed to something unruly as it passed one of the cracks and then his skin got a bit more tanned until finally a green and a blue eyes looked back at him, a crack splitting the two faces in the middle.

Letting the breath out he had been holding, he came a little closer until he could reach out. Gavin on the other side did the same and Ryan wondered what he would feel when they met. A cold surface or familiar fingers.

He would grab the hand and pull him out.

“You're the owl, right?”

Cringing, he turned around and found the child standing behind him. The head laid to the side in a questionable manner at his sudden reaction but Ryan couldn't be bothered with it right now. Bringing his attention back to the mirror he only found himself in there, the spell broken.

Still he watched for a while longer in hope that his Gavin would return before sighing. Giving up yet another hope, he addressed the boy: “What did you say?”

“I asked if you are the owl.”

It took him a moment to remember the talisman but when he did, he pulled at the chain until the bird was visible.

The child observed him closely before asking: “You name... is it also Ryan?”

“Yeah. And you are Gavin?”

He nodded absentmindedly but seemed to be confused: “You do look like Rye... There are two others here, you know? They also have your name!”

Unsure of what to say to that, the king stayed silent.

“One of them is quiet and mostly stays for himself. Its been long since I've seen him but this place is huge, that can happen. The other is really nice!”, the kid smiled brightly. “He taught me how to play chess!”

“Did he?”, Ryan asked but it sounded faint in his own ears. It hurt his heart to be here and see this child in front of him.

Green eyes found the owl again before he carefully stepped closer: “I am suppose to tell you a story.”

 

Michael and Gavin moved through the seemingly endless hallways of this castle. Their hands were still holding on to each other and besides some short questions and small squeezes there was no other communication. Not after they had crossed the entry hall again and Gavin had stopped. His hold had become painful as he had seen something that the other couldn't.

Asking what was happening had been futile because each time he only got a 'no' as an answer. But as they left the hall behind the feeling lingered that something was wrong. Worry laid heavy and dark in Michaels stomach and he couldn't get rid of it.

Sometimes they hid. Hid from whatever his ghost friend saw and he could only guess. Sometimes he could hear it, other times it was a smell of something rotten. Both struck fear into his heart because he had the feeling he passed other things. Other ghosts maybe but they had a different feeling to them. He also didn't hid from them so maybe they were good?

As long as Gavin could distinguish it, everything was alright.

His cane hit something and it sounded like wood: “Are we there?”

One squeeze and to confirm he let his fingers wander over the door before opening it. They stepped in and he waited while Gavin looked around, giving him a 'yes' before moving inside.

He had asked to have a small stop here before continuing to search and letting the hand go, he let his own travel until it hit his bed. Feeling around the old but still familiar covers he took a few steps to the head end before reaching out to his right. His fingers brushed against the cold handle of Mogar and for the first time since waking up he let out a completely honest laugh.

Carefully feeling around the sword for any damage on itself or the sheath, he pulled it on his lap and sighing happily: “Thank god. Nothing goes over that, don't you agree?”

A pulling at his sleeve was his answer and he muttered annoyed: “Yeah, we can go on. I am just having a reunion here, stop ruining it.”

Now he was slapped and grinning he admitted: “Fine. Not the best reunion I had all day. I'll give you that.”

The next hit somehow felt warmer and the hand lingered on his arm a bit longer, making him chuckle. Fastening his sword on his back, he felt safer instantly even though he wasn't as good with that weapon anymore. It was only that this was the first time he really considered himself in danger and not having Mogar with him was scary.

Really, really scary.

Michael was about to stand up when both of his hands were taken and moved. It took him a moment to understand that Gavin was forcing them to show a form and confused he asked: “A circle?”

Two squeezes.

“A ball then? Is that what you are looking for?”, he teased because this was easier than to think over his situation. It was familiar and warm and he might not be able to see it but he was sure the other was amused. “What are you? A dog?”

A third hit and he laughed at that but Gavin was insisting and shaking his head, he grew serious again: “Alright. I'm listening.”

But the form he was shown wasn't changing. Something round and something small and in all honesty that could be a lot of things. After another few failed attempts, Gavin seemed to grow annoyed with him and stretched out the others arm. His fingers were tickling on the skin as he began to draw and finally Michael understood that he was writing.

Lindsay did that sometimes. Lazily, urging him to fall asleep or to wake up. Sometimes just to connect his freckles, sometimes small messages she didn't want to say.

He blushed slightly at the memories but this message wasn't going to end with a kiss and at the third time he was sure he got it right: “A pearl?”

This time the 'yes' was obvious and he let his mind race: “You mean the one from the portal? Are we looking for that?”

Gavin tugged excited at his sleeve and the warrior stood up, checking if Mogar was resting comfortable on his shoulder: “Sorry, Gav. It's not here. I hid it in the dungeons.” In the cell that had been his own for weeks. To remind him of the things he had sworn to protect and in the end hadn't.

“Take me to Lindsays room first. It's closer and maybe I can find hers before going all the way over there.”, he muttered grim. His hand was taken and he followed obedient. And even though her room was normally just around the corner it took them longer. Such a twisted place. He wondered if he should be glad to not see anything.

When they finally reached the door, he waited once more for Gavins permission to move but instantly he was dragged inside. He stepped over flowers that sounded dead and found the dresser. Holding his breath, he felt around until his knuckles brushed against a smooth surface. Something was rolling but he caught it and grinning he muttered: “That was a lot easier than I had imagined! Thanks, Linds!” Dusting the pearl of, he gave it a chase kiss before turning to Gavin: “Let's head to the dungeons next!”

But they didn't get that far. Stepping back outside there was a small gasp behind him: “Michael!”

“Rye?” Ryan watched the blind one turn towards him, a distrust on his face that he didn't recognize: “Is it really you?”

“Of course!”, the king assured him, keeping an eye on the small boy who hid shyly behind him.

The warrior bit his lip until he whispered: “What do you say?” There was a light flickering back in and out of existence next to him but he nodded: “I see.” And louder: “You have a necklace, don't you?”

“An owl. You have the dove.”, he agreed.

And the worry fell from Michaels face as he smiled gladly: “Oh, thank god!” His arms reached out to feel him: “You have no idea how happy I am to have finally found you!”

Quickly closing the distance, Ryan took hold of his shoulders: “Are you alright? Did something happen?”

Barely listening, the warrior pressed his face against the others chest, savoring the warmth: “I'm confused as fuck and hopefully not insane. But I am not hurt.” And then so much quieter: “I met Ray... but it wasn't our Ray... he said such terrible things.”

One of those shadows, probably only remembering his own death and Ryan didn't want to start imagining what he had told Michael then.

“I'm so sorry...”, he simply muttered as he held him close, feeling a soft trembling going through his body.

“Rye?”

“Mh?”

“Do you see Gavin?”, he asked and he sounded so scared and small that Ryan couldn't help but rub his back. Letting his chin rest on top of the curls, he watched the lights the warrior had left behind.

Of course he saw Gavin. There he was as a small child, reaching out towards the lights but he was sure Michael didn't mean that. And then the lights changed and shifted and with a painful moan a body fell to the ground.

Their Gavin.

Michael flinched, his hands like claws in the others clothes: “I can hear him! Please tell me-”

“He's here.”, Ryan muttered in disbelieve. There was a painful hope tearing at him and he pulled the warrior closer in fear. It all fell from him when Gavin sat up and opened his eyes.

“It's not him.”, the king said slowly, feeling the small hope getting smothered immediately. Just like every time. “Sorry Michael. It's not him.”

There was a noise coming from the warrior that nearly sounded like a sigh of relief he tried to suppressed: “I figured. I just hoped...”

“I know. Me too.” Looking back up, he watched the dark eyes before asking: “You are his demon, right? You are the bird.”

“Yeah.”, it answered while the little boy climbed into its lap. Giving him a welcome smile, it put his arm around the small form: “I am not yours.” And after a moment it sighed saddened: “You are not mine either.”

Unsure what to answer to that or what the meaning was in the first place, Ryan combed through Michaels hair before letting him go and asked quietly: “It brought you here?”

“He looked out for me.”, the warrior agreed.

“Then I have to thank you.”, the king addressed the demon again. “What's your name?”

“My name?”, it asked surprised before falling silent, debating on its answer. “I-I don't really have one.”

“Why not? My demon is called Edgar as you should know.”

“You don't want to know my name, I assure you.” And by the way it said that, Ryan didn't ask further.

“I have a title though. They call me Lightbringer.”

Nodding slowly, the king threw a quick look to the child that was dozing soundly against the demons chest: “If it's true what he said and the shadows of the dead are here-”

“It's the truth.”

“Then Gavin has to be here as well. But I don't understand what you a-”

“No, Rye.”, the Lightbringer smiled forbearing. “Gavin isn't here.”

The king fell silent at the nickname and it was the warrior who asked: “Why not?”

“Gavin didn't want you to know.” Putting a hand over the little boys ear, he sighed: “Otherwise he would have told you.”

“But... he is dead, isn't he?”

“Yes but he is not here. It's part of his payment, please don't ask anymore.”

“The Truth?”, Ryan asked anyway and watched the demon flinch. “That was the second part of his payment. He learned about the time before the Nether – that has nothing to do with any of this!”

Again that sad smile, showing that the other knew more than himself: “I am sorry. He lied to you, Rye.”

“Stop calling me like that!”, Ryan snapped at him.

The black eyes widened in surprise before he quickly averted his gaze: “I apologize. You just look like him, it's hard to distinguish. I'm sure it's the same for you.” Reaching up he pointed at his throat, right beneath his yaw: “You are missing the scar though. And of course the mark around your wrist.”

“You don't even make any sense!” Enraged, Ryan turned around and walked away. Of course not far, he was too scared to lose Michael again but he was so _angry_. Not necessary because the nickname was bothering him but because this demon, this _creature_ dared to imply that Gavin had lied to him! That couldn't be! Only because it looked like _him_ and only because it was inside _his_ head didn't mean anything!

“ _You said that your price would be The Truth but you never explained what that meant.”_

“ _I remembered, you know?”_

Such a quick answer. Like Gavin had prepared it. As if he had known Ryan would ask this very question sooner or later.

But no; he didn't want to believe that! He didn't want to believe that Gavin had to face any other punishment! That he had to pay even more!

Michael listened to the steps of his king with worry but decided to give him a moment to collect himself. Turning his head back to the Lightbringer, he asked: “Why didn't you talk before? This would have made things a lot easier.”

“I couldn't. I am very weak here and keeping up a body for you to interact with drained me quite a bit.”, he shrugged. “All I am is just a demon without a host and I will soon burn out anyway. That's why I followed the call of the pearls in the first place – here I am at least a bit stronger. Also the little one can help me.” He gestured to the child now fully asleep.

“That's a small boy, isn't it?”, Michael asked as he carefully stepped closer to sit in front of the duo. “It's Gavin, right?”

“Yeah.”

Sighing, the warrior tried to wrap his head around all this but gave up after a while. He was clearly missing some information, even though he could piece some things together. What he did know was this: “The pearls. We need them?”

“They can get you out again. They act like keys.”, the demon explained quietly.

Michael pulled the one out he had and let it rest in his hand as he listened to the nearing steps. Sitting down next to him, Ryan still breathed heavily to control himself: “So, you are saying Gavin lied to me?”

“Please just let it g-”

“He would never lie to me! He was my mirror!”

“I know.”, the demon admitted. “I know this so well and I assure you Gavin didn't want t-”

“Then what is The Truth if he needed to hide it from me? From us all?”

“Please don't ask anymore.”

“Tell me! I have a right to know it!”

“You don't want to! Please just stop!”, now the Lightbringer was begging.

“No! This is impo-”

“Rye.”, Michael interrupted him quietly and it let the king fall silent. Silent but angry.

“ _You are the sword, Michael. And you will stay Ryans sword after I am gone, right?”_

“ _Of course. But I don't understand what this has to do with Wer-”_

“ _Just listen for a moment. As the sword you have to take down any threat, you already know that. You protect but not in the same way that Ray does. Please don't... don't do it the same way Ray does!”_

“ _Gav-”  
“Didn't I tell you to listen? You notice when something is off, right? You protected us from so many wrong decisions and called out or faults and mistakes. You were the one who stopped this whole thing from turning into a complete chaos a-”_

“ _If you are saying goodbye to me, I-”_

“ _Shut up for once in your life. I just want you to look after Ryan. He wants to carry the whole weight. Please don't let him.”_

Gavin had never told him everything he had wanted to say on that day. Just because he himself couldn't listen to it because a part of him was still in denial. This was his boy and he couldn't be dying!

So he had grabbed him before he could finish and dragged him to the roof to watch the stars. And as he didn't regret that because he treasured that memory, he regret never hearing the end of Gavins goodbye.

But maybe he got the point anyway.

Reaching out he found Ryans neck and pulled him closer, letting the others head rest against his shoulder. For a moment the king went stiff, maybe surprised by the sudden gesture but in the end he relaxed into it with a sigh.

“You found one of the pearls.”, he whispered. “That's good.”

“It's Lindsays. He says we need it to get out of here.”

“We'll find her next, alright? The little one can see them.”

“Give him a few more minutes.”, the Lightbringer asked quietly. “It tires him out to see through the different layers and to jump around like this. He is very powerful in here but he is still a child.”

“Kids are powerful in general here.”, Ryan said slowly. “Because they don't know the boundaries of the real world so they don't expect those to be here as well, right?”

“I think so.”

“Then let him rest for a while longer.”, the king agreed before turning to the warrior. Catching him up on everything he knew by now, he was nearly done by the time the child stirred again. Cuddling against his big brother he listened absentmindedly to the story he already knew by heart. He was in the middle of yawning when he sat upright: “You're the dove!”

Michael shivered a bit at the familiar but nearly forgotten voice before he smiled: “Yeah. And you are Gavin.”

“Lindsay was very worried about you!”

“You talked with her, didn't you? Was she alright?”

The child nodded eagerly: “I like her. She called me Sweety!”

“I like her, too...”, Michael muttered barely audible.

Ryan threw him a concerned look before giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze and turned to the child: “We want to visit her next, Gavin. Do you see her?”

“Sure.” Rubbing his eyes, the boy closed them as he concentrated: “She's in the entry hall but in another bubble.”

“We can still head towards her, right?”, the warrior asked hopefully.

“The raven is with her.”

A visible weight was lifted from Michaels shoulder and he breathed out in a small laugh: “That's good! When they are together they should be safe!”

“Then we should go on right now.”, Ryan said reassuringly but he hadn't missed the troubled expression on the childs face even though he couldn't really place why. But now the boy stood up and took Michaels hand without hesitation. The warrior seemed confused but didn't say a word as he followed obediently.

Ryan was on their heels, watching for cracks in the childs body but found none. So he had switched.

Gavin had said they could either touch or talk, a barrier between the shadows and the living they had to obey.

He wondered briefly if they could really trust them. They did look like Gavin and they talked like him. Only that they weren't. Not really, just like good copies.

It wasn't the first time this thoughts came to him and this time he decided that it was too late for distrust. Without them they would hopelessly get lost in this maze and after all Gavin had brought him to Michael.

The little boy turned his head as if he had read his thoughts and Ryan nearly flinched guilty before he noticed that the gaze went passed him. Looking back he found the demon trying to keep up, the dark eyes a bright contrast against his pale skin.

“Are you alright?”

“Sure.”, the Lightbringer muttered. “Just a bit tired.”

“Will you make it?”

“Of course.”, he gave him a weak smile that wasn't really assuring.

“We only have to get there.”, Ryan explained. “I want both you and the little one in the back just in ca-”

“To avoid Ray to see us. I get it.”, he nodded tiredly. “I understand it probably wouldn't help. Gavin will bring you there and after that he and I will say our goodbye. Maybe we find something interesting to play with.”

“That would be ideal i-”

The demon flinched visibly. The child did as well before clinging to Michael in fear.

“What?”, the warrior asked quickly before picking the boy up. Shushing the child, he allowed him to hide his face in his neck: “What happened?”

“It was pretty faint so probably from another bubble...”, the Lightbringer whispered as he caught up with quick steps. “But I think that was a shot.”

“A gun?”, Ryan asked as he hurried along. “None of the shadows should have one, right?”

“Lindsay...”, Michael muttered, rubbing the back of the shivering child absentmindedly. “I think... I think Lindsay might have one... She never said it but she brought one with her. It felt like a gun to me when I found it but... Rye...” He stopped as his breath got faster and heavier, holding tightly to the boy in his arms as if to comfort himself: “Rye I want to... no! I need to see her! Please!”

“Alright.”, taking a hold of his shoulder, the king dragged him along.

 

 

_When the ashes start to rise_   
_And the moon falls from the sky_   
_And a thousand candles burn into the night_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to Emrion who gave me the idea for the Lightbringer. The song you suggested to me was a big inspiration, sweety!  
> See you guys next week with the final of the arc; Chapter 6 - Moth!


	6. Moth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Then I don't want to be human anymore!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look it's such a perfect chapter for Valentines Day - it's a lot about love! Yay!  
> Haha.

Chapter 6

Moth.

 

 

_And you're a cherry blossom_   
_You're about to bloom_   
_You look so pretty, but you're gone so soon_

 

When Lindsay had entered the dungeon she had shivered because down here it was way colder. But also dark and she gave her eyes a few moments to get used to it before moving on. It was when the light shining from above was already dimming that she noticed the soft blue glow. She recognized the color immediately but before she could investigate further Ray had started to scream and she had headed off.

Now as he was safe in the entry hall, she followed her own footsteps on the dirty floor and couldn't help but shiver again. This time because her mind was asking what the knight had seen down here and she wondered if she wanted to know at all. Maybe not seeing was a blessing but maybe it made everything worse.

Leaving her thoughts behind as she found the glow again, she went a different way, into yet another hallway that actually shouldn't belong there. The pearl was hidden behind a loose stone in a cell and as she reached for it she could have sworn she saw Michael in the corner of her eye. Turning her head, she looked around but found nothing. Frowning she reached out and its light stopped when she touched it, leaving her blinded for a moment. That was until she understood that the blue specks of light weren't lingering memories but yet another light source.

Two pearls?

This glow was dimmer, only escaping from beneath a door and for a second she didn't want to investigate this room. It looked like a bad place, a dark aura around it like a guarding shadow. In the end she still went towards it, even though her heart was beating wildly and she wished she had at least a bit more light.

But when she opened the door she only found a small room with naked walls. The only disturbing thing she could make out in the dim light were shackles hanging from above. But in the moment her eyes had noticed them, new pictures flickered before them and made her head hurt.

Pictures of blood on the wall and floor and even the ceiling. Sounds of pleas and begging and groans of pain. And chuckling. A dark, happy chuckling, combined with silent whispering and bright strings.

It reeked.

It reeked after tears and pain and red. Of insanity and twisted hope and bodily fluids.

Gagging, Lindsay noticed that she was sitting on her knees outside the haunted door. Pressing a hand tightly over her mouth she tried to calm down, listening to her ragged breaths that shook her body.

Whatever had happened in that room had to be awful. Not only awful but horrifying.

Evil.

Maybe that had been what Ray had seen down here?

Than she understood his scream because she wasn't even sure if she had screamed as well. Turning her head she gazed into the darkness behind her in hope that the knight had heard her and was on his way but there was no one.

Taking a deep breath that tasted stale but at least somewhat clean she got back on her feet, checking if she still had the first pearl. And she needed the second one that was still glowing behind that door.

Reaching for the handle, she licked over her lips nervously before pulling. The door swung open without a sound and the same room greeted her.

Her head turned again, this time to make sure no one was behind her to push her inside and keep her there.

Again only darkness and with a long exhale she stepped inside.

The glow came from the back wall, the light piercing through the cracks there when the pictures started to flash again. She tried to ignore them as good as she could, concentrating on the blue glow. Her steps sounded wet and raising her boot again was hard because the blood was sticky beneath her feet. Only that there was nothing.

Piercing screams of mercy made her flinch and she felt tears in the corner of her eyes as she reached out. The stone vanished and the face of a woman was in front of her, blood red against her waxen skin.

“Stop...”, she whispered and oh god her eyes were gone. Her eyes were gone just like Michaels and Lindsay whimpered. Then the woman disappeared and her fingertips brushed against the stone again, leaving clear lines in the blood as she tore at it. It came off at last and she nearly let the pearl fall that rolled towards her.

Taking it in an iron grip the glow stopped, she instantly turned on her heels and for a moment she was sure the door was closed. That someone had really locked her in and there was a scream at the back of her throat.

Only that she could look out into the dark hallway and then she was through and threw the door shut. Wincing and shivering she stared at the entrance and felt the horror catch up to her as she slowly slid to her knees.

Her eyes found her hands but there was no blood. Not even on her boots or anywhere on her armor. Still she felt sick in her stomach as she wiped faint tears away.

That had been terrifying.

Inside there was something dark and evil and twisted and for a moment she feared it would follow her outside, that it was caused by the stained pearl in her hand. The thought was enough to get her back on her feet and with a last glance over her shoulder to make sure the door was still closed, she headed back.

Light sounded like an incredibly great thing right now and being with Ray even more.

As she finally reached the stairs upwards, she let out a shaking laugh. So maybe that had been bad but in the end she had gotten two pearls out of it!

Looking down, she saw that one pearl was completely dark, no blue left as the fog of despair rolled inside the glass world.

Reaching the entry hall again, the relieved breath she had promised herself vanished when Ray wasn't where she had left him. Stunned she simply stood there for a second before looking around and finding him on the stairs.

Talking with Ryan and the red blood on the kings throat was obvious.

“It's one of those shadows, Ray.”, Lindsay muttered even though it should be clear. Taking both pearls in one hand she reached towards the knight, eager to tug him away: “Let us go and search for the others.”

She wanted to see Michael. She wanted to know he was alright.

Ray turned towards her and she couldn't really read his face. There was guilt in his eyes and worry and fear. And maybe deep down he was asking her to safe him.

It didn't match up to the words he was spilling, ignoring her as if she was the shadow. Telling red lies and she opened her mouth to interrupt him because it wasn't true.

It got stuck in her throat as Ryans eyes found her and they were colder than she had ever seen them.

Her feet moved on their own, forcing her to walk back as both of them came down the stairs for her. Her and Rays eyes were still locked and it were his that got darker.

“Ray?” It was a question left unanswered as Ryan charged. She barely brought forth her scythe in time to catch his attack but the enchantment caught her off guard. It pushed her back before her legs gave in and she sat down hard with a grunt. The pearls rolled from her hand and as she got back up she gave them a quick kick to sent them further into the hall and hopefully into safety.

Finally able to grab her weapon with both hands, she let it expand before facing both of them again. “What game are you pla-”, she started to ask bitterly when Ray was in her face. She had expected him to attack, at least she had told herself so but now she was surprised by the closeness of his blade. It dug into her side, sliding over her armor before she kneed him into the guts.

With a gasp he doubled over and right before she went for a hit on his head, Ryans sword crashed against her scythe. She hit the ground again, rolling the momentum off before getting on her knees.

“Fuck...”, she whispered to herself while she watched how the king checked on Ray. She could take on Ray, she could even take on Ryan. At least to the point of her being able to flee but not both.

Not with that damn enchantment.

Getting back on her feet she could feel how hard her heart was beating and she took some breaths to calm it down a little. She had to think here.

One of her hands traveled to her waist and she felt the comforting weight of the gun there. She could shoot Ryan.

He was only a shadow, a faint memory and would probably simply disappear. That would only leave Ray and if he still refused to give up after that she would knock him unconscious. She didn't even have to be gentle about it, he could fucking heal and she really wouldn't feel sorry for it. Not after the stunt he had just pulled on her.

She watched as the knight wiped his mouth before whispering some instruction. Ryan nodded and they stopped moving with each other, spreading out and the guardian was forced to retreat further into the hall in order to keep both of them in her line of sight. It wasn't perfect, she would hit the wall sooner or later and for a second she thought about running down into the dungeons again. Down there in the darkness she could hide and maybe escape but the thought of getting caught in there was terrifying. What if they locked her into that room?

The question was unanswered as the demon appeared. Brightly glowing strings connecting with Rays body as the cross floated above him. Ryan threw him a warning look but didn't say a thing while she swore beneath her breath.

Some of the strands detached and she was quick to bring her weapon in front of her, not sure what that meant but it wouldn't be something good.

Only that the strings didn't go for her, she realized too late and by the time she screamed at him to stop they had already wrapped around the pearls. They were lifted high up in the air and Ray sighed saddened: “Listen, Linds. I don't want to kill you.”

“Why would you kill me?”, she screamed back enraged. “What the fuck is wrong with you!”

“You're a risk for my plans, you see? If you go and tell Geoff about my experiments... everything will be for nothing!”, he explained and it sounded nearly like he was begging her to understand. And in the next second he let go of one of the pearls.

Lindsay ran but it was hopeless from the start as the pearl crashed on the stones and shattered into tiny shards.

“What are you doing?”, she bellowed and it echoed through the hall. “You just doomed one of us!”

“I doomed you.” Holding his hand out he caught the second pearl and placed it gently on the stairs behind him. “When we find the others Michael will try to take your place and stay here. I know it. Ryan will do the same, even I will. You have to refuse each and every one of us. If you agree I'll let you live.”

“You are insane.” This time it was only a whisper and maybe because of that it sounded like the truth.

Ray simply shrugged helplessly: “Why couldn't you just ignore me and let me be? This is your fault alone.”

“My fau-” Shaking her head, she growled: “I don't play after your rules!”

“Then I will make you, Linds.”, he assured her and with a howl she dashed at him.

Ryan stepped in between them and she had nearly forgotten him. Now it seemed foolish as his sword slammed into the pit of her stomach, making he gasp loudly. Her armor saved her from the cut and the heavy injuries but the impact alone was enough to throw her away. The enchantment rippled through her body and her rips broke beneath it.

Hitting the floor, she skidded over it before stopping dead in the center of the hall. Hissing in pain she tried to sit up again but the moment the movement reached her chest her arms gave out and she slumped back down. Grunting low, she took some calming breaths before rolling to her side to check on her injuries.

There was a grotesque bulge beneath her breasts where the bone threatened to break through but there was no blood yet. She would have seen it considering there was a slash in her black armor showing off her skin.

“Fuck.”, she whimpered in pain as she stretched to reach for her scythe.

“Thanks, Rye!”, she heard Ray say proudly and with a growl she had to admit that her weapon was too far away. Not by how careful she had to move and not by the nearing steps that had to be Ryan.

Throwing her hair behind her shoulder she ripped the gun from her holster and aimed it fluidly at the king.

He immediately stopped in his tracks and watched the unknown device but Lindsays eyes were on the knight.

Ray was further in the back like he didn't want to dirty his hands and now he took yet another step back and she screamed: “Yeah, Ray? Hiding so I shoot him? You fucking coward!”

“Do it then.”, he replied quietly. “Shoot me. I will heal.”

“Fine. Come a bit closer then so that I don't miss you! I'll be far away by the time you collect the remains of your brain!” Her hand moved, aiming the gun at him.

“Shut up!”, he screamed back at her. “Shut your stupid loud mouth! You sound like... just shut up!”

And she laughed: “Yeah? Reminds you of Michael, he? Guess what Ray, he will believe me! He will fucking believe me and not you!”

“No! That's a lie!”

And now the strings wrapped around her arm, cutting through her armor without a problem and deep into her flesh. Crying out in pain, she tried to pull away but only more blood spilled by the movement.

It was nothing against the horror as her arm was bend against her will until the muzzle pressed tightly against her temple.

“Then I will fucking make you shut up!”, Ray screamed at her as he came closer with long steps. And right now she was really at the loss of words as her muscles didn't react.

“I gave you a fair chance but you just have to ruin everything! Why won't you learn, you stupid girl!”

“Ray, try to calm do-”, Ryan began but was interrupted immediately.

“Shut up! You also shut up you dumb shadow! Everybody be quiet!”, his voice echoed from the walls as it grew silent. With heavy breathing he stepped in front of her: “You should be fucking glad! If I had more time I'd rip your skin from your bones and make you watch! Don't you dare to even think you are most important to Michael!”

“Can't bare to face the truth!”, she screamed right back. Her free arm pushed against the controlled on, managing to lift the gun a little. “Fucking coward, hiding behind your demon all the time! Look at you, Ray! Take a damn close look of what is left of you!”

He growled, his eyes impossibly dark as he showed his teeth. Pulling his strings tighter as he let her pull the trigger.

The sound was loud in the mostly empty hall and drowned the sickening pop when Lindsays arm broke as she pushed against it.

And still she laughed as she smelled her singed hair. The heat of the bullet that had barely missed her was close and her ears rang but she threw her head back and laughed into his face: “That's what I thought! One shot you fucking loser! One fucking shot and you missed!”

The strings snapped and she fell back to the ground, grunting at the impact as she rolled on her back: “I bet Gavin would have been fucking proud to see you like this!”

“Don't say his name.”, the knight whispered, his legs and hands shaking visibly.

“Why?”, she asked as tears ran down her cheeks into her red hair, that damn smile still on her face. “Is it only reserved for your sweet lips? God, you are more in love than I am!” She laughed loudly: “And damn am I in love!”

“Shut up.”

“Well you can't make me, can you?”

“I can.”

“Yeah, I saw that. Guess what, Ray.” And then she snorted: “Or rather Moth. Yeah, I think Geoff gave you the perfect name back then. Listen closely, Moth. He's dead! Gavin died!”

“I'll bring him back!”

“No! You can't!”

“I can! I know I can – it will just take some more time! I can do-”  
“He is fucking dead!”, she screamed. “That isn't a wound that you can heal! By this point his body is probably eaten by worms and what is left is rotten!”

“Liar!”

“Liar? That's logic, that's medicine, that's sanity! It's fucking humanity to let him rest! Let him sleep!”

“Then I don't want to be human anymore!”, he yelled as the glowing strings connected back with his joints, making his motion fluent like water as he lifted his rapier high above his head, ready to impale it into her chest.

“What color were his eyes?”, she asked and he stopped.

They stood in silence and in the end she laughed unamused at his shocked face: “Are you already that far gone? Are you so delusional?”

“No... They we-” Confused and scared brown filled his gaze.

“What was Gavins eye color, Moth?”

“Green...”, he mumbled. It was a question.

Or maybe those were Lindsays eyes that looked at him so full of pity.

“I can help you, Ray.”, she assured him. “I can take that hope from you. It's eating you alive.”

“No... That's all... Without him...”, he trailed off confused, his eyes closing as if in pain. When they opened again they were deep black and before Lindsay could say another word, he kicked her in the head.

“ _First rule.”_

It was hard enough to leave her unconscious and he was staggering away from her, the brown slowly coming back as he sat down on the ground, breathing heavily. Staring at her bruised and broken body and still had the feeling she had won over him.

“ _As long as the subject does not spill its secrets its words mean nothing.”_

Whimpering quietly, he held his head.

“ _Only listening to Ryans words in here.”_

Ryan wasn't here. He wasn't with him. He had been, he had the rose in his hand and then he had been gone.

What was here was his shadow because he had died. Was Ryan dead? Were they all dead? Hadn't Lindsay said something like that?

He was losing his mind.

“Ray!”, Ryan screamed to warn him and maybe that meant they were all alive in the lands of the dead but in all honesty he didn't know anymore.

Looking up tired, he saw someone on the railing of the stairs above them before jumping off. Mogar collided with Ryans sword and it was a loud crash in the silent hall before time seemed to stand still for the fraction of a moment when gravity tried to pull Michael to the earth and the enchantment pushed him away.

He was flung backwards but managed to land on his feet, charging the moment he could. The swords crashed again and this time the knock back was strong enough to rip Mogar from the warriors hand. It cut into his arm as he ripped out the slender blade from his cane and stabbed the king in the chest.

Ryan disappeared in a flash, leaving Michael to fall through him. He hit the floor hard, turning away to not land on his weapon before breathing heavy.

Ray simply stared in awe at how fast the fight was over as his friend sat up with an angry huff: “What is going on here?” And then a lot softer at the following silence: “Lindsay?”

That hurt. The knight could feel the pain of unshed tears in his eyes as he wanted to lie down. Lie down and sleep, sleep, die, sleep.

“Ray?”, Michael called in panic as he got to his feet. “Are you both he-”

“Michael...”, he whispered and he saw his friends face lighten up a bit. It didn't hide the obvious distrust.

“Are you alright? What about Lind-”

“What color did Gavins eyes have?”, Ray asked instead, the rapier falling from his grip. “I don't think I remember...”

“What are you-”

“Green, right? They were... they are...”, he trailed off and left them in silence.

 

The loud noise of their steps echoed through the twisted halls as Ryan followed the direction in which the small child was pointing, still tightly embraced by the warrior. It became unnecessary when he finally saw the light falling in from the tall windows and suddenly they were in the corridor towards the hall even though it shouldn't be like that.

They stopped at the railing to watch down into the entry hall and Michael let the kid down so he could hide behind his back: “What do you see?”

“Not much.”, Ryan admitted. Nearly nothing. There was a faint image moving down below that could maybe be a human, maybe even himself but he couldn't be sure.

Whatever was going on down there wasn't happening here.

“Do you see Lindsay?”

“No, I'm sorry.” He made out shards glittering on the floor but thought nothing of it before the little boy tugged at his sleeve and pointed towards the stairs. There rested a pearl and as he saw the color he understood.

“Someone broke the pearl?”, he asked terrified and Michael shivered next to him.

“So one of us can't go back?”

“It seems like it.”, the Lightbringer said. He was further in the back so that he couldn't be seen from beneath: “Michael, do you still got that pearl of yours?”

“Sure. What do you need me to do?”

“Buddy.”, the demon called and quickly the boy ran over to him, getting picked up instantly. “The pearls were used for transportation, right? With their help we should be able to sent someone over into the next bubble. What do you say?”

It took a moment before he found his voice again: “Sure! I can do it!”

“No, I will do it. I think I need you to do something else.”

“Bu-”

“Shush now.” Focusing the dark eyes on the other two, the demon asked: “We need somebody over there immediately.”

“What is happening there?”, Michael asked, his voice high in panic.

“They are fighting. And it doesn't look nice.”  
“Then sent us over!”, Ryan insisted.

“Only one. The pearls always work on only one person no-”  
“I'll go.” The warrior said instantly, pulling out his pearl and holding it like an offer out to the demon: “What do I have to do?”

“I'd rather sent Rya-”

“No.”

“There are demons down the-”

“There is Lindsay down there! Stop wasting my time!”

“You don't even have Triella, you are weak!”

“Triella?”

“That should have been your demon a-”, the Lightbringer stopped himself before angrily shaking his head. “Ryan! It's dangerou-”

“Sent me right now!”, Michael screamed at him. “I don't need any demon – I never did before! So hurry the fuck up or I'll make you!”

“Sent him.”, the counselor agreed way calmer. “He can handle it.”

“Fine.”, the demon huffed in frustration before putting the child down. Walking over to the warrior, he cupped both of his hands in his own: “I hope you know what you are doing.”

“Hurry the fuck up!”

The pearl in his palm gave a weak glow and in the next second Michael was gone. Ryan shivered a bit at the sight, turning around as if he expected to find him somewhere. But there was only the demon swaying as if he was drunk.

“Big brother!”, the child cried out as the Lightbringer hit the ground hard. “I told you I should do it! I told you!”

“I'm fine...”, the demon mumbled weakly, flinching when Ryan took a hold on his shoulder to pull him up. Letting go instantly, the king watched the cracks spread through the others body: “Sorry, I forgot.”

“It's alright.” And this time the Lightbringer reached his arm out to him and a bit reluctant Ryan took it and helped him into a sitting position. The demon didn't let go, taking a tight hold even as the cracks spread further.

Cold fingers found the kings wrist, tapping against it two times before retreating.

They shared a look, black and blue and Ryan nodded slowly.

The secret sign he and Gavin had agreed on as his condition got worse. It meant that the Lightbringer couldn't go on. That he was burning out. This time he didn't miss it.

“Take Rye wherever he wants to go.”, the demon told the child. “As fast as you can. Will you do that, Buddy?”

“Sure...”, the boy mumbled worried. “But I wanna stay here with you...”

“I'll be around but give me a hug before you go. Please?”

And Gavin nearly jumped at him.

Ryan watched in silence as the demon buried his face in the hair that wasn't as wild as it was going to be in a few years and took deep breaths. It was a heartbreaking sight, honestly.

The little boy retreated to Ryans side and silently took his hand, ready to go. The king didn't move, his eyes still locked with the black ones as he searched for words to say but he couldn't find them.

“It's fine, really.”, the demon assured him while tapping the place beneath his yaw like he had done before. “I am not yours and you are not mine, remember? So it shouldn't matter.”

“Yeah.”, Ryan muttered.

Only that it did matter. At least a little. Maybe it was because he looked like him or talked like him. Maybe it was because of the nagging thoughts and ideas that would take time to explore later.

“Don't.”, the Lightbringer told him. “Gavin wouldn't want you to. Don't understand. Please.”

“Are you sure?”

“I was inside his head. Yeah, I am sure.”

“I see...” He forced himself to turn away, tugging the little child along: “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Rye.”

The little boy still watched him while tailing along, waving silently before Ryan asked: “Can you bring me to the kings private chamber?”

He nodded and Ryan picked him up to move faster than those short legs would allow them. Still it felt like too much time has passed when he finally stood in front of the familiar door but for now he trusted in Michael. Michael could do it.

He just hoped that Lindsay and Ray weren't hurt. He also hoped that the warrior wouldn't do something stupid because of that.

Stepping into the room he put the child down before following the glow to his own bed. The pearl was still laying where he left it before waking up here and it was a good feeling having it in his hand.

“This is Geoffys room.”, Gavin whispered as if he feared to get caught. “I'm not sure if we are allowed to go in here...”

“Believe it or not this is also my room.”

“But only the King is allowed to be in here and you don't wear a crown!”

Well that was true. Geoff had taken Gavins crown from him and now that Ryan had realized that, he grew angry. Gavin wouldn't have wanted for his father to get a hold of his crown but Ryan knew that he didn't have the time to go back and take it from him. He also knew that it was merely an object at the end.

Maybe it was time for his own crown.

“I'm just getting the pearl and then we head back out.” He kneeled in front of the boy to be on an eye-level with him. “Geoff won't even know we were here.”

“Alright.”, the child muttered unsure.

Ryan took a moment of time he didn't really have to observe him. The pale face and the blue lips and it hurt.

“ _I rather want to know about your past.”_

“ _How I died?”_

“ _No. Nice things. Let's talk about nice things tonight.”_

“ _I'd like that.”_

He still didn't want to know as the green eyes found his, asking him what was wrong. Reaching out, he combed through the shorter hair. It wasn't as tangled or unruly and somehow he missed that feeling.

The child flinched as the cracks appeared and Ryan stopped: “Sorry. Please... I want...”

The boy fell silent before he nodded and when the king touched him again he carefully leaned in.

“You like it here, right? You are happy.”, Ryan asked and he knew it was stupid. Even if the child would ask him to take him away from here he couldn't. He wasn't real, he was a shadow.

Gavin nodded again and with a sigh he pulled the boy close, hugging him tightly: “After we are gone I want you to go back to Geoff. Stay close and let him read you many, many stories. And learn how to play chess some more. You are really good in it, alright?”

The younger didn't answer or return the hug, he stood there until the king let him go, patting his head one more time. Getting back on his feet he held the pearl out for Gavin: “Take this for a moment.”

“You are still missing one more.”, the boy said. “So one of you have to stay here. Will you stay?”

“Hopefully not but that depends on some things.”

“What things?”

“How good I know a certain person.”

“Do you think you know them good enough?”

“Did Geoff tell you about a mirror?”

“Yeah. He's searching for his all the time and he is really sad because of that.”

“I bet he is. And I think my mirror left me a way out of here.” Turning away, he sat back down in front of the fireplace. He hoped he was right. He was sure Gavin left his pearl somewhere where he could find it but maybe he hadn't thought about places Ryan would think of first. Maybe he had thought about places that Ryan would use himself.

He reached into the chimney, finding the place where his own pearl had rested because of the lack of grime. Moving around a little, he hit against a bulge and as he wiped the ash away a soft glow lit up the darkness.

Laughing in triumph, he pulled the pearl out and wiped it clean, while the child watched him: “You found it!”

“I told you!”

Excited, Gavin bounced on his feet, his tiny hands clapping one time: “Do we go back now?”

“Yeah, as fast as we can.”

 

“Ray? What is going on?”, Michael asked as he got to his feet. “Of course they were green. What are you talking about?”

“Help me.”, Ray whispered, too quiet for even himself to hear. And it was a lie. He didn't want help, he didn't need help. He was too far gone for help.

“Save me.”, he corrected himself and this time it was louder. “Please... god, please save me... I don't remember what I am...”

The face of the warrior softened as he put his blade back into his cane. Hissing a bit at the cut in his arm, he slowly walked towards his friend: “It's alright now. We can leave this place soon and the-”

“It will follow me out. It is inside of me, I created it. Save me, save me, save me...”

“Always.”

Ray felt the tears overflowing at this simple word as a lonely string detached from his leg: “Then don't come closer. I don't want to hurt you as well.”

“Hurt me? Why would you-”

“Because I hurt her. I hurt her and because of that I hurt you and I never wanted that. I am so sorry, Michael.”

The face of the warrior visibly paled: “What happened here?”

“I don't think she will make it.”, Ray whispered. The string hovered over her bent body and he knew it was sharp enough to cut through her armor in one go. “Please forgiv-”

“Where is she?”, Michael screamed at him and it didn't sound angry. It sounded full of fear and worry and dying hope. It was the rotten sound of despair that reached him and somehow that was so much worse. “Ray, please! Please, tell me! I need to be with her!”, he begged. He didn't ask what he had done, Ray realized. He just asked to be close to her.

“You love her...”, he mumbled to himself. He had thought that many times before but only now he realized how heavy this one sentence, this one realization was.

“I do!”, Michael confessed and he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “Please! Ray, I'll-”

“She's right here, Michael.”

Both of them turned around to the third voice. The Lightbringer was standing in front of Lindsay, no sign of exhaustion on his face and reached out as the warrior ran towards him. He guided him with soft words to sit down as the trained fingers roamed over her face, checking on her breathing.

“Careful.”, the demon murmured. “Don't move her too much, I think her rips are broken.”

He didn't seem to listen as he kneeled next to her, investigating for himself before moving back to her face, peppering it with small kisses.

The Lightbringer let him be before facing Ray, the knight starring with wide eyes.

“Gavin...”

Without correcting the other, he reached up to touch the floating string and it caught fire. The knight hissed and retreated the string but lifted his lids when he heard the nearing steps.

The demon stood in front of him and he made a hopeless noise deep inside his throat as he reached out. His hands found hold on the vest but flinched back as the cracks appeared there.

“No...”, he whimpered lost. One hand covering his eyes while his other fingers lingered close as if he debated to touch again: “Gavin...”

“Hey Ray.”, the Lightbringer whispered with a small smile and the knight howled. Reaching forward he threw his arms around the demons middle, holding him close and not minding the cracks. Burying his face into the others abdomen he screamed because his head was breaking and his mind was losing and his heart overflowing with red and black and it _hurt_.

He was touching him and Gavin was touching him, a hand combing through his hair, he felt the warmth of a living being and he even felt more alive than the days before his death.

Then Gavin shattered in his arms, leaving him to fall to the floor as he wailed.

“You know I am not yours, don't you?”, the Lightbringer asked as he appeared at his side again and Ray looked up at him, reaching out. Instantly he stepped out of reach: “Is it enough for you that I look like him? That I talk like him, that I feel like him?”

“No... Please...”, Ray whimpered as his strings wrapped around the demon, trying to tug him closer. They went up in flames and the knight shrieked in pain.

When he opened his eyes again, the other was crouching next to him: “You want to get him back?”

“I will...”, he answered with a sniff. “I will. I'll sell more. I am already so close to bend my rules, I swear. A few more weeks and I can heal everyone and then I'll train more. I'll pay. I'll pay everything.”

“Ray...” A finger caressed his cheeks gently and the Lighbringers voice was littered in pity: “You have to understand that you can't do it. Gavin is gone. He isn't in the Nether or The End. He is in a place you can't reach.”

“No... please! Please give him back! I'll do anything!”

“You can't.”

“I can! I will!”, he assured the demon. Reaching up, he took hold of the others collar not minding the cracks: “I'll bring him back! I owe him!”

“You will pay such an horrible price though.”

“Then I will!”

“Gavin wouldn't want you to.”

“I don't care what Gavin wants!”, he snarled. “He didn't want to die, that's for sure!”

“You are determined, aren't you?” The demon smiled darkly: “Seems like we have the same goal now, don't we?” Reaching up, he loosened the hand around his collar: “I thought I had lost him, you know? As he faced The Truth I figured it was the end of my story. I had actually thought I would disappear the moment he was gone so I just wanted to wait until I fade but now... if you are willing to pay maybe we can bring him back.”

“You think?”, Ray whispered, intertwining their fingers, the pale marks nearly touching. There was new hope in his eyes, cold and insane and desperate.

“Will you let me help you?”

“Yes! Yes please! I do everything!”

“Good.” The cracks stopped spreading through his body and he moved his free hand to comb through the black hair.

“ _Are you afraid of the dark?”_

 

His body felt heavy and his head felt heavy and his mind felt heavy. Weighted by yet another soul to push his own private thoughts down and filling it with lullabies that sounded sad and lost and broken but so, so clear.

There were also pictures and memories that tried to settle behind locked doors where he couldn't reach. He barely grasped some of them. Blond pigtails and a sea in winter. Ryan and Michael bleeding out on the ground as he screamed. Secret marks and secret kisses and secret plans. And then he saw himself on the throne, Geoff and Jack at his side.

The door fell shut and locked him out, making him open his eyes.

There was still light shining through the windows and outside snow was softly falling. It reminded him of his childhood. Of fights in the cold and Michael carrying big globes of snow and Gavin making it come to life with so little effort. Some sticks and some stones and the green scarf.

He also remembered dead bushes because flowers died in the cold. Because there were no roses.

There were familiar voices close to him and Ray turned his heavy head until he saw Ryan crouching next to Michael. An arm around the warrior as he talked softly and there was red hair, bright like fire in the cold night.

The king stood up and came to him and Ray tried to move. His hands feeling around the stones before he managed to lift them, reaching out towards the other because he wasn't able to move on his own.

Ryan pulled him up and he slumped boneless against him, allowing the other to carry him to whatever destination he desired. Whispering: “Save me, save me, save me.”

A pearl was pressed into his hand and his fingers slowly closed around it. The king had to help him and Ray wanted to tell him that one was broken, that they had to leave Lindsay but the same words fell from his lips against the others neck.

But they all carried one, the guardian had one resting on her chest while Michael held her hand tightly. He seemed pale and scared and Ray wanted to reach out and take it away but then the pearl started to glow and he was blinded.

So he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

 

 

_'Cause I was only born inside my dreams_   
_Until you die for me_

_as long as there is a light my shadow's over you_   
_'Cause I am the opposite of amnesia_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So excited to know what you guys think!  
> Song is "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy; which is absolutely amazing and you should listen to it right now!  
> See you next week with chapter 7 - Blossomed Remedy!


	7. Blossomed Remedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I was the Knight of Roses once. It's been so long since I heard that title.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jooooooooooo, here we go! The final of part 1 of Castle Of Glass and an actually long chapter!  
> I apologize already!

Chapter 7

Blossomed Remedy

 

  
_Love is clockworks and it's cold steel_   
_Fingers too numb to feel_   
_Squeeze the handle, blow out the candle_   
_Blindness_

 

Ryans voice had vanished from his side and Michael realized he was laying on the floor once again. But this one was soft and familiar, the scent telling him where he was instantly – home. Taking a deep breath, he let it calm his heart as much as possible before his fingers searched around. They first found a pearl and then his cane. Taking the later in his hand, he sat up only to hit hard against the table.

Swearing, he held his throbbing head before getting on his feet.

“Lindsay?”, he asked without expecting an answer. He moved carefully, following the littered flowers and finding shards from the broken vase. In the middle of it was soft hair and then he found her face.

Still not conscious but he hadn't expected that. Ryan had told him that she had a nasty bruise on her forehead. Among the other things.

“So sorry.”, he whispered before kissing her parted lips. “That wouldn't have happened if I had been faster. I am so sorry, Love.”

“ _Because I hurt her. I hurt her and because of that I hurt you and I never wanted that. I am so sorry, Michael.”_

He reached for her hand and held it as he waited for Ryan to come. The king had promised him to get to him immediately. Only stopping to get a doctor. Michael believed him.

“ _I don't think she will make it.”_

His fingers tightened around her hand before relaxing again to not hurt her. The sentence had left him with such a coldness inside of him that had smothered everything else. The mere thought of being too late, of losing her had been enough to throw him into a state of panic. He couldn’t really remember what happened after that.

The Lightbringer had shown him where Lindsay was and feeling her breath, her pulse, her warmth had been enough. He hadn't dared to leave her side after that and then Ryan had appeared next to him.

Just like the king busted into the room right now along with foreign steps: “Michael, are you alright?”

“Sure. Please check on Lindsay.”

The doctor and his assistance took his place and so the warrior stood up. Ryan was next to him and told him with a calm voice what was happening but he didn't touch. Michael was glad for that, he had enough work at hand to not jump at the other man. To not just drape his body over Lindsays to protect her from any further harm. If the king would hold him back he might actually growl at him.

He trotted behind them as she was carried away, his hand tugging slightly at Ryans coat: “You have to find a replacement for the next days for me.”

“I know. Don't worry about it.”, he assured him.

“I might still take a look at you guys but until she tells me otherwise I'll stay here.”

“Of course.”

“I am alright now, Rye.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded: “Go and take care of Ray.”

“Call me when you need to.” A hand stroke his locks before the king walked away.

 

When Ryan entered his room again, he checked immediately on the knight. Ray was still fast asleep, the blanket wasn't even crumbled as if he hadn't moved a single muscle since he laid him down in his bed.

It worried the king and gently he shook him: “Come on, Ray. Wake up.”

He did. His eyes opened slowly, blinking sluggishly: “Rye?”

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

The knight sat up, looking around confused as he noticed where he was but it seemed to come slowly back to him: “We're out?”

“Just for a bit by now. I just came back from Michael.”  
“Is he alright?”

“Just a scratch, nothing serious.”

“I'm glad.”

Ryan waited for the question after Lindsay but it didn't come as the knight rubbed his sleepy face. Maybe he was still tired: “We brought Lindsay to a doctor. They are treating her right now but she should be alright.”

There was a shadow on the others face before he held his temple as if he was in pain: “I see. I'm sorry.”

“You did that to her?”

“Yes.”, he said with a dull voice.

“We need to talk about this, Ray.”

“I know.”

But they stayed silent afterwards because Ryan couldn't bring himself to start this conversation. The knight was sitting in his bed, the blanket in his lap as he stared at his hands. Tracing the pale marks on his wrist and he looked too small. Too small and too tired for all that weight.

He had never seen anyone so lost in such a familiar place.

“What is going on, Ray?”, he finally asked.

The other shrugged and the king sat down next to him waiting for the answer he feared.

“I am not real.”, he finally whispered and was quick to pull his knees against his chest.

“It started again?”

Another shrug and the knight closed his eyes in fear.

Reaching out, Ryan combed through the dark hair until he felt the other lean into the touch.

It was a sentence that Ray had sometimes whispered in dark hours after Gavins death. It took some time until he got behind the meaning of it.

“I think I am dead.”, the knight had confessed. “I think my mark connected on that very day and Gavin is alive. This is my payment. I pay by losing him. I just wish I could be sure of that because then I wouldn't mind.”

“You are alive.”, Ryan had said and he said it now as well.

“I feel dead.”, he replied before shyly taking a hold of the others hand. Moving it to press his face against it and sighing content: “You feel alive. You are warm. I envy you for that.”

Silently, Ryan caressed the others cheek before letting go and reaching for the brooch. Loosening it, the red cloak slipped from small shoulders.

Standing up, the king opened the door just far enough to wave a guard to him: “I need hot water and food. Something light. Maybe fruits.” Thinking for a moment, he added: “A hot chocolate if possible. Just leave it in front of the door and give me a knock. I don't want any disturbance until noon after that.”

“As you wish, my liege!”

Closing the door again, he heard Ray chuckle darkly: “You know what they say, don't you?”

“They say a lot of things.”

“They say I am your dog. That I am ruthless and cruel and heartless. I also heard I am a whore.” He laughed a little at that: “First Gavins whore and now yours. They say I have to be talented to achieve that.”

“Let them ta-”

“I was the Knight of Roses once. It's been so long since I heard that title.”

“Ray...”

“Save me...”, he mumbled, nearly too weak to catch. “I feel so numb, Rye... There is no wound that stays on my skin and no pain that lingers and it is as if that body isn't mine. I am just watching. On the other hand I feel. I feel the pain but it's always the same. I miss him. I miss him so much it burns and I can't heal. I miss him, I miss us and it doesn't stop. It never stops and I am so tired of it. I fear I'll lose myself when I want to get out of this.”

“Undress.”, Ryan ordered, making the other look up mildly surprised. Then he reached for his brooch, realizing it was already gone before pulling the top of his uniform over his head. First the vest and then the white shirt.

Folding it neatly, he placed his clothes on the bed before waiting. Letting the cold eyes travel over new and perfect skin that felt foreign to himself.

“You stopped eating properly.”

“Yes.”

“You promised me to watch after yourself.”

“Yes.” His shoulders slumped a bit: “I'm sorry.”

There was a knock on the door and after Ryan answered it he brought in a plate and placed it next to the knight: “Eat.”

“I'm not h-”

“Eat, Ray. Don't make me force you.”

Sighing, the younger took a slice of an apple and began nibbling on it while the king carried in a bucket of water. Getting the washbasin, he poured it in and watched the soft stream float up. Testing with his hand, he retreated quickly because it was hot to the touch: “Sit down here.”

“I thought I should eat.”

“Don't worry about that. We will not sleep or leave the room until that plate is clean but this goes before that.”

“I don't want to...”  
“Ray.” His voice left no room for any protest and slowly the knight slid to the floor before sitting opposite of his king. Letting a washcloth fall into the water, Ryan reached for it and wrung it out. Flinching a bit at the temperature, he said: “Give me your hand.”

Ray did and he held tight onto it before starting to rub his upper arm. The knight hissed, trying to pull away but he didn't allow it.

“It stings.”

“I know.” But he didn't stop, leaving the skin red before moving on towards the hand, cleaning every finger. Getting new water, he took the other arm and began anew.

“It hurts a bit.”, Ray mumbled and when the king shot him a look, the younger was softly smiling. “But after that it's really warm.”

“Does it take the numbness away?”

With some hesitation, he nodded.

“Good. There is also a cup of hot chocolate, I know you like those.”

“I saw it.” And then he hid his eyes behind his pink hand: “Thank you...”

With a small hum, Ryan simply continued. Moving to clean the others chest from any sweat and grime after the long, long day.

His own hand hurt because of the heat but it got better as the water cooled again. Working quicker, he pulled Ray closer and boneless the knight propped his chin over the shoulder of the other.

Washing the lean back of the younger, it was hard not to notice the tension in the muscles. Rubbing harder, he felt the breaths next to his ear slowly evening out and after some time he let the washcloth fall back into the lukewarm water.

Immediately Rays grip tightened as he pulled himself into the others lap and Ryan held him close. They sat there in absolute silence in the earliest light of the morning one pair of hands using gentle strokes and one pair of hands clawing with shaking fingers until they relaxed.

With a kiss against the knights temple, Ryan pushed him off slowly and stood up. Ray was shivering slightly and the king grabbed one of his fresh shirts. Pulling it over the others head it nearly reached the knights knees when he was lead towards the bed.

“Drink your chocolate as long as it's still a bit warm.”

“Sure.” Taking the cup into his hands, he watched as the king kneeled in front of him. First pulling of his shoes and then his pants and folding them. His clothes were placed neatly on the chair before Ryan joined him on the bed. He leaned against the wall and pulled the knight against his chest so he could watch him.

Ray didn't protest, he simply finished his drink before placing the cup on the small table next to them. He reached for the plate next, eating slowly and carefully like Gavin had done as the sickness grew stronger.

Sometimes Ryan would snatch a piece for himself but it stopped after a while and the kings head rested on top of the dark hair. Soft breathing and his slipping grip around his abdomen told Ray that he was asleep.

Still he finished the plate, feeling a bit sick but also warm to the core. He pulled Ryan down, careful to not let the king wake up but so that he could lay more comfortable. Resting his head against the others chest, he let the heartbeat lull him into sleep. Reminding him with each beat over and over again that they were alive and warm and together.

And that Gavin was dead.

 

When he woke up his arms stretched lazily to search for the warmth that wasn't there and with a small sigh, Ray opened his eyes. He was still in Ryans room and it seemed bigger and brighter than before and it took him a long moment to realize it was because the sun stood high.

It had to be noon, maybe even past it and his first impulse was to jump up and get dressed. But Ryan didn't wake him up as he went to the throne room so it seemed to be alright.

Blinking sluggishly, he watched some dust dancing in the sunbeams, daring him to wake up completely. Sighing once more, he moved, expecting that his body was stiff. Of course it was not.

He turned onto his back and no muscles protested and no bruises hurt even after everything that happened yesterday.

Like a brand new, foreign body.

Sighing for the third time, it felt heavy.

As he sat up, he noticed the plate with food on the bedside table and with a small smile he reached for it. This right here gave him an excuse to stay a little longer in this bed and think.

He had to think carefully about what happened and what he had said in his confused state of mind. He had to think about what Lindsay had told them.

How could he turn that around?

Well, that really depended on the guardian. Her words were crucial.

Chewing on his food, he felt a sharp pain in his head and flinched. As he opened his eyes again, the small bird was sitting on his legs, fire in each feather.

As Ray reached out, it hopped on his fingers and he felt the gentle warmth coming from it: “Soon. I'm sure I can show you my work tonight. We have to hurry though. The time I have left to operate in safety is a lot shorter than what I had planned.”

A soft chirp was his answer and carefully he patted the small head, a bit surprised that it didn't burn.

It was strange having the Lightbringer as his demon, it didn't feel the same like it did with Sichora. He guessed it was because it wasn't the same kind of contract. He allowed the bird to stay in his body so that it wouldn't fade away but it felt like it wasn't his. Like a pebble that was flowing in his mind – not belonging where it was.

Ray was sure he could force the Lightbringer out if he chose to and that was probably how the demon wanted it. Because if they succeeded to bring Gavin back it would go back to its rightful master.

He wondered if he could control the flames but didn't dare to test it here.

“Tonight.”, he mumbled and the bird vanished, settling in the deep sea of his mind. Finishing his plate, Ray stood up and got dressed.

Throwing his cloak over his shoulders and fastening it with his brooch, he walked out. There were two guards that Ryan obviously left behind to protect him and he felt their eyes on his back. They didn't dare to whisper, not with him being so close.

Still it would interest him to hear what they had to say. It made his fingers curl into fists.

They tightened when a third guard walked up to him and dared to talk to him with a small bow: “Red Knight, I see you are awake. The King sent me to ask for your presence in the throne room because of some urgent matters.”

Not bothering to answer he passed the woman. He was heading there anyway.

Hopefully nothing bad had happened.

Maybe Lindsay had died.

As he entered the throne room, Ryan looked up surprised: “That was fast. No need to hur-” The sentence trailed of as the knight kneeled in front of him, bowing his head as well.

“What are you doing, Ray? Stand up, I don't want to see you on your knees.”

“It seems fitting to me.”, he said calmly. “I have nothing else to offer as a thanks.”

There was a sigh as Ryan walked up to him before he sat down: “Don't be stupid.” Getting pulled closer until their foreheads rested against each other, feeling the others breath as he whispered: “Get up, Knight of Roses. You are by no means beneath me.”

He was pulled onto his feet and left standing right there: “The guard said something about an urgent matter.”  
“Yeah.” Taking the knights usual chair, he put it in front of the throne before gesturing to it: “Sit.”

“Are we talking now? About what happened?”

“Not right now but soon.”

“What are we waiting for?”

“Michael.”

Ray flinched a bit at the name but sat down and stared at his knees: “Is he with Lindsay?”

“Yes. He said he'd come and listen to you after the doctor has finished another checkup on her.”

“How... how is she?”

“Alive. That's about all I know at this point. Michael lets no one enter her room.”

“I see.”

They sat in a tense silence as Ryan continued to work and Ray sat in front of him like a scolded child. He didn't even dare to talk with the king, he just shot him quick glances before lowering his gaze again. He did notice that Gavins crown was missing and it nearly made him ask but in the end he didn't.

When Michael entered the room a few minutes later, it was without any greeting. Walking over the carpet, he stood next to Ray and waited for Ryan to speak first.

“Tell me about her condition.”

“Three broken rips, at least two others are cracked. Her arm is broken as well and that pretty bad.” The warrior stood straighter, both of his hands laying on the handle of his cane: “Apparently it is shattered and will take the longest to heal. The cuts around that arm are deep on some spots but clean. Luckily no major vein was hurt or she would have bled out. She...” He had to take a shaking breath. Up until now the words had spilled from his mouth like a poem he had learned but didn't care about. Now it got stuck and he lowered his head a little: “There is a large bruise on her head, keeping her from waking up. They say she will be alright when the swelling goes back which will hopefully be in a few days.”

Ray nearly smiled relieved at that. A few days! That was more time than he had expected! He kept it down because Ryan wasn't watching Michael. The blue eyes were locked on him and with a deep breath, the knight whispered: “I am sorry, Michael...”

“Don't apologize to me.”, he simply answered before moving ahead, standing next to the king and now Ray really felt like a scolded child. Or like a criminal in front of a jury.

Clearing his throat, he began: “I thought she was one of those shadows luring around there.”

“Only dead people.”, the warrior said right away. “Only dead people were walking through those twisted halls. It wasn't possible that Lindsay was one of them.”

“I... I didn't know that...”, he shrugged. “I met a lot of those shadows down in the dungeons...” He noticed Ryans knowing gaze and nodded slightly: “And they played their tricks on me... They changed form and bodies and sometimes they looked like you guys and then... I- I attacked them! I had to! I tried to get away but they were everywhere! And one of them...” He took a shaking breath, hoping it sounded like Michaels before: “One of them looked like Gavin...”

The warriors face softened a bit and Ray knew he had won. That Michael would forgive him but he had never doubted that. Michael was a lot of things but most of all he was loyal.

Also he himself had forgiven the warrior for killing him – he deserved it, right?

And of course Ryan wasn't going to punish him. If at all he would give himself the fault and Ray would try to stop that from happening.

“In the... in the end I managed to get into the entry hall and there I met her. She had her weapon out and I feared she would attack me! Now of course... I know that she was holding it to protect herself...” His eyes darted between both of them: “Maybe she had already encountered those shadows because she pointed her scythe at me and of course I also raised my rapier! And in the end... I don’t even think we spoke...”

He fell silent, his hands neatly in his lap as he waited for his conviction he already knew about.

It was when Michaels mouth nearly smiled as he shook his head: “You want to visit her?”

“Please. I want to see what I did.” Turning his head to the king, he asked: “Ryan? May I or do you need me here?”

And Ryan wanted to tell him that he reminded him of Gavin more than of himself in that moment. The small glances back and forth between their faces, so concentrated on their reaction as his words spilled pretty words so full with emotions. But those emotions weren't mirrored in his eyes.

“Sure.”, he muttered and Rays eyes got sharp at the sound of the others voice. It didn't show in his voice that sounded cheerful: “Thanks, Rye!”

And the king let both of them go without any further word. The knight felt the need to turn around and check on the others face but knew it would be suspicious so he simply followed Michaels sure steps. He led him towards the infirmary and then they both sat down on chairs into the silence.

Ray was still deep in thoughts about Ryan so only after a while he took notice of Lindsay.

One of her arms was nearly completely bandaged and her free hand was already held by Michael. There was a second bandage tightly wrapped around her head and he saw cut strands of hair beneath that.

When had that happen?

It didn't really matter.

The blanket was pulled up to her shoulders so he couldn't see the damage he had done to her chest. Her breathing was even and she was a bit pale but it seemed obvious that she would recover.

Turning his eyes away, he looked outside the window and thought about his next steps some more. It was only when Michael stood up to go to the bathroom that he looked at her again.

Realizing he could finish her now.

How could he make it look like an accident?

Debating on that, he took her hand in his. He didn't know why, he just knew he had to hold onto something to keep from falling.

It was a hand warm by Michaels touch and fragile fingers he could so easily bent and break. Her skin color was a bit darker than his and that surprised him. When had he become so pale?

The warrior stepped back inside and he placed the hand back on the sheets.

After a while he excused himself, saying he didn't want to leave Ryan alone for so long and headed to the dungeons.

No point in wasting more time.

That's how the next days passed.

Standing up after a short sleep or after a night in the dungeons and working like normally. Around noon he would head to Lindsay and join Michael there. Thinking about all the ways to kill her and still not doing it. Fearing the day she would wake up.

One time the warrior was called out to the gate because of an intruder and Ray stared down at her face. Wishing his hands to move, to do anything and for the first time they did. They curled lightly around her throat as he stood above her but he couldn't bring them to tighten.

He saw Gavin hunched over Ryan with this terrifying look on his face as he choked a corpse and then Lindsay opened her eyes and for a moment Ray was choking Gavin. He jumped back like he had caught fire and lazily the green eyes followed him.

“Damn, Ray...”, she whispered barely audible. “Thanks to you I need a new haircut.”

And she was gone again.

He was still standing there shaking when Michael came back and startled him: “What are you still doing here?”

“What do you mean?”

“There was an intruder at the gate.”

“I know. That's why you left, wasn't it?”

The warrior was quiet as he stood in the door until he asked: “How come you aren't with Ryan when he was in possible danger?”

He didn't have an answer for that.

He simply stared at his friend and felt lost and scared and he wanted to embrace him. Embrace him and hold him so, so tight and feel warm and safe. He knew Michael wouldn't mind.

“ _Save me.”_

Without another word he walked out and headed to the dungeons.

 

Lindsay woke up in the evening of the next day. Michael was with her, noticing as her hand twitched in his and sat up straight: “Linds?”

She murmured an answer that wasn't understandable.

“Love? Linds, are you alright?”, he asked again and her eyes fluttered open.

“Michael?”

He smiled and felt the tension from the past days leave his shoulders. Waves of relief were washing over him, warm and gentle and he couldn't answer. He pressed her fingers to his lips like he had done a lot and she also smiled.

“My body hurts...”

“I know, Love. But it'll pass.”  
“Alright.”, she groaned a bit as she moved to look around. “What happened?”

“Your rips and your arm are broken, so be careful!”

She stayed quiet for a second as she tried to remember: “My armor was torn.”

“I know. Ryan promised you'll get a new one as soon as possible. They need to measure you up first.”

“Jack gave it to me...”, she muttered and fell back asleep.

Two hours later she resurfaced and he was still sitting next to her.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Smiling, she intertwined their fingers before kissing the tip of each of his: “Have you been sitting here all the time?”

“Maybe.”

“You are too soft, you know that?”

“You like it.”

“Love it, actually.”

He grinned proudly at that and she huffed amused. Laying in the warmth for some more, she allowed her memories to come back and started to sort them out. He let her have the time, mindlessly playing with her fingers until she spoke again: “It was Ray.”

“I know. He told me.”

“I bet he did.”, she mumbled. Freeing her hand, she let her knuckles trace over his cheek before her fingers tangled with his locks: “Come closer so that I can give you a proper kiss.”

He listened and carefully hovered over her to not hurt her further as their lips met. It was a strange kiss.

Deep and with unspoken words. Like an apology.

He didn't like it.

God, he even feared it.

As they broke apart she kept him close so that each of her words directly brushed against his mouth: “You know I love you.”

“Yeah.”

“I need you to do something for me.” The sentence was followed by a deep sigh: “I need you to go down into the dungeons.”

“The dungeons?”

“Speak with the guards. Tell them that you need to see what the Red Knight does. If it's you they will do it. They trust you and they look up to you. Most of all they need your help and your guidance.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you.” She kissed him again: “I am so sorry.”

 

Ryan was ready to call it a day when Michael stepped into the throne room. His grim expression made both the king and his counselor worried and so he asked immediately: “Did something happen to Lindsay?”

“She woke up.”, he said.

“But that's good, isn-”

“Ryan.”, the warrior interrupted the king. “I need you to go to the dungeons.”

“The d-”

“There will be two guards waiting for you and they will show you around. I need your eyes on this.”

It grew silent until Ray stood up and headed for the king. Without any hesitation, he threw his arms around him and hugged him briefly before letting go.

It happened so fast that Ryan couldn't even return it: “What is going on here?”

“Go to the dungeons.”, Michael insisted. “I have to talk to Ray.”

“Bu-”

“Go, Rye.”, the knight agreed, his eyes never leaving the warrior. “It will explain most things to you.”

“Take your time. It might take a while for us to finish... some matters.”

The blue eyes darted from one to the other before Ryan also stood up: “Alright...” He moved past them and none of them even paid any attention to him anymore. With a bad feeling he followed the hallways and stairs down until he reached the entry to the dungeons.

As Michael had said two guards were standing there, obviously waiting for him and they both got to their knees as they noticed him: “My liege!”

“Stand up and tell me why I am here.”, he said and they were quickly back on their feet. They threw each other a look and the man seemed to be too scared to talk but the woman began: “Jones... Jones said we could trust you with that matter. You have to understand we thought the Red King was acting on your word, King Haywood.”

“Ray did what on my word?”, he asked confused. The fact that they called him the Red King left him with a bitter taste.

Again the guards shared a look with each other until the woman continued, way quieter now: “We are not sure what exactly he did... When he visited the dungeons we weren't allowed to be inside, we had to wait outside.”

“We heard it, my liege.”, the man finally fell in. “We heard the prisoners screaming and after we were sure... after we were sure he was done for the day, we headed inside and tried to ease the pain where we could...”

“Listen, your Highness! I am aware that down in those cells are terrible people. Scum of humanity even and I don't give a damn about what happens to them!”, the woman assured him. “I am aware that you trained the Red King to torture them and the people you chose deserved it! But he... Narvaez has crossed the line! He takes whoever he likes. Thieves, burglars and smugglers; they are in there for minor things and don't deserve those treatments!”

“He is... torturing them?”, Ryan asked carefully, not believing a word of them. But when? Ray had always been with him in the throne room! He had always kept an eye on the knight!

His shock must have shown on his face because the man whispered softly: “My god... you really had no idea, did you? But there are reports over the killed, aren't there?”

Not even minding the disrespectful addressing, he shook his head slowly: “I don't understand... He shouldn't have the time to do this!”

“He spent most nights in here. From dust to dawn.”

But he had been on time each morning! How had he managed that?! Yes, Ray had appeared tired sometimes but not like he had spent night after night awake!

“Do you want to see the prisoners, my liege?”, the woman asked and a bit helpless he nodded.

It wasn't what he had expected. Not at all.

He stood in front of the cells as the prisoners talked. Some screamed at him, asking why he allowed such a thing to happen, some refused to say a single thing, fearing that he would tell Ray. The ones who sat on their small bed and talked quietly with him were the strangest.

Telling him about the things that had happened. Of red blood and mad giggles. Of sharp rapiers and broken bones.

They reported the abuse with a shaking voice while their arms wrapped around themselves as they pointed to where the wounds had been inflicted. But they were gone.

There was no bruise or blood or anything broken.

Ryan was nearly ready to scream at them in anger because they dared to talk like that about Ray. Because they dared to accuse his family!

But the words got stuck in the details he heard. About glowing strings and a puppeteer. Black, black eyes.

One prisoner swore there had been a small bird on the shoulder of the knight and it had chirped a melody as Ray learned to control the fire in his hands. The man could still recall the song and even if it wasn't perfect it surely was Gavins lullaby.

Maybe it was the shiver that this report brought him that finally loosened his tongue: “But you... there is no...” He pointed to the shoulder of the prisoner where he had said he had been burned. There was no wound and the man moved without pain and that didn't make any sense. Something here didn't add up!

“He can heal.”, the man said surprised. “I thought you'd know this, my liege.”

“But...”  
“Maybe he just recently learned it... When he first tried it burned nearly worse than the fire. I think it hurt him as well and he stopped. But yesterday it worked. It didn't even hurt as he healed me – I just passed out and when I woke up my body was like this!”

After that Ryan asked for a chair because his knees felt weak as his mind raced. He was nearly here for an hour now and his head hurt, begging for a break to sort everything out. Still he took his chair to sit in front of each cell and listened until the prisoner grew quiet again.

It was a morbid work because he didn't want to believe it was true. It was a woman that sat behind her bars as she talked with a rough voice that got through to him.

“One evening he stabbed my eyes out.”, she said and the king shivered again. “He got so angry at me because the inflicted wounds wouldn't heal. He warned me that if I didn't stop scratching at them he'd kill me. In some strange way... I think he liked me.” She watched him scared and lost out of brown eyes: “He sometimes patted my head and told me he would make it alright again. He said he was sorry. I don't think he did it to someone else besides me. But if I made a mistake he got _so_ angry!”

It felt like his breath was stuck in his lungs, freezing him up as Ryan managed to whisper: “He gave you your eyes back?”

“Yeah. I think it was also painful for him...” Her eyes were warm even after all she had gone through and she lowered them with a sigh: “I don't... I can't forgive him after what he has done but my King... He is a very, very lost soul. Maybe you can save him?”

Everything clicked together with a terrifying sound and maybe it was because of the way the prisoner moved. Most likely it were her eyes.

But the king jumped to his feet, the chair falling loudly to the floor as he hurried outside.

“Michael!”

 

After Ryan left both the warrior and the knight stayed silent for a few minutes before Ray sighed deeply: “Come with me.”

Michael followed him through the hallways of the castle but couldn't wait until they reached their destination: “Lindsay found it out so you decided to eliminate her.”

“Yes.”

“You tried to kill her back then to shut her up. You counted on the fact that I would forgive you.”

“I had no other choice, Michael. She was going to ruin everything.” They stepped into the small courtyard where Gavin rested and Ray threw the grave a longingly look: “She is ruining everything right now.”

“Then why didn't you stop Ryan? Why didn't you stop me from telling him?”

“Do you think what I did was wrong?”  
“Yes, it is.”

“There's your answer. I trust your judgment. Always have.”

“Ray, you tortured helpless people! What made you believe this was a right thing to do?”

“At first it was training to control my demon. Ryan chose a subject and told me what to do. It took a few tries until I succeeded and afterwards we stopped.”

The warrior nodded slightly. He had of course noticed that Ryan and Ray had been up to something at that time, he had even talked to Gavin about it. The old king had assured him that he should trust them, that it was a thing between both of them.

“After that I began to think a lot.”, Ray continued quietly. “About the Nether. About where Gavin is right now. I thought back to this deal I made. Did you know that there is a demon in the Nether that is incredibly powerful? They refer to it as a God even.”

“No, how should I?”

“Right, you have no connection with the Nether.”, the knight threw him a sad smile. “I pray that it stays like this. Whatever comes out of this portal is cursed with bad luck and is twisted and broken. You are the only one left here that is whole. That is your personal gift.”

As the warrior didn't answer, he continued: “This demon, this God was the one I made the deal with. It is the one who took Gavin away thanks to my foolishness. It's its mark that was carved into our skin. It's a lovingly creature overall.” He laughed a bit at how that sounded: “At least Sichora assured me that. Its whole goal is to free the creatures roaming in the Nether, to free them from that hell. And upon understanding this it was really easy.”

Turning towards his friend, he lifted his arms: “The demons are making us aggressive and manipulative so that we lure more and more people into the Nether! That way there is a higher possibility that some hosts are among them, strong enough to find their way out and take demons with them! So the more people I kill the more I raise in the Gods favor! And I can even train Sichora while doing so – it's the perfect way!”

“The perfect way to what?”, Michael spat. “To insanity?”

“I am sure if I please it enough it gives me Gavin back.”

“No, Ray. You can only lose like that.”

“What have I left to lose at this point?”

“Your humanity.”

The knight fell silent before laughing tense: “Do you remember my talisman?”

“The Raven?”

“Yeah. Do you also remember what Ryan told me about them?”

“He told you that they are smart.”

“Smart and full of wit. Sometimes they even mimic human language.”, Ray quoted gladly. “They act like humans, Michael. Just like I do.”

“You are a human.”

“No.”

“I recall you shouting it into Geoffs face over and over again.”

“I lost my humanity long ago.”

Both of them fell silent but Michael had to sense Sichora appearing because his shoulders tensed visibly: “Will you kill me now?”

“Never. I would never hurt you.”, Ray assured him fast. “Just like I have told Lindsay: Everything I do is to protect you and Ryan. No harm will come to you. That right now is my first priority. I will protect you until it is time for me to get Gavin back.”

“He is dead, Ray. We are standing at his grave.”

“And it hurts so badly...” The glowing strings detached from his arms, floating gently in the breeze of the night: “I miss him so much...”

“We all miss him, Ray...” The hands tightened around the cane as if he debated to pull his sword or not: “But this is no solution.”

“It is the only way.”

“No it is not.” His fingers uncurled from his weapon as he reached out: “You asked me to save you. Let me!”

“Thank you, Michael...”, Ray whispered. “But for once let me save you. Please just relax and let me do what I have to. I just want you to be happy and safe.”

“Ray, plea-” His sentence ended abrupt when strings broke through his lids without warning. Screaming in pain, he reached up to tear them out but the strands cut into his hands like the sharpest of blades. Blackening out in mere seconds, he came back to his senses as he laid on soft grass.

Gasping at the pressure in his head and the throbbing pain, he quickly searched his lids but found them intact. Intact and unyielding and he groaned in horror.

Someone close to him was quietly whimpering and Michael rolled onto his belly. “Ray?”, he asked hoarse as he let his fingers travel. They found his cane and he shoved it aside, crawling with the terrible pressure in his head and he was sure it would soon break open.

“Ray!” His friend was openly weeping now and finally he grazed a leg. Holding tight, he pulled his own aching body forward before he lost the battle and collapsed on the knight.

Panting for breath, he listened to the moans of pain and couldn't do much but whisper the others name into his chest, praying it would work. He was ready to pass out again but pulled himself together because Ray was hurt. Ray needed him!

“ _Save me.”_

Lifting his oh so heavy head, Michael opened his eyes.

Light filled his vision like tiny needles and he was quick to let his lids fall shut again. Breathing heavily, he dared to do it again, blinking against the harsh reality that made his eyes water.

Everything seemed blurry as if his brain had forgotten what to do with the pictures it was receiving but as it suddenly snapped into position he sobbed at the gruesome ache that flowed through him.

He saw Ray.

He _saw_ Ray!

There was blood on the pale cheeks of the other before Michael let his head drop, not able to take anything else in. Hiding his face in the knights chest again, he winced.

It was the only noise for the longest time besides their heavy breathing as they laid next to Gavins grave.

Cold fingers found their way into the soft locks and gently Ray tucked at them: “Michael?”

The warrior grunted as he lifted his head again.

“Please look at me.”

His lids fluttered open and for the first time in nearly two years their eyes met.

None of them talked as the knight observed him closely, wiping stray tears from the others cheeks until he spilled his own. They mixed with the blood until it turned into petals which fell into the grass.

“I've missed this.”, he finally whispered. “I've nearly forgotten how warm your eyes were.”

Exhausted, Michael closed them again before resting his heavy head against the others.

“It hurts...”, he whimpered and Rays breath hit his face in an apologizing noise.

“It'll pass. I promise!”

“What did you do?”

“I healed you.”

“But...”, loosing his remaining strength, the warrior slumped down. He got caught and gently laid on the grass.

“I told you I trained. It's a new form of my contract.”, Ray explained as he brushed through the others hair. “Healing others isn't part of my gift so I have to pay. So I take their pain and their wounds away from them and take them on myself. After Sichora is done healing the other person it just heals me!” He was laughing, obviously proud of his new ability: “If I only trained sooner! If Sichora had been this strong back in The End everything would have turned out differently! But now I am able to; you don't have to worry about anything anymore!”

“Ray...”, the warrior groaned, blindly reaching out to hold tightly on to his friend.

“Sorry, Michael.” Pressing a kiss to the palm of the other, the knight stood up: “I need to go before Rye finds me.”

“Go? Where do y-”

“You really should sleep now.”

“No!” But it was harder with each passing moment and by the time he had rolled around, he could hear the soft steps of the other growing distant.

“Ray!”, he yelled and forced his lids to open. Now he was looking into the direction of the hallway and the fire of the torches were burning his eyes. It felt like directly looking into the sun and he bawled as he crawled further. The dark silhouette of the knight was blurry because of the pained tears and was so close to getting swallowed into that light: “Ray! Stop!”

He didn't.

“You Fool!”, Michael screamed after him, watching as his friend hesitated for a moment. That wasn't a title he used for him. “You wanna run away, you damn coward!”

“ _Fucking coward, hiding behind your demon all the time!”_

“Come at me and we fight this out! I've always won!”

“ _Look at you, Ray! Take a damn close look of what is left of you!”_

“I'll beat you up and drag you back in front of the throne! Do you think Ryan would ban you? Do you really think we can't find a solution for that!”

“Michael...”

“So you fucked up! You fucked up big time, I get it!” He crawled towards the knight who had finally turned towards him: “We are all in this! We all screwed up so stop playing a fucking martyr!” He reached out because slowly, oh so slowly Ray walked back to him: “Let me save you!”

“I love you...”, the knight whispered as tears streamed down his face. He sat in front of the warrior, allowing him to rest his head in his lap: “And that's exactly the point. We are in this together. We always were.” He stroke the locks with gentle care: “When Geoff knows about what I have done he will also punish Ryan. He will kill us both.”

“He won't get through me! Nobody get's through me!”

“I know. And that will get you hurt or killed as well. I have to run away.”

“We can face them! Let us talk to them! We have to at least try to find a solution!”

“Even if we do; none of you will allow me to continue my work.” He breathed out heavily as he laid his head in his neck and watched the stars above him: “And I can’t stop so close from my goal.”

“Please be reasonable! There is ano-”

“I'll come back when I am strong enough.” Carefully to not hurt the other, he stood up but immediately there was a hand holding him down.

“Stay here!”, the warrior demanded.

“I can't.” Freeing himself, Ray stepped back: “I'll see you around.”

“Idiot!”, Michael screamed and it hurt in his head. He had to close his eyes, feeling the pain taking over: “Even if you go I'll find you! Fucking Fool, now that I can see I will find you! I found you every damn time before, what makes you think I won't look for you now!”

“Please stay with Ryan and Lindsay.”

“I'll find you, Ray!”, he spat. “And then I will kick your ass and bring you back home!” Opening his eyes, he saw that the other believed him. Ray believed every single word he spoke and it made him cry.

Once more the knight crouched down and placed a hand on Michaels head. With gentle force he pushed him down until all he could smell was the grass right beneath him.

“See you later, Michael.” The hand vanished as he felt his conscious slip away. “Next time we should watch the stars with all four of us again.”

And darkness consumed him once more.

When he resurfaced he was cold. Cracking his eyes open, the pain in his head came back with full force and he had to blink so that the pictures he saw focused.

Somebody was calling him.

Somebody was calling him and it sounded scared and full of worry but he didn't react. For the first time he saw Gavins grave because someone had laid him right next to it. His arm was outstretched towards it and with a shaking breath he saw that there was something in his open palm.

His fingers curled around it and the sharp thorns of Rays brooch pricked his fingers. Muttering the knights name, he was hurled into a sitting position and he saw the red coat slip from his shoulder.

Ryan was holding him up and he wanted to tell him to search for their friend. To check on all gates and alert every guard. No word escaped his mouth as the king cupped his face, fingers brushing his lashes: “Oh my god...”

And Michael fell asleep again.

 

As he woke up he vaguely remembered the dream he just had and his heart rejected it. Opening his eyes he found himself in a small room he didn't recognized. The window told him that it was deep in the night and for now only the moon lit his surroundings. It hurt his head and he closed his lids again, blindly reaching for the water on the table next to him.

Drinking with greedy sips, he waited until the pain passed before sitting up. Wobbling, he sat on the edge of the bed and took deep breaths. Fingers moving on their own, finding his cane and carefully he stood.

Opening his eyes, the height sent a shiver down his spine and that was really stupid, wasn't it? He hadn't grown in the past year. Even walking was scary and he felt ready to trip any second as he reached the door. Turning the handle, the harsh light of the torches blinded him and wincing he shrunk back.

Closing his eyes, he used his cane to find his way out into the hallway and listened. Nobody else here and that was good.

He had to hurry. They were waiting.

Following the hallway, he was fascinated by the play of light and colors he could see through his lids. Sometimes he dared to take a look so that he could orientate himself and as he was sure he knew where he was, his steps were certain and fast.

He was already too late.

He shouldn't sleep after training.

Already could he hear the bitching he was going to receive and he smiled warmly at that.

Stepping out into the cold night, he took assuring breaths before opening his eyes again.

The roof was just like he remembered it. Only abandoned.

“You didn't wait for me?”, he asked into the silence. “You bricks.”

Because they always had. The moment Geoff allowed Ray and Gavin to leave the throne room they headed towards this place to do whatever they did. And they sat there until he returned from his training.

Gavin would instantly run to him, telling him about something that happened on that very day. Hopping excited on his feet.

And he would search for Rays eyes that would roll and after they all sat down, the knight would tell it again. Just how it really went.

“Ray?”, Michael asked as he stepped further, his cane falling from his limp hand.

There was no one sitting on the edge of the roof. No familiar faces turning towards him with smiles.

It would feel like coming home. Sitting down and listen to their stories and then telling his own. Sometimes just watching the city in comfortable silence.

Until it was time to head to dinner together and depending on their mood they'd just meet back here.

“Gavin?”

Sometimes they stayed here until it was dark and cold, huddled together as stories and teasing and laughter spilled easily from their lips.

Not this time.

This time they hadn't waited for him.

They had left him alone.

Falling to his knees he realized that he hadn't dreamed. That it was all real.

Just because he could see again didn't mean no time had passed. All this sorrow and all this pain had been his reality.

Gavin wasn't running towards him with a waving scarf and bright eyes because he was dead. He had died weak and sick and happy and he himself had sat next to him.

“Boy”, had been his last word. Not audible but he had felt it against his skin.

And Ray wasn't waiting with the truth, proudly wearing a red coat that was bright and warm in the evening sun. Usually quiet as the other two bantered but always keeping them grounded. Because he was gone.

He had left Michael and he had left his humanity as well.

And now Michael was the only one on this roof anymore.

 

“ _Next time we should watch the stars with all four of us again.”_

 

 

_Love is blindness,_   
_I'm so sick of it; I don't wanna see_   
_Why don't you just take the night_   
_And wrap it all around me now_   
_Oh my love_   
_Blindness_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My babies Dx  
> Song is "Love is Blindness" by Jack White and it's very amazing. Would highly recommend to listen to it.  
> And now my lovely people, see you in a week with Chapter 8 - Blue, Blue Skies.


	8. Eyes Of Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rye?”  
> “Yeah?”  
> “Can you please show me the constellations?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Don't wonder about the title of this chapter, I decided to change it in the last minute after some discussions with my Beta! Also I think this will be 14 chapters + Epilogue long so we are already halfway through!  
> And this really, really will be the last part of the Royalty!AU.

Chapter 8

Eyes of Sunshine

 

 

_I'm under that night_   
_I'm under those same stars_   
_Could I have saved you?_   
_Would that have betrayed you?_

 

He laid on the roof long after his voice had died down and his tears ran dry. Sniffing occasionally but mostly because of the cold, he watched alone over the city laying in front of him.

No Gavin dancing on the edge and no Ray telling him to stop.

Something was thrown over him and immediately Michael closed his eyes. Inhaling the scent of Ryans coat, he curled into the warmth as he listened the other sit down next to him.

“You scared me senseless.”, the king said quietly. “I came back to your room to check on you and found your bed empty.” And after a moment he added: “I feared you were gone as well.”

Looking up, the warrior couldn't make out the others face in the dark: “Sorry.”

Ryan shook his head before turning towards him. His tired eyes observing him attentive before he asked: “You can see me?”

A nod.

“The guards and me searched the castle.”, he simply continued. “We found you but we couldn't find him.” A shaking breath, before: “He is gone, isn't he? He left.”

Lying on his back, Michael wiped his face with his sleeve before clearing his throat: “Rye?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you please show me the constellations?”

“I'm not sure if I remember all of them.”

“That's fine.” The warrior sat up and pulled the cloak tighter around himself: “It was a really nice day back then.”

“It was.”

“Did you know that we headed to the lake that day? I nearly drowned Gavin and Ray smacked me over the head.”  
“Yeah, Gavin told me.”

“I figured. But not once on that day I had wished I could see, you know?”

“Not even when we were looking at the stars?”

“Not even then.” He shrugged: “I just imagined it.” Looking up into the night, he smiled sadly: “Somehow it was prettier back then.”

“It really was.”, Ryan agreed.

The warrior got to his feet and stood before the king, asking quietly. And with a single nod he sat in the others lap because he had seen Gavin done it and he knew Ray had done it and now he needed to do it as well.

Strong, warm arms were around him instantly and he leaned against the others chest: “Rye?”  
“Mh?”  
“This might be stupid... but I always imagined us two to be the protectors of the others.”

No reaction.

“I think we did a really awful job on that.”

The grip around him tightened and with a sigh Michael whispered: “If I could I'd trade my vision for them.”

Ryan pulled him closer, burying his own face in the others locks as he started crying. With small apologizes under his breath, he never told him about the constellations.

 

Ryan woke from his restless sleep as someone pulled at his sleeve. Mumbling, he turned to his back but didn't open his eyes before he was shaken roughly.

“I had a nightmare.”

Ray stood next to his bed, trembling with fear and unsheathe tears glowing in the moonlight.

The king sat up immediately: “Ray?”

“Gavin...”, the other answered and now the tears rolled down his cheeks, mixing with the blood clinging to it.

“What happened?” He took hold of the smaller form, pulling him to sit on his bed: “Are you hurt?”

“I had a nightmare.”, the knight repeated as he wiped over his face. It only made it worse because his hands were dripping with red as well. “And they wouldn't let me inside.”

And finally Ryan noticed that the door to his room was wide open. From here he could just see a pair of legs on the floor and he took a shaking breath. Getting to his own feet he wanted to cross the room to check on his guards when the hand of the knight held on tightly: “Gavin?”

“I'm not-”

The grip got painful as Ray tried to pull him back: “Won't you hold me?”

The king awoke with a heavy gasp, jolting into a sitting position as if the dream was ready to wait for him if he dared to go back to sleep again. His heart was beating like a drum and he actually moved his hand above it as if he wanted to calm it down by touch alone.

He flinched when there was a knock on his door: “My King? Is everything alright?”

His guards – he was glad to hear their voices and clearing his throat he answered: “I am fine, thank you. Just an unpleasant dream.”

“Is there anything you need?”

“No, I'll just head back to bed now.”

There were a lot of things he needed but nothing that the guard could provide. He needed Gavins guidance and he needed to check on Michael. He needed Ray to just show up again.

“I wish you a good sleep, my liege.”

“Good night.”

He listened as the guard got back to his post before daring to take a deep and shaking breath. Rubbing his eyes, a glance outside showed him that it was starting to dawn. He could easily sleep for a few hours more but thinking about the amount of work waiting for him it was nearly a foolish thing to do. After all he didn't have the help of his counselor anymore and Lindsay was still in bed, healing her wounds.

As for Michael...

Michael didn't come to the throne room anymore.

Michael only stayed in the castle to sleep or to eat. Besides that all his time was spent on the trainings field where he got used to Mogar again or where he sent out warriors to check on hints where Ray could be.

Ryan had allowed him to do that, knowing that if Michael couldn't take any form of action he was going to go insane. But he had also ordered that the warriors were just reporting and shouldn't try to fight Ray.

He had talked with Lindsay and what she told him over Sichora was terrifying at least. He wasn't going to sent his men to a suicide-mission.

If they found Ray – and he expected that it would only happen when Ray _wanted_ to be found – he himself would go. If he was lucky enough and Michael didn't hear about it. It was hard enough already to keep the warrior here.

Two days after Ray had left the castle, he had found Michael packing his bag, ready to head out as well. It had taken him a long time to talk him out of it.

Letting his head fall into his hands, Ryan sighed: “Fuck...”

“ _I don't think I have to tell you to look after them. You'll do that anyway.”_

“Sorry, Gav.”, he whispered and not for the first time in the past days. He had screwed up badly. Didn't he notice a change in Ray? Hadn't he seen it in his eyes?

Ray had manipulated him so, so easily.

Now he was gone.

Of to kill some innocent people in his kingdom and what should he possibly do? Sent a troupe out to get him which would only end in his men dying because how could they take the Red King down? Ray was close to being invincible at this point.

Hell, he probably was.

So right now he could only bet on Michael. If someone was able to get the knight back it was him. Only that the warrior distanced himself, barely talking with anyone. Concentrating on his training and to get back in form.

He had done it before.

He had done it after he had killed Ray and back then Ryan wasn't able to keep him together. Not even Gavin could.

Maybe Lindsay.

But the warrior wasn't visiting her. Even though he had spent every free minute at her bed before, they hadn't seen each other since the unfortunate night. It didn't make it easier for any of them.

“He gives me the fault.”, the woman had whispered sadly a week ago. “If I hadn't said a word... then Ray would still be here and everything would be fine.”

“You of all the people here have done nothing wrong.”, the king had assured her and it was true. He and Michael had been blind in so many ways.

Because as always it was easier that way.

He wasn't sure if it had reached her. “And you should probably hate me too, Ryan.”

“Because you reported it? That's your job, Lindsay. I don't hold it against you.” He had shrugged, looked at her depressing form in the bed who couldn't even meet his eyes: “And after all I let it happen. Thanks to you we managed to put a stop to it. You saved a lot of people that way.”

“But did I lose the people that mattered to me?” It was a whispered secret and he hadn't found an answer, too exhausted to think.

Getting out of the bed, he headed towards the throne room. He wouldn't find any sleep anyway.

But after some hours he had to admit that he also got nothing done that way, his eyes always traveling towards the reports of missing prisoners that he had found. That he had never caught a sight on before because Ray had worked on them and he had trusted him. Then his eyes wandered to the abandoned chair to his left, wondering where exactly Ray was. If he was cold and if he had already eaten. Probably not.

Standing up around noon, he went to visit Lindsay like every day so that she wouldn't get lonely. And maybe so that he wouldn't as well.

This time she was asleep and he stood a while in the door, hoping she would wake up before he sighed and left. Not wanting to get trapped back inside the throne room all alone, he let his feet carry him, not really surprised to find himself at the edge of the small courtyard.

He usually avoided going here. Of course he had been here as they had put Gavin to rest and he had supervised as they had buried Jacks chest next to the grave.

He had found Michael here, shivering and barely conscious.

This right now was the first time he was here thanks to his own free will and he sat on the bench, his eyes tired and sad as he realized there were no fresh flowers on the gravestone.

“Sorry.”, he muttered. “I should've brought something. But I guess you know that I am not very good with that.”

It was a really nice weather today. It was soon going to become summer. He hadn't noticed.

“Hey Gavin.” Probing his elbows on his knees, he watched the grave intently as if he expected a sign of any kind: “I could really use your help right now.” He shrugged a bit helpless: “You'd probably have some stupid idea at how to deal with Michael right now. Dump a bucket of cold water on him or something like that. I guess that would make him explode which should at least be a step. I'd be happy about any step, no matter in which direction right now.”

His eyes shifted to his hands, which were nervously intertwining: “We are all standing still and it feels like right before a heavy storm; there is so much tension in the air and I just know it will explode sooner than later. It will be Michael, he's not patient. He won't deal with this any longer and he will take action. Both you and me know that. He will go after Ray. The moment he is back to his old form he will be out of here and I don't think he will say goodbye. Just like Ray hasn't. They are both so very similar and so very different if you think about it. But I fear that I won't see any of them then anymore. I don't think they will come back here. If I also lose Michael...”

If he also lost Michael he had once again lost his family. It wasn't fair.

“How can I stop him?”, he asked and this time he hoped for an answer or a sign or anything, really. He was at the end of his line. “You said I shouldn't carry anything on my own. But how? With whom should I share? Michael and Ray are already breaking under their own weight. So Gavin, please tell me what I should do.”

He didn't even wait. As much as he desired the tiniest of hints, he knew that it wouldn't work: “You aren't even here, are you?”

“ _I'll die when the mark is complete. And then I have to face The Truth.”_

“You didn't want me to know. I don't like it but I respect your decision.” And right now he was a bit happy about it. He didn't want to worry about Gavin as well, he had to concentrate on his own problems.

Standing up, he stretched his tense limbs before giving a small wave: “I just wish you the best of luck, Gav.”

 

Michael blasted the new big hope of the knights from her feet and watched her land in the dirt like many before. A small challenge but nothing against Ray. A good technique but no speed, no steps that sounded like she was dancing. Just brute force aiming to get Michael down and not to kill him. No blade going for his throat.

“Pathetic.”, he muttered beneath his breath and the knight threw him a dangerous look before getting up and leaving the training field.

Briefly Michael wondered if he should tell the young woman that it hadn't been directed at her but who cared? Rage always brought forth power.

So if she ever wanted a rematch he was ready for it.

Reaching for his goblet, he drank in big gulps but never leaving the field, expecting the next challenger behind him as he was done. But they had long stopped to come for him, only some bold and stubborn ones remaining.

Today even they seemed to have given up.

“Take a break, Jones!”, someone called but he simply flipped whoever it was off. He knew his own limits and wasn't a little boy who had to be reminded. Waiting for his next opponent, he settled down to sharpen Mogar before carefully cleaning his bruised and battered hands. They weren't used to the hard training again and he couldn't have them bleeding if he headed out.

There was a shift in the other men and a steady murmur went through them, making him look up. Frowning, Michael watched as the crowd parted, whispering breathless: “It's the King.”

And of course he was. In all honesty he should have seen it coming.

Now he just watched as Ryan strode towards him: “Hey, Michael.”

“Hey, Rye.”

Again a steady but quiet string of words around them at the familiar but certainly rude greeting. Michael didn't mind: “You just missed the show.”

“I guess you won?”

“Sure.”  
“As I expected from my sword.”

The familiar title confused him a bit, Michael simply continued to tend to his bruised hands: “What are you doing here, Rye? Do you have no work to do?”

“More than you would imagine. Are you taking a break?”

“No, those cowards don't dare to face me.”, he said a little louder so that the other warriors would hear. Not that he actually had to; most of the men didn't even try to hide that they listened to every of their words.

“Then get up.”, Ryan ordered as he pulled forth his sword. A murmur went through the crowd around them as the runes started to move in excitement. Michael frowned at that. Enchanted weapons were still something incredibly rare and by now he only had seen Ryans and Lindsays and right now it should be the first time for most of the men on the field. They had all learned about it and knew about the different forms an enchantment could take though.

“Are you sure, Rye?”, he asked because if they fought it would be inevitable to reveal the knock-back to the people and didn't he know that Ryan could be really closed up about private matters?

“Scared?”, he was teased and Michael huffed amused as he stood up.

“Just that I get some scratches on my King.”, he gave right back. “I won't hold back.”

“Good, me neither.” And Ryan bowed to him like it was tradition before the fight. Michael was aware that he didn't have to do that, that it was a show of respect towards him and it made him feel strangely warm. His ears picked up the shocked whisper around him because a King didn't bow in front of a warrior, never.

He was also aware that this was the first time for many of them to see the king this close. Ryan was a private person and didn't spent his time with his people, to some extent he only cared for them because he cared for Gavin.

It had to be a shock to see their mysterious leader like this.

Michael was aware that Ryan did this for him and him only and he was quick to bow as well.

He was glad that Ryan kept his promise because the moment they both stood upright again, the king was in his face. The sword crashed against Mogar and with a grunt Michael felt the power beneath the hit even before the enchantment forced him to take a step back so that he didn't land on his back.

The strength was welcome and rippled through his aching muscles with sweet pain. He was facing someone who didn't just want him to lose but who wanted to win for himself. Someone who respected but didn't fear him.

It actually made him crack a smile as he playfully blocked the heavy blows to allow his body to get used to the knock back. If he was right about the smug expression on the others face Ryan knew exactly what he was planning and so the fake-strike followed by the kick was expected.

When Michael stepped up fast to avoid most of the damage, he saw the surprise flash in the blue eyes before he shoved the other with all his might.

Stumbling backwards, the king sat down hard before Mogar was pointed at his throat.

It grew dead quiet on the entire training field before Michael snorted. Throwing his head back he laughed loudly as he lowered his weapon. The happiness showed in his eyes, making them warm and kind as he reached out his hand.

For a moment Ryan wasn't able to take it because he just stared. He tried to remember when the warrior had looked so happy and whole the last time but he couldn't tell. Loyal eyes born from sunshine and with a happy huff, he took the offered hand.

Michael pulled him up, giving him a heavy pat on the shoulder before going back to his place: “Again?”

“You think that was enough to bring me down?”, Ryan asked amused as he pulled the cloak from his shoulder. Folding it, he went to lay it down when a man stepped up, taking it.

“Thank you.”

“You are very welcome, my liege.”, the knight answered and lowered his voice a bit. “May I suggest to concentrate more on Jones' legs? He's agile when he wants to be.”

“I'll keep it in mind.”, he promised as he stepped back up. Still the next match ended with him in the dirt again and by the time he finally managed to knock Michael to the ground, nearly everyone was watching them. And then they were cheering and he couldn't help himself but join in, getting some yelled praises before he reached out to help Michael up.

And the warrior looked up to him proudly and for a second Ryan wasn't sure who tried to help whom here.

They trained for over an hour with twirling steps and quick feet, with even faster swords and as they switched weapons, they barely thought about it. By now it was nearly a tradition but Ryan heard them whisper about Mogar and that Michael barely let anyone _touch_ the sword, let alone carry it.

It was quick to switch to muffled laughter as the men saw how their styles changed. Stumbling and stupid mistakes making them look like fresh recruits but it was the laughing that was giving them away. There weren't any clear winner anymore but as their breath ran out and they called it a day, the sun was starting to set and if Ryan was honest he had never planned to stay this long.

Right now he didn't let it bother him as he met knights and warriors who congratulated him and some even daring to give him tips like before. He took no offense to it; after all they were trained in the art of the sword while he had just learned for himself.

They asked if he would join them again but he couldn't promise.

As they left the training field both he and Michael gave a quick wave and on the way back to the castle the warrior was humming contently: “That was a huge step!”

The king had actually hoped to say that to him at the end of the day but he couldn't help but smile as well: “You surely are something. Please don't tell me you planned on this.”

“Not at all.”, he shrugged playful. “You surprised me as you came here today but I saw the look in the eyes of the people and realized how much of a shock it was to them to see you this close. You never interacted with them before!”

“I guess not...”

“I won't say you are a bad King, Rye. You certainly are not – you know what you do and you understand the procedures of the kingdom. But you are not a man for the crowd.”

“Gavin was.”

The warrior nodded thoughtfully: “He learned from Geoff and Geoff mastered it. But both of them lacked what you and Jack have. I guess that made you all such good teams.”

Falling silent, Ryan couldn't help but agree. That was what made himself Gavins mirror and vice versa. He still missed it.

Michael had disappeared from his side and as he turned around he found him a few steps behind, watching the sky: “Michael?”

“I always liked sunsets the most.”, he explained. “It meant I was done with my training and either finished with my work or taking a break before it. It was the moment I headed to the roof to relax and laugh for some time.” Turning his head, he looked at the king. The sunshine caught in the warm eyes: “That roof is empty now. You, me and Lindsay. We can all head to that place in this very moment and it would still feel empty. The heart and the soul are missing and we can't get them back. At least I don't think so.” The light feeling and the laughter from just a few minutes before seemed to be forgotten and it was clear what weight rested on those shoulders. It was also obvious what immense willpower was holding him up, refusing to let him break down because of it.

“ _A sign of a strong will and strong mind.“_

Jacks words were omnipresent in Ryans mind and right now they scared him senseless. What if Michael wou-

“I learned something, Rye.”, the warrior interrupted his thoughts. “Home isn't a place. At least not for me. It isn't this castle or the roof. It's not my room or the training fields. For me my home are people. Gavin and Ray were my home since so long. Then you became my home and of course Lindsay as well. And I still have both of you and I am so very thankful for that. But those two... those two were my childhood. Those two were the home I grew up in. And now I can't go back there. Even if I did – I'd find it completely empty and abandoned. So I was thinking... what if I burn that home down? What if I destroy this just like Ray has done? Do you think it would hurt less?”

“No, Michael.”, he said with a certainty that made the warrior sigh defeated. “You shouldn't burn it or try to forget it. Just treasure the memories you have.”

“They ache and hurt.”

“I know.” And he did know. God, did he know.

“Do you think Ray can get Gavin back?”

And Ryan thought about the Lightbringer and The Truth and he shook his head: “No, I don't think he can.”

“He's not really dead, is he?”, Michael mumbled slowly, his eyes distant. “I mean of course he is. I was with him, I felt the life leave him, we were all there as he got buried in that place. But he isn't there, right? He isn't resting. He's not in this world or the Nether or The End. He wasn't even in this twisted castle full of memories. Then where is he?”

“Micha-”

“The Lightbringer looked like him. He talked like him, he moved like him. But he wasn't! He recognized you as someone else and still he carried the mark around his wrist. He noticed that you didn't carry yours even though you never had one!” And his voice got high with despair: “What is The Truth?”

Ryan answered slowly, giving him the only words he himself was hanging on: “Gavin didn't want us to know.”

“But I want to know!” The eyes focused back on him, strong and scarred: “If he isn't in any of those places how can you say that he is out of reach? How can you say that Ray can't get him back? How can you say that _I_ can't get him back? If you don't know where he is what gives you the right to give up on him!”

“Because I am not allowed to believe you.”, the king whispered, feeling the words tearing at his skin. “If I believe you and believe Ray we will all drown. If we all walk this way what will we leave behind? Do we follow what Ray says? Do we feed the Nether with souls and kill everyone we see?”

“But what if it works?”

“Even if! Even if we kill and kill and kill and get Gavin back. What do you think he would say? Do you think he would be proud?”

“He would be alive!”

“He didn't tell us about The Truth to stop us from making stupid mistakes.”, Ryan said tense. “You thought about making a deal, didn't you? To pay for his return.”

The warrior didn't even deny it: “It's the easiest way. The moment I get Gavin back Ray will come as well.”

“I know...”, he admitted with a heavy heart. “That's why you don't talk to Lindsay, isn't it? She would take that hope away from you and you are scared to face what's beneath.”

“I always looked after them!”, Michael spat angrily. “I protected them and I will keep us three together no matter what! If you or Lindsay help me doesn't matter! I'll get them back!”

“You sound like him...”, the king whispered sadly. “You sound like Ray, Michael.”

“ _You are the sword, Michael.”_

And the warrior stopped and stared, his new eyes big and round in shock and maybe fear.

“ _As the sword you have to take down any threat, you already know that. You protect but not the same way that Ray does.”_

“I- I just...” The words hurt his throat.

“ _Please don't... don't do it the same way Ray does!”_

“I just want to be home again... Can't you... Please understand...”

“I understand, Michael. Believe me, I do.” Slowly, as if he feared he'd startle the warrior, he reached out his hand: “Let us visit Lindsay. She misses you and she will make it better.”

“No.”

“I will stay with you, if you want to. It should be good for both of us.”

Michael shook his head quickly: “No!”

“We have to get rid of this hope or we'll end up like Ray. She can d-”

Without listening anymore, he began to run past Ryan, not daring to look back, not daring to think about his truth.

He found himself on the edge of the roof like he had expected. He hadn't wasted a single day without a gaze to this place but still nobody waited here for him. It was still lonely.

With heavy breathing, he wandered over it restless, too fidget to sit down and wait for something that he wasn't even sure what it was. Maybe Ryan. Ryan would probably head after him and he wasn't sure if he wanted that. Maybe he should visit Gavins grave but he knew it would be just as empty as this place. Everything reminding him of his two friends seemed to be.

With hectic gasps, he curled and uncurled his hands, feeling the sweet pain struck through his bruised palms.

He should take a break and let his skin heal.

He should train more so that he could head out and search Ray.

He should listen to Ryan.

He should check on Lindsay.

A helpless noise escaped his throat as his hands covered those new eyes that weren't worth their price and for a second his fingers itched, ready to scratch. His legs never stopped walking and he briefly wondered if he would find the edge and fall but at the same time he knew that wouldn't happen. Each step of this place was burned into his mind.

What should he do?

“Michael?”

“Go away...”, he whispered underneath his breath.

“ _Save me.”,_ Rays voice echoed through his head, making him whimper. _“Please... god, please save me... I don't remember what I am...”_

He didn't remember it either.

“Michael.”

What was he?

Ryans sword?

Lindsays lover?

Rays... what?

“Michael, please.”

Someone who had failed over and over again.

There was a hand on his shoulder and he flinched. The grip tightened as he felt his heel found nothing, finally making him sink his hands. He was at the edge of the roof, so, so close to the abyss beneath.

His eyes were fixed on it before he raised his gaze, finding fear in Lindsays face. There were so many words in his head that he was choking on them but they cleared as he saw her, standing there with one arm in a sling and a nearly faded bruise on her temple. She was just wearing a dress and she always appeared so small in those – he never got used to them.

But now it managed to make the words spill from his mouth and he figured with it he found his own answer: “Are you alright?”

“Are you?”

She shouldn't be the one asking this. She shouldn't be the one asking _him_ this because it were _her_ bones that were broken and _her_ who had nearly died and still she did. It brought tears to his eyes as he reached out and letting his finger carefully travel over her cheek: “What are you doing here? You should be in bed.”

“I had a bad feeling.”, she whispered. “Such a terrible feeling and it scared me. Don't scare me, Michael.”

“Sorry.” He leaned it for a brief kiss, hoping to comfort her but she pulled away and he stopped.

“Where are we, Michael?”

“What?”

“Are you mad at me? Do you give me the fault of this all?”

“No! Never, Linds!”

“Then I should be mad at you.” She stepped back, her own eyes now filling with tears: “You left me alone... Ray left you and you left me.”

His hand fell to his side because she was out of his reach and it hurt. It hurt to see the pain in her face and he wanted to follow and touch her again. Make it better somehow.

He didn't dare.

“I was scared.”, he admitted.

“Why? Why would you fear me?” She flinched because of a mindless motion and he stepped up before she raised a hand to hold him back.

It just reminded him more and more: “I am not good enough. I can't protect you.”

“Oh, Michael...”

“That's all I ever wanted. I became a warrior to protect and I just can't do it.”

“That's not true...” She reached out to him and this time he stepped back, way too close to the edge but it didn't matter as long as she didn't reach.

“Please don't. Don't lie to me to make me feel better.”, he whispered. “He asked me to safe him. Ray asked me to safe him and I did not. I didn't even notice. Maybe I did but I didn't act on it. I am the worst.”

“No, please unde-”

“And don’t tell me I am strong. God, please don't say that!”, he shook his head violently. “I am not! I am not strong and I don't know why people keep telling me that! You all expect me to keep my head up high and look after Ryan and look after Ray and make it alright again! How can I do that? How can I do that if I couldn't protect Gavin? If I couldn't protect my King?” He closed his eyes and felt the tears hot on his face but he wasn't going to hide them: “I can't do this anymore! I am only human and I want to break! I want to do something stupid because maybe that works if nothing else does! Please stop expecting me to be strong anymore! I am not! I am weak and I want to lay down and stay in my room! So please, please just let me... Just let me be alone and travel through this kingdom that I have failed because I don't know what else to do! I don't know if I can stand tall anymore! Let me fall!”

“Never.”, she muttered before stepping closer, cupping his face with one hand.

“Please...”, he begged.

“No.”, she refused gently. “I'll keep you on your feet, I'll let you rest as much as you need to. But I will never let you fall. Just put that weight on me. All of it. I'll carry it for you until you collected yourself.”

He started to shake his head again but stopped when she started to kiss the tears away until they stopped coming. Still he was trembling, feeling exhausted and sick but he leaned into her touch.

“Hey my lion heart.”, she hummed as she rested her forehead against his. “Open your eyes for me.”

He did slowly, his lashes feeling heavy with drops. Fighting the urge to rub his eyes, he just stared into hers and for the first time he slowly understood what was happening.

She waited for his realization with a warm gaze and when she found the understanding in his face, she laughed sadly: “That's the first time we see each other since so long.” Her finger gently traced his lids: “Ryan told me but...”

“I can see you...”, he whispered in awe. “I can see you!”

She managed a shaking smile before he kissed her desperately, hands cupping her face to hold close and body pressing against her. There was a pained wince from her and he made it better with small pecks.

“Love you...”, he confessed as he allowed the tiniest of space between them.

“Love you, too.”, she whispered, her hand caressing his cheek. “We'll find a way. We'll work something out. All three of us.”

“Alright.”

 

 

_I never believed you; I only wanted to_   
_Before all of this what did I miss?_   
_Do you ever get homesick?_   
_I cant get used to it_   
_I cant get used to it_   
_I'll never get used to it_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Beta described this chapter as bittersweet with specks of sunlight; d'aw. Also I love Michael and no one can stop me.  
> Song if Blue, Blue Skies by Strays Don't Sleep and it's so beautiful and sad that it makes me cry; check it out!  
> While you are at it; I am updating "Kings&Queens" again, so if you are looking for snippets about this AU check that out!  
> Besides that; see you next week with Chapter 9 - Graveyard Of Empires!


	9. Graveyard Of Empires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they stayed in silence until Ryan decided to destroy the peace because he had already waited too long to bring the topic up: “I have to ask something from you.”  
> “What is it?”  
> “About when Geoff will come here.”  
> The warrior opened his eyes but didn't look at him. They were gazing into the sky: “Do you want to kill him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Once again welcome to another chapter! Maybe we will see some familiar faces again...

Chapter 9

Graveyard of Empires

 

_They're lining up to join me_   
_To save us all_   
_Which ones will fall?_   
_They don't even care we're here_   
_How do you save someone without fear?_

 

 

“Any message from Geoff?”

Lindsay turned around from looking out of the window and shook her head: “No.”

Ryan watched her for a moment from his throne before he asked: “Would you tell me if you got one?”

“Probably.”, she said. “It would depend on the message, I guess.” Letting her eyes travel back outside, she sighed: “But in all honesty; I didn't receive a message.”

“That's strange...”

“It really is.” It made her nervous. An answer to her report should have been here a week ago, if not sooner. But there was no reply and she wondered what that meant.

It also worried the king, she saw it in his eyes and it was probably the right thing to do. It meant that either Geoff was planning or was in the process of preparing something and it wouldn't be good.

This situation right here was exactly what Gavin had promised wouldn't happen. It was the key to their deal and it had been broken. Now it was undeniable that some form of change and punishment was about to happen and of course she had noticed that Ryan didn't wear a crown.

He had lost it in the twisted dimension they had been in but he never asked for a new one. It would be a waste in all honesty.

Ryan wouldn't stay king any longer – Geoff would take his crown. And maybe his head, too.

Moving away from the window, she flinched at the sudden ache. It only made it worse but she couldn't fight against the reflex. Laying her hand carefully on her ribs, she went to sit down.

“You should still stay in bed.”, the king told her and that not the first time.

If she could, she'd shrug but that always brought a sudden, searing pain through her broken arm so she settled with a sigh: “I probably should. But I can't bring myself to do it.”

“You are nearly as stubborn as Michael. You two are surely a match made in hell.”

She shot him a lovingly smile: “I can take it from here on, you know? Get going.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah.” And again he surprised her by not pushing harder to stay here. Ryan simply stood up and gave her a quick wave before heading out, leaving her alone in the throne room.

It was becoming a small tradition that he would go to the training fields around the evening, joining Michael there. She had visited them one time, only to watch of course but again it was a surprise.

She had expected those two to train like they sometimes did but Ryan had fought against a warrior she didn't know, Michael had just watched, yelling orders and advice to both of them from the sideline.

After the battle the king had shaken the hand of his opponent and they talked.

Lindsay wasn't sure she had ever seen him talk so sincere with someone that wasn't part of their group before.

And now whenever they headed out, they'd come back to the throne room later to check on her and it was a joy to her heart to see both Ryan and Michael so merry and free. Light in both of their eyes again and she always greeted them with a smile.

If it was possible for her to take all the worry and their sadness away for an hour or two she was ready to do it.

Sometimes she wondered if she would be able to join them or if Ryan was still allowed on the fields when her bones were healed.

She doubted it.

But until then she would treasure those small things.

Turning to work on the pages that the king had left her behind, she sorted through them in case he forgot to look for the reports of the search-party. They were kept on a separate pile and only Ryan was allowed to read them. She guessed it was because he didn't want Michael to find out. Not while the warrior was slowly recovering.

Knowing Rays whereabouts was probably going to set him off again and she really didn't want to lose Michael because that thickhead decided to run away and search for the phantom of a friend.

Not that she was stupid – it would happen eventually. Both Ryan and Michael weren't going to sit around and simply wait for Ray to come back. Able to raise the dead ones or not.

She wasn't enough to keep them bound to this place and it would be foolish to force them to stay. Right now it was the crown keeping them here but the moment it was gone... the moment they were free...

Lindsay stared at the reports without seeing them and wondered what her own choice would be on that very day.

 

“Ryan?”, the warrior asked and it sounded a bit shy. They were on the training fields but were sitting a bit further away from everyone, watching them train. Up until now Michael had pointed out some things to him that Ryan never considered. He had never thought of himself as being bad with his sword and the other had assured him he wasn't. He was just lacking the techniques.

Ryans own style was shaped by the need to kill, making his strikes forceful and hard. But if they were countered there was no defense, no plan B.

Now the king looked towards his friend because out here Michael wasn't hesitant or shy. This here was his world, his own throne room: “What is it?”

“The pearls.”, he muttered, not daring to look into the blue eyes. He rather checked if someone was close enough to eavesdrop. “I... mine is darkening again.” Shrugging as if it wasn't a big deal, he added: “I figured you should know that...”

Shivering, the king realized that he had barely lost a thought on the pearls anymore. After seeing that they were clear and intact, he had hid his own and Gavins again. Now he nodded slowly: “Thank you for telling me.”

“Can I break it?”, Michael asked. “If not please take it. I don't want to keep it anymore.”

Thinking for a while to the sound of hitting swords and angry shouts, he agreed: “Do it. Gavin wanted to keep them to maybe find out more about the different dimensions. He became fascinated with them in the end but I think it's futile now anyway. After all we are already missing one key to open the portal again.” Nodding towards himself, he continued: “I think I'll do the same. Also inform Lindsay but make sure she knows it's her choice in the end.”

“Alright.”, he sounded relieved and leaned back, letting the spring sun shine on his face. Wondering briefly if he should bring up Ray again. Ray and the Lightbringer because the bird was with the knight, right?

The demon had played them, acting like he was weak and vulnerable in the twisted castle and they had let their guard down.

Foolish.

But why put salt in the wound? Ryan knew it as good as he did.

So they stayed in silence until Ryan decided to destroy the peace because he had already waited too long to bring the topic up: “I have to ask something from you.”

“What is it?”

“About when Geoff will come here.”

The warrior opened his eyes but didn't look at him. They were gazing into the sky: “Do you want to kill him?”  
“No.”, he was quick to assure him. “Gavin made the deal and I broke it. I didn't look after Ray enough and so all of this could happen. I'll take the punishment.”

“He won't just want your crown.”, Michael muttered. “He wants your head. We both know that.”

“We'll see about that.” But that sentence only allowed him to move on because it was obvious at that point: “I'll tell Geoff that you and Lindsay had no idea about what was going on. It's not even a lie.”

“But it works for all three of us.”  
“He won't believe it and even if he did – he wouldn't care. It was the mistake he was waiting for all that time, he won't back down again.”

Thinking about that, Michael couldn't help but agree: “Alright but what do you want to do? We need to have some form of plan.”

“First of all I'll make sure you two are out of danger.”

“Playing a damn martyr just like Ray, eh?”

Ryan threw him a warning look but found only sadness in Michaels face: “You want to sacrifice yourself, Rye. But we are in this together.” Shaking his head, the warrior muttered: “Neither you nor I noticed or stopped it. I deserve the same punishment as you and if you find whatever Geoff will do to you as fitting, I'll take it on as well.”

“Stay with Lindsay. After I am gone one way or another you'll be safe once and for all.”

“We committed the same crime.”

“But I am a demon.”

“It wasn't Edgar who stopped you from seeing what was going on, was it?”

“Geoff won't see it the same way.”

“Fuck Geoff then.”

The corners of Ryans mouth twitched slightly upwards as he reached out to tussle the others locks: “Please look after Lindsay.”

“She doesn't really need protection.”, he assured him amused. “Also I didn't give her my loyalty. Don't get me wrong; I love her dearly! But I am the warrior of the King, the sword and nothing will change that.”

“Mi-”  
“If you win over Geoff or if you get banished from this lands, I'll go with you.”, he shrugged. “If you fall I'll fall with you. I refuse to serve underneath my first King.”

“I don't want you to go down with me.”

“Then fuck you as well.” But it was said with a bright grin before Michael jumped to his feet, stretching his limbs to get them to warm up again. “It should happen soon, right?”

“I was expecting him last week.”

“Geoff is playing with you.” With a big huff, the warrior let his arms drop to his side: “Whatever happens I want you to know something.” Feeling Ryans eyes on his back, he smiled to himself: “Your wife and your children are safe. They have a small farm with a lot of work but they manage. Your daughter looks a lot like you, at least Lindsay assured me.” Without waiting for the reaction of the older, he continued: “Don't be mad at us. Geoff used it as a weapon against you before and it wouldn't leave my mind. So we checked up on them. I didn't even talk to them, Lindsay did but she didn't mention you. We were there for official matters – at least that's how she put it.”

“Why are you telling me this..?”  
“Because if Geoff comes here we won't know what happens. What if we get separated? Or one of us gets killed? I wanted you to know.” Giving the other a few moments to collect himself, Michael watched the training in front of them before turning towards Ryan. The king was lost in thoughts, deep and pained but there was a smile on his face. The warrior returned it gently: “Ryan. If only one of us makes it out of this castle we should at least make sure that he finds Ray. Maybe we can help him, maybe we can still save him.”

“What if he is out of reach already?”, the king whispered as if it was a secret. Maybe rather a fearful confession and Michael didn't answer. He didn't answer until Ryan finally lifted his head, searching for his eyes.

“I'll reach out to him as long as I need to.”, Michael assured him. “I won't let him get away. Not again.”

 

It was a few days later as Ryan sat on his throne, working without any passion and wondering where Lindsay was. She had been called out about half an hour ago, throwing him a confused and scared look.

Like she had the very same thought as he did: it was time.

Whatever Geoff had prepared for him was going to happen today and it let his hand shake and his neat letters become unreadable.

He wondered if at the end of the day he was going to search for Ray or Gavin. He wondered if he would be alone on that journey or not.

Michaels words had left him warm and thankful, no matter how much he wanted to refuse him. By now they had pulled Michael through all of this mess unbroken and if the warrior still had a place here where it was relatively safe, he wanted him to keep it.

The warrior had a great future ahead of him if he decided to stay in the castle.

“Ryan?”

Looking up, he hadn't even noticed that Lindsay had come back. She looked pale, her hand clinging to the door as she couldn't meet his eyes: “We have... we have guests from Werringtal at the gate...”

“I see...” He stood up and it made her flinch, her intact arm trying to reach for her weapon before she shook her head: “What should I do?”

“Ask him inside.”

“You could run. I'd say I didn't find you and y-”  
“No, Lindsay.”, he interrupted her. “But thank you. Please ask him inside.”

“Are you really sure?”

He nodded, not expecting her to walk towards him and burying her face in his chest. Smiling, he patted her head and she sighed thankful: “You always do that with the boys.”

“Did you feel left out?”

She shook her head, her fingers clawing into his coat: “I just wanted to make sure to experience it one time as well. This is probably stupid.”

Chuckling, he gently held her close to not hurt her: “None of this is your fault.”

She made a pained noise and he combed through her soft hair until it stopped. Placing a kiss on top of her head, he stepped back so that he could look into her scared face: “Please go now before he thinks something bad happened to you.”

“I am so sorry...”, she whispered instead, her eyes big and lost. Reminding him of Gavin so much that it hurt.

“It's not your fault. You did the right thing, Lindsay. Please don't forget that.”

She didn't believe him but she nodded anyway. “Stay safe.”, she wished him before heading outside and he smiled sadly at that.

The door didn’t have the time to fall shut before one of his guards slipped inside, standing tall in front of him.

“Please forgive my rudeness, my liege.”, the woman said and with a nod he asked her to continue. “I couldn't help but overhear what Lady Tuggey said... Should I call for Jones for your assistance?”

“There won't be a need for that, Chasey.”

“But you seem to be in danger! Jones will be angry if he-”  
“It's fine.”, he assured her. “Thank you for your concern.”

She didn't seem to be happy about his decision but was in no position to talk back to him: “I'll be outside this very door should you need me, King Haywood.”

“There is actually one thing I need you to do.”

“Anything, my liege.”

He reached for a pile of letters, neatly tied together by a small string. Ray had left an obvious route through the kingdom but what worried him the most was that the knight wasn't trying to hide. He was terribly careless: “If by the end of the day I am not on this throne anymore I need you to burn this.”

Hesitatingly, she took the documents before nodding slowly: “I will.”

Watching her step back outside, he let his smile fall even though her words and actions had surprised him, even leaving a warm feeling behind. It had been a quick decision and he hoped it wasn't a wrong one.

 

“Jones! Jones!”

Michael gave his training partner a sign before he turned around at the urgency of the voice, watching the woman run towards him: “It's the King!”

“Ryan? What happened?”

“Lady Tuggey was at the gate because she awaited visitors from Werringtal!”

And the eyes of the warrior widened as he put Mogar away: “Geoff is here?”

“King Haywood asked him to come inside! He didn't even want me to call you but... but I saw it in his eyes that he feared what was about to come! Please! He will listen to you, won't he?”

“ _Michael! Michael, please!”_

He passed the guard, giving her a small touch to show he appreciated the warning as he began to run.

“ _Michael, it's Geoff!” And Gavin stood in front of him, pale as a sheet and his voice high pitched.”He asked a Vagabond inside to challenge him for the crown! He is actually doing it!”_

He had run off with the jester from the very same place.

“ _Please, you have to safe him!”_

Back then he hadn't been fast enough.

“ _What if he loses?”_

It wouldn't happen again.

“ _What if he dies?”_

Storming through the hallways, he reached the throne room and threw the doors open. The scream on his tongue died down as he found the room abandoned and he simply stood there with uneven breath as his head tried to work through that information.

“I believe they headed towards the conference room.”, the remaining guard told him and Michael thanked him as he ran off.

Turning around the corner, he found four guards in front of the door, two which he didn't recognized and they even stepped up to stop him. They were held back by their own guards and he burst into the room: “Stop!”

His gaze first found Ryan alive and then Lindsay who turned towards him. He didn't mind any of that, moving on: “Don't hurt him!”

It was a threat but whatever Jacks answer to it was, he would never know. The blacksmith opened his mouth but stayed quiet until he stood up and reached out for Michael. The warrior stepped out of his reach, furiously shaking his head: “I am no-”

“Your eyes...”, Jack muttered, letting his hand slowly fall back to his side. “You can see again.”

“Ray healed me.”

“Michael.”, Ryan called him and he turned towards his king. “Who informed you that I was here?”  
“Doesn't matter.” He tried to throw him a dirty look but couldn't muster the strength: “You should have told me in the first place; I thought... I thought it would be Geoff.”

Now he finally took the time to look around. Jack was sitting down again, Lindsay standing behind him as they were opposite of Ryan.

“I didn't think he would sent you.”

The blacksmith shrugged: “Believe me he wanted to come himself. I didn't think it was the best decision so I... convinced him to let me come instead.” He turned back towards the king: “But as I said before; I am still here in his name in this quite... difficult matter.”

Ryan nodded slowly: “I understand.”

“I have to know what exactly happened here.”

“Ryan didn't know about it!”, Michael spat immediately, taking his place behind the older man so that he could keep an eye on the blacksmith. He didn't expect Ryan to turn his head towards him: “Please stay quiet. If I want you to add something I'll let you know.”

“Bu-”

“Don't force me to throw you out, Jones.”

And he shut up beneath the warning gaze of the other as Ryan focused back on the blacksmith: “Ask your questions. I will answer them as best as I can.”

“Just start with the beginning. Make me understand what happened here.”

The king took a moment to think before he nearly huffed amused because the answer was so clear: “It started with Gavins dead. I had expected Ray to react... harshly on it but...” The words trailed off and Michael couldn't help himself but to take a step ahead. Not to interrupt him, just to be closer.

It didn't really seem necessary as Jack sighed: “Moth... He lost his purpose, didn't he?”

“I tried to give him a new one...”, Ryan admitted, averting his gaze. “But it wasn't enough...”

“So he started to kill and torture the prisoners? That doesn't necessarily make sense.”

“First it was his training...”, the king muttered beneath his breath.

“Excuse me?”

“It was part of his training.”, Ryan repeated a bit louder. “Gavin asked me to... to help Ray to control his demon. So I taught him how to torture someone.”

Jack stayed quiet for a few heartbeats before he asked: “What was the purpose of that?”

“Sichora always reacted by the sight or scent of blood, so I-”

“Sichora? Is that the name of the demon?”

“Yes. Ray always had a harder time than any of us to control his demon and it was harshly triggered by blood and violence. So I thought if he got used to both aspects... if he was able to keep himself while inflicting pain it would be easier for him to c-”

“Wait a second.”, Jack interrupted him, leaning forwards. “So you took Ray to the dungeons and do what? Let him run lose at the prisoners, hoping that he wouldn't kill them?”

Ryan looked up, ready to explain that it were terrible people he chose but the words vanished as he saw the cold eyes of the others. He had already lost.

“That isn't the reason why Ray did that!”, Michael said fast, worrying over the tense shoulders of his king. “It may have sparked the idea in the beginning but the reason why he did that was because he believed he could get Gavin back like that!”

Jacks eyes never left Ryan: “How so?”

“He told me that if he would feed the Nether with enough souls, he'd be able to get Gavin out!”, the warrior explained quickly. “He talked about some God he wanted to please! It had nothing to do with Ryan!”

“Who gave Ray that idea?”

“He came up with it himself!”

“Did his demon tell him?”

“Probably, I don't know!”

Finally Jacks eyes wandered to him: “See, Michael?”

“What do I see?”, he asked agitated.

“His demon told him and he did it.”, the blacksmith explained. “It gave him a hope and twisted Ray until he went and killed.”

“Who says that Edgar won't do the same?”, Ryan asked quietly, his gaze focused on his neatly folded hands in his lap. “Who says that I don't do the same?”

“No!”, the warrior spoke roughly. “You are always in control! You never had problems with Edgar like Ray did!”

“Demons are sly and manipulative.”, Jack reminded him. “What if he offered Ryan something he yearned for?”

“Bu-” Michael lost his trail of thoughts, before shaking his head: “Ryan would never hurt someone close to him!”

“Would Ray?”

“No! No, of course not! He only killed prisoners! Those people were crimi-”  
“Didn't he try to kill Lindsay?”

The brown eyes of the warriors looked towards her but she was quick to avert her gaze and he felt hopeless. His mouth opened and closed without a sound until he stepped forward, standing right next to his king: “I'll take the same punishment as him!” His hand laid on the others shoulder, squeezing tightly.

“Don't...”, Ryan muttered weakly.

“Where is your crown, Vagabond?”, Jack asked softly.

“I never had one.”

Throwing a look to Lindsay, she confirmed with a nod and the blacksmith turned back around: “You are no longer King of this country due to the breaking of the agreed contract. Ryan?”

“Yes?”

“Will you give me any problems with that?”

“No, Jack.”

“I'm glad.”

“That's not everything, is it?”

“I can't let you live among normal people anymore. It's for their own safety.”

“You can't let me live at all.”

The blacksmith fell silent and Ryan lowered his head: “I see.”

“No.”, Michael whispered, his hand tightening on the others shoulder. His eyes wandered to Lindsay in hope for help but she looked as desperate as he felt.

“Will you go after Ray next?”, Ryan asked.

“Of course. We can't have him running around. I am sure you know where he is.”

The Vagabond nodded carefully, hoping that Chasey would keep her word and burn the letters: “I can't let you hurt him.”

“I thought you wouldn't give me any problems?”, Jack asked with a heavy sigh. “Please don't, Ryan.”

“I'll give you the title of a King to put the burden to anyone you feel is fitting but I won't let you hurt my family.”

“He's not yo-”

“He is.” Moving, he placed his hand on top of Michaels: “I won't rest if you hurt any of them, Jack. Be sure of that.”

“Rya-”

“What if I promise to get Ray? I get Ray and we leave the kingdom and never come back.”

“I can't agree to that.”

“Then I'll have to make problems, I guess.”

Michael wasn't sure if Jack or Ryan were first on their feet but he knew that he was in front of his king instantly, his hand on Mogar: “Don't you dare!”

“Don't make me hurt you, Michael!”

“I always wondered which one of us was stronger!”, he laughed but Ryan was quick to place his hand over his, forbidding him from drawing his sword. His other arm went around the warriors chest, pulling him close as they stepped back. Michael let himself be moved out of the reach of the axe but his gaze was focused determined on Jacks face.

Only that Jack didn't bother with him, his eyes glued to Ryan and he didn't check for his weapon. There was a spark of fear and he was quick to move in front of Lindsay.

Michael also felt it without seeing Ryans eyes turn yellow and still he gasped as darkness consumed them.

Embracing the warrior, the vagabond nestled against his neck before sighing deeply: “Stay strong.”

“Rye-”

A kick against the younger legs and a forceful shove sent the warrior flying and Ryan was quick to step over him. Searching hands found his coat, holding tight but he jerked free.

Looking through Edgars eyes he could at least see a small distance while the others were left in complete darkness. Jack was covering Lindsay, his axe held before him like a shield and it would be easy to kill him right now.

Instead he simply opened the door and stepped out, letting the fog flood the hallway as well. With sure and fast steps he marched on, hearing surprised yelling of blinded people around him but didn't bother. He had to hide his traces for as long as he could.

Feeling the shock slowly creeping up to him, he hurried up. He didn't have the time or the patience to deal with it right now. He just hoped he had made the right choice.

But Michael should be safe... neither Jack nor Geoff would hurt him, he was pretty sure of it.

Reaching the courtyard, he let the fog behind to loom in the hallways and give him some extra time as he entered the stables. The men inside were obviously surprised to see him but he couldn't mind less: “Get my horse ready.”

“Yes, my liege!”

Not bothering to correct them, he allowed himself to think back to the reports about Rays whereabouts. Hopefully she would burn them...

“Hidalgo as well!” The voice behind him was out of breath but familiar and he turned on his heels.

“Michael!”

The warrior grinned wolfish while rubbing his eyes: “Hey Rye.”

“But...”

“Trying to lose a blind one in the darkness? Stupid move.” He moved passed the dethroned king to face the stable-lads: “Bring me my bag.”

“Mic-”, Ryan tried again but had no chance.

“I had feared it would end with us here.”, the warrior shrugged. “I packed some things like money and some food. Clothes, blankets – you know, needful stuff. What about you, Rye?” He grinned but it didn't cover the sadness and fright beneath: “You didn't prepare? I thought you always had a plan!”

“Stay here!”

“No. You want to command me?”

They both knew that right now the warrior had a higher rank than him. Not that it actually mattered.

“Michael... I beg you.” Stepping up, Ryan took hold of the others shoulder: “You are safe here. More importantly you are happy here! You have Lindsay an-”

“I told you for me my home are people.”

“Lindsay is your home!”

“Yes she is! But she is safe here, she is whole, she will be alright! You... you and Ray and me; we are not! We are broken as fuck and we won't be alright like this! We have to fix it!”, he insisted, not minding that he got shaken. “I won't back down, Ryan! I won't!”

“It's not backing down! You have to think about your future! Yo-”

“Let us find Ray.”, the warrior muttered gently. “Please, Rye. Let us find Ray and save him.”

And he was pulled close, crushed against the others chest as he held on just as tight. A desperate embrace as their horses were guided towards them.

“We're in this together.”, Michael assured him again. “Let's bring Ray home.”

 

 

_Best friends and lovers_   
_Turned against one another_   
_Their faces change_   
_Only shame remains_   
_Out here we stand alone_   
_Operation "Come Back Home"_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that we are in the final!  
> The song is "Lose my life" by Papercut Massacre and with this here done there are 5 chapters remaining.  
> See you guys next week in Chapter 10 - Beyond The Stars


	10. Beyond The Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not even roses bloomed here.  
> He missed roses.  
> He missed a lot of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Wow, we are so close to the end it feels unreal! So enjoy a chapter I am actually kinda proud of!

Chapter 10

Beyond the Stars

 

 

_My makeshift savior left me right here_   
_In my chains but still I whisper_   
_Still I call you_

 

Ray leaned against the dark stones, breathing deeply to try and get the floating feeling out of his head. His eyes found his white hands, a nice contrast to the stones and he focused on that, wrapping his mind around the picture for minutes over minutes until his lids fell shut.

Flinching awake again, Sichora pulled him forward. Squeezing through the crevice with ease, he briefly remembered that this had been a lot harder in the beginning. He couldn't remember why though.

“ _You stopped eating properly.”_

Ryans voice was distant but it reminded him of warmth.

“ _You promised me to watch after yourself.”_

Humming at the memory, he stepped out of his little cave he didn't really need. He didn’t sleep but inside he was safe from the worst cold and the rain. He didn't like the feeling of both of that on his pale skin.

It drove his senses to act up, like it was painful.

It felt like getting touched by someone dead.

“Hey!”, someone called and he was pretty sure it was in his head. Nobody was here, nobody came here besides himself and whoever he dragged along.

Not even roses bloomed here.

He missed roses.

He missed a lot of things.

“Hey, asshole!”

This time he looked up, surprised that what little sun reached this place was covered by fog. Not even white fog but black one that seemed oddly familiar. Like the voice.

Both things he lost.

Sichora pulled violently, the strings ripping at his joints as Michael charged from the darkness. Mogar missed him but his knees gave out and he dangled like a broken puppet as his demon pulled again, barely out of reach of the blade.

“Stop.”, his lips let out but his throat was too hoarse to raise his voice over a whisper. Michael didn't hear or maybe he did and it didn't matter. He kicked him in the guts and Ray doubled over, gasping for air before a fist collided with his head. Maybe it was an elbow, he didn't have the time to check as the impact wanted to throw him to the floor while Sichora tried to rip him into a standing position. Strings pulled, turning into nooses and cut off his desperate breaths until he stood on weak legs.

The warrior was in front of him again and Ray slowly moved his hand to the handle of his rapier but Michael was too fast.

The kick broke two of his fingers like twigs and a pathetic noise escaped him as he tried to get away.

He didn't succeed.

Too fast, too fast, too fast. Michael was in front of him again and Michael was never faster than him. Stronger maybe but not faster.

Only that he was.

This time it was a reflex as the strings disconnected from him to cut the warrior open and his inside screamed and begged Sichora to stop.

Still the glowing strands ripped through skin and clothes before their bodies collided. They both hit the ground with a huff, the warrior on top as he raised his arm, his fingers tightly curled into a fist. Ray wondered where Mogar was, he hadn't noticed it gone missing but he should probably be happy about it.

“Enough.” Ryans hand settled around the warriors wrist, keeping him from punching the knight in the face.

“Why?”, Michael snapped. “He can heal!”

There was no anger in his face, only fake one in his voice as Ray starred up to him. Drops of blood gathered on the others chin before they fell down heavy, splattering on the pale skin of the knight.

Ray could smell them, he could feel them. So different from the rain, a lot warmer and prettier. It felt like a lump in his throat.

It only grew thicker as Michael sobbed, his whole body shaking by the noise. His arm bucked, trying to inflict more pain but he was still held back.

Then the tears fell. Also hot but never pretty.

Ray could feel them touching his cheeks and neck and throat. Each like a tiny spark that burned before dying down as it lost its warmth on his damp skin.

“He can heal!”, Michael yelled again, a lonely broken voice. “So why... why isn't he..?” His free hand settled around Rays throat, forcing him to tip his head back. Ray let him, feeling the soft pressure against his windpipe and he let his lids fall shut.

The brown eyes traveled from the older scratches on the white skin to the still broken fingers: “Heal!”

The knight tried to answer but didn't remember the words. His dry tongue went to moisten his lips but they burned at the contact.

“Look at the state he is in.”, Ryan muttered carefully. “I am surprised he can still hold himself up.”

“Fuck him!”

The hand around his throat tightened slightly and Ryans voice felt just as warm: “Ray?”

He tried to open his eyes but his lids fluttered shut again. But it seemed to be answer enough.

“Can you call Sichora back?”

Softly, he shook his head, happy that he couldn’t see right now because the world felt like it twisted around him.

“Why?”

“I'll die.”, he croaked and it hurt. It was painful and the lump in his throat was worse than the choking hand. It wouldn't let him breath, pushing something else out he had buried so deep in his stomach. He wanted it gone, he didn't want to face it again.

He was fine, he was fine, he was fine.

The tears burned his eyes and the pain just let more coming as they welled up beneath his lids until they escaped. They flowed over his forehead as he convulsed in a desperate attempt to clear his windpipe. They hid in his dirty hair and some ran away over his temple after being locked in for so long.

Michaels hand left him and he managed a small breath that came right back out as a weak sob. He was pulled up against the warm body of his oldest friend and held so tight that he felt like he was getting crushed. It was a nice feeling.

“Save me.”, he panted against the warriors ear, barely any voice left.

“Always.”, Michael promised again and it made Ray feel heavy with a lot of things. So many old and warm and familiar things.

“Hey.” Ryan was next to him as well, a hand in the black hair and the knight tried to open his eyes to look at him. To make sure he wasn't dreaming all of this because it wouldn't be the first time. God, no it wouldn't be.

But Gavin wasn't here, was he?

“I need you to sleep, Ray.”

“No...”

“You have to. Please sleep.”

But he would not sleep. He had forgotten how to sleep.

“I had a nightmare.”

Was that a memory or a fact?

His dreams were awful or his reality was and he was so, so lost.

Still he fell asleep because the first rule was to listen to Ryan.

Ryan made sure that Michael had a tight grip on him but it was a stupid assumption that he hadn't. The warrior was hiding his face in the others neck, whispering: “Found you.” and “Told you.” into white skin and black hair.

The vagabond stood up, walking back towards the trees where he and Michael had hid before. The reports and letters he had gotten had shown him the route Ray had chosen quite clearly and in all honesty; it was pretty obvious where he was headed to.

Echolon-Forest was quiet and big, no mobs and no guards of any kind daring to go near it. Enough prey on the way to the portal that nobody would miss.

As Ryan and Michael had first reached the trees Sichoras presence welcomed them, poisoning the air and it was a strange mistake from Ray. Keeping his demon present all the time was exhausting and unnecessary.

At least that's what he had believed.

Returning with their bags, Ryan pulled out their blankets because Michael was shivering and even if it wasn't necessarily from the cold, it didn't matter.

Ray didn't tremble but he was cold to the touch.

Holding the blanket out, the warrior was quick to take it and wrap it tightly around his friend before pulling him close again.

“You too.”, Ryan ordered but the other didn't take notice of the second cover.

“We found him.”

“Yeah.” Putting the blanket over Michaels shoulders to keep the worst cold out, he stood up: “I'm going to take a quick look in the cave.”

The warrior finally lifted his head in favor to look at the vagabond: “Are you sure you want to?”

No, he wasn't.

“I'm fine.”, he said instead. “Just look after him.”

Nodding, he nestled against Ray and Ryan neared the entry slowly, a foul taste in his mouth. The crack he had seen the knight squeeze through was impossibly tight and he was too tall and well-built to fit. But that also meant that Ray wasn't able to take a body with him inside.

At least not a full grown man. Maybe a woman if she was thin and fragile.

Children would fit.

That thought drowned him in a cold that went down to his bones and he had to close his eyes. There were children waiting at the portal, even born there. Doomed from the start.

Ray wouldn't..?

Slowly breathing out, his lids opened again and he peered inside. His heart beating wildly as his eyes adjusted, scared of what he would find.

Nothing.

The cave opened up a bit but not nearly as big as he had expected. Enough for a person to sit down, maybe curl up but nothing more. There were black smudges on the stone and he figured it was ash and grime but he couldn't make out a fireplace anywhere.

Frowning, Ryan stepped back but he didn't let it bother him. It was something far more pleasant than what he had expected.

Michaels gaze was burning his back and with some calming breaths he turned around. Crouching down next to the two, he took hold of the warriors chin, forcing him to twist his head so that he could see where the blood came from that let his freckles disappear: “He cut you.”

“Just swallow, nothing bad.”

Ryan wanted to tell him what unnecessary risk he had taken today but Michael had been stubborn about it. Insisting that a good beating would help Ray wake up.

Only that they had counted on the fact that the knight would just heal up after the heat was over.

“We'll have to clean it.”

He opened his mouth to talk back but simply nodded in the end. As Ryan let him go, he instantly took a look at Ray as if his weight against him wasn't enough to assure him the knight was still there.

“We found him.”, he whispered again. Not only him, no. Sichora was still right beneath the surface, keeping him alive.

They both saw it – this was the body of someone on the brink of death. Waxen skin over clearly visible bones. Dirt staining his clothes and his body, making the deep black rings beneath his eyes nearly invisible.

Way too thin.

Not that Ray had any weight on him before.

It reminded Ryan too much of Gavin in his final days than he would like to admit. Only that Gavin had forced himself to eat and stay strong – it had taken him several months of sickness to get to this state.

Ray had been out here for weeks but he looked like he hadn't eaten since then. Maybe that was true.

Slowly reaching out, he took the knights arm, knowing that Michael was observing each and every one of his movements. There were red lines on the white skin – scratches as everyone would get from being around here.

Only that Ray didn't get scratches.

At least not long enough to stay.

None of them bled but the skin around was still irritated. As if Sichora had just used enough of its power to avoid an infection but didn't waste it on anything else. And Rays own body was too weak to heal the rest.

He shivered at the thought.

“We have to take him somewhere else.”, he muttered.

“I broke his fingers...”, Michael answered, his voice laced with guilt. “I thought he could just... heal them, you know..?”

“He just needs a rest.” Reaching out, he wanted to pat the warriors head but the other shrunk away and he didn't insist. “After he slept I am sure he will be able to heal it in no time at all.”

“He feels so light, Rye.” Now it was a whimper. “Like there is nothing left of him!”

Such a terrible thought.

“We have enough food for now, he has to eat and it will get better. We may have to baby him a little in the next days.”

Michael nodded shyly: “Alright.”

“Let's take him to the horses. It's not as windy there and the river is near.”, Ryan offered. And because he knew Michael wouldn't want it any other way: “You think you can carry him?”

“Sure.” Carefully, the warrior shifted the limp body, holding Ray close as he stood up. Making sure that the knights head laid securely against his chest and the blanket still tightly wrapped around him, he moved ahead. Ryan followed, throwing a last glance to the cave before moving on.

 

It was in the middle of the night when Ryan noticed that Sichora stirred up. Michael had curled himself tightly around the knight after his shift, maybe an hour ago so he couldn't be long awake.

Still it had something haunting to it as Ray simply stared up into the sky without blinking. For a moment the vagabond debated if he should call him when the eyes turned black. The hand with the broken fingers which Michael held gently twitched as it was healed, making the warrior grumble in his sleep.

That seemed to finally catch Rays attention and after blinking his eyes were brown as he turned his head. He seemed to carefully observe Michael who settled back on the others shoulder, pulling him slightly closer.

The knight stretched his fingers before tracing the warriors skin with them.

Ryan guessed he was smiling but when Ray finally turned his head to him, he only seemed confused. Maybe a bit scared.

His eyes found the vagabond and then traveled on. Searching for the fourth person that wasn't here.

That was when he frowned. “Am I dreaming?”, he asked and Ryan could hear how hoarse the others throat was.

“No.” Standing up, he reached for their water before crouching down next to them: “Here.”

But Ray pushed the water-skin away, shaking his head.

“Drink.”, Ryan ordered.

“I'll get sick.”

“When was the last time you drank something?”

The knight shrugged as if that wasn't the point and it made Ryan angry: “Don't make me force you!”

“Would you?”

“Absolutely.” And without any hesitation he took a fistful of the dark hair and pulled the other into a sitting position. Ray squirmed around and the vagabond was quick to shush him down: “Don't wake Michael! He finally fell asleep!”

“I don't want to drink!”  
“You have to!”

“No, I don't!” It ended in a dry cough and he seemed mad at his own body for betraying him.

“See.”

“I can survive without water and food!”

“Ray, please drink.”

And finally the knight gave in, putting the water-skin to his lips.

“Slowly or you'll really get sick.”

Ray glared at him but didn't say anything. They both could hear the water rumbling in his empty stomach and he didn't seem pleased by it as he pushed the water-skin back in Ryans hands: “There. Happy now?”

The vagabond simply nodded and watched as the knight laid back down, turning his back to him. He was obviously fuming but even though he tensed as Ryan touched him he didn't protest at the gentle strokes on his back.

Until: “Why did you follow me?”

“Are you surprised about that?”, Ryan asked, honestly curious but he didn't get an answer.

“I told Michael I'd come back when I was ready! You two should have stayed in the castle and everything would have worked out!”

“No, Ray.”, he chided him. “You can't bring him back.”

The was a new tension in his back but he didn't talk back. Ryan wondered what that meant.

“Who is looking after the kingdom?”, the knight asked instead and the vagabond nearly huffed amused. In all honesty; he had no clue.

“Doesn't matter right now.” Because he really didn't want to discuss that in the middle of the night before he had even sorted everything out in his own head: “Are you tired?”

“I don't have to sleep.”

“That wasn't the question, Ray.”

He saw the knight frown before he nodded shyly and Ryan smiled a little: “Sleep some more. We settle things in the morning.”

Again he didn't talk back, he simply sighed and shifted closer to Michael. Hiding his head beneath the others chin.

Letting his hand rest on the others shoulder, the tension left Ray in mere seconds.

 

He slept in.

Michael was awake at the first sunbeams and his first reflex was to check on the knight. He carefully moved each of Rays fingers before he nodded and sat down next to Ryan: “Morning.”

“Morning.”, he replied, not even bothering with any small talk. “We have to keep an eye on Ray.”

“You don't have to tell me that.”  
“I know but it makes me feel better.”

“Go on then.”

“One of us should always be with him if he considers to make a run for it.” At the questioning look of the warrior, he shrugged: “He's pissed that we found him before he was ready.”

“Idiot.”, but it was a fond curse.

Ryan smiled softly: “Yeah. And we have to get him to eat and drink again. Not too much in the beginning.”  
“He'll get sick of it, right?”

“Exactly. We have to make him get used to it slowly again. He's barely skin and bones.”

“Gotcha.”, Michael replied. “We also have to check on his temperature. It's pretty low.”

“Probably because his body has no energy left whatsoever.”

“He feels like Gavin.”, the warrior mumbled with a dark frown. “Just not as bad.”

Ryan threw him a long and worried look: “He's not Gavin.” This time he was allowed to comb through the others hair: “We can and will safe him.”

“Yeah.”

“It will still be a rough time.”

“We should be used to that by now.”

“Yeah, we should.”, Ryan agreed but couldn't help but sigh. He was getting tired of it. Shaking the thought off, he continued: “I want to check on Shawcross and the portal to see the damage Ray caused as soon as possible. We should be safe before they get a message that I'm not the King anymore.”

“Go then.”, Michael shrugged. “Shouldn't take you that long and I don't think it would be a good idea if we take Ray with us there.”  
“Can you handle this here?”

“Sure. He will probably still be asleep when you come back. He's exhausted.”

Ryan seemed to think about this for a while and the warrior let him, reaching for the bags to get something to eat for himself. He had nearly devoured one of the apples they had collected on their way when the vagabond agreed: “If you really think so I'll go.”

“Man, you could already be halfway there.”, was his answer, getting a slap against his head as Ryan stood up.

With a short goodbye, he waved after his friend as he reached for his second apple. Hesitating for a second, he checked if the other was out of sight before digging deeper, finding the red coat and the brooch. Pulling both of them out, he leaned back against a tree and took a big bite while twirling the brooch between his fingers. He had done that a lot in the past weeks, getting used to the sharp thorns and he knew exactly how to move it to avoid getting pricked.

And always had he wondered why Ray had left both items with him. To not get recognized so easily? It was his trademark after all.

Still the cloak but most of all the brooch was a reminder of Gavin.

Rather, Michael was sure Ray left it with him so that he could look after both of it. So that one day when Ray got back to the castle, Michael could wait at the gate for him and put it around his shoulders again.

“Brought them to you instead.”, he muttered with a full mouth before putting both back.

Throwing a look to the knight, he saw that he was still deeply asleep and so he moved to clean and sharpen Mogar, having nothing else to do right now.

He missed Lindsay.

That realization came whenever he relaxed, waiting for a weakness in him. It left him crushed and he stopped in the familiar movements to stare into his own reflection in the blade.

Sometimes he missed her so much that it was like a physical pain, making him sick in his stomach and leaving him shaken. It felt like he was weighted down, something heavy on his chest.

Not that he regretted his decision and he had talked with Lindsay about it. He had just hoped that if he moved out to search for Ray he'd be able to say goodbye in a proper way.

Or in any way.

Sighing deeply, he got back to work and by the time Ray woke up he was long finished, lost inside his own thoughts.

“I had a nightmare.”, Ray admitted, making the other shiver before turning towards him.

“Don't say it like that.”

“Sorry.”

Michael nodded, before reaching for the bag again: “I have some apples. They need to be gone before they get bad.”

“I'm not hungry.”

“I don't care.”

Huffing annoyed, Ray at least didn't protest further but ate the slices his friend cut him in silence.

“Where's Ryan?”, he asked finally and Michael debated if he should tell him about the portal. In the end he settled on: “Went to look around a bit. He should be back soon.”

“I see.” Frowning at the water-skin Michael held out for him, he sighed before taking small sips. His stomach felt strange after being filled, like there was a deep pressure inside. He didn't like it.

He had been fine without food.

He had been fine without them.

It darkened his mood but also brought forth new and old questions: “What happened in the castle after I was gone?”

“Got empty...”, Michael simply said but didn't went further.

Unsure of what to say, Ray remained silent. Playing with the last slice of the apple before asking carefully: “What went wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“How come... Rye isn't on the throne anymore, is he?”

The warrior was surprised by that: “Of course not. What did you expect to happen after what you- after what happened?”

“So she still sent the letter...”, Ray muttered beneath his breath but still loud enough to make Michael tense up. “What a selfish creature...”

“Don't.”, was his answer. Full of suppressed emotions that could easily boil.

“Why not? She is, isn't she?”, the knight continued thoughtful. “She had no reason to sent a report to Geoff. I left the castle so the prisoners were safe.”

“No rea-”, Michael stopped himself because he was close to yelling. His trembling hands curled tightly: “Ray, she had to. It's her _job._ And also it was still happening, right? You still went and murdered. The problem wasn't the place, Ray!”

The knight slowly looked towards him, no emotions on his face as if the topic bored him greatly: “She doomed Ryan because of that.”

“Ryan was ready to take the punishment because of you!”

“You are very angry with me, right?”

“Of cou-”

“And still you chose me over her.”, a smile split Rays face and it was warm and gentle. It tipped Michael over, making him jump to his feet in rage: “I did not!”

“But you are here and she is not.”

“I am here to safe you, you idiot!”

“And you left her behind.”

“No! I'll get back!”

“How?”, Ray asked and seemed amused when the other didn't find an answer right away. “I am not welcome in the castle anymore. Ryan neither. You may be but you'll have a rough time. Still; you are out here with us.”

The warrior stared down at him, his shoulders pulled up as he still tried to hold himself back: “I won't leave her!”

“You already did. You left her for me.” And again Ray smiled like Michael had wished to see so often, only that it made him sick right now: “Thank you.”

“Fuck you.”, he replied, staring down at him. “I'll wait until I am sure you are fine. Then I'll guard you and Ryan as you leave this country. After that I will head back to Lindsay.”  
“No.”

“What do you mean with no? It's not your decision!”

“Don't leave me alone.” Reaching out to the warrior, Ray begged quietly: “Don't leave me, Michael...”

And it made him so sick. He felt rage and guilt rising inside of him and also such a sadness that it hurt. It hurt because it was an act, because Ray knew which words to chose and which sentence ached and which Truth cut the deepest. He had learned because he had watched Gavin do it, only that Gavin was genuinely scared, scared of being left behind like before.

And Ray just wanted to keep him so that Lindsay didn't have him.

Like he was a price of some sort.

“Well guess what, asshole.” Michael started and fuck everything; he wouldn't let himself be manipulated: “I wouldn't have to chose if it wouldn't be for you!”

“I'd never do anything to hurt y-”

“Yeah? Well you are doing an awful job at that, you know! We could have all lived in the castle, we could all have been together but you ruined it! You were the one and you knew exactly what you were doing! I wouldn't have to chose between Lindsay and you because we could be together in that place! We were as happy as we could be after everything that happened – hell, we were healing! And you just rip and prod at the wound because you can't let fucking go!”

“It was always all three of us, Mic-”

“Yeah?”, the warrior interrupted him with a scream. “Is that so? What about Geoff and Jack? I am pretty sure they were part of us in the beg-”

“They betrayed us.”

“And Ryan?”, Michael wanted to know, gesticulating wildly. “What about him? Isn't he part of us as well? Or do you also not count him?”

“Of course I do! I mea-”  
“You know what's your fucking problem, Ray? You don't miss Gavin!”

The knight was on his feet instantly: “What are y-”

“You miss the memory!”, Michael stepped up so that he could scream it in the others face. “You miss that distorted memory that won't leave your head of us three always happy like a fucking fairytale! Well guess what; it wasn't like that! We weren't always happy! We weren't perfect; not even your fucking Gavin! He was loud and uncoordinated! He could be such a brick that I wanted to beat it out of him! He was awful when he wanted to, he could be terribly selfish!”

“Don't make me hurt you!”

“Wake. The. Fuck. Up!” And each word was followed by a shove against the others chest: “He did a lot of good stuff, yeah. He brought you out of the Nether – I get it! But Ray; you have to face reality! He is gone!”

“That's a lie! You're a liar, Michael!”

“You didn't even remember his eye color!”

“That's no- I was ju-”

“He is not here!”, he screamed and he felt like he screamed that sentence a lot. He would continue to scream it because even when it cut himself one day it might get through to Ray.

“I'll get him out! I'll get him back!”

“There is nowhere for you to get him out! He is not in the Nether or the End! He is somewhere entirely different! He has to face The Truth and you can't sto-”

“Yes, I can!” And Ray pulled forth his rapier: “Don't stand in my way, Michael!”

“You want to fight me? Come then; I beat your ass yesterday without any problems! I'll do it again – I don't care!”

“You wouldn-”

“I wouldn't hurt you? I wouldn’t fight you?”, he laughed brightly at that. “Why not? Why the fuck wouldn't I? You can heal, can't you? So I can beat the living crap out of you because you know what? You know what, Ray? You fucking ruined it! You are calling Lindsay selfish for stopping you murdering people! But look at you!” The blade was close to his skin, he could feel the coldness of it clearly but he didn't bat an eye on it, poking Ray in the chest: “Because of _you_ Lindsay nearly died. Because of _you_ I had to leave her behind! And because of _you_ Ryan lost the throne and is fearing for his head! It's your fucking fault that Gavins kingdom is back in Geoffs hands – good work! It was you, you, _you!_ Selfish bastard!”

Michael had to stop to get oxygen back into his empty lungs, his throat feeling hot and sore even though he should be used to scream like that by now. But it was also the big lump inside his throat, the swallowing around it and hoping not to cry, because he didn't want to scream at Ray. He just didn't know any other way to make him see what was really happening and in the end he had said so much more than what he wanted to say.

And now Ray stared at him, his eyes brown but somehow darker than his. Maybe dimmer even when a certain wetness was displayed in them. His lips tightly pressed together but not in rage. No, rage would be something Michael could deal with and knowing that broke his heart.

For a moment he wanted to reach out to comfort the other but he knew he shouldn't. He couldn’t be sure – and he felt terrible for even thinking about that possibility – that Ray wasn't manipulating him.

“I love you, Michael.”, the other said quietly and the warrior couldn't help but wince. “You were my first and best friend and you always looked after me. You believed that I could become a knight of the King when I or Jack didn't. Why won't you believe in me now?”

And Michael stepped back, like he was fleeing from those words: “Ray... Gavin has to face The Truth and nothing you do c-”

“I know.” Their voices were now even, nearly a powerful whisper and the knight closed the distance between them again: “The Truth was payment for the mark I forced onto Gavin.” He held up his arm, revealing the faint vines around his wrist as if Michael could have forgotten them. Only that he had merely felt them and never saw them before. It made him shiver.

“Those marks were caused by one demon, the God I told you before. Gavin has to pay it and that caused him to _'not be here'_ , as you put it.”, Ray continued, following each of Michaels step back with one of his own. “And this God wants humans to act as vessels for its demons – I give it that. I give it what it wants and it gives me what I want. That's how a deal works, Michael.”

“It's wrong.”, the warrior muttered but it was weak.

“I don't care.”

“Gavin wouldn't want you to do that.”

“I don't care.”

“ _I_ don't want you to do it.”

And Ray smiled: “You want him back as well. Lindsay isn't here to take that hope from you anymore.” He leaned forward and for a confused moment Michael was sure he was going to kiss him. The knight put both of his hands against the others chest and got on his tiptoes like Lindsay sometimes did. But he whispered right into his ear: “Let me do it. If you let me all three of us can watch the stars again. Don't you want that as well? Do you not care?”

The offer of a demon.

Michael saw Ryan standing between the trees but couldn't concentrate enough to read his expression. He just listened to his heart beating rapidly as Ray waited for his answer and he wasn't sure what would happen when he agreed. It scared him and before he could stop himself, he shoved his friend from him before staggering back. Trying to get enough space between them as possible.

Ray growled as his weak body had a hard time keeping him up but as the knight looked up in the pale and frightened face of the other, he stopped. His anger was replaced by sorrow and guilt and his mouth opened with silent words he couldn't bring out. It were the nearing steps that made him spin around, fearing they were getting attacked but the sight seemed to cost him even more strength: “Rye...”

“I heard you both screaming.” The blue eyes darted from one to another: “And then it suddenly stopped.”

Both of them stared at him, breathing heavily and slowly, oh so slowly the knight moved, covering one half of his face with his hand until there was only a faint glint between his fingers were his eye was: “Rye...” His other hand reached out but stopped as he turned around slightly. As if to check on Michael and both of them seemed shocked and scared because of the same cause and Rays breath hitched: “What am I..?” It wasn't directed at any of them but maybe to himself. A result of being alone for too long: “What am I doing..?”

Ryans finger brushed against his shoulder and the knight threw himself at the man, clinging for dear life. Stifling little screams against the others chest in his panic.

Michael watched and felt a new wave of nausea and rage. Because he wasn't sure, he couldn't be sure that Ray wasn't acting it up. That Ray wasn't playing and if he was, which was The Truth and which was the lie?

There was a pang of jealously he couldn't place and it made his breath go rigid. Turning on his heels, he walked away, somewhere into the woods because he couldn't stay with them right now. Because he was confused and scared and so, so hurt.

“ _I give it what it wants and it gives me what I want.”_

It shouldn't sound so logical. It shouldn't give him hope.

Gavin was gone! Gavin was gone to face whatever payment it was and he couldn't help him! He couldn't help his boy, no matter how much he wanted to! It was out of his reach, out of his might to change it anymore!

“ _That's how a deal works, Michael.”_

No! No, it was wrong!

“ _I don't care.”_

He shouldn't believe Ray, not in the state his friend was in!

“ _I don't care.”_

It was wrong! It was wrong to hope and to plan and to think about it! He had to let go! Gavin was gone and he couldn't run around and kill innocent people in the false expectancy to bring him back.

Ray couldn't even know what that demon, that God wanted! It was just the voice of Sichora that whispered to him, nothing else! No other clue to go on!

Demons were sly and manipulative, he knew that! He couldn't be fooled by that!

Michael sat down on the ground, fearing to go further and get lost in those damn woods and also because his legs felt heavy.

Why couldn't he save Ray?

Could he save Gavin?

“No...”, he begged his own head, pushing both of his hands against his temples. He shouldn't think about it! It was wrong and twisted and god; he didn't want to end up like Ray!

“I don't care.”, his own lips answered and he moved his arms until his ears were covered to not hear his own words.

“ _And this God wants humans to act as vessels for its demons.”_

No, no, _no!_

He couldn't do that!

“ _That's how a deal works, Michael.”_

“I don't care!”

His mind was a mess at the possibility.

“ _You have no connection with the Nether. I pray that it stays like this.”_

Ray had said that! Ray wouldn't want him to do it!

“ _Whatever comes out of this portal is cursed with bad luck and is twisted and broken. You are the only one left here that is whole.”_

Was he? He felt broken and bent and he couldn't find himself in the pieces.

“ _That is your personal gift.”_

Closing his eyes, he hunched over. His forehead hitting the ground as he tried to breath. It was hard. There was a lump in his throat he couldn't erase.

“ _You always looked out for him after all, right?”_

“ _Don't you want that as well?“_

“ _You don't even have Triella, you are weak!”_

“ _Do you not care?”_

Of course he did! How could Ray think he wouldn't?

Had he not shown that over and over again?

“ _If you let me all of us can watch the stars again.”_

A howl escaped him as he managed to get enough oxygen into his lungs. It was low and somehow familiar. It hurt his throat as it passed by the lump, the pressure bringing tears to his eyes.

There was a touch on his shoulder and he slapped at the hand, trying to get away too fast and fell to his side. Scared that it would be Ray, offering him his sweet insanities. Nearly a demon himself.

“ _Do you want the strength of an army?”_

“ _Are you afraid of the dark?”_

“ _Do you want me to make your pain stop?”_

He sobbed at the last one, feeling something heavy and dark curl around his mind.

“ _I love you, Michael.”_

“Michael?”

Ryan was hovering above him and he reached out, searching for a hold. There was skin yielding beneath his fingers, daring to break open and he felt Ryan flinch at the sudden pain. Still he pulled the warrior up to his knees, cupping the white face of his: “Michael! Breath! You have to breath, come on!”

And he did. He did and once he started he couldn't stop because Ryan appearing had somehow severed the lump in his throat and now the air flowed deeply, making him lightheaded after the lack.

“Slowly!” He was shaken and held only tighter, trying to gulp down more oxygen until Ryan pressed a hand against his chest: “With me. Breath with me, Michael.”

And the new pressure was warm and a gentle force, moving whenever Ryans chest rose. It took him a moment to understand what was asked from him but he worked through it with his abused mind, following the silent orders until his head didn't feel like floating away.

“ _Michael... I think my head is floating away.”_

And he was back in The End, holding Gavin close to his chest, knowing his boy was bleeding out on him. Knowing he hadn't protected him. Not knowing yet what consequences would follow.

The memory hurt like liquid fire.

“ _I wish... Really wish Ryan would hold it down.”_

And maybe that would help. Maybe that was the key and in a desperate attempt he pried Ryans hand from his face, forcing it to move up. He didn't know how but Ryan understood.

His hand fanned over his head and the warrior collapsed against the others body. Limp and exhausted from his own mind. Scared senseless as he trembled violently, his eyes wide open without seeing.

Ryan was shushing him down, the other hand now on his back and trailing the length up and down: “Sorry...”

There was a kiss pressed against his temple and then against his sweaty forehead but Michael didn't have the strength to react.

“Sorry, I shouldn't have left you alone with him. I should have seen something like that coming.” It seemed impossible for Ryan to hold him any tighter but still he somehow did: “Don't listen to him. He is confused. You are confused – in all honesty; we all are.”

 

Michael was leaning against a tree, staring into the flames instead of the darkness surrounding them in the forest. Ryan had asked if he felt ready to take a shift and he had said it wouldn't be a problem. Ryan then had lit the fire even though they had all wondered if Ray would do it.

But after what happened hours ago the knight had barely talked. He had eaten and drank whenever they wanted him to. That was a good sign.

Probably.

Michael wasn't sure anymore.

After all the yelling the day had been quiet and he realized that Ryan hadn't even told him about what he had seen at the portal.

He would ask him tomorrow. Or maybe not.

Blinking, the flames were still burning behind his lids and he leaned his head back until it hit the tree. Then he turned it, opening his eyes again.

Next to him laid the other two, Ray tightly holding on to the older as if he was afraid to slip away. Both were sleeping heavily, Michael was able to hear it in their deep breaths.

Licking his lips, he made sure to drink something before asking softly: “Lightbringer?”

As there was no reaction, he swallowed and it sounded loud in the silence of the night.

“Gavin?” He didn't want to think about the reason he used that name. It made him shiver because it worked. The bird appeared on Rays shoulder and landed on his hand as he reached out.

It felt warm and familiar against his skin: “Help me with something, will you?”

And he was aware that the other couldn't really talk in this form but the demon didn't fly away as he stood.

Brown eyes lingered for a while longer on the pair on the ground, wanting nothing more than to curl around them and sleep. Instead he turned away, heading into the direction as Ryan had this morning.

“Mind showing me the way to the portal?”

The bird chirped happily.

 

 

_And I'm the black stain of your perfect life_   
_I am the darkness that you need to hide_   
_It covers you_   
_It spills over you_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus I finally broke Michael - I am so happy!  
> Song is "Darkest Part" by RED and was suggested thanks to the amazing Rachel. Didn't I tell you the song fits, my Dear?  
> Next chapter is called "Swan Song", so be ready!  
> So long until next week, my lovely Reader!


	11. Swan Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What happened, Michael?”  
> “So many things...” He wouldn't know where to begin with, only that he did. “Gavin died.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I finished the story this week and even though it will be the shortest one out of the three parts, I hope you will all enjoy it!

Chapter 11

Swan Song

 

 

_With no one wearing their real face_   
_It's a whiteout of emotion_   
_And I've only got my brittle bones to break the fall_

 

At first the darkness of the forest had felt like it was closing in on him but the Lightbringer brought... well, light. The bird flew in front of Michael, leaving a trail of sparks behind to follow if it got too far ahead before coming back. Circling around the shivering boy to fight the shadows back and bring a bit of warmth. Not that he was shaking because of the temperature. It was his nerves that were getting the better of him and more than once he had looked over his shoulder.

Expecting to catch a glimpse of a monster, ready to launch at him. Or maybe one of the other two, screaming at him with worried eyes and dragging him back to safety.

Nothing happened and he continued to move on, trembling breaths passing his lips as he tried not to think about what was going to happen but also knowing that he had to plan. He had to plan ahead but it scared him.

God, he was so scared.

Thoughts of Edgar and Sichora floating in his mind and one was powerful and immense, striking fear into his heart since the first time he saw it and the other was just plain terrifying. An obscure creature forged out of nightmares.

Michael whimpered into the night and the Lightbringer circled back at the noise. Resting on his shoulder and the warrior was glad for the warmth. He should probably be afraid of the bird as well, it was a demon after all and it could burn him up on a whim. But he wasn't. Not really.

It wasn't because of the appearance but mostly because he knew the Lightbringer wouldn't. Because Gavin wouldn't.

He was still missing some parts of The Truth but he was getting there. He knew that Ryan didn't want him to think about it. He damn well knew that Gavin didn't want him to figure it out but he couldn't stop.

It was a nagging thought in the back of his mind that wouldn't stop. Like a song stuck in his head, he didn't want to hear anymore because it hurt. It hurt.

The Lightbringer chirped softly next to his ear and he recognized the lullaby. Michael smiled shakily.

That was another reason why he didn't fear this demon.

Because in the twisted world it had looked after him. It had searched for his touch, trying to communicate as good as it could with him and it had felt so familiar.

Reaching up, he patted the little head reassuringly: “I am fine. Thanks.”

The bird took off again and he continued to follow until he could make out the purple glow between the trees.

Stopping, he caught his breath and whistled quietly. Instantly the bird headed back to him, landing on his outstretched hand. For a moment he just stood there, feeling his own trembling and his own fear all too clearly and another whimper escaped him.

He could still go back. If he just retraced his steps, he could sit back against the very same tree as before and act like nothing had ever happened. That he hadn't left them behind.

“ _That's how a deal works, Michael.”_

He closed his eyes, listening to the night around him and knew he wouldn’t back down. He wouldn't give up because he had this damn lion-heart as Lindsay put it. He wouldn't give up because maybe he could find a solution for their situation.

And he wanted to watch the stars again.

Ever since Ray had brought it up it wouldn't leave him alone.

The first time he had rested on Gavins belly, feeling the warmth and the breathing and the life inside of him and it was nearly enough to lull him into sleep back then.

The second time he had laid next to Lindsay, their hands intertwined with hushed words that the others didn't catch and hidden kisses.

Both times he hadn't seen the stars.

He wanted to now.

He wanted the third time to be with them all. To have Lindsay close to him and Gavins head laying on top of him and he would see them. He would see that they were alive and well and it wouldn't be enough. Because he would crane his neck and check on Ryan next to Gavin and Ray curled between both of them.

Opening his eyes again, he felt that they were wet, so close to overflowing because it had been so clear in his mind. Such a vivid dream.

His heart ached with longing.

Swallowing loudly, he raised his arm so that he and the bird were on eye level with each other: “I need you to go back now. I know it will tire Ray and maybe also you but please keep an eye on them. I was meant to be on watch – it would fucking suck if I come back and they are dead.” If he came back at all.

He smiled sadly at that and the bird chirped, the wings fluttering.

“Thanks for taking me here.”, he muttered. “Wish me luck, alright? I think it's in our both interest that I succeed.”

The first notes of the lullaby were his answer and he chuckled lightly: “Yeah. I hope so.”

He watched the Lightbringer go, flying elegantly through the trees and he waited until the last sparks vanished before he turned his head. The portal wasn't foreign to him; after all he had spent weeks here before but it still was sending out a terrible pressure. A dark feeling he just couldn't get used to.

“ _Whatever comes out of this portal is cursed with bad luck and is twisted and broken.”_

He remembered Ryan coming out. Scared and in a state of panic. Begging him to not bring him back. Inside was hell.

“ _You are the only one left here that is whole.”_

Michaels smile faded as he stepped out from the lines of trees.

It was quiet here even though he spotted the waiting people instantly. A bit less than the last time he had been here and he wondered briefly if that was thanks to Ray. If he had picked people out that were for his liking, luring them away and then... do what?

It wasn't a topic he wanted to think about in a place as dark and distorted as this and he reached behind him, feeling Mogars hilt cold and reassuring against his fingers.

“Michael?”

“Hey Kerry.”, he greeted the knight with a fake smile. “Good to see you again.”

The young man observed him quietly and Michael didn't like it. His gaze seemed to dig too deep.

“King Haywood was here this morning and told me I wouldn't see any of you in the next days.” King? So news hadn't reached this place yet. “Did something happen?”

The warrior was quick to shake his head: “They are alright. And I guess they will be here by tomorrow.” Not that it took a genius to find out where Michael had gone. There wasn't really anything else besides trees around here.

“Then what are you doing here?”

A laugh escaped him and it sounded hysterical. The sound scared him, it also scared Kerry. He saw the other flinch.

“Sorry.”, the warrior apologized quickly but still felt the chuckles in the back of his throat. “I am just not really sure, you know?”

They stood for a moment in a tense silence and Michael wanted to blurt his plan out just to share the weight but he couldn't lose any more time. The sooner he got into the portal the better.

He couldn't risk getting caught.

“Are you... alright?”, Kerry asked slowly, worry lacing his tone.

“No.” God, no he was not. “But thanks for asking.” He passed the knight and headed towards the portal, the violet light bright and seeming fake in the deep night. A thing that shouldn't belong here.

His fingers found the smooth black stones around it, recognizing it as obsidian and then he stared into the vortex, seeing the grass and the trees beyond a bit twisted.

Kerry was standing behind him, watching him intently without doubt.

“You can't step though.”  
“I know.”

“What happened, Michael?”

“So many things...” He wouldn't know where to begin with, only that he _did_. “Gavin died.”

The knight was silent for a second before asking nearly breathless: “Do you want to get him out?”

“I just...”, Michael began but once again he realized he didn't know what he wanted. Getting Gavin back was surely one point and then Ray would become normal again.

Right?

This was the right choice after all?

“ _And it hurts so badly... I miss him so much...”_

“We all miss him, Ray...”, he repeated and he wasn't at the portal, he was back at Gavins grave.

“ _It is the only way.”_

“ _No it is not.”_

Back then he had said those words with such certainty. As if he had a plan, an idea to work it all through. Only that it had been a lie.

If he wanted to save Ray he had to save Gavin. Their destinies were intertwined thanks to this portal and maybe he was a part of it.

Maybe he wanted to be a part of it.

Leaning his head against the frame, he closed his eyes and took calming breaths.

“Kerry?”  
“Yeah?”

But he didn't know what he wanted to say anymore. A message, some wise words in case something went wrong but he had never been good with that. He couldn't just think of something. He had to scream it, scream loud enough until there was no filter between his brain and his mouth anymore and the words just tumbled out.

He was weak like that.

Stepping back from the portal, he threw a look at the smaller man, forcing a smile onto his face: “Please stand back a little.”  
“No.”

“I do this for myself. No matter what happens it is my fault entirely. Make sure that Ray and Ryan know that as well.”

“Mic-” But he stopped listening. Turning back towards the vortex, he took a deep breath: “Let me in!”

His voice was loud and improper in the silence of the night and that nearly stopped him. Only that he wasn't going to allow that: “I'll make a contract! That's what you guys want, right? I'll take whatever demon you want me to but I need to talk to you!”

Triella.

Kerry was talking, tugging at his arm and he wasn't the only voice anymore. People were closing in on him and he just grew louder: “You don't need me dead, right? I'm still young – I'm in perfect shape. I'm a fucking grand price for a demon! Just let me inside!”

There was a shadow and he knew he was being watched. Shoving Kerry away from him, he stepped closer: “Let me in! Let me in if you want my fucking soul! All I want is to talk to you! Let me make a deal! What do you have to lose?”

The trees and the grass vanished and he stared into a wasteland. He was awaited. The shadow was now clearer, way taller than him and with a sword in hand.

Michael took a hitching breath, wondering if he would be killed upon entering. His fingers itched for Mogar but he simply curled them into fists. Nervously licking his lips, he took a step into the frame, his eyes focused on the shadow.

The purple overlay faded completely, leaving everything red. After the cold night the heat was like a slap in the face and it was dark. Not as dark as the night but he knew that it would be always like that. This was a place lacking any light.

It only knew fire.

The shadow didn't move, simply lurking in front of him but that didn't mean he would avert his eyes even for a second. Stepping down from the frame onto the red stone, he realized just how big the creature was.

Swallowing, he forced himself to speak: “Are you the big boss of this place?” It was meant to sound cocky because there was either that or rage for him when he was this nervous. But his voice was shaking, not hiding his obvious fear.

As he got no answer, he tried again: “Can you... can you take me to it?”

The shadow moved and Michael was quick to follow. There were moving shades in the corner of his eyes but he didn't dare to look. The urge to draw Mogar to have a little protection was there but he didn't. Scared that it would see as an aggressive act. And he surely didn't want to piss the demons here off.

They walked for quiet some while, the heat and his quickly beating heart letting sweat roll down his back and made his clothes cling to his skin. If he had spent some more thoughts on this, he would've probably left his fur coat behind.

Too late now and in all honesty; it was probably the least of his problems.

The shadow in front of him disappeared, leaving him alone in this hell and he simply stopped walking. He stopped walking and didn't dare to look around, his eyes wide at the shock. Because he didn't know where he was.

He didn't know where the fucking portal was!

Had this been a trick? Had he been lulled into a trap?

No... if he just retraced his steps... if he didn't forget the way he had come he could just go back!

Not even noticing how fast his breath was going, he slowly turned around. Staring over the lands of red and fire and couldn't see the portal anymore. But it had to be in that direction!

It was maybe just hidden behind a hill or something like that.

Panic wasn't doing anything for him and he was nearly ready to retreat. To go back and then... then what?

Licking his lips again, he rather asked: “Is this a game? I thought we could work out a deal.” And then because it was the first thing to come to his mind, he added: “Cowards!”

“You are one noisy brat.”

Twirling around, Michael made out a silhouette. Not the same as before, this one seemed to dim the remaining light, floating high above him. It seemed to take up the whole area but maybe that was only its aura.

Whatever it was, the warrior couldn't stop from shaking violently.

“No wonder from someone who walks into hell with his head held high.” And then the voice was everywhere at once, making him fall to his knees and cover his ears.

“Abandon all hope, you who enter!”

Michael was cowering like a little child, arms over his head and legs pulled at his chest, eyes tightly closed. He was shivering as the voice echoed through the realm, his instincts telling him to stay low and to beg for his life. Instead he bit on his tongue, not allowing the weak words to fall from his lips.

“You were talking about a deal, human?”

Breathing uneven, he lifted his head and dared himself to look up again: “I need to get someone out...”

“Don't you all? Why would I grant your wish and not the ones of the thousand of other people?”

“You let me in.”, Michael muttered. “You let me in and none of the others.”

There was a deep chuckle, vibrating through the earth and the warrior sat up, unsure if that was a good or a bad sign.

“His name is Gavin.”

“I know who you are looking for.”

“What do I have to pay?”, he asked, feeling his breath hitch in his throat.

“He's not here.”

An answer he had expected and that calmed his nerves a little. Getting off of the ground, he stood up again. Not that he believed that they now were on eye-level but it felt better for himself: “But you took him to the place he is right now, right? You created The Truth.” He wasn't all too sure about the last part and there was no reaction to it. Swallowing loudly, he cleared his throat: “What would be the price to get him from there to the Nether so that I can take him with me?”

“The prices don't change.”, the voice answered and confused he fell silent, not really sure what that meant. But before he could ask, the shadow continued: “To take a person from one place someone else has to fill the slot.”

“I'd have to face The Truth.”, Michael mumbled quietly, a sinking feeling in his stomach. He would wither and die like Gavin had and then... then what? Then he'd pay what was left?

“A life for a life.”

Nothing different from what Ray had done.

“No.”, he whispered. “No, I can't do that.” It would just start all over again. He had seen the pain it had created, he had felt it himself.  
“Than there is no deal.” And the shadow seemed to vanish, the light coming back.

“Wait!”, Michael screamed, his brain working frantically to find a way. There had to be a different payment. Anything!

Falling to his knees, he bowed down: “Make a contract with me! I sell you my soul and get you out of the Nether if you give him back to me!”

A wind picked up, strong enough to force Michael onto his back. It brought heat from lava and flames and came with a growling that sounded like thunder, shaking the ground: “How dare you!”

“Sorry!”, he screamed, trying to cover his head but the pressure was too strong. He was just a ball in this game, ready to be crushed and left whenever the other felt like it.

“Forgive me!”, the words were ripped from his mouth and dragged somewhere in the empty lands behind him. “I am sorry, please forgive me!”

The wind stopped, leaving the warrior to curl into himself, violently biting on his lip. He felt like crying. His heart was beating so hard that it hurt and his whole body was shivering and he was _so_ scared.

“Sorry...”, he whispered again and felt blood on his lip. Wiping it away, he forced himself to sit up again: “I didn't mean t-”

“Human fool!”

And that cut him, making him flinch: “I- I know... Please...”

“A life for a life!” It was a final statement and Michael winced.

He couldn't! He couldn't do that!

He had to think back to Lindsay and he knew she would never forgive him. He knew that Gavin wouldn't.

He wondered if Ray would prefer it that way.

If Ray would sacrifice Michael just to get Gavin back.

It hurt because right now he wasn't sure.

“I-”, he began and immediately felt the pressure coming from the shadow. As if it was coiling around his throat, asking him for the right answer.

“I can't.”, he admitted. He had too much to lose.

“If you lack the resolve you are worthless.” And the light came back as the silhouette started to disappear again.

For a moment Michael just sat there, staring ahead and realized that he had lost. He had lost his chance. Did he really lack resolve?

“No...” He stumbled to his feet, screaming at the top of his lungs: “Any other payment!”

“A life for a life.”

“There has to be another way! Please! I am willing to pay!”

“The prices don't change.”

He stood there, staring into nothing because there was no clear form to focus on. His breath went fast and suddenly he felt cold and sick of his own twisted idea: “What if... A life for a life, right?”

He got no answer but he had also expected none, listening to his own frantic thoughts: “What if I get you three souls for one instead?”

 

“Do you agree to the conditions?”

Michael nodded slowly, having no courage left to speak out loud. Scared and confused by his own decision.

“Bring me my price and I set his soul free. Then you may walk out with him without having to fear my demons.” The demons voice was again all around the silenced warrior, making him tremble with the force and the weight it put on him. “But be aware. If you dare to change your mind and try to fool me it will fall back on the one you want to safe. I will keep his soul close to me for the time being – see it as a sort of refund. You wouldn't want him to wait too long in that state.”

Again a static nod as Michael breathed out shaking.

“But because you amuse me”, and that seemed to be obvious by now. The shadow was a lot more talkative now than before. “I will grant you some time. The deal will start the moment you step out of the portal again. So if you fail on your way nothing will change.”

“Fail..?”, the warrior asked slowly, finally looking up.

“You are the first person with an actual body in here since decades. They are hungry for fresh meat as much as they are for souls. Good luck.” And then the shadow vanished, leaving him scared and alone. Wiping his wet cheeks, he whimpered confused, unsure of what he should think about that. At least he tried to. His brain was occupied with what had just happened. About the fact that he had just sold too much. Too much of things that didn't belong to him.

And if the demons came for him now? Well, he had already seen that coming. He would just contract one of them that was for his liking because after that he was safe from the others, right?

Slowly he turned around, a hand running through his sweaty hair as he made his way back. He didn't dare to hurry, fearing he would lose his way because in all honesty; he wasn't the best at that.

At least he was sure about the general direction, even though he had lost sight of the portal for a while now. Maybe he should have left himself some sort of breadcrumbs?

All in all he should have come more prepared.

It was too late now anyway.

And even the fact that he had found a way out, a way that was not necessarily safe but hopefully wanted from all of them couldn't lift his crushed spirit.

“ _You sound like Ray, Michael.”_

Was it wrong?

“ _As the sword you have to take down any threat, you already know that. You protect but not the same way that Ray does.”_

Was it right?

Reaching up to lay a hand against his hurting temple, he felt something sharp lingering on the way. The long and hard training had heightened his reflexes enough so that he spun away before even checking what it was.

Only that there wasn't anything as he turned around.

It reminded him of the twisted castle and the surreal touches of the Lightbringer only that he wasn't blind this time. Staring at the place, he licked his lip before heading on.

Hopefully it had just been a product of his abused mind but he didn't really believe that. Reaching up, he drew Mogar and walked as fast as he dared. After a moment he let the blade drag across the red stone, allowing it to carve faint lines there to have a point of orientation.

Getting lost here would be fatal and he knew damn well that he wasn't the best to avoid that.

Something heavy smashed against his side, immediately squeezing the air out of his lungs as he lost his footing. Crashing into the ground, he felt the stone shatter beneath him as he rolled over himself until he came to a disorientating stop. For a long moment he simply laid there, feeling like his senses had been knocked right out of his head.

With a groan he lifted his head, feeling around for the ground until he sat up. Burying his face in his hand, he blinked in hope that his gaze would focus again while his free hand checked on the back of his head. There was a bump where he had hit the stone that sent out a sharp pain when he put pressure on it but at least no blood.

Rubbing his face, he let his hands sink and stared over the red world in front of him, feeling strangely dull as it twisted before him. His eyes focused on something blue and his first thought was that it felt so out of place here. Then he realized it was Mogar and with a huff he forced himself onto his feet. Dusting small fragments of the stones from himself, he stumbled forwards, having a hard time walking in a straight line.

It got better as he lifted his sword, using it like his cane and again he groaned.

His head was throbbing, a constant staccato behind his skull.

He shook it, hoping to clear it but it sent him to his knees instantly. Pressing a hand against his forehead he whimpered as a wave of nausea hit him.

“Fuck...”, he gasped, squinting his eyes.

What had that been?

The sheer force behind that push was frightening and he knew he should move. He should get out of here! Only that his senses were all over the place, twirling around his mind.

Pulling himself up with Mogar, he looked around, feeling his body sway with each movement.

Where was he?

The fear was cold but it at least cleared his head enough to stand upright. Licking his lips, he moved to where he was pretty sure he had been. Only that the white lines he had drawn were missing.

Hesitating for a second, he wondered if he should search for them and risk getting a second hit like before – or worse. But without them he was hopelessly lost and so he carefully moved around, knowing it had to be somewhere here.

There was a demon close, he had no illusion about that and it was huge. If that before had been a slap from its paw it was also incredibly strong.

Playing with him.

Maybe he could make a contract right now?

But a part from him that was proud and stupid at the same time told him that if Geoff could have done it...

“ _You have no connection with the Nether. I pray that it stays like this.”_

He nearly missed the faint lines as he passed by them, way more to his right than what he had thought. Smiling briefly, he corrected his course and continued walking as fast as he dared.

His knees still felt weak but his head had cleared, only a dull pain remaining when he moved it too fast. And he did. Thinking he had seen something in the corner of his eye or heard a heavy step. There was never something but that didn't stop him from checking each and every time, his nerves getting the best of him.

It hadn't taken him that long to get here in the first place, right?

He was shoved roughly from behind and caught his fall with his free hand. The brisk stone broke under the impact, shards cutting open his skin but it was the pressure on his legs that made him scream. Like something big and heavy stepping on him, ready to crush his bones and tear his muscles apart.

And it had claws. He could feel them sharp against his flesh and before he really thought about it, he threw himself around. Thanks to the angle Mogar lost some of its strength but he felt the blade sink into whatever it was that he couldn't see.

The weight vanished and he stumbled up, falling down right away as his knees gave out but as he tried again it worked.

Throwing a hectic glance behind his back there was still nothing but he could swear he felt a presence. And god, maybe not even just one.

They had gathered around him.

And he suddenly realized that he might not make it out of here.

That those things were way stronger and faster and bigger than him. And they weren't asking for a contract, he realized. He didn't hear their voices asking a million questions that were going to haunt him in the night.

He didn't even know exactly where he was!

Michaels breath hitched for a moment, panic flooding his system and he simply stood there, waiting for the next attack. Then his grip around Mogar tightened and he turned around, jogging through this land of death. Because there were people waiting for him and he had a solution! He had found a way!

The temperature was killing him, overheating his system and he fumbled with his coat until it came undone, falling from his shoulders right as he ran into something massive. The fur wasn't thick enough to catch his fall but it protected him from getting cut by the fragments of the breaking stones. A searing pain erupted from his face and he reached up as blood shot from his nose, freezing midway as he heard the sickening crunch next to him.

Turning his head, he saw Mogar to his right – a split going through the middle of the blade. And while he was trying to progress what he was seeing the top half was breaking further and he realized something was stepping on the sword. Something had understood that it could hurt them and it had to be gone and Michael stared as the diamonds who had been forced together by Jack were ripped apart.

“No...” It came out weak and shaking, just like he felt right now. That was until the rage flared up again. “No!”, the word was more fierce, letting drops of blood fly from his lips as he lunged forward, taking a hold on the handle of _his_ Mogar and pulled _._

There was a resistance, coming from the weight on top of the blade but then the lower half came free, sending the warrior onto his back.

He sat up with a snarl, ready to drive the remains of his sword into the thing that had broken it in the first place. Only that he never got that far.

Something was curling around him and he realized that it was some form of hand, so big that it nearly engulfed him completely. It could simply crush him like an annoying bug and he tried to hit it with what was left of his sword but Mogar was tightly pressed against his leg as he was immobilized.

Growling he tried to move a muscle because if he wasn't angry he would get scared and then he would panic because he was so close! So close to make it alright again!

He lost the air in his lungs in a forced huff and he gagged for the next breath, his eyes watering. The tears fell as he ripped his lids open while his head was tipped to the side, bearing his throat. And he tried to fight against it, squirming in the grip because he had seen Ray do this so often and knew what was going to happen next. Still the coldness of wet teeth made him freeze before the panic was searing through him because they didn't want to just kill him. They wanted to eat him.

“No!”, he screamed, tugging at Mogar but finding it still flatly pressed against his thigh. He would rather cut himself than hurt the demon and besides that he had nothing. He was helpless against those creature and maybe Ray and Ryan and Gavin weren't but none of them would come.

He had left them all behind.

And the fangs dug into his throat, parting the skin with such ease that it barely hurt. A new flash of panic shook him and he hollered at the warmth welling beneath his skin: “Triella!”

Because that was the only name that was left. Because that was the only thing that was here and he didn't know why this demon should help him but he remembered the Lightbringers words too well.

“ _You don't even have Triella, you are weak!”_

And right now he was and he still didn't really understand how it was _his_ demon but right now it didn't matter as a voice filled his head, warm and worrying, asking its questions: _“Do you want to protect?”_

And that answered his own doubt because: “Yes! Yes, please!” It came out weak because the teeth were ripping and he felt red spray from his veins and if he could turn his head he'd probably make out a silhouette thanks to the blood.

He was too late, he realized. He was too late even as the teeth vanished and the grip around him disappeared and he heard a scream as the presence around him was gone.

Crashing into the floor, he simply laid there, listening to his heart beating violently as adrenaline was flooding him. Filling his lungs with oxygen he slowly moved his hand to inspect the damage and whimpered pitiful as he felt the junk of flesh missing.

It didn't even hurt, it felt like it wasn't really happening. There was wetness already on his hand, soaking his clothes but that couldn't all be blood, right?

If it would be he should twist in pain but he just felt... dull. Like he was gone, watching all this without really caring. It was strange but he figured he could think about this later, his head felt too light to think about it.

Letting his lids fall shut – only briefly, only to rest for a moment before going on, he swore – he listened to it float away. High above him where he wouldn't be able to reach.

“ _Michael...”_

Glowing dust he had never seen. But it was light blue even though he couldn't be sure of that.

“ _I think my head is floating away.”_

Gavin.

His eyes fluttered back open and his friend was kneeling in front of him, his hand pressing his own against the wound.

“Gavvy..?”, he breathed out but the other was already gone. Just an imagine of his blurred mind.

“ _Do you want to protect?”_

He nodded and there was the pain, making him yelp and reality crashed onto him. This was _happening!_ He was bleeding out and he was going to _die_ if he didn't move!

Slowly, he sat up and as he took a deep breath he smelled copper. His stomach twisted at the scent and he was nearly ready to retch, feeling the bile rise but he just coughed weakly. The taste was there and he grimaced at that as he stood.

His body shook with the movement and he pulled his shoulders up in the hope it would ease the strain on his wound.

Stumbling he moved on, following the unfamiliar directions that were whispered straight into his brain. There were spots dancing in front of his eyes and sometimes when he tried to blink them away, his lids decided to stay closed for a while. So he was blind again, walking through these strange lands as blood was pumped out of him with each heartbeat, squeezing between his fingers and running down into his sleeve.

It was too much, he knew. It was already too much, leaving a trail behind if somebody wanted to follow him and as he stumbled and fell down, he stayed there. Crying softly at the pain and god, had he fucked up. He had fucked up badly.

Forcing his eyes to open he saw the portal and it was a million miles away. And it wouldn't grant him a new body because he wasn't dead.

This here was his body and he had wandered into the lands of the dead as a living.

Breathing out, he shivered because now he was cold and that was weird because he was in a world of fire and heat.

“ _Is it a bad weird this time?”_ , Lindsay asked teasingly. _“Or at least a good weird?”_

He smiled even though she wouldn't like the answer but he loved her so very, very much. Closing his eyes, he stayed in the place of memories. Listening to her laughs and tasting their first kiss again instead of bile and blood.

He heard her saying: _“Can I touch you?”_ and it had confused him in the beginning but in the end it had been him who had asked it the most. Because he had to touch to see and she had always allowed it.

If he had only stayed with her.

But that wasn't really what he was regretting. He regretted not saying goodbye.

She would understand why he left, he knew it. Because-

Ray.

Michael opened his heavy lids, staring at the portal so, so far away.

Ray could heal. Ray was able to heal him, how could he have forgotten that?

A whimper left his lips because he had been sleeping and he knew he could go right back to it. He could curl up here and dream.

“ _Do you not care?”_

His hand was only lightly laying on his wound but he pressed it down. His other hand had dragged Mogar until here and he curled his fingers around the hilt again as he sat up.

Instantly his head swam, a white noise in his ears but still he found himself back on his feet.

He had a deal and if he got out they could watch the stars again.

The black spots in front of his eyes had grown and slowly but surely he couldn't see anymore. With lethargic steps he corrected his course once more before he grew blind again. But that was alright because he was used to walk in darkness.

Even though it felt like forever in this hell and maybe he had passed the portal somehow. Maybe he wasn't even halfway there.

Maybe it had just been an illusion in the first place.

“ _Do you want to protect?”_

The sentence sent a spark through him because yes, yes, yes! And Triella seemed to notice it, whispering it over and over again as he dragged his feet, swaying like a drunk.

“ _Do you want to protect?”_

“ _Do you want to protect?”_

“ _Do you want to protect?”_

“ _I love you, Michael.”_

He fell over something, banging his knees hard on it as he crashed to the ground. And that was it. That was his line.

There was no strength anymore as he laid there and bled out. The temperature had dropped and he was shivering uncontrollably now as voices drowned him. Screams and calls and it was so, so cold.

It made his head hurt and he winced in pain, wanting it to stop, stop, _stop!_

And it did.

The voices grew quieter like there was a wall between them and he breathed out slowly. Relaxing again as he trembled but there were no stones beneath him anymore. Felt like grass.

Turning onto his side, he felt the blood spill over his chin and it was funny – he didn't think he had that much left. Forcing his lids open, he blinked and slowly the black spots vanished.

The first thing he saw was Ryan.

Ryan staring at him like he had seen a ghost, pale and scared. Ray appeared next to him and yelled something. His name probably.

“Save me.”, Michael whispered.

“ _Save me.”_

They didn't come.

“ _Thank you, Michael...”_

They just stood there!

“ _But for once let me save you.”_

“Heal me!”, the warrior demanded but he only spilled blood instead of words. But they had to! They had to because he had made a deal! Because he had found a way!

His eyes were fixed on Ray who stared back in horror before shaking his head as if he tried to clear it. The knight drew his rapier and Michael didn't understand why. He didn't understand against what they were fighting. It looked like they were fighting the air or a wall separating them.

Maybe a shield.

“ _But be aware.”_

“Please...”, he breathed out, tears running into his curls.

“ _If you dare to change your mind and try to fool me it will fall back on the one you want to safe. I will keep his soul close to me for the time being – see it as a sort of refund.”_

His hand fell from his neck, drenched red and he tried to lift himself up but his palm skidded over the red grass.

“ _You wouldn't want him to wait too long in that state.”_

He struggled, trying to get to them instead if they couldn't reach him. Dragging himself on he heard a desperate call of his name. Crawling in that direction, he broke down shortly after.

“ _The deal will start the moment you step out of the portal again.”_

His vision faded once more, leaving him shivering and weak on the floor.

Had he not only doomed himself but also Gavin? He had only tried to help!

“ _Do you not care?”_

He did! God, he did! He wanted to protect, he wanted to make it alright again! He had always looked out after them.

“Sorry...” It was only his mouth moving, drenched in red and that red was everywhere. “Please safe me. Please. I can make it good.”

But they didn't come.

They didn't come and he laid there and heard them yell and shout and cry. His hand moved, reaching out for them but maybe that was also in his mind.

His overwhelmed, cold mind that was blurry and full of white noise and darkness.

Forcing his lids up one last time, he still couldn't see. Was blind with wide open eyes as his life slipped away.

 

 

_So will you please show me your real face_   
_Draw the line in the horizon_   
_Because I only need your name to call the reasons why I fought_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!  
> This hurt me more than it did you, maybe.  
> Anyway; the song is the amazing "War" by Poets of the Fall - and oh god it makes me shiver listening to it.  
> See you guys next week in "Leap of Faith"; to pass the time until then be sure to check out Kings & Queens and if everything works out there will be the trivia for Glory & Gore next week - better later than never, right?


	12. Leap Of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never! Never under any circumstances had he wanted it to turn out like that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are so close to the end, oh man. Stay with me for the last few chapters, yeah?

Chapter 12

Leap Of Faith

 

 _But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness_  
_Like a heartbeat drives you mad_  
_In the stillness of remembering_  
_What you had_  
_And what you lost_

 

 

Ryan woke up because Ray was shifting restlessly next to him and he pulled him closer, too tired to think clearly. He shushed the knight down but it wouldn't work.

“Michael? Michael!”

Ray squirmed, escaping his grip and finally the vagabond woke up completely: “What's wrong?”

“Where is he?” the knight asked restlessly, moving to the burned down fire place. And Ryan sat up, rubbing the sleepiness out of his face. It was way past noon and he couldn't remember the last time he had slept this long. More important was why he hadn't been woken before.

Ray was staring down at him, fear clear on his face: “He's gone! He went back to the castle! Back to Lindsay! He told the truth!”

“Calm down.”, Ryan retorted and stood up, letting his eyes travel. He didn't like what he found: “He didn't go back.”  
“How would you know?”

“His bag is still there, his horse as well. He would take both with him.”

“Then where is he?”, Ray insisted and there was a flash of panic as he didn't get an answer.

“Michael can look after himself.”, Ryan simply said. But that didn't explain where he had gone. Had they been attacked last night? Their sleep hadn't been deep enough to not notice.

The Lightbringer appeared with a small spark, making both of them flinch. Landing on Rays shoulder, it chirped. The knight threw Ryan a quick look as if to check how he reacted to the second demon but the vagabond didn't even pay it any mind as he offered his hand.

The bird flew over, settling on his fingers.

“You know what happened?”, Ryan asked slowly. “Can you show me where he is?”

It could.

They followed quietly and with quick steps but started to run as it slowly dawned where Michael was heading. Hoping they weren't too late.

Dashing through the bushes, the bird disappeared in tiny lights as they saw the portal. Ray stopped at the edge of the clearing, obviously scared of going on but Ryan barely noticed as he went ahead.

“Michael?” His gaze traveling over the people sitting there, barely interested in him. It was probably a sight they saw more than enough: “Michael!”

He wasn't here. Why would he?

“Shawcross!”, he demanded instead, spinning around to see the man already walking up to him.

“You missed him.”, Kerry explained with a sad tone.

“He was here?”

“Came out of nowhere.”

“Where is he now?”

The knight pointed towards the portal and Ryan felt his breath hitch. Because that couldn't be! Why would he do that!

“That's impossible...”, he finally muttered, shaking his head.

“I thought so as well.”, the knight shrugged a bit helpless. “But believe me; I saw him step through. Tried to stop him but he is... stubborn if he wants to be.”

That was true. Ryan nodded lightly as he watched Ray come closer, searching his sleeve: “When? When did he enter the Nether?”

“In the middle of the night. Hours ago.”

“Fuck.”, the vagabond mumbled stunned. “He waited until we were asleep and went straight to the portal. He planned this!”

“But why..?”, Ray asked quietly. Looking up at Ryan, he saw the others gears turning until he caught his gaze: “What did you tell him yesterday?”

He froze: “Is it because of me..? Is this my fault?”

“Concentrate, Ray!” Grabbing him by the shoulders, Ryan shook him: “What did you say to him? Why would he enter the Nether?”

“I don't know!” And for a moment he believed him. Ray looked at him so scared and full of worry that he wanted to let it slide. What mattered was that Michael was inside there.

“He screamed at the portal.”, Kerry tried to help. “Demanded to get inside, to talk to someone.”

Ryan felt his heart ache because of course Michael would simply yell at the portal until he got what he wanted but the warm feeling of familiarity grew cold as he saw the dawn of understanding in Rays face.

“He asked for a contract.”, Kerry continued quietly even as none of the two dared to look at anything but each other. “He offered his soul for that.”

And Ray felt the horror wash over him as he understood. As he realized what had happened but also because Ryans eyes grew cold. They never did. Not when he was looking at him. Even as he had still been the Mad King and Ray had entered the throne room to kill him, he had looked at him betrayed but still with a humble fondness.

The fondness was gone, replaced by love and he still saw it in those eyes but it was overshadowed now. He wanted to ask him not to give up on him, not to leave him alone, to save him!

The words would help, would fight the coldness back but he couldn't bring them over his lips. Because he had screwed up. God, what had he done?

“ _And I want you to be certain that all I do serves a single purpose right now.”_

Never! Never under any circumstances had he wanted it to turn out like that!

“ _I will protect Michael and Ryan.”_

“I-”, he began. A weak apologize on the tip of his tongue but it sounded rotten. Not even close enough to the guilt he was feeling. Because he didn't want Michael to go through what he had been through. He wanted Michael to stay like he was and the Nether changed people! The Nether would change him and what would come out if not his friend?

What if he didn't come out at all?

“ _I'd never do anything to hurt y-”_

“ _Yeah? Well you are doing an awful job at that, you know!”_

Ryan didn't shove him away like he expected. He nearly longed for it because rage was an emotion. Anger was something he was familiar with because Michael got angry a lot. Because Michael wouldn't die in the Nether. Because Michael was strong enough!

Ryan simply let him go and that was the worst. Not feeling the warmth of the others hands, fearing to reach out for comfort, something he had learned in such a hard way and he begged the other silently not to give up on him, to save him from his own twisted mind.

But Ryan turned away, not throwing him another gaze and Ray listened to his very own breaking. Apparently there was still something left that was whole in him.

With steady steps, the vagabond walked over the field towards the portal, unsheathing his sword on the way.

And then he stopped, staring at the purple vortex before facing the knight again: “Are you coming?”

But he couldn't. Even now, even after everything going back _there_ was still the worst. Was still the thing he feared the most and he was oh so weak. Because he never got out on his own, Gavin had dragged him out.

Gavin had been stronger and went in there and searched for him. Went in there to search for Ryan and he would be the first right now. Waiting without patience to step through. Still afraid but not paralyzed by it.

But what if the Nether remembered that he hadn't made it out himself? What if it would keep him in there?

Ray closed his eyes and shook his head, so that he couldn't see the last love for him die in Ryans gaze. So that he could listen to his own humanity slipping away and his own falling apart.

The other turned away without another word, going on towards the hell he had lived through twice already. The knight watched him stop right in front of the portal, breathing in and out. His shoulder were tensed and he was also afraid. Of course he was afraid, everybody in their right mind would be.

And still he was there and he himself was not.

Ryan reached out, touching the vortex and then pulled back. He did it again and then he actually stepped back, charging against it but it was like he was hitting a solid wall. Sitting down hard, he picked himself back up, striking the vortex with his sword and Ray realized that he couldn't get in. That he should be able to because he had been there before but something didn't want him to enter. Something didn't want him to interrupt.

And Ryan screamed furious, throwing his useless sword away and switching to his fist. As if punching the obsidian would change a thing but it was probably better than nothing at all.

Only that it wasn't working and Ray should probably walk up to him and tell him to stop. Tell him to not bruise or break his hands but before he could search for strength he didn't even have, he saw the other fall to his knees. Leaning his head against the black stone and starting to laugh.

And the laugh was glad and relieved because Ryan had been scared to go inside and now the choice had been made for him. It had a twisted sound to it, fitting for this place as the vagabond slumped over and Ray sat down on the grass. Knowing that now they could do nothing but wait. That they were now nothing more than all the others here.

It was Kerry who walked up to the older man picking the sword up on the way, taking a hold on his shoulder and talked quietly to him. Coaxing him until he stood up, sitting down near Ray but not as close as usually. Not close enough for him to search comfort or for Ryan to give it.

Pulling his legs to his chest, he buried his face in his knees and stayed like that. The vagabond threw him a look after a few minutes but didn't find the strength to say something, his own mind occupied. He didn't even hear the yells at first, he simply felt the presence of a demon looming over him and his first thought was that Edgar didn't recognized this one.

Getting back onto his feet, he saw the figure curled up in front of the portal, spilling red all over the green. And why wasn't he granted a new body, why was he hurt?!

Because Michael entered alive, he wasn't dead.

Now he was bleeding out and Ryan wanted to call Ray because Ray could heal. He could heal him and make it better again!

The name died on his tongue as Michael turned and opened his lids. Staring straight at him and maybe it was the distance or the light but Ryan knew that the others eyes were deep red.

His demon was all around him, covering him like a shadow.

And then Michael spoke. His lips moved but if there were words they were too quiet to understand.

“Michael!”, Ray screamed next to him. The red eyes shifted and he seemed to answer but the knight was already running ahead, Sichoras aura drowning the place. He hit something along the way and stumbled back. Instantly his hands went up, one covering his face and the other feeling for what was in front of him.

Ryan was right behind, also reaching out and found what appeared to be a wall.

“Triella!”, Ray whispered in shock and as the vagabond looked over to him, he saw the Lightbringer fluttering around him. “No! No put the shield down! We want to help! We don’t want to hurt him!”

“Triella?”, Ryan asked, briefly recognizing the name. So this was Michaels gift?

“We have to destroy it!”, the knight insisted, already tearing at his rapier. “What do you mean we can't? Of course we can!”

Ryan wasn't exactly sure with whom the other was talking but decided he agreed with him. Bringing forth his own weapon they both attacked the barrier in front of them. Only that it really felt like trying to destroy a stonewall; it wasn't working.

And as they couldn't get to him, Michael tried to get to them, which was even worse. To watch him try to lift his own weight, the muscles jumping clearly visible underneath his skin before he fell down and rather crawled. Leaving a trail of smeared blood behind with each pull forward as he let go of Mogar.

Ryan heard himself screaming the others name and Michael craned his head, searching the source of the sound. There were tears running down his face before he broke down. Laying on his side like a wounded animal, whispering words to himself as the red eyes went unseeing.

Not sure when he had let go of his sword, Ryan sank to the ground before him, keeping their gazes locked because there was nothing else to do. He couldn't break the shield, he couldn't come any closer. Nothing else to do besides watching Michael reaching out to them in a desperate cry for help before the hand fell into the grass. And this couldn't happen! This couldn't possibly happen! No, no, no! This was all wrong!

Ray screamed somewhere to his left and in the corner of his eye he saw his strings trying to cut through the shield. But not even they could. They were left here to watch him die, not even being able to hold or touch or comfort in any way and Ryan saw him stop breathing, saw the red slowly vanish from the others eye, leaving them dark and empty behind.

Then silence.

Silence besides Rays yelling and voices of strangers because Michaels whispers had stopped and Ryan couldn't do much more than think _no, no, no!_

He couldn't do this anymore! He couldn't watch people die in front of his eyes! He couldn't watch _his family_ die with him by their side! Useless besides keeping their eyes locked. Because if Michael was still able to, he should at least see that they were there. That he was not alone.

Not that the other was still conscious.

A howl echoed over the clearing and he saw Ray run next to him. Run over the grass and Ryan reached out, feeling no barrier in front of him.

The shield was gone!

Getting to his feet again, he followed the other and couldn't help but laugh hysterically as Sichora appeared over them. The strings hit Michaels body with an impact strong enough to let him roll to his back and Ryan passed the immobilized knight before falling to his knees next to the warrior.

“Michael!” The brown eyes were unseeing, staring past him as his hands searched for a place to hold but he feared to get in the way of the strings. His gaze found the wound in the others throat and shivered. God, what had happened? It looked like something had tried to rip his head off!

But while he watched it was already closing, red blood twisting into petals and Ryan looked up, searching for Ray behind him.

He stood motionless in the grass, his arms hanging on his side, his legs shaking with the strain of holding his weight and his head rolling limply. The only thing keeping him upright was his lonely noose and checking on Michael one last time, the vagabond got back on his feet. Severing his coat as he went, he was in time to see the skin along Rays neck parting. The knight groaned weakly and Ryan quickly pressed his coat against the wound, knowing it wasn't necessary but it felt natural to try and stop the bleeding.

“Good boy.”, he whispered as he cupped Rays face, tilting it upwards so that they could look at each other. “I know it hurts but you are helping. He's healing.”

Glad tears started to roll over the others face and with a sinking feeling the vagabond noticed how deep the noose cut into the others throat, barely allowing him to breath.

“I'm gonna move you now, alright?”

The other couldn't even answer but letting go of the coat, Ryan crouched down and picked him up. Limply, the others head rolled against his chest but it was followed by a desperate breath he took.

“Good.”, Ryan muttered again as he carried him to the warrior. “Look. He's healing. You are saving him so please bear with the pain a bit more.”

Ray made a little, affirming noise before he grew quiet, breathing through clenched teeth before he fell asleep.

 

When Michael woke up, he felt disorientated. He didn't know where he was but he knew he didn't belong here. It took a moment until his memories came back, clear and terrifying and he opened his eyes, gasping at the rush of adrenaline.

His hand went to his neck before he even understood that he was staring into the sky through trees and there was no pain.

No pain or blood.

He was a bit cold but nothing against before. There was something warm resting on his chest, a welcome weight even if it was a bit hard to breath. Groaning, he turned his head and found Ryan a few feet away from him, Ray curled into his lap, sleeping.

“Awake?”

He was still observing them, wondering if someone was playing a trick on him before he slowly nodded: “I think so... Where am I?”

“Not far from the portal.”, Ryan explained quietly to not wake the knight. “There were too many people so I brought you here.”

“That's not...”, Michael began but didn't know exactly how to word it. He wasn't talking about the place, he was referring to the dimension. If he was dead or not.

Ryan seemed to understand him nonetheless: “Ray healed you. The moment you” _died_ “lost your consciousness your shield fell and he could reach you. It was... close to say at last.”

Reaching up, Michael hid his eyes, taking some deep breaths: “I didn't believe... I would make it. I thought I was done for...”

“In all honesty; you should be.” It sounded tense how Ryan said it, like he wanted to shake him and scream it into his face but held himself back: “Idiot.”

The warrior smiled: “I guess so. Sorry.”

The following silence was full of unspoken things from both of them but they could wait until later. For now Michael was still sorting his thoughts out, listening to the flow of his blood and yeah, he was alive, alright.

Checking on his throat once more to feel skin and flesh were it had been missing before. And then the thing on his chest moved, making him flinch.

Sitting up quickly, it rolled from him as a ball of fur.

“What..?”, he began and heard Ryan chuckle behind him.

“You got one hell of a demon.”

Oh, right. “Triella?”

A head poked up, red eyes giving him a look of reproach for waking it so harshly. He felt the need to apologize before slowly reaching out, fearing it would bite him. Instead it moved and rubbed his head against his hand, starting to purr.

“A cat?”, Michael asked, not sure what to think of that.

It wasn't exactly a cat. It was definitely taller than a normal house cat, with reddish fur and bigger ears than normal. Picking it up, he held it at arms length to inspect his demon further. Maybe rather a fox, besides that it meowed at him, revealing sharp, needle-like teeth, he wouldn't want to mess with. And alright, it had a white, fluffy tail and white socks on his paws.

“Shit.”, he muttered as he imagined it next to Edgar or Sichora. “It's cute.”

“You could say that.”, Ryan agreed amused, obviously teasing him. Throwing him a warning gaze, he put Triella back down before carefully reaching out. The fur was thick and warm, dark stripes on its face and white whiskers.

“Why is it out?”, he asked while petting the head of Triella, smiling as it started to purr again. “Edgar doesn't do that... which is probably good.”

“You control it. If you tell it to disappear, it will.”

Hopefully. If it wasn't like Sichora. But it didn't feel like it.

“You want to stay out?”, he asked his demon instead. He was aware that it couldn't exactly answer but he still knew it, unfamiliar thoughts and emotions spilling in his head. “Sure, just stay close to me. And you have to listen if I tell you something, got it?”

“It might drain you over time.”, Ryan warned him. “So look out after that.”

“Alright.”, Michael agreed quickly, happy for any advice he could get. “Do we still have something to eat? Nearly dying makes you hungry.”

The vagabond rolled his eyes at him, not nearly as amused as before and alright, maybe it was still too soon for that.

“You can have whatever you like. Kerry brought us some more food but...” and he reached out, knocking against something in the air and Michael was surprised by the noise it made. He even flinched when Triella next to him hissed loudly, red eyes fixed on Ryan and its fur fluffed, making it look bigger.

“That exactly.”, Ryan shrugged. “Your kitten is not necessarily a fan of us.”

“Oh.”

“Nearly cost you your life before.” There was a dark edge to that and Michael watched him, seeing the stress in the others face and the tense shoulders. How his shaking hand never left Ray, holding him close and slowly the warrior realized how worried and scared they had been. What a shock all of this had been.

“Triella?”, he muttered softly and the demon calmed down instantly, turning its head to him. He patted its back: “Let the shield down. It's alright, they are family.”

He looked up, catching Ryan who simply stared at him, the dark in his eyes softening a bit. “What?”, the warrior asked, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“Nothing.” And the vagabond was quick to turn away but not fast enough to hide his smile.

“ _Do you want to protect?”_ , the voice was in his head and he figured it was Triellas way of communicating with him.

“Yeah.”, he agreed. “Yeah, I want to protect them.” He felt the shield fall and grinned. That was a good sign: “Thanks, princess.”

Sitting crossed-legged, he caught the dried meat Ryan threw him: “Ray alright?”

“Exhausted but fine.”, the vagabond assured him.

“Do you think he will wake up soon?”

“Probably, yeah.” And he watched him thoughtfully: “Why?”

“Need to talk to you.”, Michael muttered briefly. Moving his arm, he let Triella crawl in his lap and curl up there. Red eyes lingering on Ryan in distrust.

“I may have made a terrible mistake and... and I am very sorry.” His words were barely a whisper but he caught the others gaze: “Still... I found a way to get Gavin back.”

 

“Ray.” Upon hearing his name, he shot into a sitting position, looking around as if he was expecting an attack. Recognizing the other two, he calmed a bit before his gaze lingered on Michael.

The warrior smiled nearly shy: “Heard you saved my life back there. Thanks.”

He didn't answer because in all honesty he had brought them in the situation to begin with. Cowering under both of their eyes, he scooted a bit away from Ryan and pulled his legs against his chest. He had screwed them over, time and time again and now they kept them for... for what? Old memories? Because he was useful? Because if they didn't check on him, he would run around and kill again?

He missed Gavin.

He missed the roof.

Barely listening to anything the others said, he felt his thoughts grew darker until all he could hold onto was the fact that Michael was alive. He had saved him.

“ _Good boy.”_

It made him smile; he always liked it when Ryan called him that. It had been a long time but now he had finally done something right. Something the others did approve of.

Maybe they weren't that mad at him anymore.

“– in exchange for Gavin.”

He looked up, finding both of them checking on him: “What?”

Michael chuckled but it sounded forced and nervous: “Are you really making me start all over again?”

“Ray.”, the vagabond insisted before the knight could answer. “This is important. Please listen.”

He was quick to nod, focusing back on the warrior, who still seemed to have a hard time keeping his smile up: “I went to have a little... chat with that big boss of the demons you were talking about. Asking about... about the price to get Gavin back.”

“How many?”, Ray asked immediately. “How many more must I kill?”

“None of that...”, Michael shook his head, his hands finding Triella and patting the demon. The knight barely batted an eye on it: “Then what is it?”

“The same as before. To take his place and fac-”  
“I do it!”, he agreed eagerly.

There was a moment of silence and it was terrifying. Because Michaels eyes were sad and then Ryan sighed and it sounded disappointed. Ray flinched a bit, feeling his cheeks coloring.

“I refused. Asking for another way.”, the warrior continued finally, seeming distant. As if he was back in that place. “It said there wouldn't be.” He stopped there, his mouth falling shut. Triella sat up in his lap, meowing at his distress.

“A life for a life.”

And it grew silent besides Triella trying to get its masters attention but Michael was simply starting to tremble, his eyes wide and unseeing.

Ray threw a helpless look to the vagabond, who frowned and called the other loudly. As that wasn't helping, he reached out but found a shield between them, the demon hissing at him, revealing sharp fangs.

Suddenly Michael was back, looking up again and the motion seemed to let the tears fall he had tried to hide. “Sorry.”, he mumbled and was quick to wipe them away. That didn't seem to be enough to stop them as they just kept on spilling. “Shit...” Now he was using both of his sleeves: “Sorry... I'm... fine in a second... just...”

“Michael?”, Ray asked gently and there was no shield, the demon disappearing at the slip of composure as he scooted closer, taking a hold of one of his hands. “Michael, it's alright.”

“This is stupid...”, he insisted but intertwined their fingers quickly. “'m just tired. Sor-”

“You just came out of the Nether.”, Ryan interrupted him. “Nobody here will judge you, believe me.”

“You were all in there much longer.”, he was quick to say as he hid his eyes behind his hand. “And I went there on my own behalf, I should-”

“You nearly died.”

“I-”, he began before biting down onto his lip, stopping it from shaking. Ray pulled him close, letting him bury his face in his shoulder and simply held him. It felt like it had been a long time since he had done this. Protecting his friend. But that couldn't be. He had done everything for him! He had never planned to hurt him!

Only that this time he didn't think about anything else. For once there was no Gavin on his mind, he simply concentrated on Michael clinging to him, simply concentrating on comforting him as good as he could.

Not the other way around.

It was like he could feel both of them healing thanks to that. Bit by bit.

“Sorry. It's just... I was so scared.”, Michael whispered strained. “I- I didn't think I would make it out! I was sure I was dead...”

“It's alright.”, Ray assured him, rubbing his back as he still felt the other crying softly. “Michael, this is normal, of course y-”

“Is it human?”, he asked slowly. “Am I human?”

For a moment the knight wasn't sure what to answer, his eyes already daring to dart to Ryan but this time he didn't search for his guidance. He knew the other was watching him and the knight hid his face in the curls: “You are warm. You feel human to me, Michael.”

“You too.”, he admitted softly. “You too, Ray.”

And Ray felt his own tears as he was at the loss of words and simply held on tighter.

“Guess I'll have some bad dreams, eh?”, Michael sniffed, trying to lighten the mood. “Might crawl into your bed for once.”

The knight was quick to nod, not trusting his voice.

Shedding his coat, Ryan crouched in front of them and threw it over them both. Hesitating for the briefest moments, he pulled both of them close and heard the warrior snort loudly: “Ryan is in big brother-mode again.”

“Shut up.”, he said lovingly. “And wipe your nose. You look like the snotty brat you are.”

Ray chuckled at that, which quickly turned into a giggle when Michael did as he was told using the red coat: “Gross!”

Ryan sighed but let it go because both of them were tittering now and he had missed that noise. He had missed them being lads.

“Alright.”, he mumbled, clearing his own throat before they were all sobbing over each other. “Maybe we talk about all this later. We should re-”

“No!”, Michael yelled immediately. Squirming around until he was nearly untangled from their limbs: “We can't! We have to do it now! The deal started the moment I stepped through the portal!”

“ _If you dare to change your mind and try to fool me it will fall back on the one you want to safe. I will keep his soul close to me for the time being – see it as sort of refund. You wouldn't want him to wait too long in that state.”_

“We have to hurry!”, he insisted.

“Is it true?”, Ray asked shyly, butting his head beneath his chin, not happy about the sudden distance again. “Can we really get Gavin back?”

“Yes.”, he answered immediately before hesitating again. “Well... it depends on you guys...”

“What is it, Michael? What is the price?”, Ryan asked and his composed tone did nothing to calm the other down.

“I-”, he began and he felt uneasy even though Ray was warm against his side and Ryan still shielding them. Swallowing loudly, he confessed: “I sold you out... I either sold you or Gavin out and neither was my place.”

The knight lifted his head, frowning slightly: “What do you mean?”

But the vagabond seemed to have caught on quicker: “A life for a life...”

“Exactly.”, Michaels eyes pleading for understanding. “I'm sorry but it seemed to be... to be the only choice I had!”

“If one person has to pay with his entire existence for Gavin to come back...”, Ryan muttered. “Then three have to pay less.”

Understanding dawned in Rays face and he sat up but didn't lose contact with his friend, feeling the guilt radiating from the other: “So we three are enough to get him back?”

“It's not that easy.” Michael struggled to explain because shit, he had never been the best with words. “It's- you see, if we pay then Gavin has to as well! Because we need four souls and... and probably just because it amused that bastard, I don't know. I don't make the damn rules, it does!”

“Slowly.”, Ryan reminded him. “So we three and Gavin pay what? What is the price?”

“Our lives.” But as he saw the confusion in the others face, he was quick to add: “We won't die! It's not the same mark or deal as last time! It's- We are bound to each other. Like... fuck!” Running his hand through his hair in frustration, he searched for the right words: “Alright. We... It called it entwined. Entwined destinies. We all carry the same mark and when something happens to one of us... if one of us dies... we all do.”

There was a moment of stunned silence before Ray peeped up: “I'll do it.”

Ryan shushed him down, deep in thoughts himself: “So we get Gavin out and we get that mark. And when one of us dies we all die. Is that right?”

“Yes.” And it suddenly sounded very simple when he said it like that. It made Michael uneasy because it shouldn't be: “I am sorry I brought you guys with me! But... but I was thinking that Ray can heal... and now that I have Triella..?” He trailed off because he saw the answer in both of their faces and felt his own smile tug at the corner of his mouth.

“Let's do it then.”, Ryan said.

“Are you sure? I shouldn't ha-”

“We are pretty safe, aren't we? I mean; alright we don't have the best quota with surviving but things are different now. We have Sichora who can heal us. We have Triella who can protect us. I have Edgar to fight for us.”

“One of us will eventually be guilty for killing us all.”, Michael stated but that wasn't everything. Deep inside he would always know that it was _his_ deal, _his_ idea, _his_ fault.

“I take the risk.”, Ray assured him. “We just have to be very careful.”

Ryan nodded in agreement, before frowning: “Michael? Are you ready to do it?”

“Me?”

“You lose the most out of all of us. You have Lindsay.”

“What if we just take four strangers and look after them?”, the knight asked. “We could lock them up a-”

“No. The deal was made by Michael so he is in it if he agrees. Gavin as well. Maybe you and me can get out but do you really want to bet their lives on some strangers?”

“I wouldn't hold it against you. I just need the agreement of two other people.”, the warrior assured them. “So if you two don't-”

“We'll do it.”, Ryan was quick to interrupt him. “This deal is different. This deal is better than the one before. It makes us all equal.”

“We all pay the same.”

“Alright...”, slowly Michael nodded, surprised that it had gone so easily. Only that he had seen it coming the moment he had heard about it: “Then I need to go back right now.”

“Don't you rather want to rest some more? I don't think you are re-”

“No.” Freeing himself from the others embrace, he stood. “I need to do it now.” He walked past them before Ryan took a hold of his arm: “You do realize that you will go back into the Nether.”

“Hard to miss.”

“I'm coming with you, thi-”

“No, Rye.”, he repeated softly. “Thank you but I won't go there alone. No need for you to follow me in there.” Moving on, he reached for his sheath but stopped immediately. The weight was wrong.

“You wouldn't let it go. Dragged it out of the Nether with you.”, Ray explained quietly and there was still blood clinging to it. Staining the hilt and parts of the sheath and with a deep breath he pulled it out.

Even though he had expected the damage, he still winced as he saw his Mogar broken. The blade still sharp but too short to be of good use. For a moment he felt lost and sad, like he was missing a good friend he knew he wouldn't see again. But that was stupid; it was just a weapon after all.

Only that he was too honest to lie to himself.

Letting the breath out he had been holding, he put Mogar back into its sheath before placing it gently on the floor.

Ryan was standing next to him and as he looked towards him, he was already holding out his sword: “At least take this with you.”

“Thank you...”, he muttered. His pride nearly denied him from taking another weapon but he wasn't stupid enough to go unarmed into the Nether. Turning to Ray, he asked: “You coming?”

The knight flinched, not able to meet the others eye: “Michael... I-”

“Not you.” And then the Lightbringer appeared, landing on Michaels outstretched arm. It seemed excited, feathers fluffed and he grinned: “It'll end today.”

They moved back to the portal in a tense silence and it just grew heavier as he once again stood in front of the vortex, knowing he had to go back inside. It sent a shiver of fear through his body but he knew every minute he wasted was too much.

“Until sundown.”, Ryan said behind him and he threw him a confused look. “If you are not out until sundown I'm going to search for you.”

“Alright.”

Turning towards Ray he wanted to say something. To tell him he would bring Gavin with him, to just have a bit more patience until they could watch the stars together. But for the first time in what felt like forever it seemed he saw his friend standing in front of him. Pure and without lies, just a deep worry and a shy hope in those brown eyes.

The knight reached out, taking his hand and squeezed it. Something that both he and Gavin had done as kids when they had been scared: “Be careful.”

“Sure.”, he responded but it came out way quieter than he wanted it to. Still he smiled, feeling the warmth of the Lightbringer against his cheek and Triella somewhere in the back of his head. “I'll be off then.”

Before they could say something else, before he could even think more about it, he stepped through the portal. Finding himself back in the same hell as before and took a deep breath.

Stale, hot air.

The bird took off but he didn't follow: “Gavin?”

It came back around, leaving sparks on its way and as it got close enough he mumbled: “No matter what you are or what all this means... I am sorry for what happened. I am sorry for The Truth.”

He wasn’t sure what he expected to happen, he just knew that these words had to be said. And as the bird vanished, he wasn't even surprised. He simply watched Gavin appear in front of him, barely more than a silhouette and twisting in front of him. Nothing more than a faded face on the water.

“You know what The Truth is?”

“Not entirely, no. But I think I know enough.”

“Why did you ask me to come along?”

“Because you seemed to want to. I figured you wanted to be there when everything ends.”

“I am not sure if this is the end.”

Michael breathed out slowly, before whispering: “Is it a trick? Did I fall into a trap?”

“I am not sure. It sounds too easy.”  
“It does.”

“But that's why I did come along. To have an eye on it... and on you.”

“On me?”, he asked surprised. “Why would you worry about me? We don't really know each other.”

“And still you felt the need to talk to me.”

“Because... well, you are Gavin, right?”

“And you are Michael.”

They stood there, watching each other and finally the Lightbringer laughed softly: “You may not be mine and I may not be yours but I know you better than you know me. We grew up together... at least to some extent. We were never as close as you were with Gavin but you looked after me. And after... after Ray gave up on me you still tried to reason...”

“I am not that person...”, he muttered.

“No... no, I guess you are not.” The demon shrugged: “Still I watched _you_ grow up. I was always present to some extent even if you were not aware of that. I know you. I know the others and I don't want something terrible happening to them.”

“Like what?”, Michael asked quietly.

“Like you all getting dragged into The Truth or you all creating your own. When it does that be sure to decline. Don't let it do this to you.”

“I'm already in. I can't back out anymore.”, still he nodded. “But I'll make sure that I at least safe the others if I can.”

“If you knew that then this was an awful goodbye.”

“Yeah, I'm not good at that.” He began to move on, the silhouette following him: “If that happens make sure you get out and tell them to leave the kingdom.”

“Alright.”

Taking a look at Ryans sword, Michael sighed: “Maybe it has no catch. Maybe we will just get him...”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

The warrior stopped as he found the wilted petals on the ground and even though they were red they felt out of place. It took him a moment to realize that it was his blood and surely, just a few steps behind laid the missing shards of Mogar.

He walked past them but took his coat, holding it tightly to his chest as if he knew he would need it. They went on in silence and at one point Michael reached out and let the demon take his hand. To calm his or the others distress, he wasn't sure but at least it was working.

When the shadow appeared and the light faded they stood next to each other like little children.

“I see you are here to claim the contract, human.”

The voice was as scary and loud as he remembered but before Michael could answer the Lightbringer was already talking: “Why? Why are you doing this? The Truth only gives you souls to play with – why would you give that up?”

“Even Gods get bored by their games, Lightbringer.”, it said.

“So will you create new Truths?”, Michael asked instead, squeezing the other hand. “Will you use this deal for that?”

“No.” The answer was quick and made the warrior look up. “This dimension is already twisted enough.”

And maybe that was true. Maybe it was a lie that Michael just wanted to believe in.

He felt the dark eyes of the Lightbringer on him as he let go, stepping up: “I agree to your conditions. Give me what I long for and I pay you the agreed price.”

A searing pain went through him, making him gasp with its intensity. Falling to his knees he clutched his chest, feeling the mark being carved into his skin.

It was hot but not the worst he had endured and it was already fading.

Breathing heavily, he looked back up and frowned. Because the shadow was gone and the Lightbringer was gone and the Nether in front of him twisted and curled.

There was snow and flames. Red and white.

There was a little boy and then there was a young man.

Getting back to his feet, Michael was nervous because he wasn't sure how to greet Gavin.

And now that was really stupid.

 

 

 _Now here I go again I see a crystal vision_  
_I keep my visions to myself_  
_It's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams_  
_Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?_  
_Dreams of loneliness_

 

_ _

 

_Fanart by[Sarah](https://starryalpha.tumblr.com/)!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is "Dreams" by Bastille ft. Gabrielle Aplin - see you guys next week to Chapter 13 - Snow!


	13. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you afraid of the dark?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD.  
> This chapter was so hard to write, you have no idea. But I think in the end it was worth it, at least I hope so!  
> My Beta went even as far as saying it was the best yet. I am not sure about that but that's for you guys to decide.  
> Enjoy the first part of the final, stay save!

Chapter 13

Snow

 

_As winter takes me now, of cold and clammy skin_  
_Of barren empty womb as I am born again._  
_It's pulling at my hair and crawling all within_  
_A gentle beating heart is swept away by sin._

 

 

“ _Are you afraid of the dark?”_

The sentence haunted him, always on his mind, always in his ear, always on the tip of his tongue. It was nearly unbearable to swallow it down, to keep it inside, to let it only poison his own mind which was already lost to begin with.

He knew the answer. The question not needed anymore because yes, the child was afraid of the dark. The child knew about the horrors of the night, of hell and betrayal. Of being left in the cold to die.

The boy had forgotten most of it, not because of the Nether but because of his own will. It was still there, coming forth in the darkness when he was the most vulnerable. Just like all the bad dreams and all the truths did.

Maybe that was why it was his question.

Because he would always be afraid of the dark. It would never be answered with a no.

Gavin knew that. He knew it all too well and so he kept the sentence for himself. Kept it locked away in the back of the others mind where he was hiding his own self.

“ _We don't have a lot of power to change things. Only words and only a few.”_

That was true and words had always been weapons and he had chosen his own oh so carefully. The loudest ones of them all.

Silence.

He was nothing but a faint feeling, biting his own tongue and averting his own gaze. If he didn't look through the boys eyes, Geoff wouldn't notice him. Nobody would notice him.

He would still be the child who survived the Nether but nothing more. No demon.

His decision left him blind and mute and alone with his own mind. Thoughts and memories his home and he liked it there. He liked going back to the roof and balance on the edge, waiting for Michael while Ray laid in the sun, dozing.

The same sun that fell through the windows into the throne room, shining on the chessboard as he thought about his next move. Not caring how long it took him because they had all the time in the world.

“ _You will forget a lot.”_

“ _I don't want to forget.”_

But he couldn't stop it. At one point he turned around, the sun warm on his back and the bells on his shoes ringing as Michael finally arrived. The happiness was fake and he felt his smile fall because something was wrong.

Something didn't add up and he didn't know what it was.

_There had been a sword._

He couldn't put his finger on it and just stared confused. The memory just played on, Michael teasing him about words he didn't speak, Ray chuckling over bickering that didn't exist.

_Mogar. He's missing Mogar, why don't I know that?_

It were all lies. Or maybe not. Not really lies. Things that had already happened and all he could do was watch. Act out his role and it made him _so sad._

So sad to know it wasn't true, that this wasn't happening.

He stopped living there, only visiting when he got too lonely. When the questions about _how are they doing_ and _are they alright_ became too heavy because he wouldn't know. He would never know and all he could do was trust them.

And so he allowed himself to at least listen.

Listen to what happened around the boy and the sun was back and warm, he could hear it. Hear it in chirping birds and cicadas, in tall grass brushing against bare legs. In laughing of three and: “No, Michael! Don't eat worms, it's gross!”

How much time had he spent dreaming?

It wasn't all that different. He recognized Michael and Ray immediately, listening to conversations that were dumb and childish and he loved every word of it. Catching insects and discussions who would play the princess they had to save. Wooden sticks with mighty names and blankets as coats.

They weren't the only voices. Jack calling him inside to teach him and he listened to his soothing voice, explaining the world. To his own eager questions, naive but colorful.

And of course Geoff. His words burned like fire. Love in every syllable, so poorly hidden. Stupid stories that made both of them laugh as they headed out on his rare free days. The boy showing him his skills with the bow before he was taught how to ride a horse. So scared of the big animal but too much trust in the other man to deny his wishes.

Laying on the grass in the garden as he explained to him the courage of stars.

And Gavin hid away from those days. From listening to so much pain that it broke what was left of him, listening to nine-hundred happy lies to his thousand questions.

Rather did he spent those times blind and mute and deaf, his mind curled around itself and maybe in a dream.

“Jack?”, he heard his own childish voice say, only that it wasn't that childish anymore because time was a broken reflection of reality. “When I tell Geoff that I want to be the Prince Regent... will you teach me everything I need to know?”

“Both me and Geoff, Buddy.”

And Gavin listened intently, because finally, _finally..!_

“Alright. Then I think... I think I will accept his offer...”

“ _We don't have a lot of power to change things.”_

Only that he had! He had changed something! His silence had changed the boy!

“I'm glad... Geoff will be incredibly proud of you, I know it.”

He couldn't help himself. The heart he didn't have was beating in excitement and he opened his black eyes because he had to see. He had to see to believe it and only for a short glance, only to be sure!

Jack was standing next to him on the balcony. A smile underneath his beard and a large hand on his shoulder.

Their eyes met through time and dimensions and _I am not yours, you are not mine_ but he recognized them. He recognized the love in the others gaze and felt it flood his own system, wanting nothing more than to reach out and embrace him. Thank him for what would happen and what had happened.

Jack frowned at what he saw and Gavin was quick to pull back, to close his eyes and hide again.

“Gavin..?”

The voice of the boy was a bit distant, like he was in a dream: “Will you go with me? When I tell him, I mean?”

Hesitation, before: “Of course, Buddy.”

“I just hope I find my mirror in time...”

Ryan.

“Don't worry about that too much. You will meet your mirror at one point.”

Not if he could prevent it. Not if everything went according to plan.

“I'm sure he or she is already on their way!”

That was probably true. Gavins influence didn't reach until Werringtal. He couldn't prevent Ryan from killing that man, from giving up his family to keep them safe.

And somehow he knew that right in this moment his mirror was holding his son close in a last embrace before walking out of the door.

This time they wouldn't meet.

His heart ached at the thought of it and he curled up, listening absentmindedly. Half consumed in a memory as his host faced Geoff and was so gladly welcomed. How the boy hopped on his feet upon seeing Jacks designs for his crown, not showing his excitement as it was placed for the first time on top of his head.

Silver and green.

No flames.

 

Being the Prince Regent meant less time with Michael and Ray and not that they grew distant but they didn't spent each day with another. It hurt Gavin to experience that, yearning for their laughter. Instead there were lessons about so many things, meetings to attend and traveling to different kingdoms.

He barely paid attention to that, only peeking up when he thought the boy was in danger. Besides that he waited in memories, spending there day after day. Playing the same chess game over and over again, expecting a different outcome and he was sure somebody once told him that was the definition of insanity but he couldn't remember who it had been.

Maybe the person sitting in front of him, smirking at his mistakes or the familiar voices that always waited on the roof. Brown eyes on both but maybe not and he was forgetting, forgetting, forgetting.

Something about reflections and birds and red coats.

“ _I am going to tell Geoff that I see him as my father.”_

The thought was strong enough that it reached him. Barely anything did if he chose to ignore it. Fear and anger and doubt, yes. Strong emotions.

It was probably a reflex, made so that he could react and protect his host.

Only that this thought was forged out of love and it hurt.

Forged out of _he chose me as his Prince_ and _I am sure he will see me as his son._

It hurt, it hurt, it hurt!

And Gavin wanted to curl back, to go back to sleep and stay there forever and ever and never come out again.

_I wonder if I should call him father. I wonder if he prefers dad._

It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair!

He wanted to keep it in, he tried but it was impossible. It was flowing because pain always did. Pain always filled the very being if it was strong enough, breaking everything down and it wasn't fair!

Hadn't he loved Geoff as well? Hadn't he tried to be good enough?

Where had he gone wrong?

It were only words! Only fucking words that had ripped him from this reality and this boy here was so _selfish!_ So incredibly selfish, not even realizing how lucky he was! Not even appreciating the life he was living!

Without hurt and tears and fire and voices telling him so many terrible things all at once!

Gavin didn't want to do this anymore. He wanted to go back, more than anything in the world. Not that he was all that sure anymore to what to go back to but all the years had not been strong enough to smother the flame of hate and betrayal and hurt.

He wanted to go back to that roof and see who waited for him. Ask who they are and what they were to him and listen to their stories and laughter. To go back and sit down with the other person and maybe he would recognize him and maybe that would make him understand who he himself was or had been or was going to be and he was so lost.

He was so lost and angry at Geoff or at the boy or at himself or at a bird but he didn't even know exactly why.

He just knew that it wasn't fair that he himself had to suffer that much only because of words!

“ _You are alone.”_

And he realized those words were true. That right now he was the loneliest person, demon, existence there was even as his sorrow and false hatred spilled into another mind, making the boy scream and curse and speak sentences that weren't his own.

It didn't matter because the voices had been right at the end! He was alone and he couldn't go back. He was trapped here for years after years only to cease to exist at the end. He couldn't escape, he couldn't go back – he was helpless!

Such a Fool, such a Fool and it wasn't fair!

Why did he have to pay? He wasn't the one who started this all! It wasn't his fault!

He missed them, he missed them, _he missed them!_

“It's not fair!”, he screamed and why would nobody listen?

“Buddy? Buddy, what is wrong?”

And the boy reacted to the name, stirred up in a helpless attempt of control and Gavin pushed him down, letting his own despair drown him as he opened his eyes.

“Why?”, he screamed in Geoffs face, looking so full of worry and love at him. An expression he had also forgotten and now it came back. Geoff with a sword, trying to kill him and Geoff with this terrible cold words and Geoff hating him. Trying to take everything from him he held so dear and why? Why, that was the true question and he feared and hated and embraced the answer.

“Wasn't I good enough?”, he howled. “I tried to be! I tried so hard! I just wanted to make it right!”

The blue eyes stared at him, not recognizing him and of course not. Nobody would ever recognize him again because he didn't exist. He had become Nothingness.

Still he reached out, clinging onto the other man: “I loved you! I loved you and you knew it! You knew it and still you left me! I thought you of all people wouldn't leave me but you did! Weren't you my-”

And he still couldn't say it. Why?

The boy could! Was the boy already stronger than him?

Then why was the body collapsing around him, shutting down and leaving him back in blindness and numbness and alone as he bewailed at his loss. And he yearned for a touch, for an embrace, for a simple word directed at him.

Because he was here! He was still here and _please, please someone tell me I am real!_

There was no one and there never would be and he let himself fade and break and crumble. Wanting to go back to the roof but who waited there?

Wanting to watch the stars but he wasn't allowed to open his eyes.

He was left here with himself and a lullaby, drowning his thoughts in the melody and then his dreams and then his memory until he felt empty. Until there was nothing left that was him.

Sinking into the sleep he didn't need but was the only thing left and he stayed there. Not noticing how his host came back, a bit more damaged than before, scared and confused of what had happened. Not noticing the questions Geoff and Jack asked that the boy couldn't answer and if Gavin was honest he was a bit glad about their distrust.

It was a weak, selfish feeling because he should protect that boy.

Shutting himself away he stayed in his own mind but it was already twisting and turning, forgetting, forgetting, forgetting.

Listening to Geoff gladly expecting the boys timid question, listen to how happy and shy they were around each other, using those cursed words so delicately. Like little gifts especially for each other and it hurt. And then Geoff offered him his name, the name that Gavin himself had just stolen because he had none for himself.

This was torture.

He wasn't exactly sure why anymore. Why this all felt wrong because it should be right, yes?

It should be right to listen to Jacks lectures.

It should be right to not react when Ray bowed, talking oh so respectful to him.

It should be right to greet Michael briefly when they passed each other in the hallways because the warrior had been his friend once but now the boy was in the throne room and the other at the gates.

 

Someone mentioned the date and it was probably Jack. It sparked fear and yearning into Gavins heart and forced him to wake up.

First he couldn't quite tell why. Something about a rule, something about blood and hurt and mirrors. What was it?

He didn't know but he stayed on guard, feeling that something was bound to happen but it didn't

The memory came back as he listened to the boy and Geoff playing chess. So suddenly and urgent that he jerked awake, making the boy flinch.

“Did someone walk over your grave?”, Geoff joked.

Ryan.

That was the name, right?

He was here. He was here in the kingdom and he was here in the city and he would attack and kill Geoff.

Only that should have already happened but there was the King sitting in front of him, frowning.

“Who are you?”

There were so many answers to the question and Gavin couldn't decide which one to give. In the end he had probably forgotten how to communicate at all and so he simply pulled back.

Something had changed and it hurt to think about it because the memory was so distant. Something about words but that was vague.

All he was sure of was that Geoff should be dead and he wasn't. Why was he sad by that? Why did he miss the person killing his father?

It didn't make any sense.

 

The boy never went to the roof but Gavin still visited his own version. It had become a sad place.

He sat on the edge in the silence and the loneliness and wondered why he came back here in the first place. He was waiting, probably.

Waiting for someone to come and take him away but all he ever did was stare at the lake in front of him. Realizing snow was falling and it was cold and he was cold and he shivered. Felt like dying.

Sometimes this place felt like hell but he was pretty sure it shouldn't be. Because like this he simply slipped back and forth between one hell or the other, choosing for himself which of them he could stand or not.

He couldn't escape either.

A torture without end.

Watching the lake and thinking about how it wasn't frozen so he couldn't play on the ice and how it wasn't warm enough to go swimming. It was still pretty.

He wanted to show that to someone but to whom?

The screaming reached him even here, a jolt of panic ripping him back into his hosts body. Loud noises and groans of pain and Jack telling him to step back and be safe.

Gavin opened his eyes, feeling a bow in his hand, the string pulled back until it grazed his cheek. The arrow pointed at two intruders running through the throne room towards him.

Geoff drew his sword behind him, screaming after Ray and he saw the knight on the floor next to the door. Bleeding heavily from a clean cut over his chest but that was alright, he could heal. But where was Michael? Hadn't he protected the gate?

Jack held both strangers back and Gavin concentrated on that, saw one of them cower from the mighty blow and was now right in front of him.

Diamond sword in his hands and the runes glowed with dim light as the stranger looked up.

“ _Don't worry about that too much.”_

Green and blue, winter and spring.

“ _You will meet your mirror at one point.”_

“Ryan?”, Gavin asked and saw the flash of confusion on the others face. A small hesitation before moving on and with a heavy heart he pulled at the bowstring some more.

That was the moment he was ripped away, so violently and sudden that he opened his eyes and found himself lost.

It was winter and the snow was falling upwards.

Turning around himself, he found the lake behind him and he tried to go back. Forced his mind to reach out for his host but the boy was gone. His only connection with the living world simply gone and he stood in the snow, breathing with heavy gasps.

What had happened?

Why was he here? Where was his host?

Looking around frantically, he stumbled through the snow as if he expected to simply walk back into reality.

It didn't work, nothing worked and suddenly he missed the other hell. Because there were voices and laughter and at least a form of _life._ And at some point he realized that it was futile. Because of something or himself he couldn't go back.

So he sat with his back against a tree, staring down at the lake and waited. Not sure for what but certainly not for the nagging feeling in the back of his head. A memory that should be buried the deepest out of them all but it resurfaced here in that place.

Maybe because he was freezing to death once again and it was the same lake where his father had left him to die.

And why of all memories it was this that came back to his mind?

Making him panic because maybe, maybe he had screwed up like his demon had. Maybe now he had to retry? Maybe he would fall asleep here and die and wake up in the Nether?

Would he know? He didn't remember more than schemes anyway!

He just knew he didn't want to relive everything again and now they had even taken away the sweet possibility of simply ceasing to exist. There was no end for him anymore.

And Gavin started to scream. Snow falling from his shoulders and head as he moved again, screaming his lungs out because that was too cruel! He couldn't take this anymore!

Stop, stop, stop!

As his voice faded, he got to his feet and ran. If he didn't die here maybe it would change something? Maybe he could find help? Someone, anyone!

Every time he stopped to catch his breath he was back in the very same place, starring at the very same lake and he gave up. He gave up and sat down, crying into his arms as he froze to death. Again and again and he would never escape.

Please, no more... please... whoever decided over his fate had to have at least a bit of mercy? Wasn't it enough? Could he really not stop anything?

He would be happy to die right here and now. Just resting and sleeping and no more worries. Death sounded like an escape.

There was something thrown over his shoulder and it interrupted his thoughts. Which was strange on itself because barely anything could at this point. It was also strange because apparently he had shoulders, a body and did that add up now or not?

Whatever it was brushed warm against his neck as he took a deep breath, recognizing the scent. From where?

Lifting his head he tried to remember but couldn't and so he just reached out, letting his finger card through the fur. It was the first thing he felt that wasn't coldness in so long.

Years or centuries or dimensions.

“Hey.”

Turning his head he found someone sitting next to him. Looking at him as if he could see him and talking to him, as if he was real and Gavin let out a relieved sigh. Was that his little mercy?

“Who are you?”, he asked, pulling the coat tighter around himself to keep out the cold.

The other didn't react for a moment and maybe it was also just a new form of torture. The illusion of having someone while he was just talking to nothing. Maybe this person was just a product of his mind.

“Michael. My name is Michael.”

It rang a bell. A distant one and he let his gaze travel over him, finding a sword that didn't fit and then eyes that shouldn't be there. And Gavin gave an apologetic smile because no, he didn't know him.

“Nice to meet you, Michael.”

He wanted to turn away but got captured by those eyes. They looked at him sad but also with an emotion he couldn't quite place. They were brown and inviting, letting him search in them. Finding warmth beneath hurt and scars.

There was loyalty in them.

They made him want to rest his head against the other and sleep for a while.

“Gavin?”, Michael asked and he wasn't even bothered that the stranger knew his name.

“Mh?”

“I am yours.”, he continued. “And you are mine.”

Flinching, the coat nearly slipped from his trembling shoulders because he hadn't known but he did yearn for those words: “Really?”

“Yeah.”, Michael shrugged, even though he seemed a bit embarrassed. “You're my boy after all.”

His heart ached because the way he said that word it had a meaning. A warm meaning that felt like laughing loudly.

“Michael.”, he tasted the new name on his tongue. Tasted like soft blankets after a long sleep. “I think I like you.”

“I'm glad.” They shared a shy smile and even though Gavin couldn't look away, the other let his eyes travel.

“What is this place?”, he asked, watching as the snow drifted upwards.

“I died here.”, Gavin explained without a second thought, not minding sharing his secret with this stranger. And the brown eyes were back on him, listening intently.

“My father took me here because I loved to play at the lake. He told me to wait for him and then he left me. I guess I fell asleep shortly afterwards.” There was a small ache in his chest as he still felt guilty about it. That he had forced his father to take such a dark route: “You have to understand; I was very sick. He didn't know what else to do and I would have probably died anyway... it was maybe even more pleasant like that.”

Michael opened his mouth but didn't seem to get the words out. Instead he hugged himself, fingers clawing at his sides as if he wanted to stop them from doing something else. Tense shoulders and clenched teeth and Gavin wondered if he was mad at him.

“Are you cold?”, he asked, hoping that was the reason. He reached up to touch the others coat that protected him from the snow, debating if he should give it back.

“Why are you still here then?”, Michael simply said.

“I can't leave.”, he shrugged, feeling the helplessness crashing back down on him. “And maybe I am still waiting. Maybe I am still hoping that it was all just...” Just what? A misunderstanding?

He was such a Fool.

Quickly, he buried his face in his arms, ashamed of himself.

“He won't come.”, Michael hissed and this time he sounded angry. “Your father won't come and Geoff won't either.”

Gavin curled tighter around himself, trying to make himself as small as possible. It felt terrible to hear what his brain tried to tell him since so long but his heart still hoped. He still hoped and facing the truth meant to give up. To understand that he was unwanted. That he had been left behind like a burden.

Better off dead.

“I came for you.”, Michael continued, still agitated. “So leave them behind! Both of them! Leave them to wait here in the cold if they ever come here! Let them see that you moved on! Let them find this place empty and abandoned because the world is so much bigger than this lake! And I know that you can do that because you did it before! You got out of here and you became a King! A good King, a great King! You are so much stronger than you believe!”

Lifting his head a little, Gavin observed him, the words like distant memories: “Michael...”  
“And I came here for you!”, he went on, not listening to whatever protest would come. “I came here and I will get you out because you know what? There are people waiting for you! And I don't think they will move away without you! They will also sit and stare and do nothing if you don't come with me! I am ready to wait, Gavin! I will sit right here with you until you feel you are ready to leave this place.” He reached out his hand: “But please! Please leave this behind! All of it! Come with me and we can all be together again! I beg of you, my King!”

He had his head bowed, breathing violently but his arm was still outstretched, palm up for him to take.

Gavin simply stared, disbelieve written all over his face, until: “You are Michael.”

“Yes! And you are Gavin!”

And he reached out, grasping the others hand tightly. Pain like fire in his chest and he gasped surprised. Feeling his skin parting and carving a mark above his heart but what was worse were the pictures he saw in front of his eyes.

First it was just darkness and words, noises and scents and then Ray above him, staring down to him determined and scared. His coat as red as always. Then he was on the roof and his heart picked up speed when he saw the amount of stars above him before turning his head and Ryan was sitting next to him. Next to him on the trainings field, sweating but laughing. And Lindsay on the very same roof, her hair fiery in the setting sun. Back in a forest and Ray merely a shadow of himself, a moving corpse and it hurt to see that.

Blinking, Gavin came back to himself, breathing fast and Michael was in the same condition. Staring into his face as tears began to run down his cheeks.

And Gavin knew he had also seen his memories.

“Are they alright?”, he asked softly.

“They are waiting for you.”, the warrior assured him. “They missed you very much. I missed you very much.”

“How long was I gone?”  
“Half a year.”

“Only?” He tried to grasp that but it didn't add up. Only six months? But-

“How long was it for you? How long were you...” The warrior gesticulated a bit helpless: “How long were you like this? Trapped in there?”

“I'm... I'm not sure...” Trying to do the math, he shivered and felt his own tears escaping. “I- A decade? Maybe longer? I am not sure, just... it was a long, long time.”

“Oh god.”, the other whispered, his face contorting in pain. “Gavin, I... I am so sorry... If I kne-”

“Michael?”, he interrupted him, squeezing the other hand tightly. “I would like to go home now. Please?”

“Sure. Sure, of course.”, he agreed quickly. “Let's get you out of here. Just hold on tight and nothing will happen to you, alright?”  
“I trust you.”

Michael smiled warmly at him before standing up, pulling the other along. The snow fell from his shoulders and then the lake was gone. He was back in the Nether and the heat beat down on him. His breath went a bit quicker because of it as his body tried to work through the sudden shift in the temperature. Turning his head, he wanted to check if Gavin was ready to go on but the other was pale in the sharp red around them, shivering and clutching his coat together tightly. His breath was coming out in tiny clouds like before.

He hadn't escaped that place yet.

“Michael?”, he asked a bit lost, squeezing the others hand. The warrior squeezed right back: “It's alright. Let's go.”

He started to move, looking around for traces of the shadow or maybe the Lightbringer but found none. Licking his lips nervously, he called: “Triella?”

His demon appeared next to him, purring immediately as it saw him and he threw it a small smile: “Hey there, Princess. Mind showing us the way out?”

It made a weird chirping sound before walking in front of them, tail high for them to follow. “Good girl! I need a shield around us as well. Nothing is allowed to break through, alright?”

“ _Do you want to protect?”_

“Yes.”, he affirmed, throwing a look behind him. Gavin had a hard time keeping up with large steps through deep snow that wasn't really there. Michael didn't even think twice before crouching down: “Come on. It'll be faster.”

There was a hesitation in the others movements but when he let go of his hand, Gavin immediately reached for his shoulders as if he was craving for touch. And he probably was, considering of what Michael had seen in his memories. It saddened his heart but he managed an assuring smile: “It's fine and it'll be warmer. Don't worry.”

Slowly, very slowly Gavin moved closer and after another moment slung his arms around the others neck. Lifting him up with a huff, Michael went on and even though he had thought it would get even hotter with the second body heat, the other was rather cold. Shivering against his back.

“Not the first time we do this.”, the warrior mumbled, eager to hear the familiar voice again.

“Really?”

“You don't remember?”

Flinching, Gavin seemed to try and hide on his back: “No... sorry.”

“That's alright. We'll sort it out.”

The other grew quiet for a while, skin cold against Michaels neck: “And the others? Will they... will they be mad at me for not knowing them?”

“Bullshit!”, he called out, startling the other. “Sorry, but seriously: no way! They will be so happy to see you again and you do remember, right? It's just a bit... rusty!”

“Alright...”, the other muttered before holding tighter. “Tell me about them. About Ray and... Ryan, right?”

“Well, I am half positive that you have a boner for Ryan.” But Michael grimaced at his own joke: “Sorry, forget that I said that. Don't want you to go out there with expectations and make everything weird.”

The other had fallen in a confused silence and the warrior shook his head, trying to get serious. After all they were in the Nether and still in danger. It just felt so good to feel Gavins heartbeat against his back: “Ray, you and I know each other since childhood. We grew up together.”

“That didn't change.”, Gavin whispered. “I don't think that ever changed.”

“That's a nice thought... so you remember Ray?”

“Bits and pieces. It's just hard to distinguish who is... who..?”, again he seemed confused and Michael couldn't blame him. There had to be a lot to sort through.

“What about Ryan?”

“I don't think I know him. He wasn't back... there.” He shivered like there was a cold wind blowing, pressing closer to Michael: “At least not until the end.”

“You'll warm up to him in no time, you'll see. He's your mirror after all.”

“My mirror...”, Gavin muttered against the others shoulder before smiling shyly. “I can't wait to meet them.”

His eyes focused on the portal, it only made Michael go faster. A distant fear mocking him that something was bound to happen before reaching their escape. Maybe he would step through and Gavin would vanish? Back to that lake and would wait for him this time.

Maybe this had all been an illusion after all.

But Triella was still in front of him and Gavin still a cold weight against him as he stopped in front of the portal: “Gav?”

“Mh?”

“There might be a lot of people but they won't reach us, alright? Just hold on very tight and don't let go of me. I'll keep you safe.”

“Alright.”

They stepped through and Michael blinked against the harsh light of the setting sun. Still it were the noises that startled him, holding on so much tighter to Gavins legs, making the other wince.

But he was here with him, his breath right next to his ear and his arm around his shoulders.

Ryan was the closest, as if he was heading towards the portal himself and oh right, he had wanted to follow them at sundown. Michael grinned, even if it was simply because he had been faster and he saw something in the vagabond break. The tension and the worry and the desperate control he had over himself, making his face so much softer.

And Ray appeared at his side, disbelieve written all over his face, not moving towards them and simply holding onto the others sleeve. Not that they could reach, Michael could feel Triellas shield around him but that was just because he didn't want to rush Gavin.

There were many people now gathering, trying to get close and the shivering form of the other was hiding behind his back, clinging for dear life on him. Chuckling, Michael turned towards him, letting their heads brush against each other and maybe that was a dumb, childish action but it felt right to do.

Green eyes opened, searching for his: “Michael?”

Because perhaps he was crying but that was fine because he was also smiling: “Welcome back.”

 

 

_The monster in your head won't surface again._

_Be still my child, wash away the sin._

_And I as future king_

_Walk off the edge._

_Hold me by my name,_

_Hold me till the end._

 

 

Check out this lovely fanart made by [Alex ](http://haywoodyoucuddleme.tumblr.com/post/154496699483/they-stepped-through-and-michael-blinked-against)\- thank you so much!

_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go.  
> Song is "Staying" by Koda and it is an absolutely perfect song for Gavin. Check it out if you have the time.  
> So are you guys ready for next week? Next week I will update the final chapter and shortly after that the Epilogue.  
> THOSE WILL BE THE LAST UPDATES FOR THE STORY!!!  
> There may be some short additions in Kings&Queens but besides that it will finally be done.
> 
> I am already working on the next story "Ghosts of Utopia" but it might take a few more weeks until it is ready to go online. I would love you guys to join me on that journey as well!  
> More informations on that can be found on my Tumblr. Also come over if you just want to say hello or have questions, maybe some prompts?
> 
> Anyway, see you guys next week with the final!  
> Chapter 14 - Astral  
> Epilogue - Reverberation


	14. Astral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He's still Gavin, you know.”, the vagabond tried to reason with him but was only greeted by a scoff.  
> “You don't know that.”  
> Throwing a look towards him, he asked: “What do you mean?”  
> “Am I still Ray to him?”, he replied, a tired look on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. Here it is guys.  
> An early update for you!

Chapter 14

Astral

 

 

_And I breathe disaster, ever after_   
_Don't pull away from me now_   
_Don't you move – can't you stay where you are, just for now?_   
_I could be your perfect disaster_   
_You could be my ever after_

 

Ryan had considered many reactions of Ray. For him to jump at Gavin, refusing to let go or for him to break down, to not dare to believe what he was seeing.

He hadn't expected the knight to stop following them, to try to prolong the meeting.

Michael and Gavin coming back through the portal had caused a ruckus, people yelling and pounding against the shield stretching in front of them. Noises so unusual for this place and he saw both flinch slightly at the contrast to before.

In all honesty, he probably noticed it too late – he was staring, _had to_ stare. Making sure it was really him, if the eyes that flickered towards him were green, if the hair was stubborn enough. It all fitted; everything he could see from where the other was shielded by Michael but it was the warrior who convinced him.

His stance protective and staring everyone down who dared to touch the shield, Triella by his feet hissing furiously. And then how he turned around, their heads butting together in a sweet motion.

“Gavin...”, the vagabond muttered, watching as the old king went to stand on his own legs, still hiding behind the warrior. Green eyes back towards them, lingering a bit longer.

Ray making a distressed noise next to him snapped him out of his trance. The hand holding his sleeve slipped off as a woman tried to get closer to the portal, pushing the knight away from him.

He shoved her out of the way, pulling Ray close again and tugging him safely into his side. He felt the younger press his face against him, whining beneath his breath like a hurt animal.

It wasn't like Ryan was scared to lose him here, there weren't enough people to get lost but it felt safer to have him close, to know he was alright and he was oh so scared to get separated right now.

Draping his coat over Ray, he caught Michaels eyes and saw the warrior nodding, having the same idea as him. They needed to get away from here. It was too much right now.

Moving through the crowd, he had a tight grip on the knight, feeling him shiver against his side, grasping to not get left behind.

They reached the treeline and Ryan turned around, making sure that Kerry was already getting them back under control and nobody was following them.

“Alright.”, he mumbled to himself more than to anyone. “Let's head to where we rested before. I am su-”  
“No!” Fingers clawing into his skin, holding him back: “Please! Please, Rye!”

“Wha-”

“I can't! I can't face him!”

“Ray!” And he felt the other flinch at his agitated voice but he wanted to go! To go and talk to Gavin, to make absolutely sure it was him! Instead he took a calming breath and lifted his coat.

Ray stared at him like a scared child, eyes big and pleading. “I can't...”, he mouthed.

“Of course you can.”

He shook his head violently: “They all said... he would be mad at me. He won't like me anymore after... after all I did.”

“Ray...”

“What if he won't even look at me anymore?”

“Ray, he doesn't know about that.”

He seemed to think about that for a moment but then shook his head: “He will eventually... do we... have to tell him?”

“Yes.”, Ryan replied immediately. “I am sorry but we have to. He will figure it out anyway, he will have questions.”

The knight whined, closing his eyes and buried his face back against the others side: “I am scared...”

“He is probably way more scared.” Loosening his coat, he revealed the smaller form again before draping it back around him. Ray tugged at it until it nearly covered his head like a hood, allowing himself the illusion of hiding.

“Better?”

A single nod and Ryan squeezed his shoulders: “We'll also work this out, alright? Let's check on them first – they just came out of the Nether.”

“Alright.”

“Good boy.”

It only lured a tired smile from the other before he reached out, taking a tight hold on the others sleeve again, awaiting them to go on. But Ryan just stood in front of him, watching attentively before asking: “You look like Little Red Riding Hood. Have you ever heard of the story?”

“No. What's it about?”

“I'll tell you later.” Freeing himself from the others grip, he held the hand instead and dragged him on. Ray followed a bit hesitantly and searched for contact but didn't stop anymore.

“He's still Gavin, you know.”, the vagabond tried to reason with him but was only greeted by a scoff.

“You don't know that.”

Throwing a look towards him, he asked: “What do you mean?”

“Am I still Ray to him?”, he replied, a tired look on his face. “Time passes, Ryan.”

It made him shut up as he thought back and knew how true those words were. Time passes and people change.

They found Michael where they had rested before, wrapping a blanket around Gavin who was still shivering and Triella sitting by his side. He spun around as he heard them, body moving in front of the other but relaxed when his eyes fell on them: “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Gavin poked over the warriors shoulder, the green eyes moving quickly from one to the other before he cleared his throat: “Hey...” It was a shaking word, as if it had cost him a lot of strength to bring out.

“Hey, Gavin.”, Ryan replied but it sounded distant and quiet, even for his own ears.

A heavy silence fell over them as each expected the other to act, to say something but nobody dared to make a start. In the end it was of course Michael who snorted: “You look ridiculous, Ray.”

“Shut up.”, the knight replied shyly, trying to hide back behind Ryan.

“I wiped my nose on that thing.”

“Rye says I look like Red Hood..?”, he trailed off, searching for the others help.

“Little Red Riding Hood.”, he corrected the other.

“What's that?”

“Seriously? How come none of you guys know it?”

Michael simply shrugged: “Then tell us.”

And it wasn't time for fairytales, not now. It was time for planning on where to go next. It was time for discussing the mark on his chest they probably all carried now. It was time to sit down with Gavin and talk, making sure everything was alright and everything had really worked out in the end.

But the warrior had a pleading look on his face and even if Gavin seemed distant, the eyes were locked onto him and he understood that all of that could wait. That they needed to break this awkward silence first, to get comfortable with each other again and if telling a damn fairytale to three grown-up men helped, then so be it.

Only that he didn't see them as grownups, right?

No, somewhere along the line that had changed. He had lost it if it ever had been really there. And now he saw Ray looking up to him, not even curious, just scared and Michael was trying so hard to be brave. He couldn't make out Gavins expression. Distant, like he was dreaming but his eyes followed him as he sat into the grass: “Fine. Whatever.”

The warrior grinned, relaxing slightly.

“Let's eat though. We could all use it right now – it has really been a harsh day.”

They settled after sharing the food. Both Ray and Gavin were barely nibbling on their bread, while Michael leaned against a tree, pulling the jester close and slipping beneath the blanket.

Ryan wasn't sure which of them fell asleep first. He was telling the story as good as he remembered, cutting apples meanwhile. When he looked up again Gavins head rested on Michaels chest and the warrior hid his face in the others hair, both soundly asleep. Triella hopped on Michaels lap and curled up there, red eyes focused on them.

It wasn’t really surprising considering what day laid behind them. Ray was also watching them but he couldn't see his expression from here, the hood covering his face. He turned around as the other stopped in his story and asked softly: “What happened then?”

So he ended up telling him about Little Red Riding Hood and then some more because it didn't really matter what he said, as long as there was no silence around them. At one point Ray curled himself up on the floor and the next time he checked on him he was also asleep.

Draping a blanket over him, the vagabond went to light a fire but he barely stacked the wood when it began burning. His eyes found Gavin but he was still resting against Michael and had apparently not moved a single muscle.

It was a chirping that made Ryan look up and he found the Lightbringer on a branch above them. Their eyes met, one pair blue and one as black as the dawning night around them and after a moment the vagabond mumbled: “Thank you.”

The bird vanished but he was sure it was keeping an eye out for them. Turning around Triellas red gaze reflected the light and he figured he was safe enough to sleep for a moment.

When he woke up it was already dawning and he frowned at himself. Grey light pouring over the sky and distant birds were singing. Sitting up and rubbing his face, he found Ray close to him. The cover half kicked away and buried inside the red coat. Michael had also laid down some time in the night, blanket tightly wrapped around him. There was some shifting beneath and moments later Triellas head peeked out, red eyes trained on him.

It weren't the only ones and as he saw Gavin next to the fire, he sighed relived. As if he had feared it was all a dream.

“Good morning.”, he muttered but got no reply. The green gaze was fixed on him but the same distant look was on the others face. He was simply watching.

“Gavin?” Standing up, he walked over to crouch in front of him. There was a flicker of hope in the eyes of the other and when Ryan touched his shoulder gently, he flinched harshly. Even though he had to see it coming and still he squirmed to get away, his expression showing nothing but shock.

“Is everything alright?”, the vagabond asked worried but let him have the distance between them.

It took a while but he was patient, he saw the jester trying to work through whatever was blocking him before it made it out of his mouth: “Y-yes.”

“I'm glad then.”

“I am here?”, Gavin asked, each word carefully pronounced. “You can see me?”

“Sure can.”

Again the other took his time, processing the information while Ryan went to get the water skin. Sitting back down, he was greeted with a shaking smile: “Good morning.”

He returned it before offering the water: “You have to drink.”

“I have a body.”

It was a strange thing to say but he knew that asking right now wouldn't be right: “Exactly.”

The other nodded thoughtful at that, before tilting his head to the side: “You are... Ryan.”

This time he simply nodded, not knowing what to say to that. He wished Michael had given them some input about what had happened but there was always time for later.

“I think I killed you.”, Gavin continued slowly. “Or you killed me. I am a bit curious about it actually.” Green eyes left him, gazing into the fire and for a moment it didn't feel like the other was still sitting next to him. Like he was miles away. Then they focused back on him: “But that Ryan wasn't mine and I was not his.”

The vagabond shivered at those words as his brain tried to piece it all together. He was interrupted by yet another smile, this one stronger: “You were the one who played chess with me.”

“I guess so...”

“I watched us play a thousand times.”, Gavin continued. “But there was one game we never finished. I think you would have won though.”

Not finding the right words, Ryan simply nodded. He remembered that match exactly. It had been the last one or at least it should have been: “I am ready for a rematch, you know.”

“I'd like that.”

“Let's try to get a hold of a chessboard as soon as possible then.”

“Where's your crown?”

His smile fell and he shivered at the question. That was probably how Ray felt; they had both failed to carry out Gavins wishes. To rule his kingdom and to be alright.

“I... I did leave you on the throne, didn't I?”, the jester asked unsure.

“Yes. I... I fear I lost the crown.”

“How?”

He thought about an answer, he did so really hard. But the only thing he came up with was because Gavin had died. Because Gavin had died and left Ray alone and left them all and nobody had paid close enough attention to the other and in the end it had just exploded into a mess.

There was no way he could say that. It sounded like it was Gavins fault and how could you blame someone for dying?

“Sorry...”, the jester mumbled, pulling his legs close. “You don't need to answer that...”

“No, I... I just don't know where to start.”, he shrugged a bit helplessly. “It's a pretty long story and not really pleasant.”

“I see...”

They fell into a slightly awkward silence in which Ryan wondered if he should bring up that Geoff was back on the throne but maybe that was a name he shouldn't mention too soon. In the end it was the brush of fingers against his chin that made him look up again.

“Thank you.”, Gavin whispered as he quickly pulled back his hand.

“For what?”

“I'm not sure.”, the other admitted. “Simply everything, I guess.”

Reaching out, Ryan cupped the others face, feeling a shaking breath hitting his wrist. “You are back.”, he muttered, fingers gently caressing the others jaw. “I never believed it was possible but here you are.”

Leaning into the touch, Gavin closed his eyes. Giving up his observation because now he had a body, able to feel: “I think so, yeah.”

“I missed you.”

“I am sorry I forgot you.”

Again Ryan frowned over that before asking softly: “Are you sure you are alright?”

“No.”, the other was quick to shake his head. “No, I am not. I am not sure what I am or who you are. Where the beginning is and where the end. I get confused by who is who and which memory is mine and which isn't.” A deep sigh as he squirmed a bit, eyes rolling beneath lids like in a nightmare: “And it scares me a bit that it is so hard with you. You should be the easiest of them all because I didn't know the other one, the one who wasn't mine. I just have to remember but when I try to there is so much at once that I just can't grasp it all. It's slipping away before I understand and gets lost in the darkness. What if I can't find it?”

It was a strange rush of words. Full of hidden meanings, Ryan was sure of that and the only one he was sure of, was: “We'll help you remember. One step at a time, Gav.”

Opening his eyes again, the younger smiled: “Alright. After all you are mine and I am yours.”

 

When the others woke up it was still dark because the sky was dull and gray, the sun not strong enough to break through. It smelled like fresh rain and after they ate it started to rain slightly. Not enough to be a problem, it was just very unpleasant as it wasn't warm enough to enjoy.

It reminded Ryan of better times, even though those hadn't been that different. They had also hid from Geoff but Gavin and Ray had played in the rain like small children. Now they were quiet and one avoided eye contact while the other seemed confused and overwhelmed by it. Green eyes lingering on the knight so often before Michael talked or touched, breaking his concentration.

And Michael didn't leave him alone, at least staying close if he wasn't speaking. Throwing a blanket over his head to protect him from the rain because the other didn't seem to even notice.

By the time Ryan got to have a private word with him it was already nearing evening, the gray day turning dark.

“Alright, give me something, anything, really.” That wasn't the best of his descriptions but Michael seemed to understand nonetheless.

“We have to keep an eye on him.”, he said immediately. “I don't think he will run away but... I don't know, he might slip? Jack called it like that when he got confused with his dreams and his reality.” His gaze darting towards the jester and he frowned: “Just right now he has a hard time distinguish between The Truth and reality.”

Ryan nodded slowly but that wasn't nearly enough for him: “What happened inside the portal?”

“I agreed to the deal.”

“I noticed that.”, the vagabond huffed unamused, pointing at his chest. The mark carved into his skin behind the layers of fabric: “But that isn't what I meant, Michael.”

The warrior seemed to ponder over that, crossing his arms in defense: “Listen. I went inside and I agreed to the deal. Then I found him. And I saw what happened and what... what The Truth was. What it had done to him.” His eyes flickered briefly to Ryan before going back to Gavin: “He didn't want you to know and I agree. Ray and you; none of you would want to know about it. Now that I know I wish I could forget it. But I can't and I have to live with The Truth from now on. It will haunt my mind.” He nodded towards the jester, making the other turn around: “Like it haunts his.”

And Gavins eyes were fixed on them, not even blinking as he simply stared. Seeming so far, far away and distant. Like he wasn't really here and Ryan recognized it as the same expression as this morning.

“Sorry, Rye.”, Michael continued. “But I can't tell you what he doesn't want you to know. Maybe one day he will talk about it, maybe he won't. In all honesty; I'd just want to forget what happened if I were in his place.” Passing the older on his way back, he squeezed his shoulder: “Just keep him here. I think that's the most important thing we can do.”

Stepping towards Gavin again, he touched his arm and the jester flinched. Blinking, he was back with them, smiling lightly at the warrior.

So Ryan took his words to heart, reaching out whenever he noticed the distant expression, startling the other awake. He tried to explain it to Ray as well but the knight was still squirmy, hiding away whenever he could. Nervous and unsure at how to act.

The next day the weather wasn't necessarily better and Ryan figured he should go back to the portal and ask Kerry for some form of shelter. It was a whim to actually crouch down next to Gavin and say: “Do you want to come along?”

The younger looked up to him, thinking long and hard before turning to Michael.

“Go ahead.”, the warrior agreed quickly.

“But there will be people.”

“Don't worry about that. You'll be safe with Ryan.”

The jester didn't seem too convinced but nodded slowly: “Alright.”

As they walked through the woods together, the nervousness of him faded but only because his gaze seemed a thousand miles away, his motions without intent as he simply followed.

Touching his neck, the attention snapped back to Ryan.

“Just keep close to me and you'll be fine.”, he ordered and Gavin nodded again, seeming grounded by the hand in the nape of his neck so the vagabond kept it there. “You don't have to talk to anyone, you don't have to touch anyone. So just stay with me.”

“Sure. I can do that.”

He could. Ryan could feel his warmth throughout the whole conversation with Kerry because he was standing so close to him. He could feel the small shivers when other peoples neared them or Kerry asked him a question. Not that he did answer, he just pressed himself closer to Ryan, a hand clawed in the others vest.

When they headed back, carrying a folded tent together they grew quiet as the vagabond began to think about that behavior. Realizing the other was only reacting, not doing anything on his own. He spoke when spoken to, he ate when somebody told him.

Trying to think back to something that Gavin had done out of his own intent only small things came to his mind: Touches. He always stayed close to someone, shutting down when there was nobody around him. He didn't take the initiative, like he wasn't really there. And that was what felt so off about him.

Looking over his shoulder he found the other walking behind him, eyes meeting his but there was no reaction to that. Gavin was simply observing.

“Why are you only watching?”, Ryan asked carefully.  
“I am used to it.”

“Don't you have any questions? I don't mind answering them.”

“That mark on my chest.”, he replied immediately, making Ryan wonder why he didn't ask in the first place. “It's different than the one on my wrist and it's not moving.”

“We all carry it. It binds us together.”

Gavin stopped dead in his tracks, the ending of the tent slipping from his grip: “Why?”

“It was part of the deal to get you ba-”  
“What's the price? What do you have to pay?” There was cold panic in the others face, pitching his voice high.

“It's not The Truth.”

“Are you sure? Are you really sure because that's not worth it. You might believe it is, I believed it would be but it's not.”

“Gavin. It's not The Truth.”

He stared at him, eyes wide and green before he blinked: “Alright.” Taking a hold of the tent, he nodded slowly: “If you say so. I trust you.”

“You barely remembered me yesterday.” But Ryan was smiling gently.

“I'm learning.”

“I'm glad.” They went on and he continued to not let the other slip away again: “Like I said; the mark binds us together and I don't think it will move like your old one did.”  
“Will it kill us?”

He pondered a moment about that before nodding: “Eventually.”

“Thank you.”, Gavin mumbled, making Ryan turn towards him. He had actually waited for an apologize, that the other felt guilty for what they had done and he found those emotions written all over his face. But there was relief above and it was brighter than anything else: “I can't be sure if you broke the circle with that. There is still a possibility that the boy will make some kind of deal but I don't think so. Still; you brought me out. You saved me from The Truth and I am eternally thankful for that.”

Letting the tent fall again, he reached up to place a hand over his chest. Feeling the warmth of the mark through his fabric – looking like a black scar, slashed right through his heart: “If this binds us that means we will die together. It means the price will be that binding, pulling the others with us, isn't that right?”

Ryan nodded slowly, surprised when the other smiled at that: “So your wish came true.”  
“My wish?”

“You asked me to die together with you.”, Gavin continued a bit unsure. “That was you, right?”

“ _Let's do it together next time. We should die together next time.”_

Back in The End. Ryan barely recalled that day after Gavin had nearly died, sitting beneath the starless night with him.

And back then the other had already known what would happen to him, that he was going to die, that The Truth awaited him.

“ _Let's never do it again. Promise you'll never do it again!”_

“ _That's a stupid thing to promise, Rye.”_

Back then he hadn't understood it and now the words weighted so much more than before. Letting the tent go as well, he stepped up and wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around the other and hold him tight. He had missed him and right now he really grasped that he was back. For the first time he actually believed that it was him and not some trick or some dream he was going to get ripped away from. There was a chance to make everything alright again because with Gavin back Ray would settle.

And Ryan really needed to touch him because otherwise he wouldn't believe his own thoughts but he wasn't allowed. He had been the one who hadn't believed in him coming back. Ray had even though his way was wrong and twisted. Michael had done it in the end but he himself?

He had tried to stop each and every one of them. Had nearly ruined everything with that.

The green eyes observed him, only that this time Gavin really did look and took in his feelings. He smiled softly before closing the distance and resting his head beneath the others chin. Taking deep breaths to calm himself down as finally the arms also wrapped around him.

“It's alright.”, the jester whispered, sensing the distress and the guilt pulsing through the other. “We all played our part and in the end it somehow worked out, Rye.”

There was a quiet whimper at the nickname and he was pulled even closer until taking a breath was getting hard but that was alright. Right now everything was alright because it was warm and he was safe.

“You are here.”, Ryan mumbled against the others hair. “You are here and you are you and you are alive. God, it really is true.”

Chuckling, Gavin nodded.

 

They found Michael and Ray dashing through the woods in what seemed to be a strange form of playing tag. A bit dumbfounded they watched the knight try to land a kick against the other only to find some form of resistance each time. Little shields to protect the warrior and Michael laughed in triumph. The hardest part for him was not to stumble over Triella, who was running around his feet in excitement.

It seemed to give him an idea because with a smirk, he threw a glance to his demon and Triella rushed to jump at Rays legs, making him trip over the cat.

Michael caught him but didn't even try to stop them from falling down in a heap of arms and legs, laughing as Triella immediately climbed onto the knights back, proud of its antics.

“Get off of me!”

“Tell your stupid demon to get off of me first!”

“She's not stupid! She fucking rules!”, the warrior protested, making Triella purr loudly above them. Ray tried to sit up but was instantly pulled back down, held in a gentle headlock as he ruffled the black hair, making the smaller one squirm.

Ryan cleared his throat, making Michael look up to them with a bright grin: “Hey guys!”

“What are you doing?”

“Training.”, the warrior replied matter-of-factly as Ray tried to escape his iron grip. “Isn't that obvious?”

“Of course. Please don't suffocate each other.”

“Fine.”, rolling his eyes, Michael let go and the knight took a deep breath as he sat up, making the demon fall from his back. With a flushed face he stared at the other two, obviously embarrassed.

“Who is the best demon?”, Michael cooed beside him, picking Triella up and letting their foreheads touch. “Who is not creepy and listens to me? Yes, that's you, Princess! Such a good girl!”

“I don't believe you...”, Ray muttered quietly but the other still heard it.

“And now look who's jealous? That's Ray, damn right! With his creepy puppeteer that can't break your shields!”

“Shut up!”, the knight shouted over the intense purring, his cheeks getting even redder.

Ryan sighed amused and threw a quick glance to Gavin who was grinning back. A spark of remembering in his eyes.

“Alright, you two!”, the vagabond called out. “Set up the tent because we carried it all the way here and it doesn't look like the weather will get better!”

They grumbled but got up to work and Ryan sat back and watched them, nudging Gavin a little before he shyly joined in. He kept close to Michael but ever so often he and Ray threw each other glances, smiling slightly.

It didn't take them ten minutes until there was the first wave of bickering and after half an hour Ryan stood up and took the tent away. Not because he wanted them to stop but mostly because they were nearly ripping it apart and he really wanted to sleep somewhere dry this night.

It was more a refuge than a real tent, seeing as one side was nearly completely open but it was a shelter nonetheless. Also that way nobody would have to sit outside to watch the forest. And right as Ryan was about to get finished the rain grew stronger and they were quick to throw their blankets inside and hide.

They watched the growing storm outside in silence, huddled together as the temperature dropped. Michael had Triella in his lap, fingers carding through the fur to loosen any knots and the resulting purrs were relaxing. Ryan kept an eye on the other two, ordering them to eat and to drink. Reaching out and shaking Gavin whenever the other appeared to be distant.

In the end it was Ray who spoke up: “We can't really stay here any longer.”

“No.”, the vagabond agreed. “Kerry should soon get a report telling him that I am not King anymore. I can't tell what he will do then.”

“I don't think he will attack us but he surely will give them our position.”, Michael joined the discussion. “So where do we go next?”

“Wherever you want to.”, Ryan shrugged. “As long as we keep moving.”

“Didn't you want to go back to Lindsay?”

The warrior was quiet for a moment, his eyes on his demon before mumbling: “I can't go back now, right? None of us is welcome in the castle anymore... Also we have to stick together considering the mark.”

They stayed quiet because it was true and because he had known about that risk from the beginning.

It was Gavin who asked quietly: “So that means... Geoff is King again?”

“I fear so.”

“I see.” Pulling his blanket closer around himself, he leaned against Michael. “I maybe have a place I want to go.”

“Alright. As good as any other place to start at.”

 

The storm picked up, reaching its peak at nightfall, bringing thunder and lightning with it that didn't seem to stop.

Ray and Gavin were already curled up in different corners of the tent and Ryan sat with his back to them, watching the pitch black forest in front of him. He guessed Michael was also asleep because the last thing he had heard of him had been nearly an hour ago. Something along the line of: “If we all get hit by lightning tonight I'll be so pissed.”

So when there was a loud rustling behind him, Ryan nearly flinched. It was Gavin who sat up groggily and looked around.

It reminded the vagabond of something but it took some time to place it. It was when the jester stood sleepily and walked towards Ray that he remembered the countless times he had witnessed that, followed by him placing his head on the others chest.

This time Gavin just laid right in front of him and in the flash of the lightning around him, he saw that the brown eyes were open. They both watched each other quietly, the silence not even tense, just curious and in the end the jester whispered: “You don't like storms.”

Slowly, the other nodded and with even more hesitation he lifted his blanket. Gavin immediately took shelter beneath, nestling against the body of the other. Pulling the second cover over their heads they were trapped in darkness and warmth, their breathing the only noise for a while. Ray had gone stiff with the closeness of the other and he slowly settled, his hands resting on Gavins back. First only softly but then he held on tight, burying his face in the others hair.

Taking in that familiar scent of summer nights on the roof that he had missed so dearly.

“Please talk with me again.”, Gavin whispered into the dark. “I feel like you are angry with me.”

“Sorry. It's just really hard... there are so many things you don't know and that I don't want you to know. But Rye wants me to tell you but I am so scared.”

“You killed people to get me back.”

Ray flinched, hoping the other would think it was because of the rolling thunder but he knew that was stupid of him: “How do you..?”

“Michael.”  
“He told you?”

Shaking his head, the jester wondered how he should explain it: “He and I had some sort of connection. For a moment I saw what happened, I think. Maybe that's what's messing with my memory. But he thought about it a lot.”

Ray remained silent, his eyes open as if he hoped to read the others expression. Of course he couldn't but maybe Gavin could feel how fast his heart was beating, he could surely hear how his breath picked up.

“It's fine.”, the jester finally said. “I am not mad at you. You did it for me after all.”

“You don't... you don't think what I did was wrong?”

“It was, Ray. Nothing can erase that. But I am not mad at you – you know I am selfish like that.”

Again the knight fell silent, feeling warm tears in his eyes from relieve and shock because that was more than he deserved.

“Promise me one thing, Ray.”

“Everything.”, he croaked and the other chuckled at his tone.

“From now on you'll listen to me again. You only kill when I tell you to or when one of us is in danger. Just like before. Alright?”

He nodded furiously, feeling warm fingers wiping away his tears before the other shifted. Soft lips kissed his forehead, barely leaving the skin as Gavin whispered: “Thank you.”

“Always, my King.”, Ray assured him with a shaking voice, pressing his face against the others chest until he could hear the heartbeat. “I'll follow you until the end and even further if you allow me to.”

 

The moment the Lightbringer got back to his original master was uneventful. He appeared on Rays shoulder, chirping its song as it flew onto Gavins outstretched hand before vanishing again.

After a moment of nothing, Ray stepped up and asked if everything was alright. The jester smiled a bit before answering: “It's warmer now.”

He grew quiet after that, helping in silence as they packed up, walking alongside them with a distant expression. But this time the look was different, not like he wasn't there but more like he was paying attention to something entirely else. Ray wondered if he was listening or discussing with his demon and nobody really bothered with disturbing them this time.

The weather had cleared up and they walked besides their two horses in the spring sun, no rush in the world for now. They were going to reach the next city in two days, maybe a bit longer. Restocking their supplies, maybe a night in an actual bed and then heading on.

Gavin had suggested a location but after that there was no goal and Ray had thought about where he wanted to go. He had no place besides the castle he would miss and that only because of the memories it contained. His home was with the people around him and that made him happy. Only the unknown of their destination was unsettling and he sometimes wondered if they should just leave the kingdom. Settle somewhere else in a small house and with their talents they should be able to find work quickly.

They could have it good.

He was way too shy to bring his wish up.

He also knew that Michael wanted to stay as close to Lindsay as possible even if she seemed out of reach for now. The warrior would never ask her to come along – she was safe in the castle.

Throwing a look over his shoulder, he wanted to check on him and found him next to Gavin. Their hands tightly intertwined as they talked quietly with each other.

There was a bond between them. Not necessarily a new one; it was the same just stronger because Michael knew things that the others didn't. Because now Gavin could talk with him about things that he didn't have to hide anymore.

The warrior had figured out The Truth.

And Ray felt a bit left out.

Turning back around to watch the path ahead, he sighed heavily.

“This city Gavin wants us to go.”, Ryan next to him muttered. “What do you know about it?”

The knight shrugged: “Not much. It isn't something important. There is a mine there but it's small. Close to the capital so we probably have to watch out.”

“You know why we are heading there?”  
“No clue.”

“I see...”

 

They reached their destination five days later and slept in a tavern. Gavin lead the way as the sun began to rise, still quiet about why they were here but his steps were steady and determined.

It wasn't a far march, just a small forest before they found themselves at a lake, water sparkling in the sunbeams.

Stopping dead in his tracks, Michael turned pale and the jester threw him an apologizing smile.

“It's pretty.”, Ray commented, watching the scenery ahead of him.

“It really is!”, Gavin agreed, turning on his heels with a big grin. “Have you ever been at such a big lake, Ray?”

“I saw lakes before but I never stayed at one, no.” And before he really finished the sentence, the other had taken his arm and dragged him towards the water.

“It's still too cold! So stay out!”, Ryan called after them, getting nothing but a quick wave as an answer. It was a futile attempt anyway because the moment they reached the soft waves they shrieked in shock before instantly starting to splash the other.

Sighing, the counselor turned towards Michael: “Are you also going to join or are you actually a grown-up?”

“Maybe later.”, he mumbled and Ryan frowned at his pale expression.

“Are you alright?”

“I'm not sure yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was here before.”, he simply said before moving closer to the lake. “And Gavin as well.”

Only that it had snowed back then.

With long steps he followed his two friends: “Gav?”  
The jester looked up, getting a face full of water from Ray: “Michael! Don't bother a man in a fight – that's dangerous!”

“What are we doing here?”

A darkness settled inside the green eyes but he smiled it away: “It's such a nice place, isn't it?”

Michael didn't reply and simply watched him, the silence turning tense enough that Ray threw nervous glances from one to the other.

“Michael...”, Gavin begged quietly. “It's such a nice place.”

“Fine.”, the warrior gave in before turning away and settling down on the stones. He watched them continuing to splash each other, knowing that Ryan was standing right behind him.

“Let's spent the day here.”

The vagabond threw him a look: “We're too close to the capital for my taste.”

“I know.”

Settling down besides the warrior, he sighed: “Alright then.”

“I need a new weapon soon.”, Michael muttered, drawing what was left of Mogar. As always it felt like a punch in the guts seeing his loyal weapon so broken. He should really throw it away but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

“It's a shame we can't fix it. It was an impressive sword.”, Ryan admitted before bending down to pick up some pebbles.

“It really was.”, he said, sounding absentminded. His tone changed into a chuckle as the other flicked the stone over the water only for it to sink right away: “You suck.”

“Do you have any idea how long I haven't done that?”

“You're old.” Picking his own stone, Michael tried it as well, swearing when his throw was just as bad. The second one was better and soon he had it figured out, Ryan hot on his heels.

Ray appeared between them, watching for a while before the vagabond gave him some pebbles and showed him the technique.

Turning around, Michael found the jester heading away from them and cleaning his hands, he stood up: “Going for a walk with Gav.”

“Be careful!”

“Sure.” He followed without any hurry, keeping his eyes on his friend in front of him as they climbed the small path to a cliff where Gavin stood still. Staring at the lake and then to a nearby tree. Crouching down there, he dug his fingers in the earth beneath.

“What do you expect to find?”, the warrior asked quietly.

“There should be bones, right? Bones and clothes.” Throwing dirt to his side he didn't even look up: “But there are none.”

Michael could nearly hear the others thoughts, knew that he was thinking that someone had come back for him. The distant hope still clinging to him in a desperate attempt.

He hated himself for saying it: “Might have been wild animals.”

This time Gavin turned to him, his fingers filthy and his eyes pleading him to stop.

“Or the Nether.”, Michael shrugged. “Do you know what happens to your old body when you get a new one?”

Slowly, the jester stood up, looking over the lake for the longest time: “I guess in the end nobody ever came.”

Stepping closer, Michael could see the reflection of snow in the distant eyes of the other even though there should be none. Reaching out, he took Gavins hand in his, waiting patiently as his friend slowly came back. Blinking tiredly until the eyes flickered warm to him: “Besides you.”

“I guess.”

“Thank you, Michael.”

Again the warrior shrugged as if it was nothing and Gavin managed a shaking grin.

“It still is a pretty place.”

“Yeah.”

Tugging the other towards the cliff, Michael looked down to the lake and asked: “You think that's deep enough?”

“Dee- Holy shit, Michael! I am not jumping down there!”

“Don't be a baby!”

“A baby? I am just not a moron!”

“You sure about that?”, the warrior grinned before taking a deep breath. “Ray!”, he yelled, his voice traveling over the place. Two figures turned towards them. “Be ready to heal us, please!”

“Michael!”, Gavin laughed nervously. “Don't joke like that!”

“We're jumping.”

“We are so not jumping!”

“We are! It will be so symbolic! You finally escaping this place and shit!”

“That has nothing to do with symbolic! You are just insane!”

There was a distant call by Ryan and it only made the warrior grin bigger: “Maybe that as well! Run!” And he took a tight hold on Gavins arm and the other actually listened, stumbling the last few steps with him before they leaped off.

If Michael screamed, he didn't hear it. He heard Gavin scream next to him, on edge but not necessarily scared and alright, maybe that was way higher than he had expected. And maybe this was really stupid and the wind was cold already as they fell. He didn't even dare to think about the risk they were putting themselves in. And the others! How fast could Ray heal them?

Then they hit the water and he lost Gavin as he sunk, spinning around himself and this was fucking colder than what he had expected. He hoped not to get a heart attack or drown or some shit and he really should have thought about that sooner.

Then he broke through the surface, took a much needed breath and listened to his name being called next to him. Not that it was a concerned tone or something, rather hysterical: “Michael Jones, you maniac!”

He laughed, paddling until he faced Gavin: “That was so awesome!”

“I hate you!”

He got splashed in the face and shook his damp locks out of his eyes: “Fuck, this is cold!”

“Yeah, no shit!” But now Gavin was also laughing: “I didn't want to die twice in that place here!”

“Get out of there!” And that was Ryan and they both flinched at his anger but couldn't wipe their grins away. Swimming towards the shore, the vagabond met them halfway, taking a hold on both their collars. Under dark mutters, they were dragged out of the water to where Ray was sitting.

The knight seemed pretty unimpressed: “No backflip on the way down?”

“Well we are still practicing.”, Michael assured him before he was shoved to the ground by Ryan.

“Get the blankets, Ray. I'll search for wood. We can't really let those two kill us all with their antics.”

 

They settled around the fire, napping and relaxing. Allowing Gavin to catch up on things and even if some tales were dark and frightful, the beauty of the scenery let the horror wither and die.

When darkness fell around them, the jester let his fingers dance, forming animals and humans from the flames and letting them run around them. He chuckled when Triella tried to catch them but he made sure the demon wasn't burned, extinguishing the fire beforehand.

And if he watched her like that, demons didn't seem too bad. Pretty to look at. He wanted to say that, maybe because they all needed to know, because they all needed a different point of view but then the stars came out and all the words died down.

There were more than any of them could count, doubled by the reflection on the surface of the lake, more mirror than water in that moment.

They watched in complete silence and somehow it seemed to be an eternal moment, drawn-out by raw beauty as none of them could express what it really meant for them to be here right now.

Ryan was the only one who saw Michael walk away, Triella on his feet and he took a few more minutes until he followed him. He found the warrior huddled behind a tree, his demon meowing pitiful while her host buried his face in her fur.

Red eyes fixated him immediately, glowing in the dark as he sat down next to Michael: “What's wrong?”

“I should be happy.”, he answered, his voice shaking.

“Are you not?”

“No.”, he admitted tense. “I am so selfish. I am so terribly selfish and I hate it. I never think things through, I forced this deal on all of you, I jumped down that cliff today, even though Gavin didn't want to – I risked so much!”

“I never saw Gavin more alive since he came back.”, Ryan assured him. “What is this really about?”

Michael stayed quiet, still hiding in the fur before it seemed to spill from his lips: “I miss her.” A trembling breath: “I wish she would be here to see this. I wish I was with her. I want to touch her and to hear her and to hold her. I don't even know where she is right now or if she is alright.” He sobbed and it sounded terribly broken: “I can't do this, Rye! It's tearing me apart!”

“I know.” Ryan pulled the smaller form close, letting him rest against his side: “God, do I know, Michael.”

“You at least knew you protected your family. What if Geoff sees her as a traitor? What if she is trying to find us but can't?” He shook his head: “I know that's unlikely but my brain just spits those ideas at me and I can't deal with it...”

“Do you want to go back?”

“Yes...”, he whimpered. “But I can't...”

“Let's think about it tomorrow. Maybe we can work something out.”

 

When Gavin woke up and saw the lake in front of him, panic filled his mind. He was back! He was back in The Truth! It had all been a lie, just another layer of his hell and he had actually hoped!

What a fool he was!

“Gavin? Is everything alright?”

And he realized he had sat up, whimpering into his hands. His wide eyes darted to Ryan who looked concerned and tired and slowly his heartbeat returned to normal.

No snow.

No snow and he wasn't alone.

Looking around, he made sure that the other two were also there, still sleeping deeply and he nodded hesitatingly: “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Just a nightmare.” He sighed stressed and rubbed his face to truly wake up. Gathering his blanket, he quickly scooted over to the vagabond: “It's cold.”

Chuckling, Ryan lifted his own blanket so that the other could cuddle against him.

“Did you stay awake again, Rye?”

“We need someone at night and for now that can only be me and Michael. Ray needs to get back to a normal sleep schedule and you keep spacing out.”

“I'm getting better at that!”

“I know.”, Ryan admitted quickly. “You are doing great.”

Gavin pouted at him but it was wiped away when a hand settled in his hair, brushing lightly. He went stiff because he had forgotten about it. He wasn't even sure how he could have but discovering it again made him blush excitedly. With a happy humming, he slipped into the others lap and pulled the blankets tightly around them.

The older didn't even comment on it, just chuckled lightly as they watched the sun rise over the lake.

“Do you think we can sneak into the capital?”, Ryan asked after a while.

“Sure.”, Gavin answered slowly. “Why would we though?”

“Michael wants to see Lindsay.”

“Oh.” Falling silent, the jester thought about it: “We can. It shouldn't be that big of a problem – the city is open to everyone after all.”

“Alright.” Ryan stopped brushing through the others hair in favor to place his chin on top of it, lowering his voice even more: “I need to talk to you about Ray.”

“What is it?”

“How much do you know about what happened?”

“He killed.”, Gavin simply said.

“It was bad.”, Ryan whispered. “It still is bad. He completely lost control and Michael and I... we couldn't stop it...”

“I can.”, the jester answered without doubt. “He'll listen to me.”

“I hope so.” Pulling the smaller form closer, he sighed heavily: “I really do. Otherwise I am not sure what we should do. We can't have him around people in that state.”

“Is it really that bad?”

Ryan nodded, burying his face in the unruly hair: “He didn't just... kill them, you know?”

“Oh...”

“Yeah. So we have to be really, really sure.”

“Alright.”, Gavin agreed to the unspoken request. “I'll talk to him.”

 

“Ray?”

The knight looked up from washing his face in the lake. They were packing up in a tense silence because the next destination was dangerous and it made them uneasy. And now the brown eyes stopped at the red cloak he saw in Gavins arms, a strange melancholy on his face before he asked: “What is it?”

“You gave that to Michael.”, the jester began and it wasn't a question. He had seen it. “Why? Both of these things belong to you.”

Eyes darted to the brooch as he whispered: “Because of what Michael and Lindsay said...”

“Excuse me?”

Sighing, Ray dried his hands off before standing up: “This cloak and the brooch were gifts from you and marked me as your shield. But both Michael and Lindsay told me... that you wouldn't agree with my methods... that you would be ashamed of me.”

“Ray...”

“It wasn't enough to stop me and in the end it somehow worked out and got you back, so I don't really regret what I have done.”, he shrugged slightly. “It's just that this wouldn't leave my head and I realized that people would see me with those things and think I am killing in your name, which I didn't. If you didn't want me to do that, I didn't want to put shame on your name. So I left both things behind – hoping that upon my return I could wear them again as your shield.”

Gavin watched him attentively, twirling the brooch absentmindedly between his fingers before commanding: “Kneel.”

Ray dropped down instantly, bowing his head as well.

“You assured me before that you would listen to me.”, Gavin said slowly. “But I need to hear it again. I need you to swear it. Follow my words without hesitation; no matter if I tell you to kill or not to.”

“I swear on my life, my King.”

“You are aware that our lives are bound. Swearing on yours means swearing on our all.”

Ray touched the place over his heart before nodding: “I still swear it.”

“Sichora.”

The knight looked up, eyes dark and laced with abjection.

“Will you swear the same?”, Gavin asked. “I will not allow you to go around and kill innocent people. You will have to play after my rules, not after yours.”

“You brought us out.”, the demon whispered. “I swear, Lightbringer.”

“Thank you.” The jester smiled lightly as he crouched down, placing a kiss on the others forehead. As he pulled back it was Ray who he was looking at.

“Now you are my shield again. The knight under my name.” Throwing the cloak over the others shoulder, he sat down in front of him: “And you deserve these gifts.” Clasping the endings together with the brooch, he cupped the others face: “Understood?”

Ray nodded, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips: “Yeah.”

 

They entered the capital even though Michael had protested against it. But it had been weak, laced with a worrisome smile and in the end he only marched behind Ray and not in the front because he didn't find the way on his own.

They were all dressed in long, gray cloaks so that nobody would recognize them but if someone was going to pay extra attention to them, they would notice that something was moving beneath Michaels hood. It was Triella, curled up on his shoulder to allow them to hide inside a shield the moment there was any trouble.

In the end they reached a small tavern without anyone paying attention and the warrior was eager to get them a room. Finally alone, Gavin was the first to get rid of his cloak and throwing himself onto the small bed, sighing heavily.

“Must be rough to have so many people around you at once.”, Ryan said, making the other simply nod stressed. Ray was quick to move over to him and lay down with the jester.

The vagabond smiled at that before turning towards Michael: “You want to go right now?”

“Might as well.” It was obvious that he was nervous but also happy; there was an excited gleam in his eyes.

“Just be careful, alright? Reveal who you are only if you need to and don't talk to anyone besides Lindsay.”, Ryan stated, fixing the others collar absentmindedly. “If they ask you inside keep your guard up and don't go near the throne room! Have Triella ready at all times and if something goes wrong come right back! We will wait and if we don't hear from you by a-”

“Ryan?”, Michael interrupted him amused. “I get it. Don't worry too much; nothing can catch me and Triella!” The demon popped out from inside the others hood, meowing loudly.

“I guess...”, the vagabond mumbled but it didn't sound convinced.

“Ryan is in big-brother-mode again!”, Gavin peeped up from the bed, tightly curled around the knight. A big grin stretched across his face at the look the older one threw him before Ryan sighed: “Fine... just go and meet her finally.”

And suddenly Michael hesitated, his nerves getting the better of him: “She's probably eating right now... maybe I sho-”

“Go!”, Ray called. “I don't think we can stop Ryan from coming with you otherwise and that would be awkward.”

“Probably.”, Michael admitted and with one last, huge sigh, he headed back to the door. “I'm off then...”

“It'll work out.”, Ryan assured him.

“No sex while we wait for you, young man!”, Ray tried to help in his own ways, making the other roll his eyes.

“Same goes for you.” And with a small wave he was gone.

The vagabond continued to stand and watch the door until Gavin called him softly: “Rye, you really can't go with him, you know that, right?”

“Yeah... I'm just happy for him.” He smiled a bit sad before he turned towards them and took a deep breath: “It's time for you guys to eat!”

“I'm not hung-”  
“You know the rules, Ray!”

The knight groaned but Gavin sat up eagerly and Ryan appreciated that. Not that the jester had any appetite but if he would eat, Ray would as well. And they both needed to get used to normal meals again.

He settled down to prepare the food but both of them shushed him away, allowing him to relax for a while. He briefly thought about taking a nap but not knowing if they were forced to leave within the next hour left him little choice. Also was he way too tense while thinking about Michael. More than anything he hoped things would go smoothly and even if they didn't, they deserved to say goodbye to each other in a respectable way.

That was something that he himself had at least shared with his wife even though it was rushed but in the end he had held on to that memory in darker times. Michaels whole situation right now reminded him too much of his own past and he just wanted to make sure it turned out better than what he had been going through.

Only that it probably wasn't good that the door opened again, not even twenty minutes later and the warrior stood in front of them, pale and shocked.

All three of them grew quiet and Ryan felt horror creep upon himself. What if Lindsay wasn't here anymore? What if she had refused to see him? What if she was dead?

“Michael?”, Gavin asked softly and the brown eyes flickered towards him briefly. “What happened?”

“I...”, the warrior began, swallowed and shook his head to clear it. “I am banging the Queen.”

A stunned silence followed as they stared at him until Ray whispered: “Gross...”

“Wait. Are you telling me th-”, Ryan began but got interrupted as Gavin snorted loudly, the knight quickly falling in. Michael threw them an irritated look but couldn't stop a smile: “You two are assholes.”

They didn't seem to listen, laughing hysterically and Ryan decided to ignore them for now: “Please explain; Lindsay is the Queen? What about Geoff and Jack?”

“I don't know...”

“Didn't you talk to her?”

Shaking his head, the warrior sat down before continuing: “I went to the gates and asked to speak to Lady Tuggey and they stared at me all weird and said that there was no Lady Tuggey here anymore and I panicked!” He shrugged embarrassed: “Well, until they explained to me that she was now the Queen, crowned by Jack apparently.”

“That's... weird...”, Ryan admitted.

“A good weird.”, Michael added, smiling to himself. “She is alright! And she wouldn't ban us!”

“We have to talk to her.”

“She was in some kind of meeting.”, the warrior explained eagerly. “But we can go there later, right? We can even go with all of us and meet her!”

“Of course.”

 

When they headed towards the gate, they were all hidden beneath their heavy cloaks which wasn't exactly the most reassuring thing to wear as they stood in front of the guards. Michael knew it the best and revealed his face as they approached the men: “I am back for a meeting with the Queen.” It felt strange saying that. It made his heart flutter.

“Jones.”, one of the guards snarled as a greeting. “Who are the people with you?”

Michael wasn't used to be talked to with so much hostility. Normally he would snap at him but he wasn't really in the position to do so: “None of your business. Pass the message to the Queen.”

“So you expect from me to allow four cloaked people to step in front of my Queen just like that?” The man came closer, his voice demanding: “Reveal yourselves!”

“No.”, the warrior said immediately. “Just pass the message to the Queen and let her decide!”

“Seeing that it is you, Jones, I will not. I bet that at least one of them will be a Red King and I will be damned if one of those devils steps into this castle once more.”

“That is not for you to decide.”, Michael muttered tense, having a hard time to control himself. “And now do your damn job! Inform Queen Tuggey right now!”

“I will no-”

“She is searching for them anyway.”, the other guard interrupted both of them. “And she will be mad at us if we sent him away.”

“I was alright with sending Jones in but not some hooded strangers!”

They stood in silence, staring at each other and finally the second guard sighed: “I'll let the Queen know.”

“Thank you.”, Michael muttered as he watched him go, before turning towards the others, coming closer so that the remaining guard wouldn't hear: “She is searching for us, that's good right?”

“It should be.”, Ryan assured him. “But still be ready to call Triella if you need to. And we have to be careful to not get separated, so everyone stay close.”

“Gotcha.”, the warrior nodded, before blushing a little. “Thanks for doing this, guys...”

“It's nothing-”

“Queen Tuggey awaits you.”, the guard interrupted them as he stepped back through the gate. “Please follow me into the throne room.”

With one last breath, Michael did as he was told, not even bothering to throw the man who had tried to stop them a mocking look. He just marched after the guard as if he didn't know the way himself good enough but it seemed to be both shorter and way longer than what he remembered as they walked in complete, tense silence.

And as the guard stopped before the throne room, he felt his own heart beating in his throat. It could be a trap and if so he had lured them all in. Still he opened the door and lead them through, feeling Triella close to him.

The sunlight fell through the windows and he had to blink against the sudden light, making nothing out besides the dark figure in front of the throne. Shielding his eyes with his hand, he made out the flaming hair, a strong contrast against the black dress falling around her slender form. A darkened crown with amethysts on top of it.

“Michael!”, Lindsay called and he forgot his words, simply stared at her illuminated silhouette. She took a step towards him but was immediately shielded by the counselor besides her, holding her back.

It made him angry, fuming even and he threw the familiar man a heated glare.

The tension broke with a high pitched screaming: “Jack!”

The blacksmith looked up at the voice and Michael saw Ryan move, reaching out to catch Gavin but only managing to grab the coat. The jester loosened it with a quick motion, not letting himself be stopped as he ran ahead: “Jack! Jack, Jack!”

And he was caught in strong arms, laughing loudly at the familiarity: “Jack! Jack, I missed you so much!”

“Oh god...”, whispered either Jack or Lindsay, maybe both as he was examined by the blacksmith.

“Buddy-”

“It's me! I am back!”, Gavin assured him, hopping on his feet before laughing as he was pulled close. Engulfed by warmth as he was picked up, squeezed way too hard. Throwing his arms around Jacks neck, he held on tight as he heard a shaking sob come from him. He had barely seen Jack cry and now it was making him tear up as well, killing his laughing as he simply allowed himself to be hold, basking in past memories.

Michael watched it with a small smile before finally stepping up. And Lindsay was also on her way, throwing her arms around him and he embraced her wordlessly. Listening to her breathing and her heartbeat as he let his lids fall shut. Feeling her so close to him, the fabric of her dress so similar to her armor and her hair as soft as always. A small whimper escaped him as he grasped tighter, making her chuckle shakily against his ear.

Turning his head, he pressed a kiss against her neck, than her chin and the corner of her lips. Feeling her look up, he opened his eyes again and followed her gaze.

Ryan had also revealed himself, watching Ray who still hesitated before reaching for his hood. As he threw it back, he couldn't meet anyones eye so he simply stared at his boots.

In the end it was Ryan who moved, kneeling down and bowing his head: “Long live the Queen.”

Lindsay didn't reply, she waited. Her arm still around Michael and he was glad because of that. It was way too soon to let go.

Slowly, Ray followed suit after a quick glance first to Gavin and then to Ryan: “All hail the Queen.”

Now Lindsay smiled, pecking Michael on the cheek before saying: “Welcome home.”

 

 

_Once upon a time_   
_This place was beautiful and mine_   
_But now it's just a bottom line_   
_Barely comes to mind_   
_But ever after was mine_

 

 

_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amazing fanart at the end is done by my Beta (it's actually a part of a comic page but it isn't complete yet!) and the song is "Ever After" by Marianas Trench. As always: amazing song, please listen to it!
> 
> So this story is ending. There will be an Epilogue in the next days, probably sunday or monday.
> 
> Okay, I honestly don't know what to say, help..? I started writing this before my final exams and holy shit that was last year. I spent every day for a year of my life with this charas and it does hurt to let them go but in some way they have found their place.  
> They are bent and broken and I have learned to love and hate every single one of them - man, what a ride!  
> Castle of Glass is the shortest part of the three and I am not completely happy with it. It seemed to fly by me and be not as much work as the others were... My Beta thinks it is because I knew the charas and focused on them so it is actually a good thing. Maybe it is.  
> Writing is weird like this.
> 
> Anyway; most of all I want to thank you guys! I think I say that an awful lot but it is true! How true it is!  
> I would have written this story even without publishing it; I write for myself and hopefully always will but you made this ride so much more! I would post a chapter before going to bed and would wake up to comments! I would go into hours of hours of discussions and headcanons with people - hell, I'd even get amazing fanart or playlists for it! That is still blowing my mind!  
> I caught myself more and more writing scenes and imagining your reactions (and I am bad at that, believe me xD)  
> So really  
> Thank you all
> 
> See you in a few days for one last journey.


	15. Reverberation / Nachklang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again for your amazing support!  
> Also check out the great playlist theladyofmagic made:  
> http://8tracks.com/theladyofmagic/throne  
> There are so many awesome songs on it, ungh <333

Epilogue

Reverberation

_Nachklang_

 

Looking up, he saw Ryan waiting for him and hurried to reach the older so that they could walk back together. Huffing frustrated, he ran a hand through his sweaty hair: “It certainly isn't Mogar.”

“Still an incredible sword. Jack made it as close as possible.”

Jack...

He already missed him even though it had been clear that he would head back to Geoffs side. He had seen the worry in the blacksmiths eyes as the first king hadn't replied to the news of Gavins resurrection. So after finishing up his business he had left, sending them a letter shortly afterwards, telling them that everything was alright.

Still no explaining why Geoff had chosen Lindsay as the queen. The only message they ever got was a second letter to Gavin.

It had been burned without ever being read.

“Yeah.”, Michael admitted quietly. “But it still isn't Mogar. The weight isn't right, the balance neither.”

“You are just pissed because I won each and every time.”

Pouting, Michael shrugged and kicked the snow on the way: “I'm not used to lose...”

“Wow, not cocky at all, are we?”

“Oh shut up!” Walking ahead, he stuck his tongue out: “You better treasure those fights before I get a hang of my new sword and kick your ass as always, old man.”

“We'll see.”, Ryan chuckled and tousled the others locks. The warrior didn't even try to avoid it, he simply grinned as they stepped into the castle, shaking the snow out of their hair.

The moment they were back on dry ground, Triella appeared and jumped around their legs, not fond of the coldness even though her fur should be thick enough to protect her. Michael was pretty sure he had spoiled her.

Walking through the familiar corridors like this had become an old but still new routine. Back then Ryan hadn't been with him but now the counselor always showed up to the late training if his schedule allowed him to. Afterward they would head towards the roof like right now and they could already hear a distant conversation. Even now it made the warrior smile because the night he had walked here and found the place abandoned was still clear in his mind and the fear was still there. So every time he caught the first glimpse of the roof and saw the other two there he couldn't help but feel relieved.

Ryan next to him groaned: “He will kill us all, I swear!” And he stomped ahead, getting greeted by excited voices. Michael stopped and simply watched as the counselor took hold of the jesters collar and pulled him away from the edge he had been balancing on: “It's slippery, I told you over and over again to not do this in winter!”

“I won't fall off, Rye!”

“I will not die because you won't listen to me! Even though it seems to be my destiny at this point!”

“Don't be so dramatic! I wo- Ah!” The jester was tackled to the ground and Ryan sat on top of him, holding his squirming form down with ease.

Michael was pretty sure that was a great idea to mess with them and crouched to gather some snow for himself. Triella quickly jumped on his shoulders to avoid the wetness as he neared Ray who stood besides the wrestling two, apparently having not yet decided to join in or break them apart.

The warrior helped him along in shoving the impressive amount of snow right into his face. Spluttering and jumping, Ray tried to shake him off and finding an ounce of mercy, Michael simply rubbed the remaining snow into the dark hair: “Good evening, assholes.”

“Fuck you.”, the knight hissed as he wiped his face.

A bright yelling made them look down to where Gavin was still squirming to get away: “Stop, it's cold! I promise I won't do it again! I promise!”

“You promise me that every evening.”, Ryan replied flatly but actually stopped sticking snow down his top. Standing up as gracefully as possible, he allowed Ray to pull the jester up and free him from any remaining snow.

“How's Lindsay doing?”, Michael asked as it grew darker around them. He was late today, he wouldn't be able to stay long. After all he protected the Queen at night. Which rather meant that he let Triella sit in front of her door.

“Fine as always.”, Gavin replied, his cheeks brightly red. “You know we would inform you immediately if something were to happen.”

Only that he couldn't be sure of that.

_Kill her._

Ignoring the voice in his head like always, he nodded.

_Don't you want to be King?_

It was the voice of the god and it followed him around, making him flinch as it always attacked when he least expected it. He knew the others heard it as well, he saw it in their face. In the guilt in their eyes when they threw him an apologetic look.

Of course it had been too easy, right? Why would this god give up a game without preparing for a new one?

_Kill her._

He hated that Lindsay was part of it but he guessed that was what amused that demon the most.

And sometimes that voice was strong. Making him wake up in the night and watch the queen next to him for the longest time, a tugging feeling in his heart he couldn't explain before he leaned forward and kissed her sweetly. He wouldn't do it. He was sure that he was stronger.

He couldn't be sure that the others were.

His eyes traveled over Ryan who he also trusted to control it before he settled on Ray.

_Kill him._

He wasn't sure if it was the same voice who told him that. As long as he resisted both it didn’t matter. Still it was a torture to know that Ray was around her most of the time, acting as her knight and the only thing holding the warrior back was the knowledge that Ryan was also there.

And of course Gavin.

Gavin, the queens jester and wasn't that a lie? Wasn't he as much of a counselor as Ryan was? Not to forget that his true duty was to keep Ray in check, to be with him all the time. To control if the other was eating and sleeping. They even shared a room and as long as Gavin didn't plot against Lindsay everything was fine.

As long as he didn’t want to go back on the throne everything was fine.

The jester noticed that he was being watched and smiled at Michael. A knowing smile and the warrior wanted to believe it meant that he could trust his friend.

He did.

He truly did because after all he had brought him out of the Nether.

He owed him now.

 

 

 

 

_Be my mirror,_

_my sword_

_ & shield _

 

_But that was when I ruled the world_

 

 

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with this it ends.  
> I hope you like the ending - yeah, I know! Once again it's an open ending but I love those. It's for you to interprete how our heros will handle that.  
> Are they strong enough to resist the voice?  
> Or is one going to snap? If so - who?
> 
> Anyway; with this story done, the next one will come soon!  
> Ghosts of Utopia is already 40 pages long and will be a Zombie!AU, merged with the Hybrid!AU. If that sounds interesting to you stay tuned for it! It should go online in the next weeks!  
> Also I will post updates or answer questions about it on my tumblr if you want to stop by.
> 
> Once again; thank you guys! I say this an awful lot but never enough but seriously!  
> Thank you!


	16. Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You taught me the courage of stars before you left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> So as you may have noticed I get mostly inspired by songs and this are the ones who inspired me the most. Maybe you like them?

[Courage of Stars](http://8tracks.com/kahnah/courage-of-stars?utm_medium=trax_embed) from [Kahnah](http://8tracks.com/kahnah?utm_medium=trax_embed) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=trax_embed).

 

 

Character Song:

Ray

 

_Howl_ – Florence  & The Machine

 

_Now there's no holding back,_

_I'm making to attack  
My blood is singing with your voice, _

_I want to pour it out_

 

 

Character Song:

Gavin

 

_War_ – Former Vandal

 

_I hope I can sleep straight through the madness._   
_But I can't even tell when I'm sleeping anymore._   
_We've lost control, anything but gently down the stream._   
_Hold me close, hold me tell me life is but a dream._   
_Save me, I think you're losing my mind._

 

 

Character Song:

Michael

 

_Little Lion Man_ – Mumford  & Sons

 

_Tremble, little lion man,_   
_You'll never settle any of your scores_   
_Your grace is wasted in your face,_   
_Your boldness stands alone among the wreck_

 

 

Character Song:

Ryan

 

_Up In The Air_ – 30 Seconds to Mars

  
_You were the love of my life,_

_The darkness,_

_The light.  
This is a portrait of a tortured you and I. _

 

 

Character Song:

Geoff

 

_Northern Lights_ – 30 Seconds to Mars

 

_I can not wait to dance upon your grave._  
_They don't even have a soul left to be saved._  
 _You would eat your young._

 

 

Character Song:

Jack

 

_Knights of Cydonia_ – Muse

 

_Come ride with me_  
_Through the veins of history_  
 _I'll show you a god who_  
 _Falls asleep on the job_

 

 

Character Song:

Lindsay

 

_Fight_ – Icon for Hire

 

_But I am holding on, my finger on the pulse_  
_The sound of my heart pounding tells me there’s still hope_  
 _But people don’t like when you put up a fight_  
 _And slowly, ever so slowly, I am losing mine_

 

 

Relationship Song:

Ray & Gavin & Michael & Ryan

 

_Youth_ – Daughter

 

_We are the reckless; we are the wild youth_  
_Chasing visions of our futures_  
 _One day we'll reveal the truth_  
 _That one will die before he gets there._

 

 

Relationship Song:

Ray & Gavin

 

_Eclipsed_ – Evans Blue

 

_We're broken, but we fit together just right_  
_You know I saw the black inside your eyes_  
 _I saw they were eclipsed by mine_

_And they looked just right._

 

 

Relationship Song:

Gavin & Ryan

 

_You Know Where To Find Me_ – Imogen Heap

 

_Don’t mistake my charity_  
_For what it is_  
 _A deep need to be needed_

_necessary_

 

 

Relationship Song:

Michael & Ray

 

_Human_ – Ellie Golding

 

_Human, I wonder why you're a better make than I could ever build or create,_  
_You know not love or hate_  
 _I am so scared of what will kill me in the end for I am not prepared,_  
 _I hope I will get the chance to be someone,_  
 _To be human._

 

 

Relationship Song:

Geoff & Jack

 

_Glory & Gore_ – Lorde

 

_There's a humming in the restless summer air_   
_And we're slipping off the course that we prepared_   
_But in all chaos, there is calculation_   
_Dropping glasses just to hear them break_

 

 

Relationship Song:

Gavin & Geoff & Jack

 

_No Light, No Light_ – Florence  & The Machine

 

_And I'd do anything to make you stay_  
_No light, no light, no light_  
 _Tell me what you want me to say?_  
 _Would you leave me,_  
 _If I told you what I've done?_  
 _And would you leave me,_  
 _If I told you what I've become?_

 

 

Ending Song

Gavins lullaby

 

_Saturn_ – Sleeping at Last

_You taught me the courage of stars before you left._   
_How light carries on endlessly, even after death._   
_With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite._   
_How rare and beautiful it is to even exist._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys agree or think there are more fitting songs - I wonder? (Emrion, I am looking at you and you know it!)  
> Oh also; new story next week! Be ready!


	17. Trivia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly forgot the trivia!

 

 

_Take me down to the river bend_   
_Take me down to where the fighting ends_   
_Wash the poison from off my skin_   
_Show me how to be whole again_

 

How I got into this mess:

CoG wasn't suppose to be a part on its own. It started with the idea to write about a haunted house and I was curious if I could do that. So to make it easier for me I added in characters I already knew. And so the twisted castle was born and it was nothing more than a one-shot for the longest time.

I thought about just adding it to _Kings &Queens_ but for that it was too long and later I considered it as a spin-off but that would have been cheap. And I liked the ending we had in _Glory & Gore, _everybody had his place and if I started a third part I had to explain quite a few things I had left open ended there.

In the end I sat down and let my characters decide. My plan was to write down what goal each of them would have in a sequel and I started with Ray because he was my main character.

To quote my notes:

  * Rays main goal?

    * Being “good” for Ryan

    * Protective of Michael

    * What about Lindsay?

  * Even smothering Michael like Gavin did?

  * Trying to replace Gavin? Acting like Gavin?

    * Hoping to get Gavin back???




The last one is underlined a few times and that was it; no future notes because I started to write

 

 

_Bring me home in a blinding dream,_   
_Through the secrets that I have seen_   
_Wash the sorrow from off my skin_   
_And show me how to be whole again_

 

 

Chapter 1 – Four Birds

  * I had the song noted down before writing the chapter but forgot about it entirely and was frantically searching for a fitting song. Thankfully I stumbled over the song again xD (you may think I check my notes; I don't)

  * I researched the symbolism of each bird I could find and finally settled on those:

      * Ray/Raven: guardians, death, trickery

      * Michael/Dove: peace, gentleness, love

      * Ryan/Owl: patience, intelligence, intuition

      * Lindsay/Hawk: nobility, messenger, observance



  * Gavin and his demon were designed after a phoenix but small like a sparrow

      * Phoenix: resurrection, fire, hope

      * Sparrow: loyalty, sacrifice, freedom



  * Birds in the first place are said to protect the soul




 

Chapter 2 – Stained Glass

  * I wanted to give Lindsay a bigger role in this part because I really like her and she plays a great contrast to Ray. So it seemed inevitable that those two would crash, and damn they did. It's really sad that it left Michael standing between them.

  * The white rose Ray gives Ryan does indeed stand for loyalty and admiration but also for secrecy




 

Chapter 3 – Down The Rabbit Hole

  * Michael waking up in the twisted castle was the first scene I had written for Castle of Glass; weeks before I actually started to work on the project. It was basically my curiosity of what a blind person would do in a haunted house. So I first let him wake up and watched what would happen. Later when I reached chapter 3 I changed some things so that it would fit with the current story




 

Chapter 5 – March Hare & Mad Hatter

  * All four of them wake up in different ways in the twisted castle:

      * Michael first thinks of Lindsay, calling her before checking if he is wounded. Lastly he tries to figure out where he is

      * Lindsay also searches for Michael first but get's an overview of the place before she checks on herself

      * Ray takes in his environment, calls out for nobody and doesn't check if he is wounded

      * Ryan immediately calls for Ray (he then gets interrupted by Geoff)



  * I couldn't figure out where Michael would hide his pearl and in the end my Beta decided



  * Ryan calls the Lightbringer _'it'_ while Michael refers to him as _'he'_. Both pronouns are right

  * The Ryan of the previous timeline and the Lightbringer were really close before, even sharing the same mark as Ray and Gavin in our timeline. The Lightbringer actually (tries to) communicates with Ryan a few times in Glory and Gore:




  


_Swearing beneath his breath, Ryan forced himself to his feet. It hurt because his muscles weren't ready just yet and he moved carefully, dropping down twice before he reached the king._

_He was awaited by the small bird sitting on Gavins shoulder, looking at him. It chirped a high and strangely familiar tune. It took him a moment to recognize the melody Gavin sometimes hummed and he felt like the bird wanted to tell him something._

_If so, he was too blind to tell._

(Chapter 10)

  


_Then the green was swallowed completely by the darkness. And the eyes moved. Ryan saw it and felt the horrible hope tearing at him as they fixed on him. That wasn't Gavin, he knew that much but that didn't help the crushing weight as the demon moved the lips without a noise:_ Make him stop.

_He didn't know how._

Please.

_He couldn't. He was too far gone for him to reach._

_The demon seemed to understand, setting new tears free as the darkness retracted, giving in to a ring of green. And then silence._

(Chapter 13. The Lightbringer wants Ryan to stop Ray from making the deal)

  


Chapter 6 – Moth.

  * I first wanted the Lightbringer to reside inside Michael to act as his eyes




  


Chapter 7 – Blossomed Remedy

  * Michael alone on the roof broke my own heart, I swear




  


Chapter 8 – Eyes Of Sunshine

  * I had so many problems with naming this chapter. For the longest time it was simply called “Blue, Blue Sky” like the song I used in it but I also had “Empty Roofs” and “Eyes Of Sunshine” in mind. In the end I let my Beta decide

  * The song is so fitting and sad it's not even funny

  * The scene in which Michael starts to get behind The Truth and has the very first thought that maybe it would be possible to get Gavin back was written after I went to bed, booted my PC at 4am and closed it the moment the scene was finished. The next morning I got myself a coffee, woke my Beta, flopped down next to him and told him: “I wrote a scene with Michael and a sunset but I can't remember what it was about.”

I guess, yeah there was a sunset but that wasn't really the point. Considering that it should've been Ryan, _not Michael,_ who figured out The Truth, I actually changed my own plot in the middle of the night and even forgot about it. But yeah... sunset; thanks brain.




  


Chapter 9 – Graveyard of Empires

  * chapter 8 & 9 were suppose to be one chapter but they grew too long and I liked chapter 8 the way it was

  * I never ever considered to have Geoff visit instead of Jack; that would have ended in a catastrophe




  


Chapter 10 – Beyond The Stars

  * Big thanks to Rachel for sending me the song because it was freaking perfect!

  * Also the chapter in which everything derailed thanks to Michael. Because it's always Michael who doesn't listen and does what the fuck he wants. Stupid Michael.

So if Ryan would have figured out The Truth, he and Ray would discuss it (not like Ray and Michael who just screamed terrible things at each other) which would then lead Michael to become sick of just talking about this and never do anything. So he would walk up to the Nether, get in there and make the deal like the cocky bastard he is and come back out acting like a hero

  * When Michael finally broke down because of Rays words, I laughed, clapped and bought myself RT-Merch to celebrate because I didn't think I'd see the day

  * I love Michael Jones, you don't understand

  * Ray was a manipulative lunatic in this chapter and I love him also very much




  


Chapter 11 – Swan Song

  * “A swan song is a metaphorical phrase for a final gesture, effort, or performance given just before death. The phrase refers to an ancient belief that swans sing a beautiful song in the moment just before death.”

  * Letting Michael “die” hurt me way more than him




  


Chapter 12 – Leap of Faith

  * I asked around what people thought Michaels demon would be and everyone told me they expected something big and strong, a bear or a lion! So I did the exact opposite

  * All four demons are formed after one of the 7 deadly sins:

The Lightbringer – Greed

Sichora – Lust

Edgar – Wrath

Triella – Envy



  * Even though demons don't necessary have a gender, Michael calls Triella “she” and “princess”

  * I personally found the deal too easy (hence why I added the twist in the Epilogue) but I actually wanted to have an end that was more sweet than bitter

  * Before deciding on an ending I asked my Beta what he expected and his theory was, that Ray would get a lifeless body that looked like Gavin. He would fill it with the Lightbringer in his despair, move it with his string and keep it from decomposing thanks to Sichora.

Michael, upon finding him in that state, would finally give up on him and leave him in his own delusional world and return with Ryan back to the castle, leaving Gavin also trapped in The Truth.

I am the good guy here.

  * Alternative song was _'dark doo wop'_ by MS MR

_It's all gonna shift,_

_it's out of our hands_

_Babe if you could know,_

_you would hatch a plan_




  


_If we're gonna die,_

_bury us alive_

_If they're searching for us_

_they'll find us side by side_

  


Chapter 13 – Snow

  * For the longest time I couldn't decide what Gavins words would be and I figured I'd just go with silence in the end and see what would happen. After all if Geoff never suspected that a demon resided inside of Gavin, none of this would have happened

  * The chapter that was hardest to write




  


Chapter 14 – Astral

  * Definitions for the word _Astral_ :

      * Resembling the stars

      * Relating to a non-physical body, believed to coexist with and survive the death of the human physical body



  * I didn't plan anything besides the ending for this chapter and just let the character act it out. I figured that would be the most realistic way to go with

  * Until the end Ray never felt guilty for what he's done. If given the choice he would absolutely do it again because after everything he got what he wanted

  * I chose Lindsay as the queen because she is the fucking queen. Come and fight me

  * Alternative song was _“World so cold”_ by 12 Stones

_It starts with pain  
Followed by hate  
Fueled by the endless questions  
No one can answer _




  


_Now I don't believe men are born to be killers_   
_I don't believe that this world can't be saved_   
_How did you get here and when did it start_   
_An innocent child with a thorn in his heart_

  


Epilogue – Reverberation/Nachklang

  * _Nachklang_ is the german word for Reverberation

  * The first draft of the epilogue didn't have Geoffs letter in it and I only added it days after finishing the story

  * Rays last words are literally “fuck you” and I still laugh about that




  


  


_Fly me up on a silver wing_   
_Past the black where the sirens sing_   
_Warm me up in a nova's glow_   
_And drop me down to the dream below_

  


  


_ The Truth _

The Lightbringers timeline goes a bit differently because his demons tells him to _“trust Ryan”_

  * Ryan appears, kills Geoff and takes the throne

  * Thanks to his demon, Gavin has no ill will against the new king, which Ray and Michael finds very strange, considering how close Gavin and Geoff were

  * Ryan abuses Gavins trust and knowledge about the Nether and the kingdom to build an army and goes into war

  * after Jack leaves, Ray and Michael decide to kill Ryan to get Gavin back, who has changed drastically

  * Gavin wants to stop them and the assault goes horribly wrong. Ray manages to kill Ryan but Michael gets also killed, leaving only Ray and Gavin behind. Ray as the new king banishes Gavin from the lands

  * Gavin flees to the portal and pulls Ryan out, leaving them with a connection similar to the one Ray and Gavin had in our timeline

  * Geoff and Jack appear and take their place as Rays counselors, explaining to him that both Gavin and Ryan are demons and have to be hunt down

  * Michael also appears with Triella but keeps the demon a secret to not get hunted as well. He tries to stop Ray but ends up between both fronts

  * Gavin and Ryan try to flee from the kingdom but Ray manages to find them and kills Ryan with a stab in the throat (leaving a scar to which the Lightbringer refers later) and beheads him so that he can't come back

  * Gavin then makes the deal to bring Ryan back; his price is The Truth and after being betrayed by not only Geoff and Jack but also Ray and partially Michael he decides on his words: _“You are alone. They will betray you.”_




  


  


_'Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass_   
_Hardly anything there for you to see_   
_For you to see_

  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that - I hope there was something interesting for everyone in it!
> 
> Thank you once again for reading, you guys are amazing!


End file.
